Ice was slowly forming upon the small pond's surface.
It was a very thin layer. Maybe even one of the first layers of ice to form this season. It was growing cold enough that I knew soon the humans; even those here in the northern lands that were used to such temperatures, would begin to keep their hos heated throughout the day with lit fireplaces. And when they ventured out of their hearths they would do so firmly bundled up, as much as possible.
But as of now, at the mont, it was cold but not cold enough for such lengths. The ice I was watching form was as thin as a fingernail, and not a complete layer. It was forming around the edges, but likely wouldn't reach the center of the pond… and the nearby lakes, the larger pools of water, were most likely still too warm for any ice to form at all.
"Ice," I scoffed at the thing I was trying to distract myself with.
When was the last ti I had been cold anyway? Actually cold?
A few monarchs had abilities related to the cold. A few gods had been able to call down ice from the sky, like falling stars. Others had been able to freeze any body of water instantly, with a re touch. But outside of those incidents, have I ever actually been cold? From the natural elents?
If I had been I couldn't rember. I could feel cold, of course. I knew when it was cold… but that didn't an I was actually bothered by it. I never felt the desire to get bundled up, as everyone else did, at least. Even if my very skin froze and decayed, I didn't get frostbite or anything. My body adapted too quickly for such ailnts to affect .
The only reason I ever even wore heavier clothes during winter was to not be weird when traveling.
I shifted as I watched a leaf that had been floating upon the small pond's surface go still. The water around it had solidified, going still itself thanks to chilling and becoming frozen.
The thing was rather green. Not like the browns of most of the other fallen leaves, which ant it had fallen recently and likely from the harsh winds. It was about the size of my hand, open wide and spread fingered, and it looked like it was full and intact. It didn't look as if it had been eaten or chewed on by anything.
For a few strange monts I felt an odd kinship with the leaf.
Having just fallen off from where you were ant to be. About to decay, but still alive enough to not realize it. All the while being stuck in a strange freezing puddle, unable to even float aimlessly. Completely at the rcy of the world around .
It was a stupid thing to feel, but it was the truth.
I felt helpless. Maybe even worthless.
It was a feeling I knew well, I was used to feeling it often… but not usually for this reason.
Usually I felt like this, lancholic, when soone I knew died or got hurt. Like those in the Society. I had felt this way when Miss Beak died. I had felt like this when I had killed Tim in anger. I had felt like this when Reatti had attacked in Lun, after killing that creature. I had felt like a failure then too.
Yet this ti these feelings of worthlessness wasn't from a failure on my part. At least, not in the standard form.
I hadn't outright failed the Society. mbers hadn't died, or suffered, and especially not because I hadn't been good enough. No locations were lost to us. No strange drama was occurring… at least, not at the imdiate mont.
There was the vote, of course. The Chronicler's and Light's sches. Lilly and Randle's, too. And my own. But those were not at the forefront of my mind. Not anymore.
So water splashed before as a layer of the ice shifted against a not as ford layer. A tiny splash splattered out from a few feet away, and the leaf that had been stuck moved. It shifted, rocked, and then went still again as the ice settled and only solidified even more.
Studying the leaf, I decided I hated it.
It only seed helpless. Unable to do anything on its own. But the truth was the opposite.
It was doing exactly what it was supposed to be doing.
It would degrade. Be absorbed by this pond, and this ecosystem. Stuff will eat it. Stuff will use it for their beds, their nests. And eventually it will form into dirt and other specks, to be used again by the world around it.
It had ford, and did its duty while attached to its branch and tree. And now was finishing up the last cycle of its life. One could theoretically argue it had fallen off early, being so green, but by all rights and sense the leaf had done its job… and was doing it well.
The leaf was not a failure. Even if it seed to be.
Stuck in ice upon a small pond, deep within a dense forest… completely unknown to the world. It didn't need acknowledgent. It didn't need to fret. It was done, finishing the last bit of its life and purpose.
In that sense… was I any better than this leaf?
