Apparently, over the 10 months of not sleeping, unbeknownst to I had accumulated quite the amount of ntal stress that made my decisions cloudy and my practice less effective.
After awakening from my slumber, I felt so full of vigor that I could jump out of my caged bed and run outside if I wanted to.
In front of , however, was a man with brown eyes and a semi bald head. He had a long white coat that reached his ankles while his mustache and monocle did not help make him look any younger than he was.
The old man was inspecting with a nonchalant attitude that made feel more like a lab rat than a human.
The old man looked towards my parents and said a few words before leaving. What I could get out of the few words were "good and healthy" and the word "liquids" before leaving.
It was the break of dawn yet everyone except the brothers was wide awake. All of them looked worried and all I could do was feel guilty for waking them up.
Over the next few weeks before sumr/autumn break my mother started to wean . If eating normal food wasn't bad enough, for so reason they thought allowing to play with the boys was a good idea.
Even though I'm pretty sure they did it to familiarize myself with the n's side of the family more, I hated the idea. I would fake sleeping so I don't have to hang out with them while only remaining awake when my sister was around.
My grandmother had returned from her journey faster than expected which destroyed all my plans to fake sleep my way out of spending ti with everyone.
When sumr/autumn break started, my Birthday was closer than ever. But I realized sothing at the sa ti. Either everyone's birthday was on the sa date or this planet's people didn't celebrate birthdays, or at least we didn't.
In the last 11 months of my life, I had not seen them celebrate a single birthday, not Aroura's nor my parents, or even my brothers. They did have s family gathering even when I first walked through making the most celebratory thing we did be about using my legs appropriately.
My magic hadn't improved since the whole pain thing so I didn't do anything since then.
What I realized right after being dipped in hot lava though was that instead of exhaling all the elental particles, only around 90% of the elental particles ca out aning I probably absorbed the rest.
While watching my parents and sister use magic, I had realized sothing which give many more questions than before. Why the hell do they chant? I didn't get to read any books due to the fact I'm a child so my research had to postpone till I reach the age where a Child's ntal capacity is large enough to understand what was being said.
However, I decided not to wait too long and so before I reached the age of one, I started to ask so many questions that I could tell I annoyed my parents and my brothers while Aroura was for so reason really happy to tell everything she could.
I would ask "what is this called?' to the mildest of things such as soap, cupboard, or even table, but no matter how annoying I was being, I'm unwilling to let my baby photographic mory sponge go to waste and therefore I shall increase my knowledge and mostly vocabulary since it was the only thing lacking.
By the ti autumn ca, I started to spend a lot of ti with my grandmother asking her to read books for while stopping her whenever I didn't know what a word ant and would ask her to explain it to or even draw it since she was a pretty good artist.
I would spend the rest of my ti with Aroura or my mother while my father would only be ho on weekends and even then, I would avoid spending ti with the male side of the family.
I would sotis ask questions about magic which for so reason they completely refused to answer even when I begged.
When winter had hit, Aroura had to stay at school for the entire week rather than return for the weekend, and until winter ends, I won't be able to see her. The brothers would go to school in the morning and return before dinner while my father would co back after sunset covered in snow and looking completely beat.
By the ti Spring had hit again, Aroura ca back for the week break and grandma left imdiately after spending the first few days without snow together. She had unintentionally taught how to read books without her, allowing to snatch a book now and then and sneakily asking her what certain words ant.
After she left I finally had gotten my chance. I knew a few locations of magic books that my sister had. I planned to steal them unnoticed and to practice the magic or even just learn the basics and rules of it.
After the little magic awakening I had, I didn't improve much due to lack of practice, ti, and the fact that I hit a wall. I guess that it is because I don't chant, or more importantly, I don't know any chants.
One day when my sister was away I snuck into her room and went straight for the draw where I had speculated to find the grimoires. I'd have to return them by the ti she gets back while also having a good place to hide them while everyone is awake.
I got out of the room and went straight to the attic. The attic was void of furniture or objects. It was empty and had only one source of light that ca from the window at the end of the attic.
I laid the Grimoire on the floor while reading the title "Basics of magic". According to what is written, magic can be used more easily in what is there rather than creating sothing from scratch.
While you cannot control a fla without air magic, an existing fla can easily be extinguished by dispersing the heat or using water magic to cool it down or increase the humidity.
