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Chapter 90
Noh Yeonseok was afraid of Director Lee Jaehun.
He had never imagined it before, but seeing a person with multiple personalities in real life would be terrifying. Watching soone he knew suddenly transform into a different personality was enough to make him shrink back.
He was also scared of the blood Lee Jaehun shed. In this world, there were colors, but there weren’t. Therefore, it was monochro, and blood stood out starkly in that setting. Seeing him with wounds severe enough to make one collapse, yet maintaining a calm deanor, frightened Noh Yeonseok.
Lee Jaehun had said he had limits, and Noh Yeonseok thought that was true.
But really?
‘He looks perfectly fine.’
Noh Yeonseok couldn’t see a trace of pain on his face.
If it were , I would have been crying and unable to stand from the mont my shoulder was pierced. Could anyone else but him have such a composed face despite such injuries?
Yes, he seed fine. Not just quiet or calm, but simply ‘fine.’
“If you want to keep lighting the fire until the lighter fuel runs out, go ahead.”
“S-sorry.”
“I told you to pay attention if you don’t want to stay an intern forever.”
A slightly wrinkled nose. Furrowed brows.
Eyes narrowed as if trying hard to suppress an urge, yet lips twisted from failing to do so. His whole deanor scread how much he disliked him.
Just when Noh Yeonseok began to wonder if he was the sa person he had always known, he would always revert to the face they had mocked as an old-tir behind his back.
“……”
Noh Yeonseok felt a wave of nausea from an unknown source.
‘…Scary.’
Like sothing drawn on a religious painting he saw as a child, he imagined two faces attached to one neck. It was sothing a human shouldn’t possess.
Noh Yeonseok found it hard to breathe. Just standing under a sky with no color made him so anxious that he stomped his feet, and a sorrow akin to self-pity spread throughout his body. Even just walking and moving without doing anything made him feel nauseous and unable to speak.
For him, seeing DirectorLee Jaehun was excessive confusion. It was as if a greasy burger was shoved under a sick person’s nose, or like watching vibrant monitors after feeling car sick for 12 hours. His stomach felt queasy and achy.
So, he was startled when Deputy Manager Jung Inho spoke.
“DIrector Lee Jaehun is the only one who’s been getting hurt all this ti.”
It was true.
Among them, only Director Lee Jaehun had been injured. We didn’t even have a scratch, and yet he tried to hide his injuries from us. He didn’t want us to know.
“Why are you thinking so deeply about it? He does it because he can.”
Deputy Manager Jung Inho then asked if he was serious, and after a mont, Director Lee Jaehun said it was a joke, but everyone could tell it wasn’t. He clearly thought it was a matter of course.
Noh Yeonseok, harboring familiar malice towards him, tried to say sothing,
“I know how valuable my body is, so don’t make a fuss.”
“……”
But he couldn’t open his mouth to respond.
After that, things moved quickly. Deputy Manager Jung Inho left with Yoon Garam and Dr. Ha Sungyoon, leaving only Team Leader Kang Mina, Kwon Yeonhee, Director Lee Jaehun, and himself in the small open space. No one there didn’t understand Deputy Manager Jung Inho’s intent.
Not long after, Director Lee Jaehun wiped his face dry and spoke.
“…Yeonseok.”
“Yes, yes.”
“That….”
Director Lee Jaehun continued, looking like he was holding sothing back.
“I’m sorry.”
In Lee Jaehun’s lower-than-usual voice and slightly grimaced face, Noh Yeonseok found a trace of pain and patience.
He was startled again by this unfamiliar expression and waved his hand dismissively.
“Oh, no! It’s . I’m the one… I kept saying unnecessary things and… disturbing the mood….”
“I was being sensitive.”
“No, that’s not….”
He finally said it.
“…I’m sorry, Director.”
However, he couldn’t define exactly what he was apologizing for.
Following his voice, the others also apologized, but Noh Yeonseok wished he could ask them once. Who exactly are you apologizing to? What are you apologizing for?
