Chapter 199
A person's preferences often reveal their character — not always with certainty, but there's usually so basis behind it.
After Xie Shiqing lost her sight, it was said that many things in the villa were changed, but the flowers in the garden remained.
She never went to see them, but she also never asked anyone to get rid of them.
Suddenly, Zhong Ning rembered the first ti she had made Xie Shiqing upset — she had asked the butler for so roses to apologize, intending to offer flowers as a peace gesture.
How naive she had been back then, as innocent as soone experiencing life for the first ti, only knowing how to pour her heart out without considering whether the other party even wanted it.
Completely defenseless.
She pressed her lips together and set the roses down by the edge of the table.
Across from her, Xie Shiqing showed a fleeting trace of heartache, then quickly put on a smile again.
For so reason, Zhong Ning suddenly felt a bit weary.
How long would she have to stay entangled with Xie Shiqing like this? This so-called colleague act, this “Jingjing” charade — how much longer would it go on?
This person was definitely not going to give up.
Was she really expected to be entangled with her for a lifeti?
The best solution, really, was to quickly start a new relationship — cut off Xie Shiqing’s hopes completely.
But Zhong Ning couldn't do it. She hadn’t yet co out of the pain of this relationship, and she wasn’t capable of putting on a show with soone else just to trick Xie Shiqing into giving up.
Even more impossible was becoming friends with her.
Whether it was about being friends with soone who liked her, or watching her ex move on and fall for soone else — neither could be faced with a clear conscience or calm acceptance.
The forr would be exploiting soone’s feelings and love, an invisible tornt, forcing them to et her expectations just because they liked her — “I won’t accept you, but we can be friends, and you can keep pleasing .”
Who did she think she was? A slave owner? Was Xie Shiqing her personal property, to be treated however she pleased?
And the latter — watching soone she had truly loved fall in love with soone else — maybe so could accept that, but she couldn’t.
Just the thought of those words of love once ant for her now being spoken to soone else made it impossible for her to let go.
Soone as proud as Xie Shiqing, lowering herself to please her — sohow, it left Zhong Ning with a sense of sorrow.
There really was no need. She wasn’t so perfect, exceptional person. Why hold on so tightly?
So… maybe it was better to leave after all.
Staying apart, not seeing each other — that was the best choice.
She would gradually forget Xie Shiqing. Xie Shiqing would probably co out of this love eventually, too. Since she had already started the process of emotional healing, sooner or later she would reconcile with the past and with herself.
By then, she would understand — Zhong Ning wasn’t soone irreplaceable.
If the Lanheng Foundation ran smoothly, then she would return to her old work. Charity work didn’t require much — just money transfers, occasional follow-ups. She could travel the world, maintain her social dia accounts abroad — life would still be full of color.
A server brought over a large pot, poured a broth full of at into the hot pot on the table, added various vegetables and sides, and finally covered it with a lid. “It needs to cook for another ten minutes before it’s ready to eat.”
She then placed two bowls of yam puree dessert and a plate of cold salad on the table. “Please enjoy.”
After the server left, Xie Shiqing stared at the steaming hot pot for a mont, then suddenly curved her eyes and smiled. “Ning-jiejie, why don’t we chat? Just sitting like this feels so awkward.”
Zhong Ning said, “Sure. What do you want to talk about?”
Xie Shiqing looked into her eyes and asked, with a hint of curiosity, “Has Ning-jiejie ever liked soone before?”
"Yes." Zhong Ning said, "The person I liked looked a lot like you."
"Do you not feel anything at all now?"
"It's complicated." Zhong Ning spoke her mind with complete honesty, wanting Xie Shiqing to truly understand her thoughts. "I still like her, but at the sa ti, I don’t. What I feel for her might not even be love—it’s an emotion I can’t fully describe myself."
"When it cos to feelings, I’m indecisive. Even though I know what I should do, I can never bring myself to be ruthless enough to cut everything off completely."
Under the sudden brightness in the other’s eyes, Zhong Ning shifted the tone of her words. "But no matter how long this process takes, I believe I’ll co out of it eventually."
"You don’t want to give it another try?" Xie Shiqing asked with difficulty, her lips trembling slightly. "Maybe she really has changed and understands what went wrong. Can’t you give each other one more chance?"
"I already did." Zhong Ning said calmly. "More than once."
"Why is it that only after losing soone do you finally begin to truly reflect and regret? Why not change earlier? Was the love not deep enough?"
Xie Shiqing rushed to refute her, but was stopped by a single look from Zhong Ning. "Not loving enough, or being fearless—taking love as a shield, acting out recklessly, overly confident. At its core, it’s still putting the other person beneath you, believing it’s fine not to change, because she’ll always forgive , she loves , she can’t live without ."
"Whatever the reason, the outco is obvious."
"Besides, this so-called ‘second chance’—is it sothing I want, or sothing my ex wants?"
Xie Shiqing’s face instantly turned pale.
"When she didn’t want to change, she didn’t. And when she does, she wants reconciliation. Everything follows her wishes. But has she ever considered the other person's feelings? Whether they even want any of this?"
"It’s not like that… I’m not…" Xie Shiqing's voice turned hoarse, but she couldn’t finish a full sentence.
"Have you never thought about it that way, or have you simply never thought that much?"
"Honestly, there’s not much difference between the two."
Zhong Ning used her spoon to evenly spread the fruit jam on top of the yam puree. Her expression was calm, as if entirely devoid of emotion. "I can understand, but understanding doesn’t an I can accept it."
The tir on the table let out a series of beeps. Zhong Ning turned it off and lifted the lid of the steaming pot. A strong aroma of at wafted out. A server ca over, sprinkled a handful of freshly chopped green scallions on top, then used a ladle with a long handle to serve two bowls of soup from the pot.
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