"What’s going on with you lately?" Dean asked as he shut the door behind him.
Yuki looked away, crossing her arms in frustration. Her voice was quiet and almost imperceptible.
"Nothing..."
Dean didn’t push the issue he walked over to his bed and laid down on it, his eyes facing the ceiling as his thoughts escaped into the wild.
"I can’t handle this.... Not now... Not with a war going on."
It was obvious after his conversation with Katherine the night before. At first, he had denied it, but thinking back on it and watching it unfold a second ti, he realized how foolish he had been.
Yuki still didn’t say a word, she simply squird in her spot. Whatever thoughts were on her mind were struggling to find their way out.
And then finally, as Dean lay there not willing to even look in her direction, she shouted.
"God dammit Dean! Are you really going to make say it?"
Dean sighed and sat up, forcing Yuki to look straight at him.
"You’re jealous? Is that it?"
Yuki could feel the blood rushing to her cheeks, her eyes twitched in disbelief, the man had actually outright said it. She couldn’t speak, because anything she could say would only make a bigger fool of herself.
Dean sighed once more, shaking his head. He didn’t know how to explain his thoughts to the young woman. How could he? She had died to save him in his mory. mories from before he regressed.
But for every second he thought... For every mont he hesitated. Yuki grew impatient, her lip quivering, her eyes looking back and forth. And eventually she ran out of patience altogether.
"Well!?! Aren’t you going to say sothing? Yes! I’m jealous! You brought another woman into our ho. You’re kind to her, just like you are with .... And she doesn’t seem to hate you either. How am I supposed to interpret this?"
Dean sat there listening to Yuki go off at him, but he wasn’t mad at her. He just didn’t understand how he had put himself into this position without ever intending to. But rationalizing it wasn’t going to do anything other than make Yuki upset.
He didn’t want that. Teasing her from ti to ti was one thing, but she was clearly angry about this, and no explanation would be good enough. Because his explanation didn’t address the root cause of her feelings.
"You’re right... I wasn’t thinking about you when I made that choice. The thought never even crossed my mind. I didn’t think how it would change our dynamic, and how that would make you feel. But Yuki, you have to know I have no feelings for her. I don’t even know her."
Yuki huffed and puffed, her bangs lifted montarily while she spoke.
"You didn’t know either when you invited in.... And you seem quite friendly with her, talking about hunting and pheasants..."
Yuki made a valid point, from her perspective they had t once or twice before he invited her inside. Briefly, in passing, they barely would have known each other’s nas.
There was no way for him to explain that. She had no inkling of the debt he felt that he owed her. Dean ran a hand through his hair and exhaled slowly.
"I am not calm right now," he said at last.
The words surprised even him.
Yuki blinked, almost as if she had not heard him correctly. But Dean didn’t raise his voice, and he didn’t glare. If anything, his tone was quieter than usual.
"I made decisions in the last two days that I’ll be living with for the rest of my life." His jaw tightened slightly. "So if I missed how this would make you feel... that’s on ."
The anger in Yuki’s expression faltered, just a little.
"That doesn’t answer my question," she muttered.
"No," he agreed. "It doesn’t."
He leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees.
"When I brought Katherine here, I was thinking about utility. A doctor is valuable. In a war, you secure assets before soone else does." His eyes lifted to et hers. "I wasn’t thinking about replacing anyone. That thought never crossed my mind."
Yuki swallowed.
"You didn’t think about it at all," she said quietly.
"You’re right."
That landed harder than any excuse would have.
Silence stretched between them.
"I shot soone yesterday," Dean continued, voice even. "Soone I once planned to marry."
Yuki’s breath caught.
"And I executed the man who used to call his brother."
He didn’t look away when he said it.
"There isn’t a part of that isn’t under strain right now. I haven’t slept, I am balancing war, security, supply lines, loyalty, betrayal... and I ca ho expecting this place to be stable." His eyes softened, just slightly. "That’s my mistake."
Yuki’s anger had drained, replaced with sothing more fragile.
"I’m not trying to make things harder for you," she said.
"I know." Dean said, his eyes still cast at the floor.
"Then why does it feel like I’m being pushed aside?"
Yuki’s question was the real one.
Dean stood and crossed the room slowly. He stopped just in front of her.
"Do you think I invited you to co live with when the winter first began because I thought you were a pretty face? I cannot even begin to explain what you an to , Yuki. Every ti I step out that door, I have to face the world outside. It is cold, cruel, and unforgiving. But I have to face it, nonetheless. The only thing that makes it worth it, is I know that when I step through those doors, I get to see you waiting there for , regardless of what ugly thing I’ve done that day. Katherine can’t do that... she doesn’t even know ."
Yuki’s words caught in her mouth montarily.
"But I didn’t know-"
Dean cut her off as he reached for her hand and wrapped it in his own. She looked up and directly into his eyes for the first ti since this conversation began.
"You do know ... You may not have then... But you do now... Or do you think this last month hasn’t been enough exposure for you to figure out who I am yet?"
Yuki laughed softly, while a bitter smile ford on her lips.
"Yeah... And if a month from now Katherine knows you too? If she welcos you ho with dinner and a beer in hand what then?"
The re idea caused Dean to break out in laughter. Sothing that had completely caught Yuki off guard.
"Oh God, can you imagine? If she did that, then she still wouldn’t be you."
Once more the warmth returned to Yuki’s cheeks, her eyes swayed side to side. She could tell Dean ant it. It was stupid, it wasn’t logical in the slightest. How could she be enough? He still hadn’t said anything she had done that Katherine couldn’t do.
But, for so reason, it was enough... She no longer resisted the heat of his hand as it intertwined with her own.
"Dean... I think I-"
Yuki was halted in the middle of her statent by a single finger pressed to her lips. She looked up at Dean clearly caught off guard. But instantly settled when he spoke to her.
"Yuki... I can’t... Not right now... After everything that has happened... After everything that I still need to do.... Now is not the ti. But when this is all over, and we are safe again, we will deal with it properly."
Dean didn’t say another word, he left the room behind causing Yuki to fall back and rest on his bed.
It was only after the door shut behind Dean that she instantly replay everything that had happened in her head and squeal in embarrassnt.
"Oh my god Yuki you’re so stupid!"
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