The Snake Report Chapter 2

Novel: The Snake Report Author: wercwercwerc Updated: May 21, 2026

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Chapter 2

Lets talk about out-of-body experiences for a minute.

Pretty confident that everyone gets them now and again. I myself have definitely had at least a couple of them, generally under the pressures of stress and lack of sleep. I think the last one was back at university... or maybe when I pulled that double shift?

Exhaustion can do funny things to the mind, it's true, but I'm not really sure that's the sa as what's happening now.

Unfortunately, I'm starting to think this is sothing else.

See there?

Yeah, right below, ten feet down.

There's sothing on the ground. Laid out like a sack of smashed tomatoes on the concrete.

That's , I think.

Ah... yeah, that's definitely .

I think I'd probably recognize that shoddy-looking fra anywhere. No quantity of angle or photo-shop in the world could spin a better picture of it, so I'm more than just sure: That's sleeping on the blacktop, dying.

Even from all the way up here, it's not pretty.

Ug...

It's really not.

So much left to live for, and yet... there I go.

It's a bumr.

I really wish I could tell you there's a really good reason for it. That this ant sothing, or that I'll be rembered... but I'd be lying. There's no good reason I can think of.

For dying, I an.

Not even one.

I guess I could live with that... die with that? Well, I think I'd accept the whole thing a bit easier- that'll do.

I'd accept this if it were an accident.

Really, I think I would.

It's a nice evening, after all. The atmosphere is... actually it's really quite pleasant. This is the kind of weather that only cos a few tis a year: the really nice night of "not-to-warm" and "not-to-cold."

Comfortable, and not buggy.

No storms, no sirens.

Decent cloud coverage.

This isn't the type of night you leave your house thinking "I might die" but it might be one of those "I could die happy right now" sort of nights.

Still, I'm not happy. I'm not happy at all.

This wasn't an accident. That's not it.

Ah, so a heart attack? A freak brain aneurysm?

No, I an- obviously: on account of all the blood. Not either of those.

Besides, goofy looking or not: I'm too young.

I'd probably need another decade before those threats should have the opportunity to set in. So... what happened?

Ah, glad I asked.

That's really the question, now isn't it? Part of the reason I'm not nearly so accepting as you might expect to be.

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See, a guy like doesn't have any heroic-acts to play through. Dying here isn't the result of so sort of noble deed, saving so child from an inbound vehicle.

I didn't save anyone.

And it's not even like I've even lived a humble life, dedicating my service to others: I absolutely did no such thing.

And, before you even ask: I can guarantee that this is NOT the end of so tragic love story. No such luck.

So... ruling out natural causes or accidents, really we're only left behind one obvious source.

I've clearly been murdered.

Well... almost murdered. I guess it's a give-or-take 10 minutes sort of deal, but I'm really on my way towards getting there. Dead-center in the heartland of suburbia, laid out in an unseemly sort of face-plant sprawl: Victim of a homicide.

What a freaking joke.

Why ?

Seriously, why? I was just out for a walk with the dog. Just a walk, not even that far of a walk. Ordinary, mundane, simplistic and routine. No one warned escorting a chiuahua could be such a dangerous profession for a guy in the outer 'burbs, and I'm not one for sporting anything fancier than a doggy-bag.

But... I guess that's just it. What can you do sotis, y'know?

What can I do, about any of this?

Hmm...

Not much I guess.

Ug...

I'd really like to take the mont of lucidity here and claim I fought back using my mastery of kung-fu. That I ducked and weaved past the first of the bullets to bravely apprehend the wrong-doer with a perfect chop to the neck... but I'd just be lying again.

I think it went more like three bangs to the chest and... "thump?"

More of a "splat."

Just dropped on the blacktop with a surprised look, like a pile of wet rags. No strength left in . Nothing but surpise and pain.

Ah... shit...

Hoo... I'm coming back down. Back towards the ground, towards the pavent...

Hoo... Hooo...

The out of body experience is slipping, it seems. I can taste the blood again...oh, god that's awful.

Ah... that's really unfortunate.

Shit.

Painful... ah, this is really painful. No escaping from it now: fire and burning in my ribs- and for what? What kind of death is this anyways? Didn't even see any of it clearly, and all I can see now is... pavent.

Speculation makes think... it was a gun... of so kind... probably.

It was loud... and I think... Ah. Even that... stupid dog... ran away.

I'm... slowing down...

Everything's slowing... down...

down...

How long... have I been laying here?

Seconds... minutes... hours? I can't tell, but I think... soone's here... To help?

No... probably not... even... that long...

Ah... soone's going through my pockets.

Of course...

Those seven dollars and a coupon for almond milk.

Does this an I'm worth seven dollars... Or is it better not to ask this sort of question...