I sank into the chair beside him, clutching my bag tightly in my lap. I wanted to speak, to tell him everything I had buried all these years—all the apologies I had been holding back, but the words tangled in my throat.
Instead, I leaned forward, my voice barely a whisper.
"Hi, Cairo... Mommy’s here again."
The silence of the room wrapped around my trembling words.
I stared at his hand resting on the blanket, so small, so fragile-looking.
How many tis had he longed for ? How many tis had he asked where I was, only to be t with silence in return?
This ti, I didn’t stop myself. Slowly, carefully, I reached out and laid my hand over his.
Warmth t my palm, and tears instantly blurred my vision. I held on gently, afraid of breaking him, yet unwilling to let go.
"I’m sorry..." The apology slipped out, broken and trembling. "I should have been here... I should have never left you."
My voice cracked as the weight of all those missing years pressed down on . I felt Bern’s gaze on , but he didn’t speak. He simply let be.
For a long while, I sat there, clutching my son’s tiny hand, whispering silent prayers that he would forgive when the day ca that I had no choice but to face him awake.
But then, without warning, his fingers twitched faintly beneath mine.
My breath caught.
Cairo stirred, his lashes fluttering slightly.
And in that mont, I froze—torn between the desperate wish that he would stay asleep... and the aching hope that he would finally see .
My heart slamd in my chest. That tiny movent of his hand made my whole body freeze in place.
"No... not yet..." I whispered under my breath, my fingers trembling where they held his. I still wasn’t strong enough.
But Cairo stirred again. His small brow furrowed, and a soft sound escaped his lips, half-breath, half-word.
"D... Daddy..."
My throat tightened painfully, and I forced myself to stay still, not to crumble right then and there.
I glanced at Bern, silently begging for help. But he only gave a look that said he understood that this was the mont I could no longer run from.
Cairo’s lashes fluttered once more, and this ti they stayed open. His gaze was hazy at first, wandering across the ceiling before shifting, slowly, toward .
My world tilted violently. My lips parted, but no sound ca.
Six years. Six endless years of absence and longing. And now here he was, awake, looking right at .
His lips moved slowly, confusion etched across his face.
"...Who are you?"
The words tore my world wide open. I just stared at him, my lips trembling, unable to breathe, unable to speak.
I never thought it would hurt this much—to see my own son look at as if I were a stranger.
I blinked hard, twice, trying to steady my breath, but every inhale was heavy, every exhale jagged. My mind was tangled, my heart clenching painfully against my ribs.
Then his gaze shifted to my trembling hand still clutching his. His brows knitted tighter, confusion flashing again in his eyes. Slowly, he turned to Bern.
"D-Daddy... who is she? How can soone be here? Did you hire her... as my nanny to take care of ?"
My chest constricted, a lump rising in my throat until I could barely swallow. I lowered my gaze quickly, unable to face him. Maybe this reaction was natural.
How else could he see ? To his eyes, I was a nobody. A stranger.
I thought I had dressed decently. But maybe I was still far from what he imagined his mother would look like.
"Son..."
I felt Bern move closer, his hand settling gently on my shoulder. He gave the faintest squeeze, as if urging not to shatter completely.
Cairo’s eyes darted back to , his confusion growing more evident. "Daddy... why is she holding my hand?"
My heart stopped. My grip loosened, sha and fear clawing at . But even as I tried to pull away, my hand refused to let go.
"Cairo... She’s... soone very important. Soone you’ve been waiting for, she’s your mo—"
"Yes. I am your new nanny." I cut Bern off instantly.
Bern froze mid-sentence, his head snapping toward in disbelief.
"What...?"
I kept my eyes lowered, refusing to et his gaze. My heart pounded so violently I thought it might burst.
Cairo blinked at , his small hand still beneath mine, though I loosened my hold. "You’re... my maid?" he asked, tilting his head slightly.
"Yes," I forced the word out, my voice barely above a whisper. "I’m here to... help you and take care of you."
Bern’s jaw clenched, his disbelief giving way to frustration. "What are you saying, don’t—" He cut himself off, glancing at Cairo, who was watching us both with wide, innocent eyes.
He lowered his voice, leaning closer to , his words ant only for my ears. "How can you say that? He deserves to know—"
"I can’t," I whispered back harshly, my throat tight with unshed tears. "P-please... not now."
