I was antsy, as Vim would call it, but I knew better than to let it show. Especially here in Angie's, nearly empty, room.
"Can't believe you're leaving, Ang!" Fizz complained.
"You've known for months," Angie said with a sigh.
"Yeah but I didn't believe it…!" Fizz said.
Smiling at the two, I wondered who was older. Fizz of course didn't act it, but she was a full head taller than Angie was, even with Angie's thick puffy hair that made her seem a tad taller than she were. It also didn't help that Fizz was clinging to Angie, holding her from behind and swaying wildly just like a young child who was having a small fit since they weren't getting their way. Angie had a deadpan face, even though her whole body was being shifted around by Fizz, and as such it made Angie seem the older of the two.
"You can send letters you know, or visit even! I expect there to be quite a few people who go back and forth, especially Vim, so it'd not be too hard to visit one another if you wanted," I said as I watched Angie step away from her dresser. She was packing the last of her few bags, since we'd be leaving in a couple days.
Angie paused mid fold of a dress and glanced at with a glare, and Fizz who clung to her sighed. "Mother would never let leave Telmik… and Ang is such a jerk she'd never co visit !"
"I'll be busy," Angie said as she went back to packing the box near her bed.
Sothing told even if Angie hadn't been she still wouldn't have even considered it. Also… Ang? It was such a neat little nickna, but honestly I wasn't sure if it fit her or not. Angie alone was quick and easy to say as it was… plus it was cute…
Was it as cute as Nory though?
"Who's going to go with to the balls from now on? Or sneak snacks? Steal the shoes of the nuns and bishops? Tease that blind guy? Or peak on the baths?" Fizz asked, sounding forlorn.
"Wha…! We never peaked on the baths!" Angie imdiately got defensive as she turned to look at , as if desperate for to believe her.
I couldn't help it, I laughed at her. She suddenly looked her age. "Yet you did all the rest, did you?" I asked.
"Well…!" Angie let out a yelp of a word, and Fizz chuckled happily as she gave Angie a deeper hug.
"You should have seen her, Renn! She got a lot of complints at the ball, other girls even asked her to dance!"
Angie groaned as she went to hiding her face with her hands.
"Too bad I missed it. I'd have danced with you too," I said.
Fizz frowned at that. "Nah, she sucks. Steps on feet and it hurts when she does," Fizz said.
Angie groaned so more.
How neat. If Angie really was going around and doing such things with Fizz that ant the two really were good friends. Angie kind of reminded of rit and Sharp, what with her stoic personality, but honestly she wasn't as bad. She just… was a little different. And that was what made her cute. Fizz on the other hand was just a bundle of energy, and to be honest sotis it was a bit too much. It was obvious the two had grown very close these last few months, and not just because of Fizz's overbearing personality.
Yet Angie still wasn't hesitating in leaving this place.
Hopefully she knew what she was doing. Such friendship, such camaraderie, was precious. So rare that it was almost terrifying to think the two might now drift apart because of her leaving Telmik. But how did I explain that to her? How did I properly convey to her how special their friendship was? And even more importantly, should I even try…?
Angie wanted to go north to set up a new orphanage. Because she now no longer believed the one here could be ran properly. Ever since she had overheard who I assud was Less speaking about the new era of non-humans, and interpreted what she had overheard the way she had, she's firmly believed it was her duty to make a new safe place for children. That the children were in danger, if even only to a certain point. I wasn't entirely sure if I agreed with her reasoning anymore, what with having spent ti with Light and learning more of what they plan to do and how they're going to do it, but…
Like many of our people, us non-humans, once one got an idea in their head they stuck with it. Even if it no longer made sense.
"She's lost in thought again," Fizz said.
"She's got a lot on her plate, unlike you," Angie said.
I blinked at that and looked back down, focusing on the two once more. "If you two keep talking about behind my ears I'm going to make you both sleep with tonight," I threatened.
Fizz laughed at and finally released Angie, dropping to the floor as to bounce toward with excitent. "Sure!" she shouted, which just made Angie groan again.
"I'd tease you about having to sleep with all the ti once we're up north, Angie, but odds are my bed will be too full to do so," I said.
