I was used to life being hard. It rarely wasn’t.
But usually those hardships were things I could face. With my strength, or my knowledge.
I could defeat that which threatened , or those I protected. I could outsmart that which I couldn’t defeat with re strength. Most tribulations were more… normal in the and style. Enemies. Famine. Disease.
Monarchs.
Gods.
I could face them all.
But ti was one thing I could not face. Even though I myself was immune to her wills and touch, the rest of the world wasn’t.
Even those who were almost as powerful as . Even the mightiest Monarchs were susceptible to ti’s wrath.
It just took them a little longer, is all…
“What is it Vim?” Renn asked, her tail twitching as she glared at the crocodile, holding its stern gaze.
“Sothing that would love to eat you. It’s bigger than you think beneath that murky water,” I warned her.
I was keeping a close eye on her as we stood near the edge of the stone bridge. It was a bit of a drop to the river below, but I knew that those massive beasts could leap high enough to snap at us. Even if it seed impossible.
Especially so that one. For a normal beast, without a hint of a Monarch’s blood, it was huge. Maybe the biggest I’d ever seen before. Its head alone was actually bigger than Renn's whole body, her tail included, it just didn’t look so from this angle. Half its head was subrged.
“Looks like a lizard or sothing,” Renn mumbled.
I scanned the banks of the river, for one out of the water. There wasn’t one. Which was odd. It was a warr day, so you’d think at least one would be sunbathing… Maybe this one, glaring at Renn, was the reason. It was big enough that even a normal sized crocodile was likely seen as food.
“That’s a crocodile. There are many types, and other species, but this is basically the biggest. It’s a saltwater creature… and likely very old considering its size,” I said.
“Hm? How old do you think it is?” Renn asked, interested.
“Well…” I focused on the murky water that hid the rest of its body… and noticed the stillness of it. It wasn’t moving at all. Yet even without movent, I could imagine its size. It was likely big enough that its lower body and tail were on the floor of the river, even though this river was huge.
“Several hundreds of years likely,” I said.
“Wait… really? Older than ?” she asked.
I nodded. “Very likely. This whole river is full of them, so please be careful. They’d tear you apart very quickly,” I warned her again.
She smirked at , and then looked back at the thing. “Vim speaks highly of you,” she said to it.
Well… yes. “Imagine them like the bears of the river, Renn. Mighty ones,” I said.
“Hm…” she nodded, seemingly understanding.
“Actually, you're one of the very few creatures that hunt these things,” I said, as I studied the way her tail lingered in the air near . It was oddly still. I wonder if she instinctively knew not to underestimate the beast.
“Wait? What? ?” she asked, excited.
I nodded. “Yes. Jaguars, unlike most big cats, don't mind swimming usually. They hunt a lot of creatures that live in the water, and thanks to their size and strength even creatures like this are a part of their diet. If I rember correctly, mother said it was thanks to the biting force,” I said as I did my best to rember what Mother had said. I could rember the drawings on the board, and the tiny creatures she had made on my desk. I distinctively rembered watching the little black cat eat the lizard, by attacking it near the base of its skull.
“Your mother...?” Renn turned to , and her tail finally started moving again. It twitched.
Nodding again, I turned my attention to the creature in the river. Its eyes hadn’t left Renn. “Mother had enjoyed teaching about animals and stuff,” I said.
I felt, and out of the corner of my eye, saw Renn’s look. She was staring at with a strange gaze… but I kept my eyes on the crocodile instead. For many reasons.
“So… I, a jaguar, hunt these?” she asked softly.
I nodded. Honestly I doubted a normal sized jaguar could hunt sothing that big, but it was what mother had said.
“So if they’re here… am I?” she asked.
Blinking, I frowned as I realized she was right. Usually one existed where the other did. “Actually… I’m not sure. There are rain forests and such to the east of here. There very well might be large cats here and there, yes,” I said. I tried to think of when and where I’d seen one last. I rembered lions, and other spotted cats, but it was years ago… Actually, oddly, I felt like those mories were from my trip up north, to the wilderness beyond that huge mountain range that cut this continent in two.
