"Do you think Lilly is there yet?" I asked as I waved to the older couple we were walking past. They were sitting on a log on the side of the road, seemingly resting.
"Hopefully," Vim said.
As we walked farther away from the older couple, I frowned and looked back ahead. Off in the distance was a town, though it wasn't Telmik. Vim had said we were still a couple days away from the capital. Yet this road we were on was as busy as if it was a capital. I rembered the roads here being busy last ti we were here, but it felt like they were doubly more so now. Maybe it was the season, or the route we were taking this ti?
"Is uh… is now a good ti to talk about it?" I asked.
"About what?" Vim asked with a weird glance at .
"Not that! The stuff concerning Light and the rest!" I said, doing my best to not let my face grow too hot.
Vim smirked at . "That's too bad. My list is only half a mile long, I was looking forward to more things you wanted to add to it," he teased .
"Oh shush about it already! You're the one who asked!" I shouted, my face growing hotter.
It was all his fault anyway! He had been acting so weird about it, back at that crystal cave! I was trying to be nice, to make the mont feel less serious and…! I an, really! It wasn't like I was being completely serious! I had just been so embarrassed, so worried he'd take it the wrong way that I kind of just... prattled on and stuff...
Growing even more upset, I stepped away from him. Closer to the edge of the road. It made no sense for to be so bothered by his teasing, since I was actually very happy he was finally willing to talk about, or even consider, taking our relationship further but yet at the sa ti it was really bothering .
"You're supposed to be nicer to ," I complained quietly. I hated the fact my tail and ears had to be hidden, they were squirming sothing fierce under all my clothes and hat.
There were just too many people on the roads now for to even risk it for a mont, however. Even now in the distance I could see a wagon heading our way.
"I have fifty eight reasons to prove how nice I'm being," he said, teasing further as he reminded of how many things I'd told him to make sure of to handle on his next attempt.
Wait… "Fifty-eight?" I asked. Not so, surely? I could only think of at most maybe forty that I'd said… so far.
"I'm including a couple other little things you've not said, but yes. Fifty-eight. That's a lot you know?" Vim said, smirking at .
Great… he was not going to stop teasing over this was he? Would he bring it up in front of others…? I couldn't imagine how embarrassing it'd be for him to tell Lilly or riah about this…
Or Oplar! Gosh! She'd then tell everyone else!
Reaching up, I cupped my face and squeezed it. As if to squish out the absolute sha leaking from . "Is it really that bad, Vim?" I groaned.
"Hm…? Not really. I'd not tease you so happily if it was. Though I will admit you having so many little requirents just to make love is rather funny," he said.
"So it is!" I squeezed harder.
He laughed at , and although his laughter made want to find so hole and bury myself in it, I clung to it all the sa.
His hand patted on the back, or rather my shoulder, since my bag was covering the rest of it. I lowered my hands, as to look at him. He looked far too calm considering I felt like a ss, and we were re days from possibly splitting the Society into two.
"Is it really weird, Vim…?" I asked worriedly. Although it sounded like a lot of things, most of them I had thought had been simple and understandable. Like having a nice bed, and for us to be alone. I didn't want anyone around when it happened… after all.
"No, Renn. It actually fits your personality rather well. Plus I know a lot of those little things will fade away with ti," he said.
"Fade away…?" I asked. What'd he an by that?
He shrugged, and pulled his hand away. I glared at it for a mont, and felt foolish.
I had stepped away from him, as if to get angry at him, and yet here I was upset he had stopped touching . I really was a ss.
"Concerning Light… I'll be honest Renn, it could go any way. I would like to ask you to not get involved though, just in case I actually do have to get violent," he said, changing topics before I had really wanted him to.
But it was my fault. I had asked. I had brought it up first.
Nodding slowly, I did my best to not get too upset with myself. After all, this was a conversation we needed to have. Almost as necessarily as we did the previous one.
"Plus I'd like to think it won't get to that point. I'm not saying I don't believe riah's accusations, Renn… because I do. But I just hope, and think, there's more to it than simple animosity. Odds are they screwed up, but not so badly I need to outright slaughter them all," Vim said.
"But if you do have to?" I asked.
"Then I do."
My stomach felt strange for a mont, as it tightened and hurt for a mont. "If you do Vim… what would actually happen? Afterward?" I dared to ask.
