To Kiss An Idol Chapter 65

65 The Flashback – The Change

I really don’t rember the events of that night even after trying for months. All I know is what I was told. Apeksha told that I rang the bell and stood at the door like a pruned dead body. There was no expression on my face, only my eyes were red and swollen. My mother shook my shoulder asking what happened and kept demanding an answer. But all I heard was the thundering of the clouds.

She called my father and he too kept asking questions, but it was as if no sound could penetrate my ears. I just stood there not even looking at them, staring blankly at oblivion. Before Apeksha ran to co to , I threw my head backwards and started falling down but my father caught .

The next thing I rember is waking up two days after in a hospital bed. You see I fainted after I reached my house. Walking for long in the cold rain gave hypothermia and pruned my hands and my feet. There were cuts all over my feet due to my walking for hours at a stretch. My feet were covered in bandages all over when I woke up, but I was not feeling any pain. Not because of dicine or anything like that, I just stopped feeling. I was an empty shell of a human at that point.

The mont I opened my eyes I saw my mother, and everything ca back flooding to my mind. All the insults I hurled at her, all the insults and abuse she hurled at and for what, a bastard, who didn’t have the courage to fight for . I ruined my family because of a person who didn’t even care for .

Guilty and ashad, I stopped talking to everyone. I even started avoiding looking at them. I wouldn’t even reply to the doctors. My mom would sit with the whole day in the hospital. My sister would tease and pick up fights with to try to make talk. My dad would scold , chide , beg , plead to to talk but I never talked.

My physical wounds were healed but my emotional ones were still fresh. I was discharged from the hospital and my parents brought ho. For the whole day, I would just sleep. I had no interest in eating or drinking or even living. No matter what they did, I never spoke.

After almost 10 days of not speaking or eating, my parents were frightened. They took back to the hospital. There I was diagnosed by doctors that I had depression. They made my parents realise that I went through sothing extrely traumatic to completely stop talking. They suggested that they should check in a facility. Sad and worried, they admitted to one.

I went away from ho for months. I never said a word for almost two months. It took months of therapy to bring back from the black hole that I went to. It took months to get back the emotions that I buried deep into my heart. My doctors told to accept all my anger, my sadness, my guilt, and work on it. Burying emotions would result in more damage, I needed to feel everything I felt that night and then slowly get rid of it.

anwhile, my dad took care of both apartnts. He talked to both landlords and got out of both agreents. He even got back my deposits. My mom packed all my things and brought them to her house. My sister who is younger than , took care of like she was the elder one. They even emailed my job saying that I quit due to so family problems.

.....

After three months of therapy and dicines, I was ready to go back to my house, but I still needed help. My progress was slow, so the doctors suggested that we all should talk to a therapist as a family. They too needed to understand what I was going through. They needed to know how to help when I was going to stay with them.

The best day was when my therapist made burn Ritvik’s things that he left with . My heart felt as if soone lifted a ton of weight from it when I burned that red wedding card.

It took six months to get back on my feet, NK, six months of dicine, six months of therapy, individual as well as family therapy to act normal, to forgive him, to forgive myself, to forget him, to move forward, to start living my life again. My therapist helped my parents understand my condition without any judgent. We all said sorry to each other for the things we said, and we forgave each other. We finally beca a family, again.

Life was taking a turn for the better. I was learning to smile. I was eating better. Every weekend my family would take to different places to divert my mind. We would go to malls, and movies, have family dinners in posh restaurants, go to the parks, you na it, we did those activities.

After I started feeling better, I looked for another job. As I was experienced and well-known in my circle, I quickly got a job and started getting promotions soon. My life was back on track.

Then after 8 months or so, one day my phone rang. I saw the caller ID. It was a number, an unknown number. Without thinking too much about it, I picked up the phone. The voice that ca out of it, pulled the earth from under my feet. It was Ritvik.

I thought I was done with that chapter of my life. But, no, here it was, open before my eyes.

“Ritz! It’s . How are you?” his voice pierced my ears. It was getting difficult for to breathe. All the instructions and suggestions of my therapist went out of the window in a second. I started hyperventilating. I imdiately disconnected the call and ran to the bathroom.

After a lot of breathing exercises and a quick phone call to my therapist whom I had not talked to in months, I cald down. Ritvik beca a trigger point for .

I blocked his number and again started the therapy. You know it was during therapy that I realised that Ritvik never called the foetus his child, he called it ‘your child’. So, my therapist suggested that it was better to be angry at him rather being scared of him. That would help from not panicking or hyperventilating. So, I worked on my emotions, and I stopped being scared of him.

Now, he would call from different numbers, and I never hyperventilated after that. I would just be pissed off. No matter how many of his numbers I blocked, he would call with a new number. Even after I threatened to go to the police and file a harassnt case against him, he never stopped calling. He kept saying that he needed to talk to and that he still loved .

Finally, I changed my number, but sohow, he got my new number. My parents suggested that I should file a case against him, but my mind would go to his innocent wife. Why should I punish an innocent woman whom I had never t when I really wanted to punish her moron husband? How would she feel after knowing that even though he was married, he was calling his ex saying that he still loved her?

Then one day he ca to my office. I asked my office people to lie to him that I was not in the office at the mont. They lied and I ducked him that day. But he started coming back. I could not avoid him forever, so I decided to quit.

My boss loved and didn’t want to lose , so she asked for the real reason I was quitting such a high-paying job. I told her about my stalker ex. She suggested that instead of quitting, I should consider transferring to a new place. My designation and the company would be the sa. I would just move to a new place.

I asked my parents for suggestions, and they too agreed with my boss. Finally, I shifted to Bangalore. A new place, a new phone number, a new look, a new haircut, new friends, new colleagues, that place was heaven. I was happy and free now or so I thought.

I don’t know how, but he again got my number. He again started calling and harassing . I had no idea how he would always get my number. I instructed all our common friends not to tell him anything about , but sohow one or the other would blab.

Finally, I stopped talking to all my Delhi friends. I changed my number and again shifted to a different house on the outskirts of Bangalore. I wanted to run away from him. I wanted to run away from my life. I wanted change.

People say the only constant in life is ‘change’ and I craved it more than anything. I finally realised that changing my look, my number or my house every now and then will get nowhere. I had to leave my country once and for all. That way he will never be able to find .