“Hm… I have an idea of what I’d look like, thanks to my uncle, but I’d like to see a more normal one. You call us big cats, so I’ve always wondered just how big,” Renn said.
“You’ve seen mountain cats haven’t you? You’re customarily a little bigger than those, but not by much,” I said.
“Oh… I thought you said we were beautiful,” Renn said.
Hm…? “What do you an?” I asked.
I glanced at her for a mont, and found she was smiling at but with a tiny look of disappointnt mixed in. “Mountain cats aren’t ugly, I guess, but they’re not beautiful either I don’t think,” she said.
Oh. I smiled at her. “I see what you an. Trust you’re definitely prettier. Did your uncle not have a more colorful appearance or anything?” I asked.
“He had… I was just teasing you. Plus I like it when you call pretty,” she said as she looked back at the water.
Hmph.
I let her study the creature for a few monts, and then once she was content we returned to walking along the bridge. Heading for the other side of the large river, as to reach the road in the distance.
“Think I could lure it out with so food? I’d like to see what it looks like,” Renn asked.
I chuckled at her. “Maybe. But you won’t need to. About a day down this road we’ll pass another river, one full of them. They line the banks often enough, so you’ll get to see them there,” I said.
“Good. Why’s the water so… murky anyway?” she asked as we reached the end of the bridge.
“It just is. From the gunk and the soils. Farther west from here are rain forests and tropics. Their waters are like that, not often clear like the ones you’re used to,” I said.
Renn humd as we stepped off the stone bridge, and onto the dirt path. I noticed so fresh wheel marks, from a larger wagon. Likely not even a day old.
Glancing behind us, to the bridge and the river we had crossed over, I made sure we weren’t being stalked by anything or anyone.
I’d hear a large beast like a crocodile approach us. I’d sense it. But yet still… I was on guard.
I’ve had too much loss and headache lately. I’ll not allow any more.
I knew fate’s design. I knew her cruel thods. I knew it from experience.
Life was hard, and then it got harder. Always.
And since I was immune to such cruelty… since fate could not hurt the ways it hurt others…
Glancing to my companion, who smiled happily at , I smiled back.
Yes.
I’ll protect you. From anything. Anyone.
At least you.
“Who is our… next mber Vim?” Renn asked.
“Well, I figured we’d go see the weaver.”
“Weaver…? You an like soone who makes clothes…?” Renn noticeably perked up, excited.
I nodded. “She’s a bird. Though her family are not... all birds. Sotis I take so dyes to her. I did last trip,” I said.
“Is she far?” Renn asked.
“Well, she is now…” I admitted. We had been walking for two days now and still weren’t as far north as we had been before. Beak’s little trip to the ocean had added a few weeks to our journey.
“Hm…” Renn lost so of her perky excitent, and I quickly gestured at her to get her attention.
“You once told you’re not too good at sewing,” I said.
She nodded quickly, and I noticed she grew a little happier. Not as much as earlier, but at least she hadn’t grown somber. My attempt at keeping her happy had sowhat succeeded. “Never have been. Back when I was living with my family… I needed my sister’s help to make clothes. I’m not sure why I’m so bad at it to be honest,” she said.
“Maybe you can learn then,” I offered.
Renn’s eyes lit up. “You think?”
I nodded.
She giggled as she stepped closer, and I half expected her to wrap her arms around my own. Yet she didn’t. Maybe it was still too warm for her to be so clingy. “That’d be wonderful! Maybe then I’ll be able to keep your clothes in at least so type of presentable shape!” she said.
Ah... I glanced down, at my last set of clothes. They weren’t that bad, but… well…
Yes. My clothes, and my leathers, had been ruined during my fight with the Monarch. A pity, honestly. I should have at least removed my leathers before engaging the thing. I hadn’t been thinking.
“We don’t match anymore, do we,” I said as I realized it.
Renn’s steps hesitated, and I realized what I had said bothered her. Enough to make her smile disappear completely.
“Can you not make more?” she asked softly.
“I can. Maybe while you spend so ti to learn to sew I’ll do so,” I said, as I tried not to notice the hurt in her eyes.
She had taken my off-hand comnt very seriously. Personally. Deeply.
Was wearing similar clothes really that big a deal…?
