"I can't wait to see another baby!" Renn happily said as we left Telmik's gate behind.
I slowed a little, frowning at her as I wondered what the hell she was on about now. Was she trying to tease again about those stupid prophecies…?
"Ah… yes. Pram's baby will have long been born by now," I said as I rembered. She had indeed been pregnant last ti we'd been there, only a short ti away from giving birth.
"Another so quickly! I wonder who will be next? Soone at Lun? Landi?" Renn giggled happily as she spoke, fully excited.
Right… many such possibilities…
Renn turned, as to look at , and I noticed the way the spear on her back moved. It was angled at the right spot that she'd not accidentally poke anyone's eye out with it, even if she spun around without warning, but it was still a little dangerous. But it was better than having the spear's tip pointed downward, since unlike a normal spear it couldn't be properly sheathed.
There was nothing that spear's blade couldn't slice apart, so there was no point wrapping it or covering it. At least, not for purpose. It was still covered, with a small leather pouch-like piece, if just for appearance only.
"Where were all the babies during our last trip, Vim? It's not fair!" she asked.
"Gestating."
"What's that?"
"Being ford. In the bellies. Or being made," I said.
Renn blushed at , and then looked away as she giggled lightly. I basked in both her sounds and her presence as we drew farther and farther from the large entry gate into Telmik. It wasn't too noisy, being so early in the morning, but there were still people out and about. In fact Renn and I were being so of the more noisier patrons on the road at the mont. I was a little surprised to see how few carts and people were on the main road we were on, heading southeast.
"We're going to make a small stop before you get to hold your next baby, though," I warned her.
"Hm? We are? Last ti we only stopped at Trek's place, and well…" Renn went a little quiet at that.
"I received a request. There's a pair of birds that live in a smaller river village a few days south, which is why we're leaving this way. We'll stop there then head back north as we head east. Passing through Nebl's mountain as we do," I said.
"Are there a lot of mbers living around Telmik, Vim? I t Cari and her husband, supposedly they live in one of the nearby towns too," Renn asked.
"Cari?" I asked.
"Cari and Apso. They're dogs, or so kind of them," Renn reminded .
Right. The ones that bla for their lack of children, for whatever reason. "There's a couple dozen, actually. So don't like the hustle and bustle of Telmik, others like Apso and his wife don't like the Cathedral or its faith so live apart because of that instead. I don't visit any of them too often, since they live so close to Telmik and because they're so adapted and capable of living amongst humans that I don't really need to worry about them. Sa for folks near Lun, there's actually a few dozen families that live near them too, mostly around the inland sea," I said.
"Like Kevin the boatman," Renn said with a nod.
I nodded back. "Yeah. Like him." Had she ever t him?
She humd as we passed a smaller cart. One with only a single horse and man, one who wasn't even on the cart or the horse pulling it. He studied us for a mont as we passed each other, but only a mont.
"You studied all those maps and don't rember such things?" I asked. Not only had she studied Windle's, she's now studied Randle's and The Chronicler's too. In a way she was likely one of the few left who knew everyone's locations and numbers anymore.
"I do of course; I just wanted to confirm it. There are discrepancies, Vim," she said.
"Discrepancies…?" I asked.
She nodded as she raised her hands, as if to start counting them off. One by one. Instead though, luckily, she didn't. "Windle's has so that the Chronicler's doesn't. Randle's lacks ones from both of the others, but seems to have the most up to date numbers for certain locations. There's dozens of places that all have different numbers between the three different maps, such as at the Bell Church or sothing," Renn said.
"Hm… just information not being properly distributed, I suppose," I said.
"Hopefully," she stated.
Right…
"Did that fake saint's map have anything too odd about it? Or did it include Light's numbers, you think?" I asked.
"I thought of that, which is why I asked her to let see it. She has a few locations along the coast that the others don't have, but they all just had one or two mbers there. I didn't, or couldn't tell at least, of any obvious number differences to tell where Light and her people are. I thought maybe that was why her numbers were different Vim, but the numbers that are off are only by ones and twos. Nothing too major," Renn said.
"So possibly Light and the rest, but likely not," I said. Since Light had dozens of people with her, supposedly.
Renn nodded. "I'm looking forward to eting her, by the way. I'm not sure what to expect, honestly, so it's exciting!" Renn told .
I smirked at that. "Have fun with that."
"I will!"
I bet you will.
