Emilin's POV:
When I woke up, I felt more tired than when I had first gone to sleep. I felt like I had just run a marathon with a bear chasing all the way. It was indescribable. My body didn't feel well-rested, much less my mind.
I grunted in discomfort trying to go back to sleep, not caring about the fact that I still had school. I felt like I had sunk deeper into my bed with every passing second. When my eyes try to open at all, all I could see was a blur, making my head hurt even more than it had previously.
What seed like a few seconds later, I felt myself being lifted from my bed. I wanted to protest a little, but as I tried to open my mouth, I realized that I could barely even part my lips.
***
I have to squint my eyes as they open and the first thing, I see is my mother by my bedside. I didn't even have ti to question the fact that this was not my bed, which was duly noticed due to the discomfort of the sheets.
Mom looked like she had pulled all-nighters. Her eye bags were more prominent and her eyes were slightly swollen.
"What's wrong mom?" I had never seen her like this before, not even when… well, let's not talk about that.
"Oh baby, I'm so glad you're okay." I was relieved to see her relieved. But I had to note down that I had put down my guard too soon when I heard what followed.
"YOU'RE ASKING WHAT'S WRONG! I should be asking you that! We hear little Theo calling your na all the way from the kitchen and when we get to your room all we see is Theo carrying you out while on the phone with the ambulance. Do you know how worried we were when we saw your soaked sheets! You were sweating like a pig." Sotis I do question if mom is bipolar, but I know that she just loves us too much. Her unpredictability is part of her person by now.
Her worry fills my heart with both warmth and worries of my own. I'm worried about making her worried and she gets worried when I stress. What a vicious cycle made of love and care.
I just don't want her to be that scared ever again, but I also yearn for the care she gives , the love that everyone sprinkles with. The cost is no longer relevant, I can no longer let any of it go.
This too was sothing that was no longer an option.
I pulled mom into an embrace. I seed to have used a little too much force. Mom was patting in the back lightly signally for to loosen up, but I didn't want to let go just yet.
Then, from who knows where dad and Theo joined in.
"I'm so glad you're awake," Dad said, his voice nearing a whisper. The phrasing of his statent seed a little off.
"How long was I asleep?" I asked.
"Around 12 hours. It's already 7 PM now." This ti it was big brother Theo that answered. I wanted to laugh. In the past two days, the ti I spent sleeping seed to overwhelm the ti I was awake.
Yet I still felt exhausted.
We talked for a while and dad inford that the doctors said it was just a normal fever that might have been caused by a small virus or any other reasons really. They wanted to properly rest for the next few days as my fever had yet to completely subside. I hadn't even noticed, which was weirding out.
Brother stayed a while longer and left my computer and other necessities. When he left, I was alone again with my thoughts.
I just wanted to know what led to this stage. If it was the nightmares again. Because at that point, I would have beco an unwilling participant in a silent psychological warfare that I wasn't exactly aware of. I wasn't unaware either, but I still didn't know what this was about.
Multiple scenarios ran through my mind, yet none of them seed right.
Was it really sothing that unimaginable? Or did I just not want to imagine it?
WHAT WAS IT!
Forcing it wasn't going to work, but I didn't want to get sick again for a reason that I wasn't ever going to be fully aware of. It was just so frustrating.
The following days all passed similarly. I was discharged 2 days after the hospitalization and so I spent the days at ho. Most of the ti I was working remotely as I usually do with a few of my projects.
Then ca the day that I had long forgotten. Exactly one week after the date of my birthday. It was at night, the ti was the sa as when I had first muted all my work-related communication channels.
What first alerted was the constant buzzing of my phone from the notifications. I was too tired to check, but they would only keep piling up if I didn't.
Just the numbers on the top of my email icon were already giving a headache. I didn't even want to start on anything else.
I started by skimming so of the ssages and news articles, but most of them were just more of the sa. Then I moved on to Xander's ssages.
He was one of my associates from the International dical and Procedural Association (IMPA), which is such an unnecessarily long and complicated na that can just be shorted to the dical Association at this point. Adding International, only if absolutely need be. I an, procedural. Really?
Well back to his ongoing list of ssages. As I read his ssages, I was also making a live comntary in my head.
7 days ago
Xander: [MASTER!]
'I don't really know how, but it sohow spread that M stood for Master... Now, while most people just terd as M, there were still so that could call Master. It was a strange experience at first, I an I'm pretty sure they are imagining an old man. At first, they wanted to call Old Master, but then Theo who was known as TWO, inford them that I was younger than they had imagined to be.'