“Hm…” Renn nodded, and looked away. To the dirt road we were traveling upon.
I studied her face for a mont before looking away. I didn’t like how her ears had drooped a little.
So upset over clothes. Over leather. Stuff I paid no heed to, ever.
Honestly… when had I last actually cared about what I wore? I couldn’t think of it. It was one thing to pay attention when I needed to. If I needed to blend in with a certain culture, or humans, but…
“I know they’re just clothes… but Lellip and Nebl made them for us. I feel bad about it,” Renn then said.
I blinked as I realized what was really troubling her.
Oh…
“They’d be happy to know their gifts were useful,” I said gently.
“I know… but…” she nodded, but I could tell it still ant a lot to her.
Yes. Right. Gifts. Presents.
Precious little treasures.
Material items.
Things I no longer held value in. Proof that I was growing... too old.
Staring at Renn, who was walking with a very happy and content smile, I realized how I could likely fix or at least... keep myself from getting worse.
“Can… I ask sothing of you Renn?” I asked softly.
“Hm?” she turned her head and smiled at .
“Watch over ,” I said gently.
She blinked at , and then smirked. “What’s with that?” she asked.
I nodded. “I know. But seriously… please keep an eye on . Make sure I don’t forget or miss sothing important. Like the leathers again,” I asked her.
Renn slowed to a stop, so I did too. I held her gaze, one that looked shocked, and smiled at her.
Ridiculous, I know. But still…
“Okay Vim,” she said seriously and nodded.
“Thanks. I’d bla my age, but to be honest I was like this even as a child. I never cared much for the little things,” I said. If Renn knew of all the stuff I'd abandoned in that house, where I had grown up in, she'd probably weep.
She gave a toothy grin as she nodded. “I bet! But it’s okay. You treasure the important stuff enough to make up for it,” she said.
I nodded, but… didn’t have the heart to tell her that wasn’t true.
I knew I was numb to a degree. Maybe not as bad as I could be… but…
“You know I ran away once,” I said.
“Hm…?” We returned to walking, and I noticed she was closer again. It’d not be long before she either grabbed my hand or wrapped my arm up.
“A long ti ago, before I t Celine and joined the Society. I ran away. For a lot of reasons… but mostly because I was tired of feeling sha and guilt,” I told her honestly.
I noticed Renn’s tail beco a little stiff, as it stopped swaying in the air. “You… an what Beak said? Earlier?” she asked.
I nodded. “Yeah. Other than her… well… there are two others who knew before I ran away. One you’ll get to et soday, but the other I bet you never will. She now sleeps on the bottom of the ocean, and I’m not sure if she’ll ever wake up again,” I said.
“Bottom of the ocean…?” Renn whispered.
“She’s a huge tortoise. A Monarch. If she’s even still alive, honestly. I’ve not seen her in…” I tried to rember last ti I’d spoken with her. “Well not long after Celine died. So at least two hundred years ago,” I said.
“A friend like Beak,” she said softly, understanding.
Nodding, I held out my hands to try and display how big of a turtle I was talking about. “She’s huge. So big she’s an island unto herself. She doesn’t say much, but has a very wicked sense of humor. She once ate another Monarch right in front of just to make a point at how slow I was being,” I said as I rembered that mont.
“Slow doing what Vim?” Renn asked.
“Killing it. She thought I was taking too long. Basically to her it was a joke. She didn’t do it to help, but to tease .”
Renn giggled at . “That’s a little weird.”
“Hm… other than her, there’s another Monarch. A great ape. He lives in a very secluded and dense forest to our northeast. He actually has two children, who are Monarchs too, but they’re not able to absorb hearts. Their own hearts are very small, and weak. A pity,” I said.
“Where’d you run to Vim?” Renn then asked.
I blinked, and wondered if her asking that and not about either of my other friends was because she wanted to et them herself and thus not ruin that mont for when it happened… or if she was genuinely that more interested in what I’d done than them.
“Well… the ocean. I ran to islands. Not far from where the sea turns to ice, I found a chain of small islands. They were… nice,” I said.
“The ones you ntioned before,” she noted.