We walked for a bit in silence, and not because we were nearing anyone. There was so distance between us and the next group down the way, and no one was behind us. The closest person behind us was a large wagon, one too big to ever really catch up to us. It was being pulled by several oxen.
Glancing at it, and the large capital of Telmik that lood behind it… I wondered why I felt restless.
I was relieved to leave, of course. Every mont spent in that stupid town only gave opportunity to disaster. That little monarch's death was proof of that. The sooner I escaped the sooner I kept the world at peace.
Yet… I felt like it was a mistake, sohow.
Usually I didn't feel like this when leaving the Cathedral. Hopefully I wasn't making a mistake by leaving… but I had to, didn't I? Not only did I have to confront Light and the rest, I did still have duties to attend as the protector. I had two letters, one of which we were heading to handle as we speak. It was not fair to allow them to gather dust without just reason.
And although that monarch's death had been startling… it had not been too disastrous. We had not found the perpetrator, of course, but I had spent a week longer there just in case. No new information, or any other event, had occurred while there. In fact the only thing that had happened was my wife becoming more and more involved in the very people I was trying to keep her away from.
Renn had spent more ti with the Chronicler and her people than I had wanted her to. To such a point even Randle and others had brought it up to , asking if I was sure letting her spend so much ti with them was wise.
Well… no. It wasn't. But what was I supposed to do about it?
Renn was free to do whatever she wanted. That was kind of the point.
Plus… she knew better than to get herself too involved in sothing dangerous. At least, I was sincerely hoping she did.
I'd never really thought of it much, but maybe I was a bad influence… what if Renn ignored certain dangers, ones that should be obvious, because of ?
She was my wife. Plus I was the protector. Of non-humans. So what if she ignored, or at least didn't take as seriously, certain threats because of it? What if she simply assud she'd always be safe, thanks to being near her, and thus risked her life needlessly?
Or what if my nonchalant and aloof attitude towards certain things also influenced her… making her too act similarly? Even though she shouldn't, being normal?
"Vim?"
I blinked and glanced at her, finding her a little closer than before. Not so close that I expected her to grab my arm, but close enough the spear was only a foot or so from my head. I was in no danger, even if it did stab , but maybe I should think of a better alternative for her. I had thought making it so she could carry it on her back would ensure she'd be more comfortable, but if she accidentally hurt soone carelessly she'd likely weep…
"Yeah?"
"No matter what happens… will you be okay?" she asked all of a sudden.
I frowned at her, since she had spoken rather seriously. Her current tone, and deanor, were a far cry from the jubilant giddiness she had earlier. I wonder what had caused her mind to drift so drastically? Or was she just being her typical pendulum self, or if us leaving Telmik and being truly alone had simply given her the opportunity to ask a question she's been simring for days now?
"Okay how? Physically? I'm always okay, regretfully," I said.
Renn softly smiled, but it looked like a sad one, as she slowed a little as to walk even closer to . "You plan to step down, no matter what," she verified.
I nodded slowly. "Yes…?"
"And your plan to help Randle and Angie… it's sothing you'll do, but you have no plans to linger there always. So that too is just a temporary asure," she continued.
Wondering where she was going with this, I nodded again. "Yes."
"So… that ans you're going to willingly allow the mbers who won't ask you for help anymore, to be on their own… right?" she asked.
Ah. So this was where she was going. I nodded once more. "Yes Renn. I'll be okay with stepping aside, knowing that people will likely get hurt or die because of it," I told her.
Renn's face contorted into one of utter worry and hurt. "Really Vim? How could you say that?"
"Because I can…? Have you never thought of it, Renn? Look at all I know. All I'm capable of. Do you know how many lives are needlessly lost around at any given mont? Regardless of the type? How many millions of humans have died from famine, or disease? How many non-humans from their lack of knowledge? I stand back all the ti and don't save lives every day which I could with ease. Why would this be any different?" I asked her.
Renn slowed to a stop, and I realized we hadn't had such a conversation before. Or if we had, it had not been very in-depth or honest. A sha and my own fault. Sothing like this should have been brought up ages ago.
"I'll not lie and say it doesn't bother , or weigh on my soul even… but I cannot save everyone, and I also know not to try. When you try to save everyone, no one gets saved," I added softly while staring into her beautiful eyes. They weren't judging , but by my parents I could see the hurt. The pain. The sorrow. The disappointnt.
"You focus on too many, you miss the few," she whispered.
Hm? "Yes. A very apt way of saying it," I said, wondering where she's heard that before.
