Chapter 45: Iris: Regrets
THE FAKE scenarios won’t stop playing in my head. I lied to myself thinking I’d be able to sleep with all the drama that has unfolded for the past few days.
As cliché as it sounds, I can’t sleep because of these weird daydreams. Everyone is walking away from
in a single file, not even looking behind at
whilst I’m chained to this huge tree whose roots outstretch all over.
The worst part is how I can’t call out to make them stop. My voice is gone in every dream, and it’s happening every ti I close my eyes, Jerald being the leader of whatever this mind revolution is.
I was putting up with it all this ti until Lucas popped in one of them, following Jerald and my parents like he doesn’t give a shit I’m chained to a tree. Now I’m up, trying to write my book but nothing cos out. My mind is stuck, not running the gears of creativity at its usual pace.
I know it’s an illusion based on my current state of mind but fuck, it’s uncannily resembling my life right now and I hate that.
Ruffling my hair, I grab a pillow nearby, burying my face into it and screaming my head off. I need to start therapy.
If only telling myself was as good as booking a session.
I want to, but I don’t want to at the sa ti. In the end, I don’t do it. I’m a fucking ss, both inside and out. My makeup is still on, I haven’t wiped it off yet. Thankfully it’s not smudged. And I didn’t remove my work clothes earlier except my heels.
Giving myself a well-deserved pep talk and counsel, I stand from the bed, ready to cleanse myself. I don’t take more than two steps toward the bathroom before I hear Tim’s frantic voice coming from outside.
"Did your father suggest you change departnts again?" He asks, footsteps echoing in the passage.
Lukeisback!
Before I realize it, I’m happily jumping up and down like a preschooler and smiling like an idiot. I tippy-toe until I’m at the door, placing my ear so I can get the gist of their conversation.
"No, I was out drinking with soone," Lucas answers, voice sounding hoarse and sexy. Too sexy. It makes my legs jiggle in blind worship, my folds oozing with feminine lubricant as if to welco him ho.
"Who was it who has you in this state?" Tim presses and I nod, silently agreeing with him for wanting to know his employer’s whereabouts.
"Co closer," Lucas whispers to him.
"Why, is the person a criminal?"
"No, I don’t want Iris to know."
And just like that, my pussy dries. What does he an I shouldn’t know about it?
Slowly turning around to go back to what I was planning on doing, I feel the sharp pang of sothing that tastes a bit like betrayal and regret. Defined regret. I told him to get a woman who loves him this fucking morning, and maybe he took my advice and did just that, because why else would he be coming back ho this late?
Wait, whattiisit?
I look at the huge clock mounted right above my headboard. 10PM. He’s literally been out the whole night.
For so reason that makes the bitter taste of regret deepen. I freeze by the door, clenching my fists at myself and feeling like punching myself with each passing second.
WhatthefuckamIdoingsulkinghereinsteadoftakingaction? This is exactly why Jerald cursed
yesterday. I’m even annoyed by my shitty self.
Biting my lip until I feel the slight pang, I turn back to face the door, opening it before I think about stopping again. Tim literally flies away from Lucas, standing at attention next to him as Paul does, but his poise is a bit rigid.
As for Lucas, he imdiately smiles at , the actor in him shaping when he strides towards , arms outstretched for a hug. "Iris," he calls my na excitedly, eyes all sparkly like he isn’t hiding sothing from .
"Where have you been?"
No, thatcaoutabitrough.
The flicker of surprise in his eyes takes a millisecond but I notice it either way. "Drinking with a friend."
"Who?"
Geez, whatamIsaying?I’mgoingtomakehimfedupof.
As if my thoughts are manifesting, he squints his eyes at . Blood drains away from my face, and I still. I can’t tell what he’s thinking but my brain is already playing the fake scenarios again.
Then out of nowhere, Lucas chuckles. "You’ve been listening to Tim and I speaking haven’t you."
