125 I would feel nothing
“I have been such a horrible friend.” Pen said in regret.
“No, no, you haven’t”, Neera countered. “You couldn’t have known.”
“And the Commander”, she could see the anger coming off Pen. “Not once did he tell anything.”
“I am sure he had his reasons. He didn’t want you to worry unnecessarily.” Neera said.
Penelope felt her eyes mist over. “That note, the one that whoever used to lure you out wrote, was true, although I didn’t write it. Princess Lyra...she ordered to be whipped and I was wounded.”
Neera could not believe her ears. Penelope went ahead to narrate to her the situation between her and the Commander General, and she told her of the gifts and how she and the other maids had kept to themselves that they were intended for her and not Lyra.
“Oh Pen, I have been such a horrible friend!” Neera cried out.
“I think we were just both going through difficult situations at the sa ti. But I am just so glad we are alive and healed.” Penelope said. There was a pregnant pause, and Neera anticipated that what her friend wanted to say next was important.
“Neera, I know being away from the King has not been easy on you, but I know you understand that it is the best option,” Penelope said, taking Neera’s hand in hers. “It is okay to miss him, Neera.”
.....
Neera looked away so that her friend would not notice the fresh tears that brimd in her eyes. What was she expecting to hear? Soone to lie to her and tell her that her place was always right next to the King?
“I know”, Neera croaked. “I just didn’t expect it to...hurt so much.” She forced out a laugh. “It has just been a few days since I haven’t seen him but it feels like forever.”
Penelope sighed. These signs were far deeper than soone simply missing another person. She hoped Neera would be safe, but Neera understood the order of things, and she was sensible, so she knew there was nothing to worry about.
They spent hours sitting in the kitchen and talking, and for a long ti, Neera was really glad to have her friend back.
...
Pen was glued to Neera’s side for two days until she was not.
It was ti for her to return to Azriel’s ho. With tears in their eyes, Neera stood at the gate to bid her farewell. She could not step anywhere outside the gate, not only will the guards not allow it, but if it should reach the King’s ear, he would be upset with worry.
A chariot ca for Pen. She looked towards Neera and gave her a watery smile.
“I will be back soon, I promise. Not to visit, but to stay.” She said for about the hundredth ti since her arrival. She would miss their long conversations, their shared als, and her company.
Neera held into her hand, not wanting to let go. Pen gave her a long hug, and with much difficulty, stepped away from her friend.
Neera watched as she mounted the chariot, and the driver, who had waited with patience throughout their long farewell, wasted no ti in leaving. Both Neera and Penelope kept waving at each other until Pen was out of her sight.
Neera drew in a shuddering breath. With the back of her sleeves, she wiped her tear-stained face dry. She moved on towards the back of the castle, a short way to reach the kitchen. As she turned to go up a set of stairs, she almost bumped into soone. When she looked up, her mouth hung open in surprise.
It was Zavian .
“Your...your Ma...jesty.” She stuttered. Zavian climbed down the remaining stairs towards her. Neera’s eyes wandered as she tried to form a thought in her head,
Zavian stopped right in front of her. Another fresh set of tears accumulated behind her eyes, and she did everything in her power to stop them from falling. Her heartbeat increased when he was up close, and she was sure he could hear it. From the depths of her heart and her soul, she did miss him.
“Why did you leave my chambers?” Zavian asked.
Neera, throat clogged with emotions and braced herself as she spoke.
“I am sorry, your Majesty, but we cannot be so close anymore. The Princesses deserve every bit of the attention, especially since you will have a Queen soon.” She said, There was no need to tell him that Freya made her leave, it would just make matters worse, besides it was for the best.
There was a long silence and when she saw that he was not saying anything, she spoke; “Forgive , your Majesty, but I have so duties I need to attend to.”
Zavian did not move away from her path. She looked up at him and his eyes were staring piercingly at her;
Neera looked behind her. Perhaps if she ran back the way she ca from, she would be able to escape the uncomfortable situation, but even though she wanted to run as fast as her legs could carry, she could not move away from him, especially when he was so close to her. It felt like there was a strong force pinning her to the ground.
“Your Majesty”, she pleaded.
“Now let us imagine one of the Princesses becoming Queen”, he bent close to her ear. “I want you to picture it. Imagine I get married, and there is soone else sharing als with , talking with ... sharing my bed with . How would that make you feel, Neera?”
‘Like she would be dying a slow death every single day. Like there won’t be any better way to torture her.’
“How would that make you feel?” He asked again.
She closed her eyes and forced the response out of herself.
“Nothing, your Majesty.” Her voice sounded foreign to her ears as she spoke, as if soone had fetched the words from her vocal cords. “I would feel nothing.”
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