Listening to the storm outside, I tried to not worry over the lack of tiredness I was feeling.
It was the middle of the night. The dead of night. We were at the Bell Church, in the ho that Fly had once been living in, and instead of sleeping in one of the comfy beds upstairs with rit I was downstairs sitting on a couch and stressing.
I didn't feel tired at all. My eyes weren't heavy or blurry. My body didn't feel weak… I didn't even feel hungry! Usually I'd not be upset over such a thing, but this was the third day now that I've gone without a mont of sleep.
Three days. Soon to be four.
It was one thing to go so long without sleep under normal conditions… but these last few days hadn't been normal. We've traveled miles. I've been running around and being far more active than usual… and now to top it off, I even fought a monarch!
I should be exhausted. Or at least tired enough to take a nap. Especially right now, when no one else was awake and nothing was happening… yet instead of curling up in a comfy bed with rit I was down here counting the monts as they passed.
This wasn't the first ti I'd gone this long without sleep, of course. Not even recently, either. I blad Vim's lack of presence for such a thing, at least lately… but usually when this happened during Vim's absence I still got tired. My eyes grew heavy. My mind slowed a tad. My body ached. My mind drifted, absentmindedly pondering things of silly worth such as what Vim had possibly eaten lately, or if his clothes were still intact or not.
Yet right now my mind was clear. My tail squirming. Without a lick of exhaustion to be felt.
"Is it the heart, maybe…?" I whispered as I touched my stomach.
Since we were sowhere safe, and it was late, I only wore a single layer. The thin layer I sotis wore to bed. The shirt was so thin it had a few holes in it but I still lifted it a bit as to touch my bare stomach. I ssed with it a bit, half expecting to sohow feel the heart within .
I didn't feel anything of course… and it was starting to worry . I really didn't know a lot about what I'd done, and what was happening to , but I had genuinely though that the hearts were still inside us, those who absorbed them. Landi's had been in her womb. Sap's had been in her chest, between her breasts. And as far as I was aware, Vim and saints could sense them. To the point they could pinpoint their location sotis.
Plus, those who had hearts could seemingly sense others who did too. Which I now thought I understood, thanks to the fight with that monarch. I had sensed it before it had arrived… and now, when near Light or Martin, I felt that sa weird tingly sensation at the tip of my tail or fingers.
I could indeed sense those who had divine power, as Vim called it. Though to what degree or accuracy, I still didn't know… but didn't that an I should sense my own too, then? You'd think that would an I'd know where mine was. How co I couldn't feel it…? Hopefully it wasn't sowhere weird. What would happen if it grew too big…? Vim said they grew as you absorbed more, right? Would it cause an issue then if I kept absorbing them…?
My plan was to eventually take in Miss Beak's too. And Vim had said it had been one of the strongest hearts he's seen. And it had been rather large… I wonder what it'd feel like to have sothing like that inside ? What if it ford in my head or sothing? Would it hurt?
While contemplating such odd things, sothing banged above . I jumped in my seat, the hairs on my tail and ears going stiff as I stood and watched a bundle of gray and white fall down the nearby stairs.
I barely comprehended what I was seeing as soone fell down the stairs, banging loudly and yelping in pain as she did… and then once at the bottom, she ca to a stop and let out a groan of a sigh as she just laid there.
"Um… Light…?" I hurried over to the saint, who was lying on the ground right in front of the stairs she'd just fallen down.
"Did… did I just fall down the stairs…?" she asked with a stiff voice as she looked up at .
"You did! Are you okay?" I asked worriedly as I bent down to help her up.
Light groaned as I helped her to her feet. The robe she wore was thicker than it looked; it felt soft but was so thick I knew I'd never wear it to bed. It would make too hot and uncomfortable. "Yes… or no. Maybe," she said as I helped her over to the couch I'd just been sitting at.
