My na is Peter Parker — just an average nerd with an average life, with average bullies waiting to stuff in average lockers. Then I was bitten by a radioactive spider, blah blah blah, you know the drill.
Except, you don't.
I'm not your average Peter Parker. This story is… a tad unique.
Who am I kidding? I shattered the so-called "canon events" so hard Miguel O'Hara personally ca after and I sliced him into bloody ribbons.
My universe? Oh yeah, it's fine. Well, as fine as a universe can be when every corner is infested with superheroes and psychos in Halloween costus.
So how did a single Peter Parker turn the Spider-Verse upside down?
(Cue dramatic Star Wars music)
Let's rewind.
In a universe far, far away from the Marvel Multiverse lived… . Well, technically . My na back then was Reinhard Millerstone — orphan, loner, PB&J and cup ran addict and the guy who spent his youth buried in textbooks instead of partying.
I clawed my way into MIT, earned a doctorate in theoretical nuclear physics and did the one thing the world thought impossible: I built the first stable, sustainable pinch fusion reactor contained using gravitational containnt fields.
Yeah. Those pinch fusion reactors — the kind from Halo that Covenant uses to simulate the core of a star.
Did I have a team of brilliant scientists helping ?
Ha. No.
I hacked ChatGPT's source code from OpenAI, built my own superintelligent AI assistant, and funded the entire project by siphoning money from the LGBTQ Studies departnt. Oh, and I redirected their council-funded coffee supply to my lab.
There are two genders, you rainbow twats — get over it.
On the eve of 2026, I was supposed to unveil my beautiful machine to the world. But my colleagues betrayed — shocker — and tried to have quietly erased.
Unfortunately for them, I was ready.
They shot in the chest but the failsafe I had built into the reactor triggered the mont my heart stopped beating. 4.28 × 10²⁷ gigatons of fusion energy went off in an instant — enough to turn Earth into cosmic confetti.
Yes. I vaporized an entire fucking planet.
And then I drifted in the void.
"Seriously? Limbo?" I groaned into the nothingness. "I was expecting at least a new circle of Hell made just for ."
"Yeah, no." Said a voice from everywhere and nowhere at once. "You're not that special. Inquisitors perform exterminatus on a regular basis."
"Oh-hoh, God? Am I going sowhere? Reincarnation? Oblivion?" I asked, suddenly giddy.
The voice chuckled, warm but strangely amused.
"You, Reinhard Millerstone, have a heart of spite. Not stone — spite. I like that. So here's the deal: I'm going to give you everything you never had, a template system with one single template and a technology system but it will spit out tech randomly. Try not to waste it."
And then the light swallowed whole.
The Voice's POV:
"Hope you get what you're looking for." The Voice murmured.
A soft chi rang, and a notification blinked into existence.
> TEMPLATE 100% COMPLETE. NEW OMNIVERSAL RECORD.
The Voice spat out stardust.
"Fucker wasn't even born yet…" It muttered.
Then, shrugging, it went back to watching ani.
Read ahead on P.A.T.R.E.O.N
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