This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.
"But… You've been watching over all these people for so long, Vim. Hundreds of years. And you're doing so because of the guilt from your mistake right? Why the sudden change?" she asked.
"Because I know nothing lasts forever. It might sound… hypocritical, coming from the closest thing to an immortal there is, but it's the truth. Nothing lasts forever. Lives. Ideals. Promises… nothing," I said softly. I omitted love, since I knew she'd get upset with if I said such a thing. Especially since it wasn't true. Love could lost forever, I had proof of that. I've seen it many tis outlast even the minds and bodies of where it inhabited.
"What about love?" she then asked, smiling gently at .
"Reading my mind are you?" I asked back.
She blinked and frowned as she shook her head. "No? I don't know how. You said that so seriously, is there a way to do it?" she asked, suddenly excited over the idea.
"No. Thank goodness. Even the saints who had been gifted such abilities could not do so perfectly, or without great cost. No, the reason I said that was because I was indeed thinking of love. I had not included it in that list, because I believe it to be one of the few things that can last forever. Or at least, close enough to be included in such a phrase," I said.
She smiled at in a way that almost made want to kiss her. "That's lovely Vim."
I shrugged. "I had not ant it to be that way. It is the simple truth. I've watched people thousands of years old, so old their very minds and bodies have deteriorated and broken against their own wills… yet still they rember and cling to their love. Whether it be of their parents, siblings, children, or partners matters not. I've witnessed it. Love can indeed outlast even ti," I said.
"Why is that, you think?" she asked as we returned to walking.
I was a little surprised for her to do so, but happy too. I joined her, and noted the way she lingered close to . She likely wanted to take her hand.
Before I did though, I answered her question. "My theory is its simple purity. Hate erodes. Greed is a desire that always leaves one unfulfilled, sa with lust and pride and all that… so at the end, when everything else fails us like our minds and bodies we cling to the one thing that remains. Love," I said.
"You speak of people you've watched decay over the years. Over centuries," she whispered.
I nodded. "Who else, what else even?" I asked.
"Gods, maybe," she whispered again.
Ignoring her tiny whisper, since she had said it quietly enough to justify doing so, I went ahead and grabbed her hand. She turned a little, smiled happily at , and then looked back ahead.
"Anyway… yes, Renn. I'll be able to step away if it cos to it. Though I do hope it is for the right reason," I told her.
"Do you like to help people Vim…? You seem to not mind doing so, even for those we don't have to. Like the humans we occasionally help," Renn asked softly.
For a small mont I frowned at that. "I do? I don't know if I've ever told you before Renn, but I was brought up to be a teacher. A leader. A general, as much as a builder. Basically it was instilled in that since I was born with such mighty gifts, I should pity and be rciful to those who did not get as many. My mother called it noblesse oblige, my father called the obligation of the haut monde," I said.
"Hot what?" Renn asked with a smile.
"Basically he was teasing my mother. He didn't like fancy words. It ans the sa thing as my mother's, that the privileged should be generous with those less fortunate. I'm privileged, being what I am, so I should always help and be gentle with everyone else… so they believed," I said, explaining.
"Hm… a source of your rules then," she noted.
I nodded. "One of the main ones, yes."
"Do… do you consider to be privileged Vim? Or am I as pitiful as the rest?" Renn then asked.
Slowing a little at that, I glanced at her and found her staring at in a way that bothered .
She had not ant that as a joke at all. She had asked that rather sincerely.
"I pity you in certain ways, Renn… but I do so out of love. My pity is not in the sense that I see you as a lesser being or anything, but rather the simple fact that I wish I could have found you centuries ago," I said honestly.
"Found …?" she asked softly.
I nodded as a young woman passed us by. I tried not to stare at her too much, since she was an oddity. Such young won traveling alone was not normal, even here in the Nation of the Blind. "I feel regret over your youth. Your upbringing. How your family treated you. And how long it took you to find the Society, and thus friends. But… to be honest Renn I have the sa pity for most our mbers. Since most have suffered similarly, at least in a way, as you have," I told her.
"So you do pity like you do the rest, then," she stated.