Bern’s eyes darkened, his hand still on my shoulder tightening just slightly, as though he wanted to shake out of the lie I had just spoken. But then he looked at Cairo again, and his expression softened.
Cairo yawned quietly, his little face relaxing as if exhaustion was pulling him back into sleep. His lashes lowered, though his voice was still faintly curious.
"Then... will you really take care of , my maid?"
My lips trembled as I forced a small, wavering smile. "Yes... I’ll take care of you."
Bern turned away, running a hand over his face, his silence filled with everything he couldn’t say in front of Cairo.
And —my chest ached with yet another lie.
"Then can you tell your na?" Cairo asked.
I tried to smile as I gently withdrew my hand from his, afraid I might grip too tightly or worse, afraid I would never let go.
"I-I’m..."
My eyes flickered to Bern, who quickly averted his gaze, as though he couldn’t bear to witness another lie spilling from my lips.
"I’m Syl—"
"Syl?" Cairo repeated softly.
"Y-yes... just Syl would be fine."
I saw a brief flicker of curiosity in his eyes. But in the next mont, he gave a small smile.
Cairo’s small smile lingered for a mont before his lashes began to droop again, sleep tugging him back under.
"Then, Syl... can you stay longer with ? Can I see you again tomorrow when I open my eyes?"
I couldn’t bring myself to answer. I didn’t know how. But I also didn’t want to tell another lie.
"O-okay... I’ll stay by your side tomorrow..."
I tried my best to give him my sweetest smile, though even I wasn’t sure if there was bitterness in it. I had just made another promise I wasn’t certain I could keep.
"Then how about the day after that, and the next, and the next? Will you still take care of ?"
My throat tightened painfully, a lump forming that I couldn’t swallow down.
I caught the way Bern’s jaw clenched before he turned his face away. He probably thought I was making another empty promise.
"Y-yes... I-I’ll try..."
"Okay. Then I’ll wait for you here every day, Syl." He smiled again before his breathing grew slower until his little hand went slack against the sheets.
I stayed frozen, staring at his face, morizing the curve of his lashes, the faint crease between his brows, and the gentle rise and fall of his chest.
My son. My little boy. And yet... he had no idea who I was.
My lips parted as if to whisper his na, but the sound caught in my throat. I could only sit there in silence, trembling, while Bern’s shadow lood just behind .
When Cairo’s breaths evened, Bern finally spoke.
"Why?"
His question was heavy with both anger and hurt.
"Why would you do this to yourself—worse, to him?"
I swallowed hard, my eyes still fixed on Cairo’s sleeping face.
"Because I can’t... I can’t let him look at and hurt him with just my presence. Not yet. I’m not ready."
Bern let out a harsh breath, dragging a hand through his hair as though trying to hold himself back.
"Not ready? He’s been waiting for you all these years. He asked for you every single night. And now you’re finally here—only to tell him you’re his nanny?"
Tears burned at the corners of my eyes, but I refused to let them fall.
"Don’t you think I want to tell him? Every part of is screaming to hold him and never let go. But the mont he looked at and didn’t know ..."
My voice cracked, and I pressed a trembling hand to my chest. "I broke, Bern. I can’t survive it again if I see rejection in his eyes."
Bern stepped closer, his voice softer now.
"Rejection? He’s a child, he doesn’t know. That’s not rejection—it’s confusion. But the longer you hide, the deeper you’re digging this wound, for both of you."
I finally turned to him, my tears threatening to spill.
"So what do I do? Walk in here, smile, and say, ’Hi Cairo, I’m the mother who left you’? Do you think he’ll just accept that? Do you think it’s that simple?"
Bern’s jaw tightened, his silence cutting deeper than any words.
For a long mont, only Cairo’s soft breathing filled the room. The weight of my lies pressed heavily against my chest, and I knew Bern was right. But knowing didn’t make brave enough.
I brushed a shaky hand across Cairo’s hair, whispering so softly only I could hear, "Soday, my son... soday you’ll know everything... but please, don’t hate ."
Bern exhaled slowly. He crouched beside , his voice quieter now. "You don’t have forever to wait, you know. He’ll need the truth sooner."
My fingers lingered in Cairo’s hair before I finally pulled away, curling my hand into my lap. My heart still breaking.
"I know," I whispered. "But before then... I need to heal myself first—so when he finally embraces , I won’t hurt him even more."
Reviews
All reviews (0)