'Well, even then they would never get to my real age or gender. Normally I might be upset to have my gender assud, but this ti it was a good thing. I had my identity hidden under another layer. It was honestly probably due to my attitude and personality when it ca to this work.'
Xander: [Master! How co you didn't tell before posting another one of your research projects? ( ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥)]
'Really crying emoji? Gosh, Xander really loves being dramatic.'
Xander: [You're making big waves again! How do you co up with these reports, throwing them out like they are cabbages found on the streets!]
'Does it really look like that? So far I've only released the reports for the procedures that cure less known, but lethal, illnesses that currently had no cure. There were many considerations for this decision.'
'First, lethal ones because that's how you get people to feel indebted. Ones with no cure because those are the ones that make people most desperate, most enough to have those people actively seek for a solution.'
'Even if they don't, when they find out there is a cure, they will definitely seek out who ca up with the procedure. As for the less-known part... well, I guess if it's less well known and fewer people are infected, the ones who are will be more desperate. Fewer people are looking for the cure and so they can only rely on my procedure.'
'Yes. Definitely not because I don't want to deal with the extra trouble. Right, I'm giving these helpless people hope.'
Xander: [I don't even want to ask how you made this procedure to cure SMT]
'Please don't. I don't know either, it's all just up here. I wouldn't be able to tell you even if I wanted to. I'm not even sure what tiline I was in, in the past. So many of the diseases that inflict people now had been long cured, yet there were still no shortages of illnesses in that tiline. I don't even know if that place was a completely different world. I'm almost as lost as you are.'
'Though I say it's all in my head. (Well think, not like I'm actually saying any of this, wait, is it normal for to have so many comntaries and conversations in my head? Eh? it should be fine), even if I didn't already know it, I would still be confident that I could find a cure, just not as easily. What a nice ego boost.'
Xander: [The doctors here are already testing your procedure. They even stopped bothering to spend those extra days in the laboratory for the simulated tests. They never worked anyways. As for the patients, after hearing that it was a procedure guaranteed by 'M' they also quickly accepted. Most of the family of the patients had long been doing research in the dical field to find a possibility of a cure. This opportunity to them was a god sent]
'That was the idea.'
6 days ago
Xander: [Has 2 sent you the patients list already?]
'Hmm. I should probably remind him to do that later.'
Xander: [Should I send the committee your regards?]
'Sure.'
Xander: [Are you going to ghost them for a month again? Didn't we agree that you wouldn't ignore these matters again??]
'No, just a week.'
5 days ago
Xander: [I already told the committee that the M just wants them to rember this occasion and that the credits, as well as reports, can be saved for a later date.]
'Well, how efficient.'
There were a few more lose ssages here and there, none of which were very important. Emilin had to spend a few hours tying up so loose ends. Not forgetting to send Theo a ssage about the list of the early patients.
I still had to think for a bit, but in the end, I still decided to ask Xander about the matter that had been bothering .
M: [How should I deal with the possibility of PTSD?]
Xander: [Master, you're back! Wow, only a one-week leave?]
Xander: [Wait. PTSD? Do you have PTSD? What happened? You said possibility. Does that an it's soone you know? You're not sure if this person has PTSD or not?]
M: [Just answer the question.]
'It would take way too long to explain. Plus there was also no need for that, I did want it to be sowhat objective.'
Xander: [I would say to go to therapy, but since Master is asking about this matter then it must be more complicated than that. If they are unwilling to get a therapist, then they should probably spend more ti with family and friends that can comfort them.]
'No duh, E for effort.'
M: [Try again.]
Xander: [… I guess if that doesn't work either then they might want to take a break. Going traveling, eting so new people, and breathing in so fresh air sowhere far from where they might have had this traumatic experience. Especially doing sothing they enjoy would also probably be helpful.]
'That... doesn't sound half bad.'
M: [okay.]
I had to ponder on that thought for a while longer. Though I'm probably already far enough from the location, and also the ti of the incident, Xander's other suggestions are still reliable.
I have yet to ever travel by myself and this new life had to be lived to its fullest. Nonetheless, I still hesitated. This would be the first ti I wouldn't be with my family since the beginning of this new life.
After so internal debacles, I had to firm my heart. I should talk about it with mom and dad first, if they're okay with it, then I should also be going on my own journey. I've already had 15 years of love.
The best 15 years of my life, that I wouldn't trade for anything. The attachnt was undeniable and slightly unhealthy.
I was walking the thin line between attachnt and obsession. There were still monts where I had to take so ti for myself. Exploring more about myself and this world, and hopefully, when I get back, I can bring back a better . One that won't need my family to worry about my health, physical or otherwise.
I stood up and headed to the kitchen where I could hear both mom and dad talking with Theo.
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