Angie gave a weird look. "Was that a dirty joke?" she asked, her voice thick with disgust.
I blinked at her, and Fizz went back to laughing again. "Um… no? I just ant rit and stuff… might sleep with occasionally…" I said, feeling a little silly all of a sudden. I genuinely had not ant that to be interpreted in such a way, but now that I heard my own words again in my head as I recounted it I could see very well how she had co to such a conclusion.
"rit?" Angie asked, ignoring Fizz's laughter.
"A good friend. She was living in Lun, but she's decided to join us up north. I think she just wanted a change in scenery," I said.
"Gosh you're all going to have so much fun without …!" Fizz's laughing ca to a stop as she sighed and walked over to Angie's bed. She plopped down onto it, face first, and groaned into it as if hating her life.
I felt for the poor dog, but wasn't really sure what to say to her. It wasn't as if I could invite her, she had family here. Family that had long placed down roots, and were doing important things to boot. Though she was younger, and a lively person in general, I knew better than to think most of this was just her playing around. She genuinely was upset and sad over Angie leaving; you could see it in her eyes. They were watery. They'd been gleaming this whole ti as if she was on the verge of tears.
It made wonder how Fizz had gotten along with Tundra and the rest. They had stayed here for a short while before heading to Lun, a few months… but I was afraid to ask what they had thought of them. Last thing I needed was for Fizz to grow more emotional over having been reminded of friends who had just left, just as Angie was doing, or even just potential friends.
Though… seeing the two made consider sothing I hadn't before.
I wanted my children to have friends. Just as these two were. Just as I was with Lilly and rit and so many more. Or rather, more-so, I wanted my children to grow up with friends. Not find them later in life like I had. I wanted Nory to be like how rit and Lilly were. How they had known each other for hundreds of years. Which ant I'd need to live amongst them or well… amongst those who had children themselves. I didn't want my children to go without such experiences, especially since I hadn't had them myself…
And though I knew Lilly and rit would of course be family to my own children, that wasn't entirely what I ant. They'd be family, but older family. Like aunts or older sisters, maybe. Instead what I wanted for my children was… well…
For a small mont I thought of Root and Copper, and the other possible pairs who were… hopefully, going to have more children here in the short future. Lellip and Branches might have so… But would we all live near one another? In my viewpoint, we would be living near Lilly… but in reality she'll be days away from us. For a child that might be too big a distance to constantly see one another. Close enough to build friendships, sure, but…
"Again?"
I blinked and looked down at Fizz. She was staring up at as if I was being weird.
When'd she get off the bed? "Sorry…" I apologized.
"Everything okay? Is it Vim you're worried about?" Fizz asked worriedly.
I smiled at the dog who suddenly looked willing to sit and listen to all of my worries and grievances. She really was a good person, wasn't she? No wonder Angie put up with her overflowing energy. "Everything's fine, yes. I'm just thinking about the future," I said.
"Future…? You an the one where you steal my best friend!?" Fizz said, no longer looking gentle as she groaned and stomped back over to the bed and once again face planted onto it.
Chuckling at her, I gestured lightly in her direction as Angie walked past while carrying what looked to be one of the robes the church folk here wore. "I'll leave you two be then, since you seem almost done. Make sure you stay up all night talking… which in that case maybe I don't want to sleep with you two," I said, teasing the bison.
Angie didn't seem amused as she glared at . "She can't stay up late, that's one of her good points."
"She can't…?"
"I can't! After midnight I pass out!" Fizz shouted angrily, her whine of a voice sounding funny since she had yelled into the bed.
Huh… "A dog thing maybe?" I wondered.
"Whatever it is I'm thankful for it," Angie said with a huff.
How neat. "All the sa… I'll go finish up my own tasks. I suggest taking a bath together, Fizz, I myself enjoy doing such with friends," I suggested as I headed for the door.
"She won't bathe with !" Fizz yelled so more.
"That's gross!" Angie shouted back.
Ah… right. Angie and her dislike of… indecent things…?
Was a bath indecent?