I couldn't help but smile at her. Was she maybe a terrible sleeper? Had she been sleep walking? Or was she just really bad at waking up? This was the first ti I'd seen her like this. She didn't seem really hurt, by the ti she sat down she breathed a sigh of relief and nodded at in a way that told she was already fine. Her legs and arms didn't look broken, her face and head looked fine… and…
I blinked at her as I realized she wasn't wearing an eye patch. Her left eye, the one usually covered and hidden, didn't look as bad as I had expected it to. There were blotchy scars all around her eye socket, and up into her hair, but nothing so bad that I felt needed to be covered and hidden as she did.
"You sure you're okay?" I asked worriedly. If she got hurt while under my care…
"Mhm… I just had a terrible dream, so…" she shivered a little as she shook her head.
"A prophecy…?" I asked worriedly. Another bad one already!? Really!
"No. Just a dream. A nightmare. I woke up crying and… wanted sothing to drink," she said as she reached down to rub her right knee underneath her robe.
"Wait here. I'll get you sothing," I said.
"Just water please."
I smirked at that as I headed for the kitchen. Seed Light already knew of my penchant to grab tastier drinks, such as my smoothies or teas.
Returning quickly with her drink, I handed it off to the saint who looked not only relaxed but fully awake now. She smiled in thanks as she took the cup from and drank the whole thing in a single drink.
Maybe I should have brought the whole bucket…?
"Another…?" I asked as I held my hand out for the cup. She breathed a sigh of relief and shook her head, keeping hold of the cup instead of handing it back to .
"Thank you. I'm sorry for startling you… did I wake you too?" she asked as she glanced at the couch she sat at. I noted the way she looked at the pillows not just on the couch, but the floor around it.
I had been resting on them. they were fluffy and comfortable. And when she had fallen down I had jumped up to help, dropping them in the process. I went to picking them up, smiling a little sheepishly as I did. "I wasn't sleeping. Just sitting."
"In the dark, alone," Light said.
Oh. Right. It was dark. Should I light the fireplace? Or a candle…? This building didn't have those lights that lit up by themselves, or stayed on all the ti. It was more normal, like the ones I was used to. Just a typical house. It did have plumbing though. Not of warm water, but it did have flowing water with the turn of a handle. That I suppose did make it a lot better than normal, I guess.
"It's not that dark," I said as I went to grab the little fire-stick thing Vim had given a long ti ago. I had left it on the table near the front door, since I had used it earlier to warm water for tea. I procured it and lit a few of the candles scattered around the room, but not the large one hanging from the ceiling near the stairs. It had oil in it, and glowed brightly, but I knew from seeing it earlier that its light reached upstairs and into the hallway up there. rit and Lilly should still be asleep, and I didn't want to wake them. Lilly particularly was very… touchy about noises and light. Knowing her she had already woken thanks to Light's fall down the stairs.
I wanted both of them to rest as long as possible. Light had healed Lilly, but not rit. And even though healed, Lilly was still hurting and tired. They needed rest, to recover from their wounds and exhaustion.
"You know my eyes glow, but strangely my eyesight isn't that good," Light said quietly as I returned to the couch, done lighting candles.
"Hm… maybe the brightness works against you in the dark?" I wondered. I don't rember Witch ever complaining about having bad eyesight… so I wasn't sure if she had had the sa troubles or not.
She smirked at . "Most assu the brightness would help, not hurt," she said.
I shrugged softly. "Just a thought."
"An amusing one. Your mind works oddly, doesn't it?" she asked.
My tail twitched a little. What'd that an…? Was she saying I thought weirdly? Unnaturally…? Vim always ntioned my mind worked oddly, in his perspective, but he did so as if saying I was cute. Light though had just sounded tired… as if disappointed in how I had been thinking.
She sighed softly and tapped her cup… and then stood. I shifted back a bit as she lifted her cup. "My turn to get us drinks," she said as she walked past , and towards the kitchen. Before she entered it she picked up one of the candles I'd just lit… telling her comnt had been the truth. The kitchen had these big windows, and although there was a storm going on outside… the moon's light was still strong enough to illuminate the whole kitchen in my perspective.