"Not really, Renn. It might sound like it, but trust it's different. Let's take Angie for example, since we just said goodbye to her," I said with a gesture behind us. Randle and Angie had been the only ones to see us off this morning. Randle I had understood, but I had been slightly surprised by Angie… until I had seen her and Renn hug each other as they said their goodbyes. They had parted as if siblings, not just friends or acquaintances. "I pity her, and feel bad, for not being able to save her family. For her current life. In my perspective she is clinging to those kids, those orphanages, as a pillar to support herself. There's nothing wrong with it, but I genuinely hate it when our mbers get entangled in humans. It never ends well, even if there's nothing inherently wrong with it. It makes sad to think that she'll have to endure heartache and loss over and over again, until it eventually breaks her. She's latched onto sothing that will keep her alive, from the loneliness and despair from her loss, yet that sa cure is a poison," I said, explaining it a little.
Renn deeply nodded. "That's why you panic each ti I get close to a human, like Roslyn or Lamp," she said knowingly.
"Yes. It scares . It makes pity you. But… do you see actively trying to fix it? Or really voicing any concerns over it?" I asked her.
Renn thought about it for a mont, and then shook her head. "If anything you're supporting it. You've fully agreed to help Angie and Randle move and set up another orphanage up north," she said.
"Exactly," I said, glad she understood.
"But… Vim, you didn't stop either. You in fact were supportive with , too! You helped with Lamp, you allowed to be selfish with Roslyn… even Hark and Elisabell too! You did nothing to stop !" Renn argued, her voice growing louder for the first ti in a mont.
I smirked at her, and her eager voice. She was emotional, yet having fun it seed. "Yes… but you knew full well my thoughts on it, didn't you?" I asked.
Renn hesitated. "Well… yeah…?"
Shrugging, I gave her a happy smirk as I nodded.
"Wait… you're saying that I'm the only one you do that with…?" she asked.
"As far as I'm aware? Yes? I don't force my will, Renn. On anyone. That's kind of the reason we're in this ss in the first place, isn't it?" I asked her.
She groaned at . "Sohow I feel cheated!" she said.
"Cheated…?" How so?
"I'm the love of your life, right? Your wife? Why would you not support as fervently as people who are basically strangers to you?" she asked angrily.
Oh.
I chuckled at her. "Please Renn. I complain, but as you said I've always supported you right? In fact on several occasions I've even broken my own rules, or the Society's, for you. So don't go saying that now," I said.
Her ears made noises under her hat as she made an odd noise and squinted at . "You… basically have, haven't you?" she admitted.
"I have," I said.
For a small mont she only glared at … and then sighed and smiled as she returned to facing forward.
I squeezed her hand a little, and gently bumped her arm with my own.
"The entire point I was making Renn… I pity you, but not in the way I do others. My pity for them is more like the one my parents instilled in . My pity for you is far more powerful, deeper in a way. Plus in other ways I don't pity you at all, you know? If anything I pity myself sotis," I said, teasing her a little.
"Yes, yes. Because I'm so terrible," she said with a smirk.
"Absolutely horrible."
She laughed at as a pair of horse-riders neared. They weren't wearing armor, but one had a small flag flying from the saddle. An insignia of one of the noble families in Telmik.
They ignored us as they passed, seemingly in a hurry.
Once Renn stopped staring at them, and they were far away, I gestured lightly at her to get her attention again.
"Please don't forget Renn… I once ran away. For an unknown amount of ti. You can call it cowardice, foolishness, cruelty or whatever you want… but it's the truth. I've done it before, and so that ans I might do it again," I said gently.
"Mhm… just rember you promised to take with you next ti, Vim," Renn said.
"I did. I will," I promised.
And ant it.
Which was why I was willing to promise sothing else.
"If the Society does… end up not needing, or wanting anymore. And I do step down, Renn… in any manner. Then why not give your little idea a try? We can set your little matchmaking inn up near Randle and Lilly. It's a little close to Telmik, but that will be kind of the point I think. You'll want sowhere centralized… and as of right now that's either Telmik or Lun. And I'd rather not be near the inland sea if we're going to be at odds with them, since they seem to plan on making that their new headquarters," I said.
Renn squeezed my hand. "Really!?" she asked with a hurried whisper.
I nodded. "Yeah? It'll let people still reach out and ask for help too, if even only under the guise of asking you instead," I said.
"I've thought of that. Making myself the one they talk to, or send letters to. They can hate and fear you all they want, but none of that matters if I'm the one they deal with," she said happily.
"I'm glad we're on the sa page," I agreed.
Renn stepped closer, bumping into . "Plus it'll let be near Elaine and the rest too!"
Yes. I know. That's why I suggested it. "And Lilly, and Angie, and Twin Hills so you'll be near Lomi too… I'll feel bad about being so far from Berri and the others, but they're already far as it is… and I doubt they'd be willing to relocate even if we asked," I said.