Could I claim I was doing what I was ant to? What I had been created for? Was my purpose being fulfilled, and was I doing so properly?
"Not if they're still here," I mumbled as the layer of ice shifted and splashed again. This ti not on its own violation, but because of . I had shifted a little, and my weight had caused a crack to spread out from the bank of the pond and out into the ice. Thanks to the crack, and the ice moving, I was able to see how much of the pond had frozen off. Nearly all of it.
It was colder than I thought.
I sighed as I looked away from the pond, its ice and leaf, and behind . To what I should be focusing on, even though my mind wouldn't let .
The saint's house was lit up. Shadows danced on the curtains covering all the windows. I knew within the house Renn, that saint, Cat, and the saint's daughter were all finishing up their dinner.
Not far from the saint's house were other houses. Not all of them had similar lit up windows, since it was late enough at night that a few were quiet from slumber. Off in the distance, past trees and small hills, I could see other houses. Most had chimneys, and all of them were leaking smoke.
Yes. It was colder than I had first assud.
Maybe I really should find a fox or sothing for Renn. I liked the idea, and it would help distract . At least for a mont. Longer than the ice and the leaf stuck within it had done, at least.
"Prophecies," I scoffed the word and looked away from the house.
The re thought of them made my blood boil.
It was one thing to hear hints, and be teased, by those like Narli or Celine. They knew better than to say anything too serious. They would typically smirk at , while beating around the bush, but would never outright tell anything. It annoyed , but I was able to live with it.
This human saint though, this Elaine, was old. Too old.
She knew I hated prophecies. She'd been explained it, by not just Renn and Lilly but myself. Yet in her old age she simply… spoke of things without much thought.
And I had made it worse by directly asking for more information. The type of information that I usually avoided. The type that usually forced my hand.
If she hadn't been Renn's friend, or basically family in her eyes, I would have killed her on the spot the mont she had ntioned those lights.
The thought of them made wince, enough so that I actually reached up to rub my eyes.
"A monarch's birth," I groaned at the levity of the situation.
There was no denying what she saw. Or well, what she thought she saw. To her it had been bright lights. Lights that preceded a creature of great power. Of flas, and death.
What she, and most saints, couldn't comprehend was the aning behind such things.
Monarchs did not just spring forth from nothing. They needed a source.
And if not born from a flesh and blood parent, then… well…
More ice shifted and broken, splashing louder, as I groaned at myself… not willing, or wanting, to even think of it anymore.
The worst part was I couldn't even wish for it to have not happened.
I can't even wish to not have ever co here. Because if I hadn't, then I wouldn't have learned of the truth.
And that would have sickened more than anything else. Even this.
A familiar sound of an old door being opened, and then closed, drew my eyes. I watched as the woman who had led here to this headache granting mont stepped away from the front door of the house and looked around.
For a few monts Renn looked all over. She had her heavy clothes on and her hood over her head. I couldn't tell from here if she had her hat on or not, but I knew in this darkness it didn't matter. No human would be able to make out her ears from under that hood, especially not in the dark.
Honestly she didn't need to keep her hood on. The village was practically asleep. The few houses that were still noisy, were already quieting down. People were finishing up their als, and pastis, and heading to sleep. A few of the hos that had been lit up were now dark.
Renn eventually looked my way, and I raised a hand to make sure she noticed .
I couldn't help but smile at the way her whole body jolted at the sight of . She spun a little, as if on a heel, and hurried my way. Nearly breaking out into a run as she did.
I'd worry about her quick approach if not for the obvious gait she had. It was one of her happy ones.
Renn didn't take long to reach at all. As she drew closer she slowed a little, and I noticed her happy smile beneath her heavy hood.
"Cat's worried they've offended you," Renn said before she even stepped up next to .
"Hm…?" I frowned at her as she ca to a stop before , and then reached up to take her hood off. Right before she did however she glanced around again, as if to verify we were alone. She removed her hood, revealing her ears and lack of hat, once she confird we were.