Frowning as I left their room, as the two started to argue about baths, I wondered if I was the weird one. Weren't children usually not one to see baths as sothing indecent? Was I the strange one for not seeing anything wrong with bathing with a friend?
I've bathed with quite a few people since joining the Society… but now that I thought about it; no one else really did bathe with others did they? rit and Lilly didn't bathe together, though I bathed with them when given the chance… and as far as I was aware, no one else really did either. Even partners, such as married couples, didn't do so. Had Lilly and Windle bathed together…?
Was it really that weird…? So people, like rit, didn't like being seen naked because of personal reasons… but others weren't as bothered by it. So maybe it was sothing more than just one's sense of personal space or decency…
"What's on your mind?"
I paused and turned, and found Sillti. The guinea pig we'd brought here from the Summit. She had the sa robes on as everyone here, but I wasn't sure yet if it was because she just wanted to blend in or because she'd joined their faith or not.
Again I had been so lost in thought I hadn't even noticed soone approach . I knew it was because I was trying my best to not think of the prophecies, but still…!
"Do you bathe with Link, Sillti?" I asked.
Sillti gave a wry smirk as she chuckled at . "What a thought indeed…! Um… no? Never have. I an, I've watched him get in and out of the bath and he … but together at the sa ti…?" her wry smirk shifted a little, as she blushed ever so slightly. "I don't think we'd fit, Renn," she then added.
Oh…! Right! "He is that big, huh…" I said as I thought about it. Link was a massive man, and I could indeed imagine him having difficulty fitting into a normal sized bath on his own let alone with another.
"Though that is an interesting thought… is it fun to do it in the bath? I'd think that'd just make it weird…" Sillti wondered as she crossed her arms in thought.
I sighed at her. "I didn't an it that way, I just ant in general," I said. Really, why was it always, that, everyone assud first?
"Ah… then why bathe together at all…?" Sillti asked.
Gosh maybe I really was the weird one…
"How've you been Sillti?" I asked, changing topics. Sillti was an odd one herself, more like Kaley than I had originally assud, so maybe I shouldn't assu her the normal opinion on this. I'd ask others later.
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"Hm…? Fine? Busy, though. I guess they're now expecting more people to show up? Early? So we're all readying the rooms and stuff," Sillti said with a shrug.
I nodded slowly at that. Right. No one was sure if Vim would succeed in saving the ship, but it seed the Chronicler and the rest were operating on the assumption he would. I'd do the sa in their shoes. "Looking forward to seeing new people?" I asked.
"I guess… Honestly the last batch kind of stuck to themselves. A few had known Link's parents, so acted sowhat friendly, but otherwise kept to themselves and didn't really leave their little sections. It almost felt like they didn't want to associate with us," Sillti said with a shrug.
"Weird huh?" I agreed. I had felt similar in Lun, to a point. A lot of people had not ignored , but had felt… distant. I had assud it was because they all were wary of saying the wrong thing about , what with Light's prophecies concerning , but maybe it wasn't just .
Sillti shrugged. "My people had been similar. Outside of family and such we didn't really mingle much," she said.
Right… Vim had ntioned they even had a form of arranged marriages hadn't he? I wonder if that factored into how their relationships worked…?
"Speaking of weird, can I ask sothing that might be a tad weird?" Sillti then asked.
I nodded.
She glanced around, made sure we were alone, and then leaned forward a bit to whisper. "That little girl. The one with white hair. She's your friend?"
"rit…? Yes?" Couldn't think of anyone else she was speaking of.
"Is she old?" Sillti asked.
I smirked at that. "I suppose so…?" I said. It was weird to hear so, when I considered I was likely the sa age or near it, but I knew to many rit was indeed old since she was hundreds of years old… though the reason people likely found it weird was because of her appearance. She looked younger than Fizz and Angie did.
"Link says to be careful around her. That she's a ghost from the previous era," she said, still whispering.
Ghost…? "She's not a ghost. She's real. Unless he ans in a non-literal way…" I said.
Sillti shrugged. "Not sure. Just was told to stay away from her."
That was sad to hear, but expected from Link. The man was a coward… even if the biggest and likely one of the strongest n to exist. "She's actually very gentle. I suggest saying hi to her before we leave, you'll see she's not scary," I said.