At that mont, Team Leader Kang Mina exhaled and spoke.
“Director, you kept getting hurt because of us, and we didn’t do anything.”
That was Kang Mina’s guilt.
‘…Then, what about ?’
What exactly am I apologizing to him for?
Confusion arose.
For cursing at Director Lee Jaehun? No, to be honest, that was his fault, so Noh Yeonseok had no reason to feel guilty.
For not doing anything, as Team Leader Kang Mina said? That was true, but if that were the case, he would have felt relieved the mont he heard her words.
Unable to find a clear answer, he bit his lip, and the voice of the director, which he had grown accustod to, reached his ears.
“It’s okay, this was the most efficient way.”
…Efficient?
“…What?”
“…Huh?”
“……”
“I an, it’s not that you guys did anything wrong… It was my choice anyway….”
Director Lee Jaehun’s words were at odds with the physiological aspect, leaving aside the ethical perspective.
He spoke as if he were a machine or livestock, and Noh Yeonseok couldn’t understand it.
Moreover, Director Lee Jaehun seed to realize sothing was wrong only after seeing their reactions. For Noh Yeonseok, who had lived with at least a minimum of self-respect, this was quite bewildering.
“Just, the situation… the situation is making everyone sensitive.”
“……”
“I’m just tired, so I snapped at you, Yeonseok, and… it’s just that. It’s hard to think kindly when you’re having a hard ti.”
Beyond what anyone would recognize as excuses,
“My words weren’t kind either, so it must have been annoying to hear.”
“…Did it show that I was annoyed?”
“…Huh?”
“S-sorry.”
Even apologizing again for a clumsy consolation.
Noh Yeonseok couldn’t figure out exactly what he felt guilty about.
It seed like he was feeling sorry for that person. Like he had done sothing wrong, and he knew it too. But among the many reasons, he couldn’t find the clear root that gripped his heart and shook it.
He said anything to understand the reason,
“The advice you give usually… I just let it go in one ear and out the other….”
Lee Jaehun then said,
“…So, did you take it to heart?”
“…What?”
“That was all old man talk….”
Then he opened his eyes wide.
“…Ah.”
“……”
“…Let’s just drop it.”
Director Lee Jaehun looked away as if realizing his mistake.
Noh Yeonseok nodded at his evasive words, but he couldn’t help feeling increasingly complex and confused inside.
‘…Was it all an act?’
By asking if his ‘advice’ needed to be taken to heart, Director Lee Jaehun showed he knew how others perceived him. It also ant he intended it to be that way.
So, why?
“Anyway… we all made mistakes, so let’s not overthink things and just rest until the others return.”
“……”
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…But then, was Director Lee Jaehun a bad person?
‘If he were really bad, he wouldn’t have saved us.’
Since coming to this world, he has continuously helped them. He saved them from nurous near-death situations, especially Team Leader Kang Mina. Not to ntion, he also saved Yoon Garam and Dr. Ha Sungyoon.
Throughout this process, Director Lee Jaehun was always injured, hiding his pain that could have easily caused him to collapse or lose consciousness.
“Hey, you students. It seems like you’ve been following us for a while.”
“……”
“Can we have a word?”
He was also kind to young students.
“You seem quite young. Isn’t it better to stay with us than being just the two of you?”
“…Well….”
“The place isn’t bad. It’s getting dark, and it’s safer to stay together than searching for another place.”
His feelings were not very overt.
Lee Jaehun’s awkwardness and stiffness were evident, and his tone and voice weren’t exactly gentle. It seed like he was suppressing a sarcastic streak.
But his concern and care for others were clear.
“Wouldn’t it be dangerous if it gets darker?”
And suddenly, it hit him.
Director Lee Jaehun is a good person. He’s kind and good, but for so reason, he pretended to be bad, and we were fooled into cursing him. And that wasn’t the fault of Noh Yeonseok or the others.
But still,
“……”
I’m scared of him.
That’s my guilt.
