'I can't forgive her. I can't see her.' was the endless thought inside Roxy's head.
Her head says she must not forgive her mother. Her head says not to go to et her. And yet, her heart said otherwise.
'You love her, and you crave her warm hug like she used to hug you.'
Yes. Roxy indeed craved her mother's hug or a goodnight kiss whenever her mother slept with her.
But…
"IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF YOU!"
Roxy couldn't forget her mother's words while blaming her. Her mother's words killed her soul, and every sentence her mother spoke seed to stick in her mind.
She even felt like it happened only yesterday every ti she rembered those soul-killing words.
Even though her mother regretted her actions, the wound in her heart was still there. Even though Roxy wanted to forget the events of that day, sotis those dark mories would appear in her dreams.
Roxy couldn't forgive her mother. Even if she did, she didn't want to et her mother. She knew the wound in her heart would return once she t her mother in person.
Knock, knock!
Roxy heard a knock from outside while she remained seated behind the door with her back against the wall.
"Love, don't shut away." was Declan's gentle voice from the other side. "I know it's hard for you right now, and I know talking is easier than doing it. But if you want to see the sun, you have to try it. And you're right. Our mother is different. But then… doesn't that an you know that your mother is better than mine? Everyone made a mistake or two or even hundreds of tis. Your mother could forgive you thousand tis every ti you make a mistake. Why couldn't you when she only made a one-ti mistake?"
Roxy felt herself being shot by an arrow and straight through her wounded heart. She felt herself to be the stupidest person she had ever been.
Without her brain's command, she recalled sothing she hadn't thought about in a long ti.
When she was a little girl, the principal called her mother to tell her about her eldest daughter's behavior.
"I'm sorry, but your daughter broke the classroom glass and got into a fight with her friend. I know she's only seven, but her behavior was too untad." said the principal.
"What?" the mother glanced fiercely at the young Roxy, making the little girl lower her head in fear.
Britney took Roxy's hand casually and walked out of the principal's office.
"I'm sorry, mama." was Roxy's soft voice as the two walked towards the house.
Roxy knew her mother liked to talk the most and babble at length, but this ti her mother beca quiet and didn't talk to her at all. She knew right now her mother was super angry with her.
Therefore, she expressed her regret to soften her mother's anger.
"If you feel sorry, why did you do it again? This isn't the first ti, Roxy."
"I know what I did was wrong. Trust . I don't want to fight with them either. But, I can not."
"What do you an you can't?"
"I don't know." was her innocent answer, making Britney sigh resignedly.
Britney's footsteps stopped, and she crouched down to look her daughter straight in the eye.
"What should I do to make you stop fighting?"
Little Roxy didn't answer and just lowered her head.
"Looks like you don't want to talk to anymore."
"I want to talk to you."
"Then why did you beat up your friends? Take a look at your clothes." Britney turned Roxy around slowly and saw cuts and bruises all over her daughter's body. "Did you win?"
"Of course," Roxy answered proudly, then lowered her head again when she saw her mother's disapproving look.
"What makes you proud to feel happy? Your body is full of wounds. Think about what would happen if your papa or Kaylee saw your condition."
Her father would be angry and co to her school to et the children who beat her. And in the end, Roxy had to leave school and transfer schools again, which Kaylee would automatically follow her.
On the other hand, if Kaylee saw her condition… the girl would cry and not be separated from her all night long.
"I don't want them to know."
"How could they not know? From head to toe, nothing can hide the fact that you're fighting... again."
"Mama," Roxy pouted her lips, and her eyes were a little bit teary.
"Don't cry. I won't be fooled by your tears."
Miraculously, Roxy's eyes went back to normal.
"Mama," Roxy pleaded desperately while putting on puppy eyes.
"What are you offering , Roxy? If you want to help you avoid your father's wrath, what can you do for ?"
Roxy thought for a mont. "I'll help you grow your favorite flower."
"I don't need it."
"I will play the piano for you every day."
"I can hear Kaylee playing the cello, and there's still Rothbert playing the piano."
Roxy bit her lip in exasperation and said, "I promise I won't fight again."
"Haven't you made a promise all this ti only to break it?"
"Then… what do you want to do?"
"Keep your promise. No fights or damage to school property. If they co to challenge you, you should run as fast as you can and find Ezzo or your class teacher."
"But running away proves I'm a coward."
"It's not running away, my dear. It's called avoiding the hole you fell into. If you see a hole in the road, do you keep walking through it?"
Roxy shook her head quickly.
"Good. If you keep walking, it ans you're stupid. Are you stupid, Roxy?"
Roxy once again quickly shook her head.
"Then keep your promise. Friends who challenge you are a hole you must avoid. They will only lead you to ruin your future, so you should avoid them. Do you hear ?" Roxy nodded her head quickly, making Britney stroke the top of her daughter's head gently. "That's my girl. Now, let's get you clean, and you can pretend to be sick in your room. I'll explain to your papa and Kaylee."
Roxy beca happy to hear that and imdiately agreed with her mother. Nevertheless, her mother was again called to school because Roxy couldn't stay quiet in class.
Roxy often invited her classmates to chat or play and didn't listen to their teacher at all. Her mother always forgave Roxy and found a way to make the little girl change for the better.
Rembering everything she had ever done from childhood until now while her mother always patiently guided her and taught her made Roxy's tears fall.
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