"Hm… maybe. He said similar things about so of the others who are coming back from the beyond the sea. Said it's better if we just keep a distance from them," she said with a sigh. The kind of sigh that wasn't of disgust or annoyance, but… acceptance. She had just convinced herself not to talk to rit, and by extension anyone else like her.
I shifted a little and wondered what to say to that. Sillti was basically saying she was going to, like so many other mbers, just outright keep herself from associating with many of our mbers… just because soone told her not to. Just because soone told her they were, or could be, dangerous. Even if that person was her partner, her mate, was that really fair? Was that really the right thing to do? It was so sad and…
"Ah well. Part of being in the Society, right? Gotta take the good with the bad," Sillti said with a shrug. She then gave a smile and waved. "I'll leave you be, you seem busy. See you later, Renn."
I nodded softly as I watched her walk away. "Later…"
For a mont I groaned and hated myself. I felt like I'd just screwed up… I should have said sothing, anything, to get Sillti to change her mind. Maybe I still could…? I could bring rit with and go talk to her, and once she saw how calm rit was she'd maybe then not be so quick to trust Link's words…
But did it matter…? Even if I did, she'd just be friendly with rit. She'd still keep her distance from the others…
"Is it just a person thing, or are our people worse?" I wondered as I returned to walking.
A part of wanted to say we were worse than humans. But maybe we weren't. Maybe I just felt that way because I wanted us to not be, and as such so readily noticed it when we weren't. Sillti wasn't outright saying she hated rit and the rest; after all, she was just… not willing to really interact with them. Out of fear, or so weird prejudice that made no sense.
But she wasn't alone. Many of our mbers were just like her… and it wasn't as if it was only the prey and more simple people acting that way, either. Lilly and rit both didn't even try to interact with people who excluded them, or avoided them. In their eyes there was no point in even attempting to do so.
In a way that was just as bad. It might not be for the sa reason, but it was the sa indifference that caused such a separation in the first place.
Soone had to make the first move. Soone had to break the ice, to step outside of their comfort zone… but one side was too scared to do so, and the other either too angry or too defeated to care.
Then you had those like Vim, who would look at funny for trying to change people's desires.
"Why force soone to be uncomfortable…?" I whispered the obvious response Vim would give if I brought this up to him.
Because it made uncomfortable. And it annoyed .
So many complained over a lack of friends, or lovers and comrades, yet then they go ahead and ignore a huge portion of the Society? They refuse to even try to interact with them…? For what reason? It's not as if Sillti was saying rit would kill her if she got too close, just that she was supposedly dangerous.
Dangerous how…? rit wouldn't harm anyone if they weren't…
I slowed a little as I realized that likely wasn't true.
rit had shocked Mono. Just because the saint had been hugging her.
Although that shock had not killed her, or likely hurt too badly, it had still been an attack. The sa as if I bit soone, or clawed at them.
Hurting soone just because they hugged you was wrong… Though one could argue that rit had made it very clear to not do such a thing, and even I and others had warned Mono against it as well…
Where did I draw the line I wonder? I knew rit's actions had been wrong, but at the sa ti had not really chastised her for it. Had stood back and simply sighed, instead of grown upset or angry. Yet it was actions such as that, that violence, which made so many keep their distance from her.
I knew it was wrong yet saw nothing wrong with it all the sa.
Maybe I was as bad as them, and I just didn't realize it…
Slowing, I glanced to a nearby window. The world outside was sunny, for once, but the window had streak marks upon it. It needed to be cleaned.
"The worst part is you're just ignoring the real troubles in your mind," I whispered at myself.
Not that our people's flaws and faults weren't important… nor wasn't Angie and her readying to leave with us… but I had greater concerns.
Ones that I wasn't sure if I wanted to confront or not.
Maybe I should take a page out of Vim's book and just… ignore them? Or at least, pretend to…?