"Using already existing water to make a ball of water is much easier than creating water out of thin air, while creating fire is much harder than simply increasing the size and strength of an already existing fla."
For one, this ans that what I've been doing so far is running before I could even walk which explains why I found everything difficult. While I saw air and earth magic as controlling was already there, I completely overlooked controlling an already existing fla or puddle of water since I saw manipulating the Elental particles as more useful.
Instead, I should use those elental particles to manipulate what's already in front of , like a puddle or a candle fla.
Furthermore, controlling the elents without casting is possible and is the Basics of every spell. I must be able to control water to then be able to cast a spell. That's why heating a fla or a fist-sized water ball is possible without chanting phrases.
There were also a few chants shown here. I decided to try the basic ones out so as not accidentally destroy anything.
I got up with my left hand holding the grimoire from the bottom while having my right hand outstretched towards the open window.
--------
"Lord of wind, howl through my will and blow everything in my path. Air bullet!"
...
What the f*ck?
'I just said the chant, shouldn't the particles be reacting or sothing? Well that's what was said in the book! Maybe the book is wrong?'
'nononono'
'There has to be a mistake right?'
I quickly got up to grab the book and repeat the chant over and over again until I gave up. My body slamd onto the ground allowing everyone downstairs to hear , but honestly, I didn't care.
The fact that I had worked so hard to use magic over a year just for it to fail like this pissed off to no end. I felt betrayed by my hard work, the only thing that had never betrayed before.
When I worked hard in my past life, the harder I worked the more I would accomplish and the better the results. No matter if I was talented enough, taught correctly, or even praised for my work, it didn't change the fact that the results are due to how hard I worked.
However, right now I've seen myself work so hard over such a long ti. I didn't sleep for almost a year. I didn't spend half as much ti with the people I love for my research and practice.
'YET IT STILL FUCKING FAILED . LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE IN MY LIFE.'
'Maybe my father was right about . I am a failure. I destroy everything I touch and I have no talent. I just keep failing over and over again no matter what.'
'WHAT IS THE POINT OF THE F*CKING JOURNEY IF THE END WILL BE SO MISERABLE?!' I started to think of how good my grades were, yet no one even looked at twice. even with my grades I still sohow got a miserable job, surrounded by a*sholes.
'WHAT'S THE POINT OF TRYING IF I'M GOING TO FAIL EVERY TI?!'
'EVERY' I slamd my fist onto the ground. 'GOD DAMN' I slam my fist onto the wall creating small dents at every syllable.
'TI!' I punch the ground with all the strength I could muster
...
BOOM!
'What the Fu-?'
In the blink of an eye, I was looking at the ceiling of the attic. I was sent back and slamd into the wall behind .
As the ringing in my ears faded and the smoke around dissipated I started to hear footsteps coming from the Attic door which was connected to stairs that lead downstairs.
My mother slamd the door open just to see a hole the size of my body on the Attic floor.
"PANDORA!? WHERE ARE YOU" she said with a panicky staggering voice.
When she closed the door she could finally see . I was laying there, on the floor while holding my right arm that had its sleeve tattered and destroyed from the impact of my last punch.
'Man did I put my all into that last punch. Well, good news is that I can use magic to apparently modify my body and release a ton of mana when attacking.'
'- bad news though, first of all, Ima get a beating for this. Secondly, I don't think any normal child can do what the fuck I just did and thirdly... I need therapy.'
By the ti I finished my thoughts, my mother was already holding in her arms while examining the book that was half charred on the floor.
"Did you read this? Did Granny teach you how to read? Did Aroura give you this?" asked my mother with a pissed off tone
'if I say yes to any of these Ima get a beating, so I gotta think outside the box'
"I learned to read when all of you read stories to . you didn't let do magic so I did it in secret because you would be angry at if I did it in front of you" I replied while emphasizing every "you" in that sentence.
My mother had a look of guilt on her face before starting to cry and holding tightly.
' Ah f*fuuuuck , who would have known she would have been so weak willed to cry imdiately'
"Sorry mom. I know you all told not to ask about magic until I'm bigger" I said while emphasizing "all" this ti.
she stopped crying a few seconds afterward before bringing downstairs and telling off
'humans are such shallow fragile creatures'
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