I was confused and paced my room for a while, biting my thumbnail as I contemplated how to proceed.
It wasn’t just one of my masters but all four of them. They ca into my room and then left. I didn’t see what they did but I was sure they read my diary.
They read about the dream I had and the filthy desires that were swirling deep inside .
It made flush, feeling embarrassed, confused, and worried.
Just what was the aim behind all this?
"Should I just go ask them?" I contemplated but that was sowhat difficult.
What was I going to say once I stood in front of them?
I know you read my diary?
Gosh, I’d just be creating more problems for myself. If they decide to tease because of what they read, then it’s over for .
I sighed and decided to go get dinner.
I would first observe their reaction. If there was any change and if a chance to bring it up ca, I would take it.
But I had forgotten that my masters were not going to be available for dinner. Though it did seem like they all returned to the mansion before dinner ti, they were still so busy that they had to leave right away after reading my diary.
How shaless, don’t you think?
So, I was alone at the dining table, the sound of my plate and cutlery clinking together being the only noise made.
When was the last ti it was this quiet during al ti?
I looked up at the chairs and then sighed.
I thought at least one of my masters would be available to have dinner with but guess not.
But... What if they had originally decided to have dinner with but couldn’t bring themselves to do so because they had read my diary?
Well, I would never know.
I finished my al and went back to my room. I stared at the diary for a while and then sighed in frustration.
I had brought this upon myself when I decided to follow Seo-Jun’s suggestion of writing down my desires.
’Nothing ever goes smoothly when Seo-Jun is involved.’ I thought and then dropped down on the bed, laying my head on the pillow as I stared at my door, as if one of my masters would magically walk in.
What if they did?
Ah, they’ve been walking in however they liked while I was asleep. It wouldn’t be any different now.
I shut my eyes and was sure I was falling into sleep, but I was scared that I would have a lustful dream again, so I stayed awake.
With my eyes closed and my breathing steady, it looked like I was fast asleep but...
My door opened, and I wondered if it was the maids coming to check up on , but there was no sound.
They walked so silently that I could barely hear a footstep.
Who was it?
They got closer and stood before , staring down as they watched snooze, but I wasn’t snoozing. I was awake.
"I told you not to let your guard down too much when you sleep." He muttered and I could tell it was Jin-Yeok. "But I guess this only ans you trust us enough to sleep so carelessly."
What was he talking about now?
I nearly gulped but that would only make it known that I was awake.
He reached for my face and gently stroked the strand of hair that had fallen on my face, pushing it behind my ear, and smiled at .
"I guess this is why we can walk in and do whatever we want without you realizing it. How could you be so clueless, Jo-Pil?"
But I’m not clueless. In fact, I was on to them already and knew that they had read my diary.
They may not know it, and think I was living with no concern, but my heart was searching for answers behind their actions.
It was so much that I couldn’t fall asleep.
Okay, so I couldn’t fall asleep because I didn’t want to have a wet dream but regardless. I was being vigilant.
"Jo-Pil, you won’t bla us for this, will you?" He asked, confusing . "It’s what you said you wanted."
Wait, what was he talking about? When have I ever said I wanted anything?
"If this is the kind of thrill you like then we’ll try to give it to you." He said and then I felt others approaching.
As if reading my diary wasn’t enough, they wanted to reenact it?
That was how I interpreted this situation.
And for who had been sleeping, to their knowledge, I’d just imagine this was yet another dream and not think too much about it.
I would let them do whatever they wanted with while I was still a bit confused and think that by the morrow, I would wake up with the idea that this was all a dream.
"Is he still asleep?" I heard Min-Cheol’s voice.
"Seems like it." Ki-hoon answered. "But Seo-Jun, are you certain this is what Jo-Pil wants?"
For the love of...? You guys didn’t see anyone to take advice from and went ahead to listen to Seo-Jun? What in the world did he tell them?
Was he the mastermind behind all this?
"I’m telling you, why else would he agree to write down the wet dream if it was not to reenact it with us?" He asked with that smug tone of his.
Gosh, I didn’t write it down to reenact it with anyone. They were my secret desire but still...
"He wrote a bunch of other things, and I’m sure he’s just too shy to say anything, that’s why he’s keeping it to himself. But the pages don’t lie and the writer doesn’t jest." He quoted confidently to the point that I found it hard to even counter his words.
Yes, none of the things I wrote there were a lie. And the way I described the sensation I felt from their touch, kisses, and caresses was all real. I wasn’t exaggerating and I wasn’t joking.
It was to the point that I wished I could feel the sa things in real life, so I poured out my sincerity into it.
Seo-Jun, as an avid reader, seed to have found that sincerity buried in the obscene and dirty desires I wrote in words and that was why he was going ahead with this.
Should I thank him or hit him for going through my diary?
I don’t know, I can’t decide.
It was bad enough that they evaded my privacy but it was worse that I couldn’t get mad at them.
I would make up one excuse or the other to justify what they did and as much as I knew it wasn’t an ideal relationship in that sense, I was actually... Quite glad.
Since I had trouble opening up, the only way to actually see through and know what’s in my mind was to read the diary.
And while I have no idea the motive they had when they opened the diary for the first ti, I was relieved that I didn’t have to explain myself and the kind of desire I had.
But this also put in a spot.
Feeling it in the dream was definitely different from actually feeling it in real life.
I was scared of being overpowered without being able to fight back. I was scared of feeling new things that I was unsure of.
I was scared that I’d end up replaying my traumas in my head.
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