Chapter 610: Jocelynn’s Confession (Part Two)
"I love Owain," Jocelynn said after taking a deep breath. It was a statent that she could only make to a few people, but now that she said it out loud, she realized that it was still true. Owain frightened her, maybe more than she realized, but when she thought about him, she couldn’t imagine anyone she had ever known who was as handso, courageous, or strong and capable as Lord Owain Lothian.
Next to him, every other young lord or knight she’d t felt sohow lacking. From the first ti she’d seen him, she knew that he was the greatest man she would likely ever et, and even before her coming of age celebration last year, she’d felt like no other man would make her heart flutter the way he did.
"I match up with him much better than Ash did," Jocelynn said slowly. "I, I wanted to be married to him, and she was only marrying him because mother and father needed her to. Because they don’t have a son to inherit, and Owain said that their second son could return to Blackwell to beco the next Count."
In her mind, it would have been the perfect thing for her to take Ashlynn’s place. She’d even begged her father to change the engagent early on, but Rhys Blackwell insisted that it would be impossible for the heir to the Lothian Throne to accept the youngest daughter of a Count rather than the eldest. It might have been different if her father had been one of the five Dukes of the Kingdom of Gaal but for a Count, it was already the opportunity of a lifeti to see their daughter marrying up to a future Marquis.
"So you wanted to take your sister’s place," Isabell said, struggling to keep her voice free of reproach or recrimination as she listened to the young lady. "That’s why you told Owain that she was a witch? What did you think would happen?"
"I didn’t think it would be like, like this," Jocelynn said. "I thought that it would be like it was at ho. Ash’s mark is why she was never allowed out of the house other than on special occasions. She didn’t even have maidservants, so no one would see her while she was dressing or bathing. She just kept to herself..."
"Because she was afraid of what would happen if soone ever saw her mark," Isabell pointed out, no longer able to hold her tongue. For years, she’d wondered why Ashlynn had seed like a prisoner in her own ho and why she’d go through so much effort to sneak out, or why she was so eager to talk with visitors like the Master Engineer in charge of remodeling part of the manor. Now, Isabell finally understood the constant danger that Lady Ashlynn had lived in and the terrible risk she’d taken to marry Owain Lothian for her family’s sake.
"Your family went to such lengths to help conceal her mark and I’m certain that your mother would have helped your sister prepare to conceal it even while consummating her marriage with Lord Owain," Isabell said in a tone that was as firm as steel even while it was wrapped in a mother’s gentle care.
"But you decided that none of that mattered," she pointed out, leaving Jocelynn no room to retreat from the truth. "You decided that it would be better if Lord Owain knew the truth, not because it would be better for Lady Ashlynn if you were the one to marry Lord Owain, but because it would be better for you. Anything else you say is just a convenient fantasy you’ve painted for yourself to justify giving in to your jealousy and infatuation with Lord Owain."
"You’re a smart young woman, Lady Jocelynn. If you had looked at things with a critical eye instead of eyes clouded by self-interest, you would have known how things would end when you gave up your sister’s secret," the engineer said.
Isabell’s words fell on Jocelynn’s mind like spears hurled by a ballista, precisely targeted and crushingly powerful. She tore away at the polite lies, the half truths and the hopeful wishes masquerading as carefully considered predictions, leaving Jocelynn with nothing but the cold reality of her actions and the motives that had driven them.
Her father hadn’t been this blunt with her, perhaps because he hoped his younger daughter could salvage their alliance from the disaster of Ashlynn’s death or perhaps because he had always doted on his younger daughter, as if he was making up for all the things he couldn’t do with Ashlynn because of her secret.
Her mother hadn’t been this direct either. Instead, the Blackwell Countess had retreated from life with her husband and returned to her visit with her parents and siblings, as if she could no longer bear to live in the place that was haunted by reminders of the daughter that had been snathed away from her by her husband’s alliance-making and, if Jocelynn was honest with herself, by her youngest daughter’s jealousy.
"No wonder mother couldn’t bear to stay ho," Jocelynn said softly. "I condemned my own sister to die," she said bitterly. "And now that I have her place and I’m about to marry the man I sacrificed her for... I’m scared he’ll do the sa to ."
Just the other night, when she’d ntioned that Owain’s father, Bors, seed to be calling in the eastern barons and arranging for Loman to receive them, Owain had flown into a rage. He shouted that his father wasn’t honoring their agreent and that he’d soon learn what would happen to n who tried to take away things that belonged to him by right. He’d included her in the things that ’belonged to him’ saying that he would sooner see her dead than ’languishing in Loman’s arms.’
Increasingly, it felt like Bors Lothian’s patience with Owain was growing thin, and more and more of his attention was turning to his pious younger son. It should have been a test that drew Jocelynn and Owain closer together as they t their struggle against a fate that wanted to tear them apart. But when she tried to bring new plans or ideas to Owain, he only told her ’not to worry her pretty little head’ because ’he had made arrangents’ that would put an end to discussions of Loman inheriting ’once and for all.’
"Maybe, maybe that’s what I deserve," she said as her shoulders slumped in defeat. "After what I did to take her place... I deserve to follow after her. Maybe," she said as her seafoam eyes grew dull. Perhaps there really was no hope for happiness in all of this, and her best chance of a happily ever after had died along with her sister. Maybe none of them were ant to find the kind of happiness and lasting love that Isabell had found when she t her husband in the court of the Erald King.
"Maybe it would be best to just end it now. Thank you, Master Isabell," Jocelynn said, drawing herself upright and gently clasping the engineer’s left hand firmly for a mont before letting go as she regathered a portion of her noble bearing. She’d thrown away so much of her dignity recently to retain Owain’s favor, but in the end, perhaps she could recover a asure of it with one final act. "I know what I need to do now."
-SMACK-
The sound of the back of Isabell’s hand striking Jocelynn’s face echoed through the small dining room like a clap of thunder, montarily startling both won before Isabell narrowed her eyes at the young lady and spoke her mind.
"That’s enough of that," Isabell said sharply. "I think you’ve more than proven that you’re not ready yet to ’know what you need to do.’ If I had the power to do it, I would pack you up right now and take you back to Blackwell City so your father could set you straight, but since I can’t do that," Isabell said, taking a deep breath.
"You’re going to tell
everything that’s been going on between you and Lord Owain these past few months," Isabell commanded sternly. "All of the plots and the secrets you’ve kept buried in your heart, you’re going to lay it all out for . And then," she said, holding up a finger before a stunned Jocelynn’s eyes. "Then we will discuss what you will do next."
"Have I made myself clear?" Isabell asked, giving the young noblewoman a piercing stare that would accept only one answer.
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