"The Society would split. Because there will be many, like those who support Light and don't support , who will not believe anything I or anyone else say concerning their betrayal. They'll not believe . They'll claim I made it up, or used my status to try and eliminate soone trying to depose . It's all politics, but it's reality. So… the end result will likely be a large portion of the Society fracturing. There will be doubt, sches, rumors and more. People who have any doubt at all will no longer believe or request my assistance; the ones who hate will only have further evidence against to fuel their own doubts and hatred. And the few people who are on our side, like those like Lilly and riah, would only get caught in the wake of all the drama. They'll end up likely leaving the Society, or at least fracturing away from it and becoming distant out of re necessity. In all honesty, a part of would say to not harm or call out Light and the rest even if they are guilty. Just purely to keep the Society functioning smoothly," Vim said.
"You'd actually do that? Forgive them, and leave them be, just to keep the Society intact?" I asked, a little shocked to hear so.
Yes he believed in free-will, but there was also a part of him that seed… unlikely to do that, ever. Like Tim. He had punished and ended that man's life instantly, the mont he realized how awful he had actually been. It was hard to imagine Vim wouldn't do the sa if Light and the others had actually gotten Lomi's village destroyed, accident or no.
"I don't know yet Renn. I'm just saying there's a part of that knows that would be the lesser of evils. There would be ways, after all. Such as I forcing myself into their circle, to keep better oversight of them. As to not allow it to happen again. If I was able to guarantee they never hard another mber, would you be able to overlook their past transgressions as to secure the safety and longevity of the Society as a whole?" Vim asked .
Hesitating a mont, I barely noticed the wagon pass us by. It was a small one, and the man sitting in the seat holding the horse's reigns didn't even glance at us as it went by.
"You're saying more lives would be by saved forgiving them, than punishing them," I whispered as my mind whirled at the idea.
"Yes. Possibly thousands of lives could be affected, or at worst lost, if I punish Light and the Society fractures as a result. They should be punished, but is that cost worth it?" Vim asked .
Feeling suddenly horrible, since I'd spent the last couple days flirting with Vim and enjoying life and not worrying about this… I wondered how long it had been since Vim had realized such a thing.
Likely the very beginning. Since he was undoubtedly speaking from experience.
Which terrified .
Reaching up, I grabbed at my shirt. My chest hurt. "Quite a moral issue, isn't it?" I whispered.
"Quite," Vim agreed.
"What would you do?" I asked.
"Well I plan to step down, honestly, so that ans there is only one option," Vim said.
One option…? Oh… "You won't be there to ensure they won't commit atrocities such as that again, so you'd punish them," I said, understanding his aning.
"Right. Hopefully soone else will step up to take over, as so kind of leader. To keep a majority of the Society as a whole and together, if able," Vim said lightly.
Don't ntion one of Celine's prophecies so suddenly like that, Vim!
"You sound far too calm about this Vim…" I groaned, doing my best to not let my ears wiggle too much in stress. Gosh my chest really hurt all of a sudden…! The pain and tightness was almost enough to make wonder if I had hurt myself sohow.
"Well… I know not to really worry yet. Until we confront Light and the rest, most of this is just talk. We don't know what will actually happen, Renn," Vim said, reminding .
I nodded, and although knew I should feel better… I didn't.
"I don't want you to step down, Vim," I whispered as another cart ca into view. One much bigger than the last.
Vim was quiet for a few dozen steps, but then he reached over to grab my shoulder. He gently squeezed it, and as he did I felt my chest relax a little. I took a relived breath, glad that it wasn't as tight anymore. "I know, Renn. It will be okay. We'll figure it out. Together. I promise," he said.
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I nodded. "Together," I agreed.
He smiled at , and I was half tempted to ask for a kiss. Even though the mont didn't seem fitting for it, I suddenly wanted one.
Maybe our last couple days of flirting was starting to get to .
Really… why hadn't I been able to just overlook that sll?
Feeling stupid, I looked away from Vim and sighed at myself.
For the last few years I'd been complaining over his lack of interest. And the mont he actually seems to try, even if in a very gentle and roundabout way as he had, I was the one who had ruined it.
Of all things for that place to have slled like. Of all monts…
Taking a deep breath, I sighed again… and was glad to feel my chest was no longer hurting. Though now it felt tight for a new reason. Or well, not a new one… just a different one.
I now felt utterly worthless.
Hopefully Vim understood. He seed like he did, he really did, but…
Glancing at him, I wondered how much teasing I'd have to endure if I asked him about it. I wanted to know if he was really bothered by my actions back at that crystal cave or not, but knew if I asked I'd have to endure untold hours of teasing. Although I actually enjoyed that teasing… I also didn't want to endure it either. Because it made feel utterly terrible. I should have just kept my mouth shut. I should have just… ignored the sll… no matter how bad it had been… even if it had tainted that mory forever for . After all, what's a single mory? Wouldn't I eventually have thousands and thousands more with him to enjoy instead? Enough to maybe even forget the...
