Watching Renn walk away, I hated the feeling welling within .
The world was warm. The morning sun was already hotter than it had been in so ti, and even though the Cathedral was typically a cooler place thanks to its structure of thick and cold bricks it was still a bit hotter than most would likely want it to be. Even down here, underground, it felt… warm. Even though I'd been told by many they felt it was a bit too cold. Thanks to this Renn had chosen to wear so lighter clothes today, the kind she wore rarely while traveling. The kind that just barely hid her tail underneath, which was another reason she rarely wore them. Instead of the robes she typically wore while here. Odds are she had chosen them because she expected to spend most of her ti, at least today's worth of it, amongst fellows and not need to much worry about keeping her non-human traits out of sight.
Honestly I was glad to see her wearing such things. They looked good on her. Or well, Renn looked good in anything. And without. But…
Taking a deep breath, I sighed out my mixed feelings of anger and sadness as I turned away right as Renn rounded a corner. She hadn't even glanced back at , too distracted as she hurried to her destination. I had co to both wake her up and to let her know that the ducks had invited her to breakfast… which she of course had not hesitated to agree to.
I'd found her in the little room we had taken residence in here beneath the Cathedral proper. She had chosen one in a hallway that was occupied, but not as full as so of the others nearby. We had no neighbors, and in fact one had to go several doors down until you would get a response upon knocking. At first I had wondered if she had done it on purpose, because she had not liked the people down here or sothing, but instead… well…
Glancing at the door we'd just left from, I glared at the thick wooden thing as if it was an enemy.
She had not been asleep when I had entered the room.
She had been sitting on the bed. Awkwardly. She had greeted with a calm, but wry smile. And she had been a bit too quick asking for a morning kiss compared to usual… as if in a hurry to go through the natural motions we normally did. Which would be typical for her if she needed to use the restroom, or I had already told her about the duck's invitation… but that hadn't been the case.
Renn had been acting as if in a rush, for no real reason.
Like a child caught doing sothing they weren't supposed to.
Licking my lips, I again tasted sothing that shouldn't exist. Sothing that didn't exist in this natural world, at least.
There was no plant or fruit on this planet that could make this taste. No mixture of spices. No additives or man made products could replicate this taste either. I'd know, I've tried searching for them… they didn't exist.
Which ant…
Looking away from the door, I tried not to let my emotions or thoughts beco too apparent as I stepped away.
If Renn really had been speaking to Renka… then I needed to be cautious.
For many reasons. On all sides of the aisle. For one, I needed to make sure I kept Renn… and by extension everyone else here in Telmik, safe. So forcing and confronting the fact that Renka was interested in Renn, for whatever reason, as dangerous. I needed to be cautious in how I dealt with it… but I also needed to consider the possibilities this fact gave .
If Renka really was visiting Renn, as to talk or negotiate or do whatever it is they're doing, then… I was being given an opportunity.
If I acted the fool, or at least didn't show I could prove it or believed it, then I could use Renka's actions against her. If I… patiently waited for the perfect mont, I could potentially take advantage of their little etings as to get my hand around her little freckled neck.
But…
Rounding a corner, I headed away from the hallways and areas with people… as to give myself a mont to think. And I needed the mont, desperately.
I wanted to kill Renka. For many reasons. Not just her threats against and those I cared for, but just in general. She was a god. A betrayer. One who broke the natural order… one who deserved to die…
But did I really want to lose Renn to do so?
A part of of course would say yes. That any price, even the one I loved, was worth it. But I knew that was just my hate. My rage. My desire for vengeance taking over reasoning and logic… that was the young boy speaking, not the man. Not the one who had been raised and perfected but instead the rough and youthful fool.
How many tis have I sacrificed people to kill gods…? How many tis have I allowed such failures to break , and as such break the world around ? Is that not what caused my most recent retreat and seclusion…? Did I not vow to never make that mistake, willingly at least, again…?
"Can't control myself…" I mumbled as I walked past a stairwell. I headed for the next instead… I needed to ascend, as to go see Link, but still needed a few more minutes to calm myself.
It was true. I would not deny it. The mont I saw a god, I… changed. The wrath inside took over. Even when I remained calm and collected, at least ntally, I was actually everything but.
