Chapter 243: All is right with the world
Jabi.
I hate hurting him and that is the only reason why I kept the truth from him. I can’t even call this a lie, I just refrained from the truth but now that he is asking . how do I lie to him? I have already said the worst thing I could say.
He planned a surprise for .
I have been acting as if I love it. okay, at first when he brought
here. I was excited. We flew in a private jet to the island. It was straight out of a romantic movie. Everything I could possibly want and more. He was the perfect gentleman for the twenty-hour flight. I had never been on a plane and he held
all through. he didn’t mock
or laugh at . he was the shelter that I needed at that mont and when we landed, he guided
all through. I didn’t even need to lift a finger.
At that mont, I felt like the luckiest guy in the world. he made the journey seamless and when I saw the island. I was excited. I thought it would be everything. I have dreamt so many tis of waking up to the sounds of waves. He made my dream co true and I was grateful until the first night of insomnia. I couldn’t sleep,., I was scared and I had a silent panic attack. He was next to
in bed and I saw the joy on his face. I couldn’t tell him the truth because I didn’t have it in
to hurt him.
Darrien is everything to . his joy is my joy and his pain is my pain and right now, there is pain and regret in his eyes. I ssed things up because I am selfish. I didn’t think about him and now he knows how much I hate this place. I didn’t want to tell him because even though I was scared, as long as he was next to , I didn’t feel as scared. He made everything better—so he didn’t need to know but now he knows.
"You hate this place?’’
I shake my head "I don’t hate it. I love it, Dar,’’ I try to deny it but I know it is already too late/ if there is anybody that knows , it is the man in front of . he knows when I lie and when I don’t.
"Is that why you haven’t been able to sleep?’’ he asks .
I open my eyes wide in shock. I didn’t even know that he noticed that. I thought I was hiding it well. I guess I am really an open book to him.
Finally, I nod my head because there is no point hiding this. he already knows and if I don’t tell him the truth now, it will be lying and I don’t want to lie to him.
"Shit," he lets go of
and I watch him as he starts to pace around the room. I know Darrien and he will beat himself up for this. he will bla himself, hate himself because he will think that he couldn’t please . I have noticed how he dotes on . he wants everything to be perfect for
and I am grateful but I also need him to understand that I am happy as long as he is there.
"Hey,’’ I reach for him to stop him from pacing. He looks at
and I hate the expression on his face. I never want to make him sad and that is what I am doing right now. I am ruining the happiness around us by being a whiny bitch. "I don’t hate it, I am just scared,’’ I confess because if he sees that I actually tried, he will know that he didn’t ruin this vacation.
"What do you an?" he furrows his brows in confusion.
"The water, being above it and seeing all the creatures in it. it has been terrifying,’’ I tell him the truth. I am a coward as usual, no matter how strong I think I am. I will still be scared of the fish in the water, the turbulence on the plane. Everything I do, there is always a sense of fear, trying to crawl out of .
"Why didn’t you tell
this Jabi, I told you to always tell
how you feel. Fuck.’’ He is already scolding himself—and .
"I am sorry. Please don’t bla yourself for this.’’
He looks at
for a couple of seconds and before I know what is happening. He walks over to our bags and starts to put our clothes in one of the bags "what are you doing Dar,’’ I ask him because it seems like he is packing our stuff.
He stops for a second and faces
"I am getting us out of here,’’ he tells
before continuing. I sigh because he is being dramatic again. I have survived in this place for four days. It is late at night. Not the best ti for this but I don’t think he will even listen to .
"Baby,’’ I call him because I want him to stop. I don’t want him to think that his plan was not good enough. I don’t want him to bla himself because this was perfect. I walk up to him and grab the bag from him because I want him to calm down.
"This is all my fault; I didn’t think to ask. I should have made sure this is what you wanted."
Yup, I knew he would bla himself. That is all he ever does when things don’t go right. He blas himself even though it is not his fault. "Hey, hey, hey,’’ I try to calm him down. Get him to see that this is not his fault and it is not that big a deal. the only thing we need to know from this is that I don’t want to live here.
"Why didn’t you just tell ?’’ his voice is low. I hate seeing this side of him. It is late at night and I have caused problems between us. I am making him doubt and I don’t like when he has doubts.
"I made a mistake, I should have been honest but I didn’t want to ruin this. I am having a good ti. You are here with
and that is really all that matters to . you are all that matters to .’’
He sighs "Do you just want to go back ho?’’ he asks. All he is thinking about is . as usual. I guess it is my turn to return the favor.
"I like it here. I like everything about this but maybe we can find another hotel tomorrow, one that isn’t so water-oriented?"’ I manage a smile.
He still looks pained. I hate that I made him this way but I will make this better "You know, this trip was to get to know each other better and you helped
get to know myself. I thought I loved the water and the ocean but now I know that I am not really a fan. I know that I just love being with you,’’ I stand on my toes and press my lips to his. I feel him relax against
as he lts into my mouth.
We will always have new things that we find out about each other. The more ti we spend together, the more things we get to know.
I want to spend the rest of my life with him.
He pulls away from
slowly and I rest my head on his forehead "Even swimming?’’ he asks as a faint smile sprawls to his face.
From his question, I know he is over the bla ga "Especially swimming,’’ I smile and all is right with the world again.
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