I nodded. I had sowhat touched on them when I had told her of my eting with Celine, but hadn't gone into detail. “My exile had felt short, but it turned out to be sothing that had lasted a long ti. Those like Beak, who knew before I had run off, are... or were… too much, like . They too didn’t, or don’t, notice the passage of ti as much as we should. So even they don’t really know how long I was gone. But Celine and so others, like Hands’ father, spent years trying to find out,” I said.
“Hands? His father?” she asked.
“His na was Eyes. I didn’t like him… but it wasn’t his fault. He was a very good man. He had a heart of gold. Anyway, they decided I’d likely been on those islands for hundreds of years at least. They scoured records, history, and tried to find and talk to people as old as . Like Mordo, even, and only could figure out that I was older than even their current records of history,” I told her all about it.
“Records of history?” she asked.
“They compared my knowledge to what they knew. Nas of nations, events, and such. Honestly I didn’t care much about it. To it didn’t matter. It was weird I hadn’t noticed, but I never understood why they seed to care so much how long I’d been gone. It wasn’t like it changed anything, even if they figured it out,” I said.
“So that’s where Hands got his strange passion from,” Renn said, as if it made sense.
I chuckled. “Yes.”
We rounded a small bend, and I noticed a blur in the distance. Far down the road, was a small black wagon. Or maybe even a carriage. It was still far enough away that even I couldn’t make most of it out.
“Did it help?” she then asked.
I was about to ask what she ant, but then realized. “No,” I said honestly. “The ti spent on those islands likely only caused more harm than good. To . To the world.”
Renn’s look softened, and it felt weird that she was looking with such an understanding gaze. As if she knew exactly what I ant.
“Yet… I’m glad I did it. Even if it was wrong in the grand sche of things. I think had I not done so… I would have beco a sothing worse than I am now,” I said.
“Worse...?” she tilted her head at .
“I think I would have beco the very thing I set out to destroy. I’d have beco a monster. A tyrant… more than I am already, I an,” I explained.
“Vim if you think you’re a tyrant then you and I really need to have a very long conversation,” Renn said a little sternly.
“Careful Renn. I know Beak claid you to be her replacent for my debating partner, but this is one you’ll lose,” I warned.
“Really? What did she say about this? Did she say you were a tyrant?” Renn asked.
“Worse. She believed to be a far worse creature. One who played god,” I said.
Renn slowed to a stop, glaring at the entire ti.
“Well?” I asked, waiting for it.
“Do you really believe yourself to be a tyrant Vim?” she asked softly.
I nodded. “I may not force my will on others Renn… but I constantly change the fates of everyone around . Can you really look in the eyes, after everything you’ve seen do and say I don’t bend the world to my whims? Half the ti without care of what might happen after? Did we not just recently have a similar conversation, where you basically said the sa thing?” I asked her.
“You do it to protect us. For good reason,” she argued.
“What of the thousands who died in Lun, Renn? Or the thousands more who will likely die from Landi’s insane ambition? Or do they not count simply because they’re human?” I asked her.
Renn’s eyes narrowed at , and her tail began to twitch wildly.
Oh? I actually struck it nerve it seed.
“Vim… you could destroy everyone and everything. You could wipe them all out, if you wished. One ti you told you could not face armies, that you were but one man… but that is definitely not the truth. You could. You could kill every human,” she said as she pointed at .
I had told her I couldn’t face armies…? Must have been in the beginning. I didn’t rember that conversation. It was the typical excuse I gave new, or young, mbers when they asked why I didn't just wipe out all the humans.
Damn. Her mory was better than Beak’s.
Maybe Beak wasn’t far off in her jest. Renn might actually be a very dangerous debater…
“If your claim against my statent is the re fact that I don’t kill or slaughter more than I do, just because I don’t feel like it, then your argunt is flawed,” I said
“How so? If anything it’s the best argunt. You keep your strength in check. You don’t allow your great power to abuse those unable to face it. If anything I’d say sotis you hold back too much, Vim,” she said.
“Hold back too much…?” I asked. When? Where? How so?
She nodded firmly, and stepped forward. She pointed up at , as if to accuse . “You should throw your weight around more often! Humans have laws and stuff, but just like our kind they still respect strength and power! Think of all you could do to further keep the Society safe if you were just a little more forceful?” she declared.
