The Snake Report Chapter 96

Chapter 96

Snake Report:

I'm in deep.

Hooooooo-boy.

Deep Cover here.

When it was just the Goblins, I was okay with it. I an, I sort of convinced them I was a deity fair and square. It was a mutually beneficial relationship based upon the Right of Might, a tried and proven thodology. They were basically worshiping , sure- that was pretty nice, but it was more in a "He's the toughest Snake around" sort of way.

No deception involved, my conscience was clear.

With the Elves though... with these guys, it's a totally different story.

My conscience is not clear.

Rember what I said about how the Goblin Shamans were a bit creepy? I an, much as I like to think I ca up to the surface here on my own volition, but the reality is I just didn't want my insides turned outside, so I took their quest and left.

Then BAM: Lo and behold, I was eaten by a giant Owl.

Coincidence?

I think not.

In all seriousness though, I really don't think the Elders wanted hanging around for the long term. I was ssing with the typical order of things, and those guys... they were starting to give off a certain sort of "murder-ee" vibe.

Capacity for magic, or not, I'm physicaly not exactly a fearso example of monster-kind.

I'm smaller than your average tabby-cat, and I've probably got a rounded down "0" for attack and defense stats. All it would take... I'd guess one well-placed attack and I might be dead.

And that's from an ordinary Goblin.

If the Elders happened to take seriously, there was a probably good chance that they could have killed . Conservative as they were with their weird magic, the Gob's had pretty-well convinced of that.

They were just waiting for so decent odds to take a gamble. Subtle as it was, they had the vibe.

"Dangerous."

Hisss...

The feeling of a predator, watching sothing it wanted to eat...

By now, I think I've gotten fairly good at picking up on that sort of feeling. Each level I've gained has added to it in so way, and though it's not quite to the level of a [Skill] as [Voice of Gaia] would indicate, I'm willing to lump it beneath the natural radius of my unrecognized talent of [Paranoia]

I think it's safe to say, in sharp contrast to pugly Goblins: every single Elf in the Forest Village has that sa vibe of "Dangerous."

Every.

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Single.

One.

I should have guessed it might turn out this way. A big hint was probably in the all-of-half-a-millisecond reaction ti I'd had before Miss Elf-warrior put hands around my neck.

With a grip tight enough so that I might as well have t up with death herself and flirted over coffee.

Yeah.

They're fast, they're strong, they're undeniably lethal: and unlike dinosaurs- none of them seem the type who go about swallowing monsters whole. From what I can gather, they're much more inclined to chop/stab/brutally bludgeon them to death.

No bueno.

Those fairy-tales and fantasy books about Elves had it all backwards. The ancient wisdom and peaceful mannerisms? That "being one with nature" cliche? Those are either totally off the mark, or just grossly misinterpreted. For folks live in a terrifically dangerous and violent place filled with horrible violent and dangerous monsters: of course they're "one" with nature! Elves fit right in as terrifying monsters of their very own!

So of course, I've ramped it up a bit myself.

"BOW TO YOUR GOD! BOW AND GAZE UPON HIS SCALES!"

[Spirit attendant] has been cranked to 11 at this point.

"BEHOLD! THE MASTER OF THIS FOREST GRACES YOU WITH THEIR PRESENCE!"

I can tell it what to say, but it basically has things down pat. Mystic mumbo jumbo, talk about how great and powerful I am, how everyone should grovel at my feet- tail? Well, the important thing is that just that they know that they should be grovelling: and that they're doing it. Hundreds of elves are bowing, kneeling, prostrating- they're really laying down so serious respect.

"BEHOLD YOUR GOD'S WONDER! STARE IN AWE AT HIS MAGNIFICENCE!"

Yup.

My master plan [Just fool them until I can run away] seems to be working pretty well.

The whole village is definitely buying it.

They're carrying around this village like so old-age emperor, four elves walking around a platform they whipped up for , flowers and offerings strewn about it. Elves are looking out of carved tree-trunk houses, waving and shouting.

Beautiful won are throwing petals from windows. So are dancing around and placing baskets of fruit onto my odd little procession's platform. The warriors are chanting and jumping about, spinning spears and shouting out the glories of my presence.

It's all very exciting.

The Goblins might have worshiped , but it wasn't anything like this. Goblins were much more of a struggling sort- and they're not exactly super-model types. Elves though: these guys are thriving. They've got the food, the looks, the strength, the devotion! Heck with proving my innocent to humans! What was I thinking? This is fantastic!

"OH great Forest God! The Chief and Elders of our humble tribe wish to speak to you!" Miss Warrior Elf is calling out to , bowing as my Elf-carried altar is lowered: all those carrying it taking knee. "Will you honor them with your presence?"

Hmm... a eting with the Elders...

You know, the last ti this happened, it turned out they were really sort of terrifying and probably wanted de-

"THE FOREST GOD SHALL ATTEND THIS ETING!"

Wait-what? I will?

"THE FOREST GOD IS PLEASED BY YOUR OFFERINGS!"

I am... oh damn it all.

The [Spirit Attendant] really does just roll with things, doesn't it? That glowing floaty bastard.

Ti to pull that back from 11 to a setting that's a bit more manageable. Gotta' rein it in a bit here, avoid repeating any mistakes.

Would have helped if it ca with an instruction manual or sothing.

"Your God demands that he be taken to a suitable place of rest, and the Elders brought to him."

That's a bit better, you weird ethereal orb.

Let them co to . I'm in charge, that's how it works.

The ntal gears are turning here. If they're anything like the Goblin Elders were, I should be on my guard. Safety first.

"It shall be done, oh Great Forest God!" Miss Elf seems pleased with this.

Alright, perfect.

This is fine.

Everything is going exactly as it should be.

Yup.

Nothing could possibly go wrong.

Absolutely nothing.