Chapter 251: A life without you.
Beau.
I walk into the room and he is asleep on our bed. I can’t help but smile, seeing how angelic he looks right now. All the anger that I thought I had, wipes off because I can’t stay angry with him when he looks so beautiful right now. I reach for him and he is cold. It almost looks like he is not even breathing. Now the calm expression on my face vanishes and is replaced with fear.
Lanis is always pale but right now he looks dead. I shake him off a little and he doesn’t budge. I start to think the worse because of the last conversation we had—he said he wanted to get rid of our babies and now this. I don’t like that my mind goes in that direction.
"Lanis," I call his na out loud panicking.
He doesn’t move, doesn’t flinch. I grab him in my trembling arms, trying to stop my emotions. This is not the ti for fear. I need to make sure he is okay. "I need you to co back Lanis. Wake up,’’ I scream, slapping him gently.
His eyes open suddenly and they are white, the pupils are not showing. He jumps off my arms and to the corner of the bed. It takes a couple of seconds for him to co back around. For his eyes to clear up "Hey, it’s ,’’ I assure him. He is in the corner of the room. His eyes look around and he looks very confused. I stretch my hands out, an attempt to reach out to him.
He takes a deep breath and I watch him get his colour back. His eyes close for a second "What happened?’’ I ask him.
He shakes his head "You’re here,’’ slowly he crawls to my side of the bed and rests his head on my shoulder. I hold him tighter than I even thought I would. He squeezes my right arm tightly. "You’re here,’’ he mutters again almost like he didn’t believe I would show up. I told him I was going to but he must think that his actions are unforgivable.
"I will always show up," I assure him because no matter what happens, he will always be mine and I will always be his. This thing between us is stronger than our disagreents and our opinions. No matter what we don’t agree on, I will always protect him. I will always hold unto him at his ti of weakness.
He pulls back from
slightly. I see him clearly now. There are tears in his eyes. "I don’t want to lose this Beau. I don’t want to lose you,’’ he cries.
I watch him "You won’t lose . Not now, not ever.’’ That is my promise to him and he might not believe
at this mont because of all that has happened but I am tied to him. I will always be by his side and with ti, he will see that.
"Let’s do this.
and you. Let’s have these babies.’’
I open my eyes wide from the shock because when I ca ho, I didn’t expect him to say that. I wasn’t even thinking along those lines. I had already accepted my fate and now this. Is this really what he wants? I don’t want him to resent
if it isn’t.
"We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. This is not about what I want anymore. This is about you. If you are not okay with this, we won’t do this."
It’s weird that I am agreeing to him getting rid of my babies. For a while now, I have been so focused on them and completing my family that I haven’t even focused on him and the things that he has been going through.
"I want to. I changed my mind.’’ he shakes his head, his eyes are sad. Sothing happened to him and I don’t know what it is and it is making
worried.
"Hey,’’ I grab his chin to make him look at . He takes a deep breath as his eyes stay on mine. "We will figure this out. Whatever it is, I got your back,’’ I assure him.
He leans closer to , clutching unto
tightly "I saw my life without you. I don’t want a life without you. I want our family.’’
My heart warms up from his words because even though he is spiralling right now. This is sothing I wanted to hear. I wanted to be on the sa page with him. I didn’t want this if he didn’t and now it seems like he wants this.
"Okay, I am not going anywhere,’’ I try to give him so assurance.
"I know. We need those babies. I can’t lose this life. I need this family."
His words are sincere. There is fear in his tone. The kind that makes
think he saw sothing while he was asleep. Dreams always have a way of creeping in and reminding us of the important things in life. As long as he is not doing this for , I will be okay.
His stomach grumbles suddenly and he pulls away from . I feel him and he is hungry. "Have you eaten today?’’ I ask him imdiately, pulling away from him gently. His cheeks redden as he shakes his head. We haven’t gone to Alby because I didn’t know where we stood on the whole pregnancy but now it seems like we are on the sa page. If he wants this, I plan on taking care of him, making sure this is as smooth as possible.
He shakes his head slowly, there is hesitation in his eyes "I want to take care of you. Will you let ?’’ I ask him hopefully.
He nods "I am sorry for being a jerk." His face is close to mine. Calling , begging for forgiveness and he hasn’t even done anything. I lean forward until my lips are on his. Our lips rge together and for the first ti all week, I feel him completely. He is letting
in. I kiss him for a couple of minutes until the sounds of his tummy get louder.
"I’ll be back,’’ I tell him as I get up from the bed and to the direction of the door.
"Beau,’’ he calls . I stop in front of the door with my hand on the handle "I love you,’’ he adds. There is a smile on his face, one that I return.
I know we will be okay.
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