I frowned at her. “If you an for to act more like Landi, then you’re missing the point,” I said.
She frowned back at , which quickly turned into a glare. “Am I? If you did as Landi does, you could have a whole town. A nation. Just as rit tried. If you did it, with your strength and all your knowledge, I bet it’d work. You could make a whole city for all of us, and no one would ever be able to hunt or hurt us again!” she said.
Hm. It’s interesting that Renn was now arguing sothing that many others have done before. Even Beak had suggested it once, long ago.
Smiling at her and her fiery glare, I nodded. “Sure. I’ll just force all our mbers to the sa city. To live under the rule of a man they wouldn’t be able to even look in the eyes, as they quake in fear. Half of my ti will be spent breaking legs to keep them from running, and the other half would be spent burying those who die from stress or heart attacks,” I said.
Renn’s glare imdiately died, shifting to a look of pure shock. Like a bubble popping, she realized exactly what I ant.
“Oh…” she mumbled.
I nodded and chuckled. “I like your train of thought though.”
“What’s a train?” she asked.
Hesitating, I knew that I had likely just been shocked into a weird expression just like her.
Then she laughed at , to the point she actually grabbed her stomach as she giggled away.
Watching her giggle and laugh at , I couldn’t help but smile at her. Damn she was cute. “Your reasoning, I an.”
“I figured…!” she snickered at , still finding it funny.
I sighed at her. “What were we arguing about again?” I asked as she cald down.
“We’re not arguing, we’re debating,” she said.
Sure. Whatever. “Don’t argue that I’m not a tyrant, then try and tell I should beco a real one,” I said.
“Hm. Funny isn’t it? But you’re right… it wouldn’t work, since most of our mbers wouldn’t be willing to live in such a way. I could see them running away… but would so actually die out of stress? Really?” Renn asked.
I nodded. “Many would. Think of those like Silkie. For so of our mbers the re presence of humans, or a predator, is enough to make them panic,” I said.
“Right…” Renn mumbled as she went into thought.
Reaching out, I patted her on the back, her lower back, to have her return to walking with . I hadn’t needed to, with her not carrying any bags or packs, but for so reason it was where my hand felt at ho the most.
I’d lately been carrying all the bags. It wasn’t an issue at all for , and it let Renn be more comfortable as she walked. She wasn’t weak, by any ans… but… Well…
I enjoyed watching her be free and happy. Walking around without a care. If I made her carry stuff, even if she didn’t notice the weight she was still conscious of the item itself. The bag. So she’d not walk with as much of a bounce as she did now while not carrying anything. I liked to see her skip occasionally as we walked, or turn and spin. She didn’t do it often, but when she did it brought a smile to my face.
Though she did have sothing in her possession at the mont. Sothing precious. Or well, for her, she had a few things that were precious.
One being the comb I had made her. Tucked safely away in her leather breastplate. The other was wrapped and hidden in a bigger pocket, near her stomach.
Miss Beak’s heart.
I wasn’t… sure why Renn had asked to carry it for . But I wouldn’t complain. She’d not be hard holding it for a short while, and… it was probably her way of being kind.
Returning to walking, I noticed the wagon again. But now I noticed it had a large canopy. It might indeed be a carriage and not a wagon or cart.
Renn walked with , picking up pace, but I noticed the way her tail twitched. She had wanted to stand and argue with so more.
We were a few days from the nearest town. I wanted to keep a steady pace, if I could. To make up for lost ti. Ti I’d already wasted, thanks to that quarantine and going out of way to see Beak.
She obliged as she huffed. “I’ll admit Vim you… are a little dangerous, to the world. Your re existence breaks laws, natural ones. But… you’re not a tyrant. You’re not evil. I know evil. My family had been evil. The snake which had hunted them had been evil. The n who had tortured Nory had been evil. Those people in the sewers of Lun were evil. You’re not like any of them, on any level,” she said.
“I’m humbled you think so, Renn… but the fact of the matter is what you say is only true from our perspective. I’m not evil to you, or our mbers, but what about the children of those I killed? What of those who survived the sewers? Who now are likely living terrible lives, beyond what they had been, because I had destroyed all they knew and understood?” I asked.