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And Lee Jaehun knew this as well.
‘Damn it, my big mouth.’
Lee Jaehun had often been the object of fear in his past life, so he had a knack for sensing negative emotions directed at him. This was true even in his current life.
So, he knew that Intern Noh Yeonseok had a subtle fear of him since entering this world. Whenever Lee Jaehun’s tone or expression changed, Noh Yeonseok would speak less. He would turn pale at the sight of Lee Jaehun’s blood and tried to avoid talking to him as much as possible.
Thus, Lee Jaehun didn’t initiate conversations with him. When he had to ntion Noh Yeonseok, he would involve Team Leader Kang Mina, who Yeonseok trusted and relied on. He understood the intern’s reluctance to speak up.
He had shown that level of compassion in his past life too.
‘But to let it slip here….’
I must really be losing it.
Lee Jaehun thought as he nodded to himself. He hadn’t properly recovered, yet he had taken on too much, leaving him feeling overwheld. The influence of this alternate world probably had his head spinning as well.
In his past life, he had ways to cope with such states, but in this world, there was no immunity to pain. Reflecting on his previous life, he found it absurd that people tried to fix ntal issues through re counseling. The level of dication treatnt was also poor…
“……”
No, that’s not the issue right now.
‘I need to handle this before the chick’s mind shatters.’
Driven by a sudden sense of duty, Lee Jaehun hurriedly spoke before his counterpart could say anything.
“It’s okay.”
“…That…”
“I’m really okay. I’m fine.”
“S-sorry….”
“What’s there to be sorry about?”
He had consistently emphasized that ntal strength was crucial in the alternate world, but even ntal strength varied. To be honest, Lee Jaehun’s ntal resilience, seasoned by countless states of abnormality, couldn’t be compared to that of the other fledglings.
Ultimately, what gets worn down in the alternate world is, strictly speaking, a ‘healthy mind.’ The more ntally unstable soone is, like Lee Jaehun, the easier it is to adapt to the alternate world. It’s why he couldn’t hear the spider-leg-like whispers at the office; there was no temptation from monsters, making it sowhat easier.
Unfortunately, Intern Noh Yeonseok had the healthiest mind among the fledglings gathered. His soft ntality played a part, but being the closest to what this world considered ‘normal’ ant he suffered the most.
‘I wanted to drive him a little crazy in a healthy direction.’
These fledglings would eventually grow up, so he thought it would be better to turn them into ntally unstable individuals without completely breaking them. It seed much better for him to gradually adjust them rather than letting a sudden great pain break them completely.
The protagonist was gradually learning the maturity shown in the original novel, and Yoon Garam and Dr. Ha Sungyoon were originally ntally unstable. Team Leader Kang and Kwon Yeonhee were also finding their places…
‘But he’s not ready yet.’
In swimming terms, this guy was still getting used to the water temperature in the pool. If he were suddenly thrown into the ocean, his mind would understandably break. If that happened, how could Lee Jaehun fix it?
If he were dead, Lee Jaehun would simply die once and reset, but the kid was alive. The protagonist would likely return with pre-regression mories, so Lee Jaehun wouldn’t even have the justification to pretend to be crazy over a colleague’s death.
More importantly, he didn’t want to die just because one fledgling’s mind broke.
“Yeonseok, I’m really okay.”
In a mild panic, Lee Jaehun didn’t know how his words sounded.
“It’s okay to be scared, okay? You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“……”
“Look, you’re thinking wrong. I was the bad one. You did nothing wrong; it was all my fault. I’m the bad one, so there’s no reason for you to feel guilty.”
“…That’s… not it.”
“It’s only natural for you to be scared of .”
After all, it was the sa in his past life.
To avoid breaking down himself, it was easier to hate others, and Lee Jaehun was a universally recognized villain. By hating him instead of themselves, everyone found it easier.
It’s only natural to hurt others to survive.
“Why feel sorry for sothing natural?”
So, it’s right for you to do the sa.
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