Though…
I tilted my head as I pondered myself until Light returned. She brought back a small platter, with a couple cups and a pitcher. I slled the water within it as she put it down on a table nearby and went to pouring us so of it.
A part of wanted to ask her about my condition. Since I knew she'd know. She'd be able to answer my many questions about the hearts I'd absorbed… but I knew I couldn't ask them. I was still supposed to be pretending that I was pregnant, at least in front of her.
"So… you're not sleepy?" she then asked as she handed a cup of water.
"Not yet," I said simply.
Light frowned but nodded, as if that made sense to her. "Good. Then you can hear talk about my nightmare," she said as she picked up her cup and sat back down on the couch.
For a small mont I stood there, a little bothered… but decided it was fine. I too went to sit down, on the couch with her, but I made sure to put a few of the pillows and cushions between us.
Light noticed, but didn't say anything as she took a drink. Then she gestured lightly at herself. "I dreamt I died. That I fell into a big monster's mouth. So kind of sea animal," she said.
"And… we're sure it's just a dream?" I asked.
"Oh yes. We can tell the difference. I can tell the difference," she clarified.
I nodded softly. Witch had said the sa.
"I know. I'm a mighty saint, yet I panic and cry over a simple nightmare. Very disappointing," Light said with a smirk.
"Hm…? I hadn't been thinking that. I was just rembering the tis Witch had said similar, that you saints can tell right away if a dream is a prophecy or not," I said.
Her smirk softened. "I was teasing you, Renn. I could tell you weren't thinking such a thing. You're too kind to do that."
"Mhm…" I felt my tail coil around my left ankle. I suddenly felt a little tired.
Light sighed. "Don't tell anyone, but I'm actually rather scared of violent situations, you know? I'm not like my mother. The re sight of blood makes want to throw up and run away," she told .
"Really…? You seed fine yesterday," I said. She hadn't outright fought the monarch, but she had stood alongside those who had. She had rushed to heal Martin and Lilly without hesitation. She hadn't scread in terror or anything either, as a few others had done.
"Bravado, nothing more. It actually took everything I had to get on that wagon, knowing what was going to happen."
"So… you knew it'd attack early? Before you said it would?" I asked. If so that kind of irked . We had planned to face it more properly, with the arrows and spear. Since she had foreseen where and when it would have actually attacked. Us being attacked earlier than that had made it more difficult for us than it had needed to be.
"No. I just ant in general. I knew people would get hurt, maybe even die… and that terrified . Always does. Always will," she said.
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"Ah…" I nodded gently. I guess I was the sa. I didn't like the idea of people getting hurt either.
Light leaned back a bit and sighed. "I'm glad it all went well, considering. Martin won't ever be the sa without his arm, but he should be able to adapt. He can still be a knight, even with only one arm. He's strong enough," she said.
Right… He had seed fine, relatively. He had even helped unload the wagon once we got here, the only wagon we had since we had to abandon the other. The monarch had broken the axle of the first one; the one Martin had been riding. "Is he your knight, Light?"
I had asked him once and his answer had been kind of… odd, so I wanted to hear the truth from the source.
"No. Less is mine."
Wait, Less…? I thought Martin, or his father, was…? Though I might simply be misunderstanding. Maybe a saint could have multiple knights.
"So he's Mono's?"
"He's Glasses' knight."
Ah. The one I'd not t yet, for whatever reason. I wonder why he was here with us then and not with her, back in Lun?
"Why'd Less not co with us?" I asked.
"Less can't leave Lun until she ets soone. A particular soone. I'd have liked to have brought her, but if I took her from that fate… it'd make feel terrible. How can I want and desire love and then turn around and take the opportunity for another to experience it from them?" Light shook her head. "Would make a cruel hypocrite."
"She ets her fated person in Lun…!? Is it soone I know?" I asked happily, grabbing a cushion without even thinking so that I could squeeze it in glee.
"I… I don't know if you know them, Renn. I don't even know their na yet. It's a sailor. One who is associated with the Society, but I think he's human."
A sailor…!? One of the people Roslyn works with maybe? Or Kevin? Gosh it could be one of hundreds of people!