“That’s not your fault. You’re trying to justify the suffering their enduring while ignoring their own failures. The only reason you put them in that position, is because they or their fellows forced your hand. You weren’t the question, but the answer,” Renn argued.
Frowning at her very mature way of looking at it, I wondered if maybe Beak had realized in her short conversation the type of person Renn was. Had she? That quickly?
Maybe her statent at the end there hadn’t been a joke.
“You’re too smart for your own good. And… you’re right. I agree. But the fact doesn’t change, Renn. For so I’m not cruel, but for others I’m the worst thing to have ever existed. You can’t deny their perspectives just because I’m slightly more justifiable in my actions than they are,” I said.
“Why not?” she asked.
Smiling at her very predator-like perspective, I shrugged. “Because if we did, we then need to excuse the acts of the real tyrants. Everyone, no matter what they do or how they do it, have an excuse sowhere. No matter how small. Where do you draw the line?” I asked.
“Between right and wrong,” she said simply.
“If only…” I said.
“Hmph,” she made a noise at , and her tail smacked . If she did it on purpose or not I didn’t know.
“You’ll need to hide your traits when we get closer to them,” I warned.
“I know. I wouldn’t need to if you were the tyrant you claid to be,” she grumbled.
Blinking at her, I couldn’t help but smirk at her. “Now that’s a diabolical way to debate. That’s scary as hell,” I said happily.
If only Beak had heard that! She would have laughed sothing fierce.
Renn grinned at . “I’d been serious though,” she said.
I could tell.
We walked in silence for a mont, as Renn’s tail slowly cald down. It went from twitching wildly, to swaying normally again.
“I’m tired of being the tyrant, Renn,” I said softly.
She glanced at , but I kept my eyes on the carriage in the distance.
Nodding, I sighed. “Celine was like you. To a point. She used to get so, so angry at . She wanted to resort to force far quicker than I did, than I do. She too believed that if I was just a little more violent, then things would be different. Which was funny since she imposed so many rules on that limited that sa violence,” I said.
For a mont Renn said nothing, and then her tail brushed against . “What did Beak say? About that?” she asked.
“She agreed. Most of those I’ve talked to about have all agreed. Though they all had differed to what degree I should be more forceful, and where and how,” I said.
“Then Vim… if everyone else agrees… why don’t you?” she asked.
“Because they hadn’t been around to see what happened the last ti I did,” I stated.
The dirt crunched under my feet as we walked, and I realized I had stepped a little too strongly. A few steps later my footfalls sounded normal again, as I got it under control.
Renn noticed, but said nothing about it. Then she clasped her hands before her, twirling her thumbs around each other.
“You an the mistake you made. The one you ntioned before,” she said.
I nodded.
“One failure doesn’t justify a lifeti of inaction, Vim,” she said softly.
Glancing at the woman who had just said the exact sa thing Miss Beak had said long ago, I wondered if I should shiver or scowl at her. What were the odds of that?
“What…?” she asked after a mont.
“I’ll say the sa to you that I did to Miss Beak, all those years ago,” I said softly.
She nodded, expectant.
“It does when the failure had been so horrible that the world is still to this day healing from the damage it wrought,” I said.
Renn’s ears twitched as she stared at .
“Do… do you regret it then, Vim…?” she asked.
I didn’t hesitate. “No. I’d have done it again, would do it again. But… maybe not as wildly. I might have done it a different way. Or without as much hatred,” I admitted.
“Hm…” she studied , and I knew she wanted to ask. To know.
But was I ready to tell her…?
It’d be interesting to see if she ca to the sa conclusion Miss Beak had. Or would she be more like the others? Would she fault , or praise ? Would her love for grow, or smolder out and go cold?
As I thought that, I realized exactly why I didn’t want to tell her yet.
That was it. Obviously. If I told her… she might co to no longer love .
And if that happened…
“Vim?” Renn got my attention, and I realized I had missed sothing she had said.
“Hm?” I tried my best to smile at her. In a way to beg for forgiveness. In a way to pretend as if I’d not really ant to ignore her, and it had only been an accident.