No. I wouldn't have been able to. If the sll actually bothered that much during such a critical mont, I knew it would have bothered forever. Even hundreds of years later, the mont he kissed or sothing I'd rember that sll and then sll it again, no matter where we were or what we were doing. My mory did that sotis.
I did not want such precious mories to be tainted in such a way. Thus my turning him down.
Vim squeezed my shoulder again, reminding he was still touching . I glanced at him, and found sothing being held out to .
Taking the wrapped item, I smiled and sighed as I undid the little cloth and found a bunch of cookies.
"Where'd you get these?" I asked.
"The last town we walked through. While you were talking to that woman," he said.
I see. I had spent a few minute stalking to the owner of an open front store that we had passed by. He must have bought them from one of the nearby stores while I got to hear how she had decided to open a store selling beds. I'd never seen a store just for beds before. I an… it made sense, but a whole store just for them? And the town that we had been passing through hadn't been that big either, barely half the size of Ruvindale. The town ahead of us was much bigger than it.
Though I'd not admit aloud, not even to Vim, that I had only walked into the store and talked to her because of my current predicant.
I had told Vim I had wanted a nice bed. For the next ti he tried. I would have been unable to just walk past such a store on a normal day, let alone one such as now.
Eating one of the cookies, I smiled at the slightly bland taste. They weren't old, or hard, and weren't disgusting but they were definitely not very tasty.
All the sa I ate them happily, since Vim had gotten them for .
While munching on the cookies, the larger wagon passed us by. This ti the one holding the reigns had stared at us, rather openly too.
"Why'd he stare so much?" I asked after he and his wagon left us behind.
"You, Renn."
"?" Had I made a ss while eating? I wiped so crumbs off my face, realizing I likely had.
Feeling a little silly, I smiled at Vim who was staring at . Half expecting him to tease , either about my ssy eating or sothing else, he instead looked away from .
A little disappointed, I was about to say sothing to give him the opportunity to tease but before I could he pointed ahead of us.
"We'll be arriving there about dinner ti. I don't want to stay the night, not when we're so close to Telmik, but would you like to have a proper dinner for once?" he asked.
"Oh! Yes, sure!" I nodded quickly, and ate another cookie as I did. The thought of dinner made hungry all of a sudden, and the cookies tasted slightly better thanks to it.
"Good. I'm actually in the mood now, after watching you stuff your face like that," he said, teasing a little.
Although happy he had done so, since I'd had originally intended to get him to do so earlier anyway, I frowned at him anyway.
"Do you actually get hungry, Vim?" I asked.
"Lately I have been," he said, speaking gently.
"Really?"
He nodded slowly as he glanced at . "Thanks for that by the way."
Hm…? I licked a finger and the cookie crumbs upon it as I wondered what he ant.
Was he saying I made him hungry…? Maybe my constant eating of snacks and stuff reminded him of such good food, making him long for it too?
Licking my lips, I wondered if it was likely him just teasing … but I knew better. Vim did tease . He enjoyed doing it. But he did so with a grain of truth behind it.
Even if he had been simply teasing just now, he had been truthful about it all the sa.
But the idea of him getting hungry just by watching eat was slightly ridiculous. Vim wasn't so easily influenced like that, I believed.
Which ant it was likely not really hunger her spoke of…
"You enjoy eating with …?" I asked, realizing what he most likely ant.
"Who wouldn't?" he asked back, as if it was obvious.
Smiling at him, I once again felt half tempted to kiss him. But I knew not to, since I still had crumbs all over my face.
"You've beco very smitten with haven't you?" I teased him, feeling similar myself.
"Rather you're just a good distraction. Without you I'd be fuming right now. Do you know how hard it is for to walk through towns while furious? Actually, you probably have an idea…" Vim said as he frowned and nodded, realizing I did.
Or well… I did now.
"Would you actually destroy a whole city Vim? In anger?" I asked. I could imagine it, after all. He had only shifted a little too harshly, and broke not just a whole house but a giant ship too back at Nevi.
"Not usually, but it's happened," he admitted.
Hm… "How will we be intimate then?" I asked. He himself has told it wasn't just anger that made his strength get out of his control, after all.
Vim flinched and glanced at . "That's the first thing that ca to your mind?" he asked, shocked.
"What! No! I an…" I felt my face go hot again, enough so that I could feel exactly where the crumbs I'd missed from earlier were now.
He laughed at . "For your information it'll be fine. You'll be fine. Unlike you I've had plenty of practice," he said.