Fuck.
"I-I didn’t an to..." I look away, fidgeting with my hands.
Ohmygod, whatiswrongwith?
"That’s okay, it’s perfectly normal to be curious. How much did you hear?" He coos, grabbing my shoulders, an unreadable smile on his lips. I can sll the scent of sothing alcoholic on him. I’m not an expert to know what it is, but it’s alcoholic that I can tell.
"Of course, you can avoid my question if you don’t want to talk about it, I don’t mind," he adds, still smiling at .
I knew what I was saying when I said he needs to find another woman who deserves him. Ever since eting , he’s the only one who’s been giving and I’ve been taking. It might be the fucking deal that’s making him do all this, but I’m starting to get used to his understanding boyfriend energy, and I love it.
It’s all I think about these days. In my sleep, at work, and even when I’m writing my book. Lucas is always on my mind. Even my problems have been on hold in my head, Jerald included. For so reason, his words do hurt but deep down I know I can’t stay mad at him forever.
He was right about . I’m too annoying to be around. Everyone is just tolerating , I can see it in their behavior whenever I rant. My grandparents and their sotis overbearing love as they try to fill the holes my childhood left in , then there are the siblings and trying to make
a part of everything they do just so I don’t feel left out.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love it. I do. They’re being sincere, that I know, but still, I can sense the lingering feeling of pity behind each action. From all of them.
All except Lucas. Everything about him is sincere. If anything, I’m the one being fucking stupid between us. I’m the one getting ideas, the one aching for more, the one who wants whatever he’s offering to be much more than the dating deal, much more than him just being a gentleman.
"I heard you saying you had to hide whatever you were gonna tell Tim from . Is it a girl?"
"No! Like hell it is, i was drinking with Jerald trying to reason with him," he answers in a panicked voice as if I’m holding a knife to his throat.
My cheeks burn and I smile, inwardly. The heat in my body begins circulating once again. "Oh, that’s good then."
"You’re not pissed I was eting him behind your back?"
This. This is exactly why I want him all to myself.
He’s considerate, sweet, and there for
right when I need him to be. He listens to
complain, soothes
whenever, and keeps a rational mind whilst managing to take my side too.
He’s the real boyfriend material.
"I’m not. I an, I’m the one who’s pissed with him, why should you suffer because of that. He’s your friend, and I have no right breaking the bond you guys have unless it’s ruining one of you."
I swear the smile he gives
lts my already racing heart, answering for him before he thanks . It’s brighter than daylight and reaching his ears, a stark contrast to a kid’s happy giggle. Kids. I reach for my belly on impulse at the thought, sothing I haven’t done before even during my TikTok baby fever monts.
Should I be happy or scared that the first person who cos to mind when I think about the father is Lucas?
Okay, that’senoughtalkingwithhimfortoday.
"Since we’re done here, I’ll be going to my room—"
His large hand wraps over mine as he intertwines our fingers together, glancing at Tim who decodes his ssage and imdiately leaves. My palms imdiately beco sweaty, my heart racing and pumping adrenaline everywhere.
"Will you cuddle with
to sleep tonight? I don’t want to be alone," he says in a low drowsy voice making
shudder in his grasp. I know he’s lying. It’s not him who’s lonely, he wants to soothe
again.
I might be a freeloader for greedily accepting his affection, but I have to exploit him all I can whilst I can before he gets fed up if
right.
"I don’t want to be alone too," I confess gripping his hand a little too tightly.
Lucas chuckles and before I know it he’s leaning and sweeping
off my feet. "Your room or mine?"
"Yours," I reply without a mont of hesitation, wrapping my arms around his neck.
Yeah, IhavetousethischancewhileIstillcan. Idon’twanttoleaveanyregretsbehind.
"Wanna take a shower together?" I ask when he kicks his door open.
Lucas smirks. "Rember that gun? If I ever say no, you know what to do."
★★★★★
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