She opened her mouth, to say sothing… and I noticed the way her lips trembled. Hesitant. Unsure.
Great. I must have missed a very serious question.
Renn then smiled and sighed. “It’s okay. How about we talk about sothing else?” she asked.
Sothing else…? “Like what?”
“Hm… how about we debate about how you sleep?” she asked after a mont of thought.
“How I sleep…?” I asked. What was there to argue over that? The amount of it maybe? I did feel tired, but… well…
I was trying to ignore it. It was actually starting to beco a concern. Hopefully it was just exhaustion. From the recent issues. From Lun to Miss Beak…
“Yeah. You always sleep on your back, with your hands crossed on your stomach. It reminds of how soone is placed when dead. I don’t like it. Plus it makes it hard for ,” she said.
Frowning at her, I wondered if I really did sleep like that. Didn’t I sleep on my side most often? Maybe I hadn’t been lately… “Wait… hard for you? How so?” I asked. What’d she an?
“Yeah, how am I supposed to sleep against you when you’re lying like that? Your arms are bigger than they look, they’re big enough that I can’t find a way to lay my head on you anywhere, or sleep against you comfortably. It makes it very uncomfortable and awkward to sleep on you. It’s not fair,” she complained.
Staring at the woman who had boldly complained about such a weird thing, I couldn’t think of anything to respond with.
“All you got to do is leave an arm out, or sothing. An outstretched arm or even just your elbow or sothing, Just sowhere for to rest against. I an, really,” she said with a huff.
“Renn…” I groaned.
“What…! Yes, I know, you’re just starting to get used to letting hold your hand or arm, so it’s a huge step… but it’s not that big of one, Vim, really. We sleep next to each other all the ti, what’s a few inches closer?” she asked.
“The distance you speak of is that akin to here and the moon,” I said.
“The… moon…?” Renn mumbled, and then frowned as she looked up at the sky. Although day, we could see a bit of the moon. “Oh, really Vim? It’s not like I’m asking for anything too drastic,” she said.
Well… maybe she wasn’t… but…
“Most humans go much farther much quicker. I’ve seen humans just walk up to each other, and then hurry off to a room! Without even introducing themselves! Without a hint of romance, or anything!” she complained.
Nodding, I smiled. “Yeah. It happens,” I said. And not just thanks to alcohol or the mont, either.
“Don’t you dare tell , Vim,” Renn’s voice was cold, cutting the hot air. I quickly stopped thinking of the more recent tis I’d done such a thing.
“You do touch though, Renn. When you sleep you often reach out for . Half the ti you sleep the whole night with your hand on my chest, or back,” I said. Did she not even realize she did?
“Then there should be no problem if I’m a little closer! If you’re already used to that,” she though used it to argue in her favor.
I sighed as I glanced away from the woman who was very heated, though arguing with a smile. The wagon was closer now. Close enough I could make out the little flags on each of its corners. There were also… yes. Two other horses. Riding on either side of the wagon, with n on them. I couldn’t see the glint of armor, but there was little doubt they were guards of so sort.
“Really Vim… it’s not even like you sleep that often. It’d just be once in a blue moon, even,” she mumbled.
“Hm…” I wondered what to say. How did I argue against this?
I an… it’s not like I wanted to. What she was asking for was sothing I’d not dislike at all. The re thought of the feeling of her against made want to smile. Hell, I’d just earlier a few monts ago had wanted her to grab onto my arm. As we walked. In the heat.
But that was precisely why I couldn’t just give in. It was one thing for her to sleep next to , or for her to touch in her sleep. It was a completely different story for her to lay against in such a way.
If I let that happen, it’d only result in the next step being taken. Likely that sa night.
Even if Renn wasn’t arguing for that exact thing, she might as well be. For , at least. Even if she didn’t realize she was.
And I couldn’t let that happen. Not yet.
Right…?
“I’d even be okay with lying against your back. You lay on your side when you’re not actually sleeping, but you haven’t been doing that lately… so…” she mumbled as she continued to complain.
Ah. That might work. Would I be okay with just that? Or would that still be too much for ?
For a few steps I heavily debated my own desires and fears, and hated how I was losing every which way.