"A human huh…" I whispered as I squished the cushion into my lap, realizing what she'd just said.
Light gently smiled and nodded. "Yes. A human."
Taking a deep breath, I wondered what to say about that. A part of was saddened, since it ant the obvious… but another part of was happy. Less was as old as Landi. And if she's gone this long without love, then… I should be happy, overjoyed, she finally was going to get her opportunity to experience it. Yet… here I was, wishing there was another option all of a sudden.
"What do you think of that, Renn?" Light then asked.
I perked up a little, my ears fluttering as I nodded gently at her. "It's… sad? It ans her love will be short lived. It ans any children from the encounter will be few in number, and mixed in the blood. So there's a chance she will outlive not just him but them too. That… breaks my heart. However… having loved humans myself, having watched them grow from children, I know it's not as simple as that. I had only known Ginny for a handful of years… but I'll rember her forever. I'd not trade those years for anything. I'm sure Less will say the sa once it's all said and done. So although saddened, I'm happy for her too. Greatly so," I said.
Light seed to relax a little as her eye dimd a bit. "Beautifully said, Renn."
I shrugged. It was how I genuinely felt. I knew Vim, and many others, found the idea of as they called it, lessening the bloodlines, as sothing to be disgusted at or disappointed in… but honestly I would rather soone got to experience love and know what it was like to have a family even if for a short ti over not having such a feeling at all, ever.
Light then glanced around a bit… and then smiled and leaned forward towards . I squeezed my cushion as she got rather close, and she lowered her voice to a whisper. "Can I tell you a secret, Renn? One only Vim knows?"
My heart thumped as I nodded.
"I'm a half breed."
I blinked, and cold realization dawned on . "You!?"
Light nodded quickly, and raised a dainty hand to gently point at herself. "My mother had been human. My father had been a brutal man, he wanted saints you see? His grandmother had been one. So he knew if he had enough daughters, eventually, one would be born a saint too. So he cruelly kidnapped won, of all types, and well… here I am," she said.
My mind whirled at the knowledge, and things suddenly made sense.
Vim had saved her. He had been sent to find her, by Celine. She had been adopted.
Like so many of our kind, her past was one of sorrow. Did… did that an her life before the Society had been terrible? She had only said a few sentences about the man, her father, but I could tell without any doubt she was being gentle in her speech on purpose. She had flinched when speaking of him.
I gulped as I realized sothing else too.
Her mother had been human. Kidnapped and abused by her father, just so he could give birth to her. And… "What of your siblings…?" I asked carefully with a whisper.
Light blinked at , and then smiled. "You really are gentle, Rennalee. Of all the things for you to think of first, it's that?"
"Was… was that wrong to ask…?" I asked, suddenly feeling very self-conscious.
"Not at all! It was very sweet. Yes. I had… many siblings. Probably hundreds. As far as I'm aware none are alive. He slaughtered all sons, on their birth, and the only daughters he kept were ones thick in the blood of his line. And there had only been a few of us born so," she said.
He kept them…? Hopefully not for the reason I was assuming…
Light sighed gently as she leaned back a bit. "I feel really calm now that I've told you," she then said.
"Mhm…! I um… thank you. I think…? I promise not to tell anyone else," I said quickly. I wasn't sure what to say, honestly.
I could see, and understand, why she'd keep it a secret. Many in the Society didn't like humans, and thus those who had a human parent… but it was also sad. Sothing you didn't really want to share with anyone, just because of the implications behind it.
She had not been born out of love, but of sches and sorrow. And well… I an…
Giving Light a soft smile I gently gestured at myself. "I had been born for the sa reason, you know? My family had… well… My father believed in purity. My older sisters had been abused by him, much for the sa reason as yours used," I said.
Light's eye dimd so more, and then grew brighter as she gently nodded. "A sad history that many of us share, huh?" she said gently.
I nodded back at her. Many of us did, didn't we? The first to co to mind was Ursula, at the Crypt, but I knew many others had similar stories and pasts. rit, my little friend sleeping upstairs, even had such a sad back-story.