I should not have killed Stance as readily as I had. Nor should I have slain Havoc either.
Those two had been those I could control. I could have risked their existences, at least in part, as to find answers… but Renka…?
She had said I had killed her sister. Not her. And that was, obviously, the truth. Since she was here once more.
But that ant… all this ti…
I slowed and ca to a stop near a very big door. One that led to the tombs. It slled like oil, which told soone had recently maintained it… though by recent that could be months ago. I glanced at the door's hinges, the tal brackets looked… old, but fine. Durable. They had been made well, and honestly not used often enough to break though used enough to not simply fall apart from a lack of use.
Wonder who maintained these things..? I fixed things occasionally, when I noticed broken stuff or when asked to, but I rarely if ever did general maintenance in such places.
I blinked as I realized I had allowed my mind to wander, again.
"I bla age but I've always been like this…" I grumbled as I crossed my arms and sighed at myself.
There was no denying I struggled to confront certain… things. I'd always figured it was because I did not fear the normal stuff, such as death or pain, and as such had to fear other things. Romance was one of them… but I'd never really considered if my relationship with the gods had been one of them too.
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I hated them. Despised them. And had, never once, been afraid to confront them. No matter how much they bend reality, I've never once hesitated to step forward to face them or their creations… that was just who I was. Who I am.
But now suddenly I'm afraid to even think about them? To speak about them? To the point I intentionally distract myself, my own thoughts, as to avoid doing so…?
What was wrong with ?
I used to spend years formulating plans! Sches! I used to sit and envision all the different ways, thods and tools needed to kill certain gods! It had not been uncommon for to spend years preparing for one singular death. Because I needed certain tools, or had to wait in hiding, or was chasing them… or their monarchs and servants… I used to be so focused on them that there were tis that I went years, decades and more, without thinking about anything else at all! To the point my retainers and those like Miss Beak used to really grow upset with over it. I an she and I had spent decades just chasing her parents alone, focusing on naught else as we did…!
Yet here I was unable to even ponder anything about a god, even during such an important mont as this… for more than a few heartbeats? Why? How? What had changed to make so… wishy-washy?
Was it really just Renn…? If she was not here, and or not involved like this, would… would any of this even be sothing to debate?
No. It would not be. I'd just… stride forward until I got my hands around Renka's head. Or neck. Or… any of their necks. I'd of course worry and feel for the Society, and the world at large around , during such monts… but I'd not hesitate to do it. Not even think twice about it. The repercussions of killing a god had always, especially ever since I had killed the Blue One, been sothing heavy on my soul… but never on my mind. I never allowed it to stay my hand…
Yet I was now… and… was it really just because of Renn's existence…?
"Maybe they all have a point…" I whispered.
I had originally thought it ridiculous that they'd think my love and attachnt to Renn was enough to force to do… well, anything for them…
But…
Maybe I was the one who was ridiculous to think otherwise…?
I so far hadn't spent much ti to ponder it but… during that confrontation with Renka, when she had put Renn in that illusion and summoned Casper, I had been… slow.
I had not attacked as harshly, or as directly, as I would have typically done so. And I had waited. Talked. Reasoned.
With a god.
Reaching up, I cupped my face and groaned as I realized I'd already proved to Renka… and myself, that Renn was more valuable to than even I wanted to admit.
Just great. What if that had been her way of verifying it…? And that was why she had given Casper? She had, in those few monts, seen proof that I had been willing to hesitate.
I had put myself between her and Renn. I had not charged forward. I had…
Taking a deep breath, I decided to set aside my thoughts and feelings and focus. I stepped away from the large door that slled of oil and headed for the nearest stairwell.
Heading upstairs, I kept my mind quiet and focused on simple things as I headed for Link's office. I thought of, instead of Renka and Renn, my upcoming trip. My next destinations.
We were to head eastward. Both to escort so people, such as the ducks and the Chronicler's sister, but also so I could go handle a few requests that I've gotten recently. One of the bigger ones was the claim of ghosts at the Crypt. An odd one, but one I couldn't ignore any longer.