“When you were with Nory… did you sleep in the sa bed?” I asked her.
“Huh…!” Renn startled, her ears going stiff. Then they cald down as they flicked. “No. We had separate beds on either side of the cabin,” she said, as she blinked quickly. Either she was rembering the cabin she spoke of, or was trying to decipher what I was saying.
I nodded. That made sense. It’s not happened in so ti, but when we had first started traveling together Renn had awoken in a startle so nights. Or mumbled in her sleep, crying. About either Nory, or her friends or family. When she reacted over nightmares of Nory, she sotis sat up really quickly and looked across the room, or off in the distance. Not the way soone would act when they were used to sleeping next to soone. She had never reached out for soone who usually was right next to her, but instead soone far away.
“Why…?” Renn asked, after I didn’t say anything.
“Just wondering if I could do the sa or not,” I said softly.
Renn imdiately glared at , nearly snarling at . “Really Vim…!” she was about to go off on , but I smiled at her and reached over.
Her eyes narrowed onto my fingers, and I noted the way she snarled. She had been ready to bite at them, as I grabbed a flock of her hair.
Holding it gently as she wearily glared at , waiting expectantly, I nodded. “Lately your hair’s been getting everywhere. You might not have been sleeping on , but your hair surely has,” I said.
She blinked, and then her face went a little red. “Well… it is long…” she mumbled as she cald down.
Chuckling at her, I nodded. “I’ll think about it. Give ti, Renn… Rember, I’m known for running away. If you push too hard I might just flee in terror,” I said halfheartedly.
She giggled at and nodded. “Why do you think I’m asking for permission?” she asked.
Frowning at her, I decided to nod. That was true, I guess.
“Hide your tail and ears, Renn. We’re nearing them,” I said softly.
“Ah. Okay…” she sighed as she went to oblige. I tilted a little, to let her open her bag on my back, and dig out her hat.
She found it easily enough, since we had intentionally kept it accessible. She went to putting it on, and I noted she no longer had any pins.
“No more pins?” I asked.
She shook her head as she tucked her ears under the hat. “Last few I had broke from the flight to the ocean. I think dropping the bags from her back did it,” she said.
Right… my bad.
“I’ll make you so later,” I promised.
She smiled and nodded as she then went to hiding her tail. She had to untie the leather belt on her pants to do so, and I slowed down to watch her.
Although her tail was long, and looked difficult to maneuver in such a way, she was able to situate and hide it faster than she had done her ears.
Once done, she smiled proudly at … waiting for a complint.
“I’d say well done, but honestly it hurts to see them missing,” I said.
Renn grinned at , and nodded. “My tail’s so pretty now, after all. Smoothly combed and all!”
I nodded, and wondered if there really was a difference. I honestly hadn’t been able to tell.
We returned to walking at our normal pace, and I sighed as I noticed one of the guards notice us. They didn’t do anything, but they spoke up to their companion who turned to look at us too. Odds are we were all headed for the sa town.
Renn humd happily, seemingly content.
Good thing too. I was worried she’d pester about that sleeping stuff for longer. If she had I might have given in. Hopefully she’d not realize that.
Then suddenly she was up against . Smirking wildly up at .
“If you ever run away again Vim… take with you okay?” she then said gently.
I chuckled at her. “Sure. It’s a date.”
Her arms finally found my own. She wrapped them around , holding close to her as she clung to . She giggled happily, as if I’d once again given her a mighty gift.
As we approached the slow moving carriage, I sighed as I resisted the urge to take her to those islands.
We were close, after all. From here we’d only need to cross two oceans. It’d not be difficult. I could make a suitable enough ship in a few months… gather enough supplies for her, then…
It was such a silly idea. One I’d never act on. At least not until every single promise, every single person I was responsible for, was gone. I’d not act on it until no one needed anymore. Until the world had changed again.
But maybe… if I did my job right…
If I kept her safe…
Even if hundreds if not thousands of years from now…
As long as I kept her next to , safe and sound, then the little whimsical fantasy could be more than just a dream.
I let the idea tease for a long while, as Renn humd happily while we walked.
Arm and arm, ever forward.
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