Chapter 266: Truly let go to move on
Gyles.
I walk by his side because he said there was a reason why I brought him and I don’t know the reason yet. I don’t know what I need to do to wake up. The longer I stay here, the more worried and agitated I get. Here I am in another sleep state in my life, unable to go back to the people I want. Unable to be with the people I love.
"You can’t keep staring at , tell
why I am here—fuck, tell
why you are here.’’
There is still a smile on his face. He looks very happy and this confuses . What would make him happy right now? He has to know that I don’t plan on staying here with him. I have to go back to my people. The ones that matter to
right now.
"I don’t know why you are here. You are the only one that has the answer to that question,’’ his smile widens. He is amused by this situation. "Is there anything you have to say to ?’’
"I hate you Roger,’’ I confess.
I don’t really hate him but I am so angry. Angry with him for all the things he did. He literally ruined my life. If he has been patient. If he had lived the life I told him to live, I would have looked for him. We would have had our happy ending. I know that things happen for a reason but the anger is still boiling inside . I hate that he ruined our happiness with his very cold heart.
"I know,’’ the smile wipes out of his face and a solemn expression replaces it.
I sigh because this is very hard, if telling him how I feel is the only reason why I brought him here, then what is the point. I don’t feel any better. I don’t even care about this anymore. I am still angry, I will still hate him when I wake up.
"I am sorry,’’ he breathes out. What else could he even say? Does he even know what he did? Does he know why I hate him?
"Do you even know what you are apologizing for?" I raise a brow. We are walking in a straight line. There is really nowhere to go. This is just empty space but it feels all too familiar. I wish I could just go back to Blue’s room.
I don’t want to have regrets but I shouldn’t have gone to look for him. I have to learn to listen to others and not just do what I want. I have caused problems that I hope will be reversible.
"For hurting you, doing things to all those people. I think about it every day. I am reminded of all the pain I caused. You have to believe
when I say this. I regret it all. I wish I could have done things differently.’’
I believe him because I have always been able to read Roger’s eyes. I can tell a lot from his eyes. Right now there is a sadness in the depth of his eyes. The kind that will never go away. I can’t tell him that I forgive him because that won’t be sincere.
I don’t forgive him.
I hate that I will always be left with the mories of what he did to . The kind of life he left
to live. For decades, I was alone. He basically left
to die and I know it was all unknown to him.
"You killed my father,’’ I blurted out. "How could you do that to .’’
His eyes open and I watch him as he spaces out at that mont. He stiffens on his feet and I move closer to him, gazing into his eyes. I see the mories in the darkness of his pupils. The life he took away from . I see myself in his eyes, I see my father and his pleas for rcy. It almost seems like he is seeing it all for the first ti like he is realizing what he did.
I know it is too late. I know there is no going back to the past and the only way to be okay is to move from all the pain. Let the past go but I want him to suffer the way I suffered. When I ca back to myself, I thought his death was an injustice.
I heard that he was a bad person. That he had done bad things but I didn’t care. I didn’t want him to die. I didn’t want to lose him. I wanted the life I had dread of with him and the wolves were taking it all from .
Now I don’t even want to think about him, I don’t even want to rember all the love we shared. The good tis can’t make up for all the bad things he did.
He ruined my life.
I watch him as he cos to again, I watch him as he falls to my knees. The regret in his eyes, the pain from the realization that his revenge was pointless. I see it all in the eyes of the boy I once loved, not the man I have co to hate.
Maybe this is exactly what I wanted.
To see him suffer as much as I am suffering.
Tears fall out of his eyes as he squeezes his hands into fists. He is trembling and I don’t even feel any remorse. I want him to suffer. This is not even enough.
"I am so sorry Gyles. I am so sorry.’’ he cries still on the floor.
I shake my head because apologies won’t help . Apologies wouldn’t bring all those people back to . They won’t make things better.
Apologies are just a way to make the guilty feel better about themselves. He wants
to forgive him, he wants to let go of the pain and move on but I will not give him the satisfaction. I will not let him think his actions are forgiven.
"I hate you, Roger. I will never forgive you,’’
He looks up at . "I know, maybe this is not about forgiveness, maybe this is about letting go of it all and moving on.’’ His eyes are red and blotchy. I like that I made him cry. I like that he is suffering from .
"Moving on ans forgetting and I don’t want to forget,’’ I seethe out those words with so much sincerity. I want to always rember that he hurt . I want to always know.
"Sotis in life, you need to let go of a lot to be happy,’’ I hear the voice before I see the person and we both turn around. I see the woman as she appears out of thin air. She is dressed in a long overflowing white dress. Her hair is jet black and long. Her eyes are the brightest blue I have ever co across. There is just sothing about her that proclaims a majestic shine.
"Let go of it all Gyles. That is the only way you will be truly happy,’’ she smiles as she stops in front of . Roger stands up from the floor and stands beside .
"Who are you?’’ I ask curiously.
Her smile widens "I am Selene and I am here to help you."
I don’t know what she ans by that but I want to feel better. I want to stop feeling the ache in my chest. I want the help if she can give .
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