My hot face grew cold. "Why do you always bring that up! Such a thing! You could have instead teased another way, you know!" I said as I pointed my last cookie at him.
"I hadn't ant it that way!" Vim defended himself, and the two of us were forced to calm down as we passed a group of people. They all had large backpacks, carrying goods.
They had undoubtedly heard us shouting at each other, which only made my face go hot again as they passed us. They stared hard at us, whispering amongst themselves as they did so.
Vim sighed at . "In all the years we've been together Renn, how many tis have I hurt you?" he asked.
I pointed at my cheek. It was mostly healed now, no longer even a scab remained, but it was still there. I had not only seen it in the mirror, a faint line of a mark on my cheek, but I could feel the skin still healing. It tingled sotis. "Just this," I said.
Vim frowned at . "Really…? Have I never hurt you when we sparred? I thought I smacked you a few tis with the sword and stuff," he said.
"Well… you had. You also flicked my ears a few tis, too. But you hadn't actually hurt that way. No broken bones, or cuts or anything," I said.
"But bruises?" he asked.
Oh… I nodded a little begrudgingly. "I… suppose yes. You have left bruises when we spar, though they rarely last long," I said, hoping to defend him a little.
He sighed at . Again. "I have over a millennia of experience of controlling my strength Renn. I do sotis slip up, yes, but I know how to be careful. Especially during such intimate monts," he said.
"I wasn't doubting you… I was just wondering, is all…" I whispered as I went to eat my last cookie.
As I munched on it, I waited for the awkward atmosphere to dissipate. I knew Vim was likely not as bothered, but I felt absolutely embarrassed.
How had he changed so swiftly? It was almost as if overnight he had beco more open with .
I knew it hadn't happened that quickly… since it was obvious this change in his personality had co from that night at Elaine's, where he had acted all weird and held all night. Whatever had happened then had shocked him enough to beco… softer, it seed. Odds are if riah had not t us at Nevi, these conversations would have happened weeks ago. In fact there might have been an opportunity for him to have made his attempt before that crystal cave, too.
Though... maybe it was before that night at Elaine's…? Maybe his willingness to be more open with about such things had ca even earlier? Maybe it was when he had decided to step down as the protector of the Society…?
It made wonder how much he'd change in the future. If he was already like this now… what would he be like in a hundred years with ?
My face grew a little warm again, since for so reason I could sohow imagine it.
Quickly eating the rest of my last cookie, I sighed in relief once I was finished.
A little disappointed there were no more, I glanced at the nearing village. It looked like it was still a few hours away.
Wonder what our dinner will be.
Feeling a little gluttonous, for many reasons, I glanced at Vim. He was staring down at the road, on his side. I followed his gaze, and found so kind of mark in the road. Maybe from a wagon or sothing being dragged by one. It was a wobbly line, as if soone had dragged a stick behind them.
Maybe a kid?
I followed the line for a short distance, and was a little surprised at how far it went. It went on for so long I couldn't see the end from here.
Licking my lips, I realized I needed to clean my face again.
As I did, I realized sothing a little important.
Looking back at Vim, I felt my ears twitch under my hat as I wondered if I should ask or not.
He had been kind enough to ask , and listen to my long list of desires… fifty-eight, he had said.
That was a lot.
Yet did I know a single thing he'd want? I had a few ideas, but…
"Do uh… you have any Vim?" I then dared to ask.
He glanced at . "More cookies? No. that was all of them," he said, not realizing what I had ant.
For a tiny mont I debated just… allowing his mistaken understanding co and go… but knew if I didn't ask now, I'd likely not get to.
There was not only no telling when Vim would try again… there was also no telling when we'd even get the chance to be alone again here soon, once we reached Telmik.
So…
Gathering my nerve, I made sure check if I had any crumbs left on my face or lips before asking. Once sure I didn't, I nodded to myself and reached over to pat Vim gently on the arm. As to get his full attention.
He turned to look at , looking away from the line in the dirt road, smiling gently as he waited for to speak.
"I ant um… you know. For your next attempt… is there anything you'd like to do? Or prepare for?" I asked. It was only fair, after all! I had asked for so much, so…!
For a few steps Vim only smiled at … and then he reached up to cover his eyes.
"What…!" I panicked for a mont as Vim groaned, barely hiding his smirk beneath his hand and arm as he shook his head at . "Vim…!" I groaned, feeling all the blood rushing to my face as he took a deep breath and sighed.
Lowering his hand, I felt a little stunned as he gave an odd look. One with eyes so gentle I nearly stumbled at the sight of them.
"Just be yourself Renn. That's all I want from you. Ever."
Gulping… I nodded. "Okay…"
Okay.
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