For a long mont the two of us just… sat in silence. Or well, not true silence. The storm outside had grown a little louder, and every so often the house creaked from the wind and damp. The world was noisy, even if we weren't.
It felt a little… awkward all of a sudden, but I felt a little good all the sa. I knew deep down that Light was just likely trying to… form a close bond with , since she planned to beco close to my daughter. But… at the sa ti…
Even if a good portion of her kindness, and her friendship, was because of the future… did that really negate it? Did it make her trust and friendship any less pure…? Maybe it did. But…
About to ask sothing, I stopped myself as she then spoke up. "How do you do it?" she asked.
"Do what?"
"Love a man who might be sothing more?" she whispered.
I couldn't help it, I smirked at her. How did we go from such a sad topic to this one? "Well… to he's not, if that makes sense. I know he's special. Even if he won't admit it, and denies it profusely. But even with him being special… he's still just Vim. He has flaws. More than we do, even. He has problems, like everyone. He has wants and needs… even desires. He just doesn't let himself indulge in them. If he's really sothing above us, sothing beyond or you… it's not so great a step that I need to worry about it."
Light smiled at , and I noticed the way her eye lit up a little more. "Love, you speak. Mother would say you just spoke beautifully… I want to squirm and call you stupid," she said.
I nodded and giggled for a mont. "I felt kind of silly saying it too."
"I want to know what that feels like. What love feels like," she then said.
"Find soone? Try?"
"I can't. I've tried. A lot."
Frowning at her, I wondered what she ant. Was she saying her love never works out or sothing more specific? "Why… not?" I asked carefully.
"Because anyti I try to get close to soone, they die."
I shifted a bit, squeezing the cushion in my lap as I did.
She had said that very coldly. Too coldly. That hadn't been so joke or self-deprecating humor… but…
Light then giggled at . "You just thought, oh no we're getting close I better stop! Didn't you?"
Woops. "I kind of did," I admitted with a smile.
Light smiled back at and nodded. "I ant more in the sense of love, Renn. Real love. Like what you have with Vim, for Vim. Us being friends, or even family, won't cause any issues."
"I hope not. Vim would be very upset if I died because we beca close," I said.
"Gods don't even put that out there. He's… well…" Light shifted a bit herself, and then curled a leg under her as she turned to face directly. She then smiled and gestured at . "He tried too you know? The other day when you two first got to Lun? He asked if I'd found anyone yet. I think he had just been… trying to be nice, in his own way. but it ant a lot to for him to ask like that. The old Vim I knew wouldn't have ever even thought of such a thing, you know?" she said.
That was sad to hear. Because in my eyes, Vim was a very gentle man. The kind of gentle and kind that such a question from him wouldn't be surprising at all.
But… I knew the truth. Vim could indeed be distant. Especially with those he disliked. Such as… well…
Saints.
"What'd you tell him?" I asked.
"Not the truth. I just told him I hadn't found anyone yet. That I keep trying, and keep my eye out but no one's really… worked out yet," she said with a shrug.
Right. She can't, or rather doesn't lie, so she speaks around such truths in that kind of way. "So… you say this very confidently… is this because you've tested it, or because you've foreseen it?" I asked.
"Both. Every ti I think I'm getting close to soone, I have a prophecy of their death. And it's the kind that well…" she pointed at the nearby stairs. "Does stuff like that to ."
"You're not lying about who died in your dream just now, are you?" I asked.
Light made a noise with her nose. "No. I really died in my own dream, not you or anyone else. I promise."
Good.
"You said tested too…?" I asked softly.
She nodded, but didn't clarify. Which told all I needed to know.
"Is it a saint thing…?" I asked.
She frowned at . "Why would you ask that?"
Well… "Witch. She had foreseen her husband. He hadn't died, not until after she did… but she had foreseen his death a few tis. We had to stop it from happening. Another saint I knew also lost her husband, too. In fact she had foreseen several children, but only had one with him," I said. I made sure not to say Elaine's na, just in case she didn't know of her. I knew her mother had t Elaine, but had no idea if she had or knew of that eting.
