Entering the building, I felt the cold wind even more.
It was definitely an ice rink with real ice.
I know that sounds stupid but still... The fact that I was going to even see, not to talk of skating on one, made nervous.
That aside... I glanced towards Ki-hoon, who was simply staring at the rink, and I breathed softly, the air coming out visible in white fus from my mouth thanks to the cold.
I hoped he wasn’t thinking of how I suddenly threw my face away when his eyes t mine.
I should probably go talk to him.
But the opportunity to talk to him didn’t co fast as Jin-Yeok handed a set of winter clothes and said,
"Here, Jo-Pil. You should go change. But if you think you can’t do it on your own, I’ll gladly co with you."
In other words, ’Let help you change.’
It was written all over his face but I shook my head as I took them from him and said,
"It’s fine. I’ll manage."
Just because the maids had been taking care of and wearing clothes doesn’t an I’ve forgotten how to wear clothes.
I turned around, but my eyes dwelt on Ki-hoon for a while and then landed on Seo-Jun, who had been staring at the whole ti.
Was this the situation he wanted? Really?
To share my attention with three others and be forced to be treated like a villain?
If it were just the two of us, I wouldn’t look anywhere else, and I wouldn’t treat him like a villain either. There wouldn’t be rude remarks either.
But he gave up that for the opposite.
I wonder what he’s thinking right now.
His eyes might be on right now but his heart was probably sowhere else.
’Dang it, I’m feeling really weird right now.’ I thought as I made my way to the changing room.
I took off my clothes while thinking deeply about what might’ve gone wrong. This situation was ideal for , in a way but I wasn’t feeling like myself.
And the fact that I threw my face away when I t eyes with Ki-hoon confird it.
’Do I not want this?’ The thought suddenly crossed my mind and I paused.
Was this it?
Was it a craving for personal ti with just one and not four of them?
Was that why I was acting weird?
But I wasn’t picky. I an, I shouldn’t care if they were here together or if it was just Seo-Jun. I normally wouldn’t since all that mattered was my own convenience and how they pampered and yet...
I let out a worried sigh and shut my eyes.
I was an overthinker, that’s a fact I can’t deny but I can’t help but not overthink when knowing that one wrong move could jeopardize my entire life.
I was scared. That, I won’t deny.
And when I thought that having my masters fawn over and think of nothing but would be my end goal, I was wrong.
The more they ca to love , the more worried and restless I beca.
Not necessarily because I was scared that I would make a wrong move but because I might end up not being enough.
Literally.
Thinking of how I have to keep the affection level at equal degrees among all of them, and how I have to contain whatever desire they may possess... It caused to fear for the future.
This... Wasn’t normal.
I knew I was an overthinker but this was getting to a whole new level. Couldn’t I just think of how they would love to bits and end it there?
Why did I have to start thinking of what happens next?
Because I was so deep in thought, I did not realize soone had walked in, and it wasn’t until they dropped a hand on my shoulder that I felt anything.
"Hey,"
I flinched, turning around defensively right away with my heart pounding in fright, only to find Ki-hoon staring at , shocked at my reaction.
I had reacted too much.
It was because I was so lost in thought.
First, I had avoided his eyes, and now this. There was no way he wouldn’t notice that sothing was off.
"I must’ve startled you." He said and reached for my hand while I tried to calm my raging heart.
"What... What are you doing here, Hyung?" I asked and he looked at , staring in silence.
He definitely noticed. That look in his eyes confird it.
"Sit down for a mont." He said, leading to the bench and I gulped, sitting as I worried he would notice the cold sweat I broke out in.
But did I even need to worry?
He probably already noticed every little bit there was to notice.
"Did sothing happen?" He asked and I shut my eyes. "With Seo-Jun?" My eyes imdiately opened and I looked up.
Ah, did he think I was like this because of Seo-Jun?
No, he shouldn’t have that kind of misunderstanding.
"Ever since I got here," he fiddled with my fingers. "I feel you’ve been avoiding . I wanted to believe it was my imagination but it stopped from approaching you. Yet... You wouldn’t stop staring at as if you had sothing to say to ."
He began to wipe the sweat from my forehead.
"I wanted to talk to you, Jo-Pil. So I ca here where it would just be the two of us. But then I find you deep in thought, dripping with cold sweat when it’s already so cold. And then you got startled so much, as if you had seen a ghost. I... I’m worried that you experienced sothing that’s got you on your toes, so please," He looked into my eyes with an earnest and worried gaze. "If sothing is bothering you, you can tell ."
I went silent, my hands gripping the coat I had yet to wear, and my eyes fixed on the back of my hand.
I needed to talk about this with soone. So, as long as there was a listening ear, I think I could talk. Besides, if I stayed silent, I would make it seem like I couldn’t talk about it and the bla would be shifted to Seo-Jun, since Seo-Jun was the only one who had been with the whole day.
I used the back of my palm to wipe my cheek and then raised my gaze to et Ki-hoon’s.
"I worry." I began my words with that seemingly innocent phrase. "I worry that I’ve crossed a line I can’t go back to."
Ki-hoon did not react openly and did not ask questions either. It did look like he had a lot to ask but he kept it to himself and stayed quiet, holding my hand and staying supportive.
"My masters adore . I’m not bragging but rather being sincere from what I’ve felt up till now. My master’s care for . And today, I found out to what extent Master Sun could go to show his care for as well. Despite the way Master Sun acts, he cherishes just as much as the rest of my masters, which ans all my masters..." I gulped as the words were a bit difficult to slip past my lips. "...like very much."
I was going to say ’love’ but let’s not get ahead of ourselves and make things difficult.
No one has said a proper confession, after all.
"And because all my masters like very much, I feel I should like them back or at least, show them just as much attention as they shower on but that’s what I find worriso. Can I do it? Can I act without being biased? Can I really like my masters equally? If I don’t and one of my masters gets too jealous at the attention I give to another master, to the point that they decide to go to an extre length then I..." I shook my head. "I’m not trying to sound important or entitled, feeling that my masters would break their long-ti work relationship just for the likes of , but... When I see the way my masters act and how they react to certain actions from , I am convinced such a thing would definitely happen. I have these thoughts and they worry ."
Without knowing, tears were already rolling down my face.
"I spent a lot of ti with Master Sun today and I experienced several emotions all at once. It’s not very different from when I spend ti with my other masters but I realized sothing." I wiped my cheek with the back of my palm again, but the tears wouldn’t stop rolling down, and I couldn’t even raise my head. "After experiencing so many such emotions, I find it hard to face my other masters with a smile without feeling guilty. It’s as if... I had done sothing I never should’ve done."
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