But how did he do it? I wasn't able to, obviously. My tail kept twitching beneath my pant leg. I kept getting lost in thought, to the point people were sneaking up on and showing concern as they snapped out of my mind. I felt anxious, as if there was so terrible disaster heading my way.
rit and I had spent a few hours reading those prophecies in that hidden room. I had lasted longer than I had thought able, and even after many hours still felt… woozy. I felt like I needed to go lay down and sleep, but my mind was too much of a ss to even consider trying. There was no way I'd be able to fall asleep right now.
Reaching out, I gently touched the windowpane. It was cold, though the sun beating down on it was warm.
I should have been here. Seeing this window get built.
This hallway.
I turned to look down it, and studied the stone architecture. There were more windows down this hall, and a few doors opposing them. The hallway rged with another, one that had benches lining its walls. People could be heard within it, though I'd not seen anyone walk past or through it in a few minutes.
This whole place. I should have been here from the beginning. Per Celine's prophecies, I had been ant to show up not long after Vim had. Back in the beginning.
In fact… Celine had not believed Vim would have joined at all, until I had shown up.
He was not ant to be the protector until I joined. Because it was supposed to have been , my existence, that made him attached to us.
Such knowledge hurt… but I wasn't sure if I wanted to let it.
I was ant to be here earlier. Hundreds of years ago. To be involved from the beginning, even before the wars. That hurt , deeply, because it ant I had screwed up. I had failed sowhere… sohow. Was I not supposed to have gotten involved with Lujic and Ginny…? Nory…? Was I supposed to not have spent so much ti with Witch and her family? Just when and where had I made the mistake? Was I maybe supposed to have found the Society not long after leaving my family…? Or maybe I was supposed to have run away from ho long before that snake monarch had attacked, killing them all… I had considered it back then, enough tis that it could have happened.
But then that'd an I'd not have enjoyed their company. That would be the sa as saying my years with them were wasted. Not as valuable.
Although a part of agreed the Society was more important than they, or myself and my happiness… I didn't want to believe that. My ti with them was what made who I was. Without them… what would I have been like?
"More like them, probably…" I whispered as I thought of those all around . I'd be more like Celine had been. Sillti. rit. Lilly. I'd be more like them than I was myself now.
Maybe even worse. Would I have ignored people, as Sillti does? Would I have looked down on others, as Lilly? Or would I have been more calculating, like Celine had been, like how Light is?
Would I even have been friends with those like rit and Lilly in that case? Or would I have been less open-minded? Would my circle of friends be completely different? And with such a thing, would I myself have been different too? If I'd been so different that I'd have not associated with those like Lilly and rit, would I then not be… soone else?
And… if I had been like that… would Vim still have loved ? The way he does now?
Celine had seed to think so, what with the way she claid in her prophecies how I controlled him. How I made him help the Society, in ways beyond what he did now and has been.
But was that true…?
Part of the reason he loves was because I don't discriminate. I try to befriend everyone. He complained when I ignored him, when we stayed sowhere in the Society, but the truth was he absolutely adored the fact I was so enthralled with our people. To him my want and desire to be everyone's friend, to be family with so many people, was one of my strong points.
I knew it was likely a foolish thought, but I couldn't help but think if I had grown up in the Society… at least, within reason, then I would have been influenced by it too. Even if I wouldn't have been as bad as many, I still would have likely been more alike them than not.
What if I'd have joined the Society's religious faith instead, opting to wear their robes and spread their faith? I could have seen myself doing so, since even now I felt a small desire to learn more about it. Even with all I knew of it, and how it was manipulated and even originally made to control humans and non-humans alike… I still found myself interested in it. Because I enjoyed many of the things it preached and instilled in people.
Celine's prophecies foretelling of my early arrival made think about more than just my relationships though. What if my late arrival had been for the worse? What if, if I had arrived when I had ant to, more people would still be alive today…?
I wasn't foolish enough to think that my presence alone could have stopped the wars, or the Society from splitting as it had, but…
The entire premise of the prophecy, the entire idea of my showing up earlier than I had… was to connect Vim to the Society. And in doing so, make him more…
More what…?
Just what had Celine expected of him? In the few prophecies I had read, since they had made sick to my stomach, there was really only one constant… that even when they ended well, avoiding whatever doom they had foreseen, they still ended subpar and not as good as they could have. Because I had not been there. And since I had not been there, Vim had not done what he had been supposed to.