Light frowned a bit. "I see… no, I'm not aware of it being a saint-related curse. Many saints have children, or get married and whatnot. Many even have multiple partners, because of the… well… implication," she said with a shrug.
"Implication?"
"We want to have as many kids as possible. To continue the bloodline. The saintly one."
Ah. Right.
Funny. Wasn't that not just what her father had done? I wonder where the line was drawn where it went from being sothing cruel and diabolical to sothing normal and respected.
Was it just the feelings behind it? The brutality of it?
Still… I couldn't help but be interested in such topics. After all, there was a chance that… well…
I'd soon be a part of such a group, if the prophecies were true.
It made wonder if I should start asking questions. About… a lot of things. Not just the basic questions, but the important ones. Like… if I really did have a saint as a daughter, was there sothing important I should know about the process…? I'd known plenty of saints, but hadn't known any from when they were young. Other than Mono, I guess, since supposedly she wasn't even twenty years old yet.
I knew Vim could likely answer many, if not all, such questions… but he was such a pain to speak to when it concerned these things. Even if he answered the questions about this stuff, he did so with a stiff face and a flat tone. I knew it made him uncomfortable to even think of such things, let alone speak of them.
Yet… Light wouldn't have that problem at all, would she?
She was… actually soone I could probably learn a lot from.
She knew so much that I didn't. And not just because she was a saint. She had learned under Celine. She knew of things that those like her had gathered and archived over who knows how many years, concerning not just the more secretive things in the world such as monarchs and Vim but just… things in general.
Light knew of hearts. She knew of divinity. She knew more about Vim than most… and had a wealth of knowledge from her prophecies, and the prophecies her mother and others had told her.
I was sitting in front of likely one of maybe half a dozen people in the world that could answer my questions… and might just do so honestly.
Yet I couldn't ask a single one.
If I asked what it was like to absorb hearts or what it all ant, she'd confirm I had done so already. If I asked what it was like to give birth to a saint, or anything concerning such a thing, she might focus a little on and ask questions in return that would reveal the truth I was hiding from her about my lack of being actually pregnant.
If I asked about gods or monarchs… or prophecies and the past, concerning Celine and the rest… I might tread into topics that got in trouble. Either with her, or Vim.
Such a conundrum, as Vim would call it. Though it was all his fault! If he'd just… if I could just talk to him about these things and not have to feel like I was walking on thin ice while doing so… well…
"You okay Renn?" Light asked after a mont, likely noting my thoughts. Like always I was easily read, in certain ways.
I nodded. "Yes. I just… I feel a little lost, I guess. But I can't ask you to guide . Not yet," I said.
"Why's that?"
"It's not ti yet. I need to wait for Vim first," I said honestly.
Light smiled at . "I see. Is that a wife speaking, not willing to anger her husband, or is that a proud cat speaking; one who is on the prowl and knows better than to risk their hunt?" she asked.
I smirked at that. "Both, maybe? I actually don't mind angering Vim. He doesn't get really angry with . I do mind disappointing him, though, or hurting him. And if I ask you certain things, or talk about certain things… before talking about them with him first, I know it'd upset him. Even if he'd not get angry over it, it'd still bother him. And I don't want to do that. He's mine. I'm his. A part of that agreent is to place each other first, at least in this way. At least to try," I said.
"Ah… see? I'm jealous again."
Giggling at that, I squeezed my pillow… and then realized the world outside had gotten a little brighter.
Peering out the window, I noticed the familiar morning haze. The sun was rising, slowly.
Another night co and gone. Without a hint of sleep.
Oh well. At least I enjoyed this night, thanks to my new…
Frowning gently at Light who was smiling softly at , as if waiting for to ask a question… I decided to just accept it.
"I think you're right, Light. I think we're going to be good friends," I said.
"We already are, Renn. We were since our births. Connected by fate," she said.
My tail twitched as I squeezed the cushion on my lap. "Don't let Vim ever hear that, please."
Light laughed.
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