"You didn't have dinner with us, Vim. Even Lilly had dinner with us the first night we were here," Renn said, clarifying what she ant.
"I have a lot on my mind Renn. Plus, it's the wife's job to placate the in-laws," I said.
Renn's ears fluttered and a wry grin planted itself on her face. "In-laws? Placate?"
"Basically it's your job to keep the peace when I act weird, or offensive."
She giggled at that, and I was glad she didn't take offense to it. "It is, isn't it!" she agreed happily.
I nodded… and although in the back of my mind I had expected her presence to slightly bother , since my head was full of terrible thoughts, I instead found myself relaxing a little… as if she was a balm on a wound, I felt the strange lancholy quickly fade to the far corners of my mind as she laughed.
"I'm sorry Renn. I have a lot on my mind… I would not have been pleasant conversation," I apologized again, aning it this ti.
Renn's giggling died down as she nodded at . "I know. It's okay. It was… obvious what she'd said had bothered you. Even Cat and Grenna had noticed," Renn said.
Grenna…? Oh right. The daughter. I wonder if the na was similar to Renn's on purpose or re coincidence?
"Hm. I'm sorry," I mumbled as I watched the way her left ear twitched a little. It didn't seem to be doing so on purpose, and there was nothing around us making any odd noises as to demand it, so I assud it was a simple twitch. Maybe the fur upon the ear, or in it, had been bothered by the hood earlier.
"It's really okay, Vim. I know you don't like saints, so… it's okay," Renn said gently, with a tone that told she'd likely forgive for anything if I simply asked her to.
But that wasn't okay. At all. And I knew it.
I knew my hatred of saints was wrong. It went against my own code of ethics. I hated them for things they couldn't control. I hated they who suffered a lack of free-will. It was cruel. Unusual.
But I hadn't ever been able to get rid of it. Only suppress it.
While I thought about my own character flaws, Renn stepped a little closer… at first I thought she was going to round , as to look at the pond behind , but she simply drew closer to . "So… Vim," she said my na, and clasped her hands behind her back. The movent was an adorable one, made special thanks to the thick clothes she wore.
If you co across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.
"Hm?" I studied the eyes staring into my own. They glead a little, reflecting from the little moonlight peering through gentle clouds.
"How long have you been planning this?" she asked.
"Planning what?" I asked back. Lately it felt like I'd not been planning much of anything. Too little, in fact.
"You're… going to try and make this place sowhere I can stay, aren't you? A safe place to rest. One away from the Society, at least without them knowing about it," Renn said with an odd smile.
Ah.
I nodded. "Yes. I thought of it when bringing Cat to Telmik. I figured if they really were the descendants of your friend, and really did see you as so kind of guardian deity, then it'd be a safe place that you'd also feel comfortable at. Such a place, distant from the Society and its plots, is valuable right now," I said.
Even if it was right next to a saint.
"What'd you just think right now? At the end there?" Renn quickly asked, and I felt my eye twitch because of it.
She had noticed.
"The saint. I'm upset that this so called safe haven houses a saint… but I'm not stupid. She can be another layer of safety for you, as long as used properly," I said.
Renn laughed at . "I figured…!"
Hmph.
I allowed Renn to laugh for a mont, but before she settled down and found her next question or way to tease … I went ahead and continued.
"This isn't the only place either. I've already asked Berri for permission to send you to them if you need it. I also left letters to be sent, one of which will go to rit, for a similar purpose. Honestly, although I asked for permission to build a ho… this place is not my first choice. I do like how close it is to Lilly though, at least. In fact, I really like your idea of making you a place next to Lilly and her family, though I'm not sure how I'll get them to accept it," I admitted.
Renn shifted, her ears perking up a little as she stared at . I tried to not notice the way her pupils had gone a little thin, as she was so focused on , and that a slight blush had ford on her face. Hopefully that was just from the cold.
"Vim…" Renn whispered as I sighed and nodded.