I expected by the ti I finished most of the stuff I had to do in that region, and the stuff that popped up while I was there, for the vote to be ready to be held. After finishing up and heading back this way, it should be winter or close to it… and thus ti for the vote. A vote that is likely, in part, now sothing more of an excuse for people to gather together than to actually impart important changes to the Society.
Honestly ever since the gods showed up, I'd beco very negligent of paying much attention to such details… but…
Reaching Link's office, I didn't need to knock on the door. It was slightly ajar, and I heard his and other voices within. I still knocked, gently, as I pushed it open and entered anyway.
"Hey Vim!" Sillti greeted first. The guinea pig had a huge smile and…
"Sillti… is that what I think it is?" I asked as I stepped into Link's office and closed the door behind .
Sillti's grin grew as she lifted the half finished baby blanket. She was crocheting it, sitting on a chair not far from the large table where Link stood. "It is…! I've actually not told anyone yet, so please keep a secret if you would!" she said happily.
I see… "Congratulations. To you as well, Link," I said as I walked over to the table that was covered in maps and paperwork.
The huge man blushed as he reached up to rub his forehead. "Yes… I think," he said, carefully. Which was odd… Link was a timid man, but that had been more than embarrassnt… had that been concern in his voice?
"He's just worried. I guess his mother had complications during his birth, so he worries for too," Sillti said, quickly explaining his oddness.
Ah. Right. "Well, if it is any consolation Link, depending on when she's due there will likely be multiple saints here during the birth," I said, thinking of those who might visit near winter or before it… if not already here.
Link stood up a bit straighter and his already big eyes got bigger. "Oh! Right…!" a huge smile broke out on his face as he turned to look at his mate, and he happily gestured at . "Vim's right, Silly!"
Silly…? Had he misspoke just now?
"He is… and it won't matter anyway, Link. I told you, my kind typically have lots of kids at once so we're used to it," Sillti said as she lowered her little needles and the blanket she was working on as to focus on the conversation.
"Yes… but saints have magic powers!" Link said and then looked back at . "I can't believe I'd not thought of that, Vim!" he told , excitedly.
"One's mind wanders oddly, rarely where it's ant to, during such monts," I said, thinking of myself as I did.
"Right!" Link happily agreed.
Sillti though didn't seem to. "I've already told him such a thing, Vim… he's just a worrywart."
"He is, but for good reason… I apologize for just walking in and finding it out, by the way," I said. The door had been open, but I suppose I should have still knocked properly.
"Ah, it is fine Vim! I knew you were coming! Plus I was almost ready… just need to get a few more reports first and we'll be good to go…" Link hurried around the table and went to another desk, where he promptly started rummaging amongst piles of letters.
As the large man occupied himself, I glanced over at the supposedly pregnant woman… and wondered if Renn knew or not. Odds are she didn't, if Sillti really was keeping it a secret at the mont. She showed no obvious signs of being pregnant, I'd have not even realized if not for her just outright admitting and confirming it just now. If she had said instead she was simply making a gift for soone else I would have believed her.
Although a part of hoped that was true, and as such she'd not get told before we left, I also hoped she'd let Renn know soon. Renn hadn't been involved at all with their relationship, it happening out of pure happenstance, but… it'd do Renn good to know that soone she herself had spent ti with, helping escort here from her old ho, was doing well. Renn wouldn't take credit for it, but she'd be able to take comfort in it.
Such a thing was a piece of foundation to happiness for Renn. Like a brick for a house. It would be just a tiny piece, a singular brick… but it would go on the pile. It would add itself to the rest, further solidifying her happiness.
"Congratulations again, Sillti," I said gently as she returned to her baby blanket.
"Thanks…! To be honest I'm shocked it took this long!" Sillti said happily.
I bet.
She seed to be more focused on her crocheting than before… maybe telling , or well having told anyone at all, had lifted her spirits. If so I doubted it'd take long for her to let others know the good news too.
Still… did she have any children before…? With the other man? The one I had beheaded…? I didn't rember any, but my mind has been so off lately…
"I think this is the most concerning, Vim. We should start here," Link stepped back to the table, letters and notes in hand as he laid so before on the table.
Nodding gently, I allowed the montary distractions to occupy my focus… both the happy news, and the dangerous news of the locations that Light had foreseen getting into trouble in the near future.
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