I just couldn't wrap my head around it. My heart already had, sure, and thus it hurt. But my mind was struggling to do so.
Even if it was true that my presence might have softened Vim's rules, or he himself, how could one actually argue that my presence alone could have saved thousands of people from such fates…? Especially when Vim had been involved in said events anyway, without .
Take Nebl and his family for instance. Celine had claid in her prophecy, or rather her notes of it, that my lack of being there was why so many of them had died. That if I had been there more would have been saved.
But… how? Vim had still been there. He had still been involved. And I just couldn't imagine Vim not doing all he could to save them. What would my presence alone have actually done? It's not like I was a great warrior, or scholar, I didn't know things Vim didn't know. I wasn't capable of things Vim wasn't. So… what? Just what was the difference…?
"Renn…?"
I blinked and found my reflection in the dirty glass, and soone standing behind .
Turning around, I smiled gently at the person I had just ignored… and then found myself looking down.
"Hello…?" I greeted a young girl. I didn't recognize her. She was wearing the typical robes one found here within these halls and was maybe Fizz's height. She was actually rather cute; she had a small nose and a bunch of freckles upon her face. More than I'd seen on anyone before.
"Are you lost?" she then asked.
Hm…? Hadn't she just said my na? Or had I misheard, since I'd been lost in thought? Maybe I had…
"I'd think many here would say they are, even if not," I said gently… as I realized her freckles weren't the only thing unique about her.
She had an odd face. Her eyes were slightly slanted, and her ears were oddly pointed for human-shaped ones. I wasn't sure if I'd ever seen soone who looked like her before, neither in the south or the east. But that very uniqueness made her cuter.
"Sounds like what soone who is scared to answer for real would say," she said.
I smirked at that, a little wildly. "Caught . My na is Renn… what's yours?" I asked.
For a long mont the cute girl just stared at , and then she frowned and nodded. "My mother nad sothing similar. Let's use that one. Renka. You can call Renka," she said, as if she had spent a mont choosing between different options.
Maybe she had…? I knew many of the children here were orphans, and as such maybe did indeed have multiple nas for one reason or another.
Still… "Renka…? It is pretty similar huh! That's neat," I said.
"Hm…" Renka glanced down, and I made my tail go stiff and still as I hoped she hadn't seen it shift. She though didn't seem to focus on my legs, but instead… maybe my stomach? I glanced down, wondering if maybe I had a stain or sothing on my shirt.
"Renn!"
I blinked and turned, and found rit down the hallway. She was waving at .
"Oh… sorry Renka, we're getting ready to leave. Did you need anything?" I asked as I looked back to the girl.
"No. Not yet. See you later, Renn."
Slowly nodding, I stepped away and waved goodbye to the cute, but odd, girl. She was still staring at my stomach.
It was almost as if she was a saint, and was staring at the way the Chronicler or Light did. But her eyes weren't glowing…
Leaving her behind, I felt strangely uncomfortable as I hurried over to rit. She sighed at as I approached. "Help carry so stuff to the inn, would you?" she asked.
I nodded, and as we turned to head away I spared a glance behind . The girl was still there, down the hall… staring at still.
Sothing was odd about her, and not just her appearance. Maybe she hadn't been human at all…?
"Do we have a mber nad Renka, rit?" I asked as we headed for the mansio.
"Hm…? No. I don't think so."
Right… she hadn't outright slled like one of us either. Though honestly I wasn't sure if I had even noticed her scent at all. Odds are it had just been one of the kids who had noticed acting odd, and had reached out to ask if I needed any help. Hopefully the girl hadn't wanted anything too serious. I had a strange feeling all of a sudden, one that made worried. Maybe I was supposed to have spent more ti with her, or sothing…?
Maybe later I'll search her out again. Renka? Angie might know her; since it was obvious the girl was one of the kids that lived here. She wore the simple robes they all did. Plus her appearance, so different than most others, would make her easy to notice too.
Although bothered, I was kind of glad for it. My mind was finally off the prophecies, at least for now, so I indulged in the odd feeling as rit and I went back to readying to leave.
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