"We'll give this place a few years. Maybe a decade or two. I'll build a ho, and let you stay here occasionally. Let you test the waters amongst the villagers. Maybe you'll get lucky and more saints will be born too, ones you can kind of imprint on as they grow up. If it works out this will be a nice little waypoint for you, for us. But if not it's okay. We have Lilly, the Keep, and even a few other locations too. I've thought of a few places we could set up camp at, if you approve of them. I figure this next circuit we make we'll detour a little here and there to let you choose which ones you'd prefer," I said.
"Vim…!" Renn reached out, grabbing my wrists.
I shrugged gently at her. "It's not just for you, Renn," I said.
She made a noise at , her hands gripping my wrists tighter. "What do you an?"
"What Celine's daughter and the rest are doing… is dangerous. Even if this vote doesn't go badly, the Society may still suffer from their actions. It may once again split. People may once again beco fractured, and beco at ends with one another. If it cos to that… I'll need to help build another network. Another system. Another Society, nearly, for those who will still wish to retain our loyalties and services. Though don't be surprised if it's not the people you expect. Last ti this happened, I had ended up siding with the group I had not originally planned on helping. So who knows how it'll go this ti too," I said as I shook my head.
"You an you'd side with the Chronicler and them? If they went against everyone else?" Renn asked worriedly.
I wanted to nod, but knew if I did I'd be lying.
After all, I wasn't going to give them that option this ti.
But I wasn't ready just yet to tell Renn why. Or rather, the how.
"Basically Renn, for now, I'm focusing on a few things. I'll be honest… I'm not sure what to focus on first. But I like the idea of making you a place to call ho. A place to be safe at. Whether I'm there with you or not," I said. Not only was it a perfect distraction, it was also sothing actually useful.
"You just ignored my question Vim," she whispered.
"I've not done it in a long ti, but I usually do ignore a few here and there don't I?" I asked.
Renn made another noise. This ti it was a sad one. "You do. You have. But I had hoped that I'd wiggled deep enough into your heart such things were behind us," she said.
I couldn't help it, I found myself smiling at her. Wiggled? How adorable to phrase it in such a way.
"You have. That's why I outright ignored it. Because I'm scared of answering you at the mont, and need to build up my confidence first," I said.
"Then just say that, Vim. Don't just ignore , not anymore," Renn said as she shifted her hands, and then found my own with them.
I took her hands in my own, and nodded. "Hm… a reasonable request," I admitted.
"Is it?" she asked, as if for verification.
Nodding, I took a small breath and held it in for a mont. "Yes. It is. I'll… try my best, Renn, to be better. A better husband," I said.
"Mhm… I'll try to be a better wife too," she said, nodding back at .
Hm…? Where had she been lacking lately?
Before I could ask what she ant, her ears fluttered for a mont as she glanced down at our clasped hands. "Can I ask about what happened in there? With what Elaine had said to you? The prophecies?" she asked.
I gulped. Damn my promise this ti really bit in the ass! Already! re monts I had lasted!
I knew she would have co out here and asked. Even though I had felt like I had done well in there, hearing about sothing that had shaken to my core, I knew Renn would ask of it. At least once. Because it had concerned her friend. Because it had bothered that desperately.
If anything I knew Renn would have asked of it, in hopes of confirming I'd not harm her saintly friend over it.
So it was only right I told her. It was that dire. That important. Plus I needed to let her know I had no plans to hurt her saintly friend. She was old, her mind was fading, but she was not a threat. Not a real one, at least. No more than any other person of uniqueness would be.
Keeping my heart steady, I nodded. "You can… and you should be able to. So uh… well…" I hesitated, and suddenly felt… strangely sick.
I blinked a few tis, feeling almost as if I was about to shed tears. But I wasn't going to cry. Nor was I actually in pain, or sick. I was just…
Renn, with all her lovely patience, waited for . She smiled as she waited, looking not as if she was enjoying the mont or teasing … but instead as if she was hearing happy news. The smile on her face was almost as sweet as the one she had when holding Root, Lilly's baby.