"We should anyway! What if they would, Vim?" Renn asked excitedly, in a way that told she's likely already thought of such a thing and simply hadn't had the chance to bring it up… or had been afraid to.
"You can. We can. But there's a reason so many of our mbers are separated Renn, it's not sothing they usually respond well to. So be gentle when you do press it upon them," I warned her.
She nodded harshly, almost enough so to dislodge her hat. "Right!"
"In fact, even if nothing goes wrong… and I end up staying the protector, or so form of it, why not do it anyway?" I suggested.
Renn's upbeat smirk diminished a little. "Could I though? If you're still the protector, you'll be so busy," she said gently, sounding hurt.
"It's up to you Renn. It's not like we couldn't find a way to do it that allows you to join in-between people visiting and stuff. Or who knows? Maybe you'll get bored going around doing the sa thing forever. Most of the ti my little circuits through the Society are boring you know? I travel around for years, fixing houses and delivering letters and stuff. Hardly anything interesting," I said.
"Those boring visits are the best, in my opinion Vim," she said softly.
I shrugged at that. In a way they were mine too, since it ant nothing bad as happening… or had happened. But at the sa ti I did admit it sotis got boring. Monotonous, especially. "I suppose it is different for you. You have a lot more fun visiting than I do. Half the ti I just say hello, ask a few questions, fix a few things and then leave. Before you showed up I was sotis even ignored, even. You recently complained over Sheilla not giving us pancakes… but the entire reason I even rembered her doing so was because that was rare for . Usually I don't even get invited to dinner or anything," I said.
Renn was quiet all of a sudden as I pondered who else, other than Sheilla and those like Berri or Nebl who were friendlier to than normal. Only a few nas, and even fewer locations, ca to mind. And… most were gone now.
Surprisingly I thought of people I'd not rembered in a long ti, which sohow made feel like a jerk.
A tiny sniff drew from my mories, and I frowned at Renn.
"Renn…?" I asked. What was wrong? Why was she suddenly crying? I quickly glanced around to make sure all was well, and figured it was. There wasn't even anyone near us, only a distant wagon on the horizon in front of us.
"And you say I'm pitiful," she whispered as she reached up to wipe her eyes.
Oh.
Smiling at her, I tugged gently and drew her closer to . "I didn't an it like that Renn," I said as we went shoulder to shoulder.
"I know. And I've known it for a long ti… I've just been trying to not bring it up," she said as she sniffed again and stopped ssing with her eyes and face. Luckily she wasn't actually crying, she had just gotten emotional.
"Why not?" I asked.
"Because I want you to keep being the protector. If I keep reminding you how much you're disappointed in them all, and how rude and ungrateful they are, you'll just beco more dead-set on stepping down," she said simply.
I chuckled at her. "You're going about that all wrong then. If anything you being so lovely is what will make want to step down before anything else," I said, teasing her a little in an attempt to get her to smile again.
She did, glancing at as if I had just tickled her. "What the heck?"
"It's true! Randle and the others even think I'm abandoning them for you, you know? How does that make you feel?" I asked.
"Horrible!" she said seriously, though with a slight smile.
"Well…" I groaned as I accepted that yes, she likely did feel so.
"Are they really saying that, Vim? Really?" Renn began to worry for a new reason, and I felt like an ass again. She was no longer smiling about it, now having thought about it deeper.
"I suppose this is when I should tell you that I've also been told on many occasions they are glad I've fallen for you. They hope that you'll make …" I hesitated a mont as I wondered how to word it.
"Less you? Yes. I've heard that plenty too," Renn said with a sigh.
Oh? "Yeah? That's a good way to put it, I was going to say sothing aner," I said.
"That was pretty an enough, so I can only imagine what you were going to say…" she mumbled.
Smirking at her, I lifted our hands and arms so I could wrap my arm around her. I held her as we walked, and I did my best to not get annoyed at the spear hanging on her back. I'll need to shift its angle a little, moving the strap it hung in, later. So that I could hold her like this and not be as bothered by it. Odds are it was digging slightly into her side thanks to holding her.
"Vim?" she asked softly, smiling weirdly at .
"Yeah this is awkward, probably because we got such thick clothes and so much luggage," I admitted. It was doable, but not as good as it should have been.
She sighed at . "And whose fault is that?" she asked.
Mine.
Always mine.
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