Emotions aren’t sothing that can be easily controlled.
If everyone could master their emotions at will, then acting would be a profession that anyone could do.
I never had a talent for hiding my emotions. At best, I had just enough restraint to stop myself from making an outright disgusted face when my boss was berating at work. And even that only worked if I had a drink afterward to vent to soone—otherwise, my irritation would start to leak out over ti.
The only reason I was able to maintain my expressionless facade in this world was because I had the ability to turn back ti.
There was no need for acting.
I could let out my emotions in advance, or at least process them privately before facing others, ensuring that only the necessary expressions appeared on my face.
That way, there was no risk of breaking character in front of anyone.
It was the sa logic as watching a jump scare in a horror movie, rewinding, and then watching it again—you wouldn’t flinch the second ti.
But right now, that option wasn’t available to .
“……”
Still, I managed to get away with it that day.
Mia and Lena weren’t the only ones there. The conversation we were having was important, and Alice, Charlotte, and I were all deeply entangled in our nations’ political landscapes.
It wasn’t the kind of topic the average noble could easily insert themselves into.
But even if I got away with it that day, I would be seeing them a lot in the future.
Not just at the academy—our paths would inevitably cross again.
“Sylvia.”
“…Yes.”
It had been a long ti since Mia had called by na.
Then again, the Mia I had t in the goddess’s fabricated world had been different from the Mia standing before now.
Back then, she had never fully overco her introversion.
She had never even reached the point of calling by na.
And yet, that Mia was the sa person as the one in front of .
She had simply beco more distant from over ti.
…Though I hadn’t expected to run into her alone like this so soon.
Or maybe run into wasn’t the right phrase.
This wasn’t coincidence.
We were in the dormitory hallway.
I had temporarily forgotten because I spent so much ti traveling for field exercises and usually rood with Alice, but the academy dorms had single rooms.
No matter how close Alice and I were, we didn’t stick together in the dorms. Everyone needed their own private space.
Mia’s room was far from mine.
And since the academy had shut down before we even had a chance to pack up our belongings, our rooms hadn’t changed.
If Mia was here, walking down this hallway, then it was obvious—she had co to find .
“I wanted to speak with you alone. Is that alright?”
Mia asked cautiously.
This was a far cry from the Mia I had t at the start of the sester, or the Mia from the world where her father was still alive.
Much more assertive.
Of course, she still wasn’t completely bold.
She couldn’t et my eyes directly, shifting her gaze restlessly. Her fingers fidgeted nervously, pressing against each other.
“…Understood. Shall we speak in my room?”
I had been prepared for this.
I didn’t expect it to happen today, but I had always known this conversation would co eventually.
If Mia had rembered everything that happened in the ti I had rewound…
Then there were many things she would want to say.
No matter how I tried to sugarcoat it, my first eting with Mia hadn’t been pleasant.
She had lived her life with one goal—revenge against the person who had killed her father.
And I had been that person.
It was only natural that we had been enemies.
Mia nodded silently at my invitation, and neither of us spoke again until we reached the door to my room.
*
“That statent turned out to be true in the end.”
“What do you an by that?”
“The first thing you said to when we t.”
I held back the groan that threatened to rise in my throat.
At the ti, I had been confident that I fully understood my ability, which was why I had so boldly turned back ti. I needed to know just how much resentnt Mia Crowfield harbored toward in order to respond appropriately.
What exactly had I said back then?
Had I told her that I killed her father for the sake of His Majesty’s power?
And hadn’t I also said that her father was nothing but a piece of trash who preyed on and murdered children?
Even Charlotte, who had been standing beside , had looked at like I was scum. That alone was enough to tell just how far I had crossed the line.
If I could go back in ti, I’d smack myself upside the head right then and there. But unfortunately, I no longer had the ability to do that. Not to ntion, turning back ti in this world didn’t allow to witness my past self, so it was impossible to begin with.
More than anything, if I had rewound ti that far, I would have erased all of Mia’s growth, turning her efforts into nothing. Even if I could do it, I shouldn’t.
“In the end, my father’s secret was exposed to my mother. No, actually, I think my mother knew all along. When I was very young—so young that my mories from that ti are hazy—she managed to endure because of , the child born between her and my father, and because she still harbored feelings for him. But… a person’s heart has its limits.”
“I see.”
That was all I could manage to say.
If soone you had thrown such vicious words at about their dead father later ca to you and admitted, “You were right all along,” what the hell were you supposed to say?
Suddenly, even the discomfort I had felt at the Grace estate seed soft and warm in comparison. Now that I thought about it, that mont had actually been warm and comforting. It had been a mont of reaffirming family, a mont where I was once again accepted as part of it.
Here, however—whether Mia intended it or not—she was digging into every single one of my past mistakes. If I had to rank the worst monts of my life in this world, that reckless and cruel statent I had made, so certain that she would never find out the truth, would be at the top of the list.
Then again, it wasn’t like I had any idea how to explain myself to the daughter of the man I had killed.
“Watching my family crumble from a young age was painful. I didn’t understand why my life had to be this way, why things had to turn out like this. I just resented the situation. And then one day, I overheard my parents arguing and learned the truth… In a way, I could say my second childhood was a living hell.”
But that didn’t an she had to be grateful that I killed her father. Back then, there was nothing I could have done for her. I had run into Mia a few tis in the mansion, but just as she had no clear mories of , I barely rembered her either. To Mia, I had been just another passing servant, and at the ti, I had been desperately trying to hide my identity as a princess.
Perhaps I had never truly recognized her as a child. She probably hadn’t been the type to dress extravagantly back then either. Maybe that was why I never noticed her.
“……”
“…I’m sorry. I guess there’s nothing you can really say to that, Sylvia.”
It was uncomfortable. It wasn’t a story I particularly wanted to hear—not because I wasn’t interested, but because I wanted to avoid it. Because in so way, I had been involved in her misery.
But that didn’t an I had the right to ignore it.
I had my own principles. If I had to kill soone, and if that person wasn’t just so enemy I had to cut down in the heat of battle, but soone important—soone whose death required justification—then I would think about it more carefully.
It had been the sa when I killed Count Crowfield. In the original story, his death had been a critical event that connected Mia and Claire. Since the novel never explained why the count had to die, I had thoroughly investigated it myself.
And I had co to the conclusion that he deserved to die.
Even if I could go back with my current knowledge, I would do the exact sa thing. If soone asked what gave the right to make that decision, I would simply ask them:
“Would you have spared him?”
But no matter how justified it was, that wasn’t sothing I should ever say in front of his daughter.
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