I loved that smile. It made jealous. It wasn't often it was directed my way.
It almost made want to not answer her. To break a promise I'd just made with her.
Almost.
"This is… silly to say, for , but uh… well…" I hesitated, again, and felt stupid. As if I was a boy on his first outing with a woman. Was that sweat I felt on the back of my neck? Surely not.
Renn's smile turned into a larger grin, and I wanted to groan. Now she was teasing . Or at least, enjoying the sight before her.
"I know you don't tell anyone. You don't share the stuff we talk about. Even without ever really saying it, you know that so of the things I say are secrets. The type that could… well…" I started to explain, both to let her know how important it was to keep what I was about to tell her a secret, but also that I loved how she had known to do so all this ti without outright telling her. I honestly did like how she kept so much secret from everyone. Especially when she was basically an open book about herself, and so much more, with anyone. Such secrets, kept safe, told how much she valued .
Her grin softened a little. "I'll not tell anyone, I promise," she said gently, seemingly not offended at all.
"Sorry. I know. I just… felt like it needed to be said," I said.
"Hm," she nodded at .
"Plus it let gather my nerves, before actually saying it, too," I admitted.
She giggled at . "I figured!"
Smiling at her, I took another breath and felt a little better. I no longer felt as if I was going to throw up… I only felt like soone had repeatedly stabbed in the stomach with sothing sharp and jagged.
"Your saint. Elaine. The thing she witnessed in her prophecies, are exactly what she thinks it is," I said, and felt a rush of relief at admitting it.
Renn blinked at a few tis, and then I felt her nails slightly dig into the back of my hands. Not because they were long, or sharp, but instead because she had squeezed suddenly a little harder.
"Vim…? What's that an?" she asked, and I could tell by her frown that she ant it.
I shrugged at her. "The prophecy. She thinks it was the birth of that creature. The monarch. Well… she's right," I said.
Renn's frown deepened. "Uh… okay…? And why's that bother you so much? Didn't you know that? Didn't we know that? You knew that all along, didn't you?" Renn asked.
Ah. Great. She's not understanding.
But how could she…?
No one could.
Not anymore.
I had seen to that.
Taking another deep breath, I nodded and looked up at the sky. The clouds were rolling past quickly, even though there wasn't much wind here on the ground.
Renn was silent as I gathered my thoughts for a few monts, all the while staring at the lit up clouds thanks to the moonlight.
Once I decided the moonlight, the sky painted with clouds, was not as pretty as Renn's eyes I looked back down at her.
"The lights she spoke of. The wheel of lights, as she called it… can only be one thing, Renn," I said.
She nodded slowly, staring at as if I was professing my love to her. She was entranced.
"The birth of a monarch," I told her.
Renn's entranced look of love turned into a glare with a single blink. "Vim."
Right! "Right!" I flinched and nodded. "I an the creation of a monarch. Those lights an that a monarch had been created. That's what it looks like when they're created from nothing," I said, explaining.
Renn's glare shifted as she tilted her head at , studying as if I was now talking about sothing ridiculous.
Holding her look, I softly shook my head at her. "Renn… only one thing can make a monarch," I whispered.
"A god…?" she asked, with an even quieter whisper.
I nodded. She had realized it imdiately. I knew her mind was quick. Odds are I'd only ntioned such things a few tis with her in our years of traveling.
For a few long monts… I watched Renn's mind prove its abilities.
Her eyes unfocused. Then they hardened. Then her look of shock turned into one of doubt, only to be quickly followed by cold understanding. I heard her tail go stiff beneath her clothes, and her ears both perked upward and away from each other… as if she was suddenly fully alert of her surroundings.
"You're saying a god made the monarch that set those fires afla," she whispered as she understood.
"That's the only thing those lights can an," I said as I nodded.
The saint had described them perfectly. Even though she had not seen their importance, or known anything about their aning, she had seen them clearly and plainly.
Renn's hands beca limp in my own, yet I still held onto them. Her fingers felt a little cold, since she wasn't wearing gloves. Renn glanced down, away from , as she got lost in thought. I knew her mind was whirling, and likely was now in a similar state that mine had been in earlier… when I had heard the news too.
"Elaine didn't realize it. Doesn't. Because she doesn't know what it ans," Renn said as she understood.
I nodded. "No one would. Not anymore."
"No one but you…" she whispered as she looked back up at .
I nodded again.
Renn took a small breath, and then let it out real slow. "I… I don't know what to think about this. I feel shocked, but… well…"
Right. She doesn't realize what it honestly ans.
How could she. Why would she?
Did I…?
I blinked as I realized I wasn't sure if I did either.
After all… it was I who had thought the gods were gone.
I had thought they were. Believed they were.
After all this ti, I've not once seen or heard of them. Not only have I not sensed them, I've not sensed their creations. I've not felt their powers shifting the world to their whims. Not only have I not seen their miracles, I've not heard of anyone else seeing them either. None of the greater first-born monarchs had ever sensed or felt their creators either.
"Vim… what does this an?" she asked.
"It ans I failed, Renn," I stated.
"Failed…?" she whispered, but I only nodded.
After all it was the only thing I was sure of. The only thing I could be sure of.
I had failed.
I had been tasked with eliminating them all, and I'd failed to do so.
At least one of them had slipped through my grasp.
And I knew where there was one, there were likely more.
And the fact they had finally shown themselves now… after all this ti…
Gripping Renn's hands a little tighter, I found a new fear. One far beyond anything I'd ever known.
Feeling as if my head had just been split open, I felt my heart go still and my lungs collapse at the sheer shock of the truth.
The whole world seed to shift, and go still, only to return with a vengeance… as I recognized a terrible, if lovely, truth.
One I should have realized long ago.
And it was terrifying beyond reason.
I saw in Renn's expression what I knew had planted itself on my face.
Utter terror.
"Vim…!?" Renn panicked, rightfully so, but I didn't have the heart to tell her the reason for it.
Closing my eyes, I lowered my head as she stepped closer. She worried for , having obviously seen the sudden shock that had just nearly broken my soul.
"Vim?" Renn continued to ask for , for my condition, but I instead of answering pulled her into .
Wrapping her into a hug, I clung to her. I held her close. As if to defend her from the world around us.
"Vim! What's wrong…? What happened? Vim?" Renn wiggled in my grasp, but I didn't let her go. I feared doing so.
With wide eyes, I saw nothing, as I realized sothing terrible.
There was no threat greater.
Even more terrible than my old enemies having shown themselves once again in this world.
Far more dangerous than the vote.
Beyond anything Light, or any human or non-human could conjure and sche.
Than even a god who had hidden themselves all this ti.
Never before had such a dire threat exist in this world.
Until now.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I groaned as I kept all my strength at bay. So that I'd not crush Renn to death in my grasp, as I tried to shield her.
Suddenly all my plans ant nothing. All my ideas were pointless…
Nothing I'd been doing, or had planned to do, mattered anymore. Not in the grand sche, anyway.
The problems of the Society were inconsequential compared to that of the gods.
I had felt lost lately. Unsure of what to say, or how to say it. In more ways than one.
That feeling was nothing compared to this one. Now I really was lost.
Clinging to the very thing that had made so.
"Vim…" Renn seed to calm down, as her arms wrapped around . She squeezed in return as she sighed into my chest. I could hear and feel her resignation in that sigh. She knew sothing was wrong, but could tell I'd not say it. Even if I was willing to, I'd not give it life beyond my own heart and thoughts.
How could I…?
After all, I just found my Achilles Heel.
My Heart.
Had it now against my chest.
In my arms.
Found at last.
Which ant the gods had too.
Even if they hadn't found her yet, they would.
Unless I found them first.
Reviews
All reviews (0)