A week has passed since the incident I can barely call a kidnapping by Quil and Corvin. A long week during which I suffered from existential and purposive crises and many other different problems. During it, Quil led to the place where Adam and Diana were buried. We exhud their bodies to prepare them for burial in the Night Wolves’ cetery. As I understand it, that cetery is where every mber with authoritative powers in the gang is buried.
At the funeral everyone attended. All the Night Wolves who possess authoritative powers were there, in addition to Verona. Dozens of ordinary gang mbers gathered, and many residents of the district ca as well. Even I attended. I wore black clothes that covered the hole in my chest, but I did not remove the mask. Not to hide my identity if I wanted that I could have gone in as Jevan among the crowd and no one would notice. The simple reason was that I could no longer bear to see that damned original Jevan’s face, and I refused to take it off.
Their bodies were placed into two separate coffins. The short pale man had reassembled their fragnts using his authoritative power, reshaping the two bodies as much as possible. We dug adjacent graves, one for Adam and one for Diana, at my request.
When the two coffins were lowered into the ground, the funeral rites began. Simple, with few words. They looked at the two graves and gave them sothing like a silent salute, then people moved away and left one by one. Within minutes only the mbers with authoritative powers remained.
I stood there with Quil, Verona, the pale man, Calvin the sa guard I’d seen the first ti at Verona’s mansion and spoke with and Corvin.
When the voices and the crowd quieted, Calvin approached and put his hand on my shoulder.
"We et again, brother. It’s unfortunate that we et under such circumstances."
I lifted my head a little and forced a smile behind the mask.
"Who would have thought you were soone of such a high level?"
"And why? Isn’t it obvious?"
"Maybe. It seems you were good at hiding it."
I looked back toward the two graves, and when I saw them the smile vanished from my face. My features behind the mask didn’t change, but sothing was off in the way I stood.
Apparently Calvin noticed, and he sighed.
"I heard what you did. Thank you."
I didn’t turn to him.
"And what would you thank for? For Adam’s death?"
He nodded slowly.
"He helped save the girl he wanted to save."
I finally turned to him.
"How did you know that? I thought he didn’t tell anyone."
"He asked us for help. But after we heard his story, we couldn’t do anything because..."
I raised my hand and stopped him. I wasn’t in the mood for any kind of justifications.
"No need to explain further. I understand why you couldn’t help. But why thank ? In the end he died."
"He achieved his goal, and he died believing he did the right thing."
"To end up both dead?"
"Do you rember when I told you that our companions who die don’t want our pity, they want us to carry their dreams? This ti no one will carry Adam’s dream. He fulfilled it."
"You’re consoling , are you?"
He shook his head.
"No. I’m telling you the truth. What’s dead is dead. The past is past. Focus on the present and the future."
"I wish I could do that, but even the future is not guaranteed."
He patted my shoulder again.
"Then focus on the present only. That’s all we can do."
I waved my hand.
"I’ll try to do that."
After I said that I left the cetery while the others were still there. On the way back to the hotel I thought about what Calvin said, about the past, about the present, even about the next step.
What is the point of trying to fight Garrod? The foolish fervor I felt achieved nothing but the deaths of Adam and Diana. Can I actually do anything to him? In the end he managed to deceive for months without noticing a thing.
He tricked again using Ragu, whom I thought was a close comrade. And maybe all the encounters I had with people were the result of his actions. I think he couldn’t influence directly, but that won’t stop him from influencing those around indirectly.
What’s the point of fighting? What’s the point of suffering? What is all this for in the end?
Why do I fight? I do it to return ho, right. Yes, that’s why I fight and why I suffer. And I will continue to fight and suffer until the end.
I will not allow myself to die. I won’t allow myself to be defeated or broken, at least until I can return to the place I belong. All this suffering so far makes those disappointnts and stumbles worthwhile every problem I’ve gone through has its value.
The past is past and I must focus on the present. Yes, that’s the right thing to do. When I rembered that, a spark of resolve ca to small, but more than enough to keep going. I honestly needed that kind of drive.
There’s so much I have to do and so much waiting for , and so far I’ve seen nothing. According to what the original Jevan wrote in that notebook, there are many things outside waiting for .
I am already tired, I can’t go on; I’m exhausted and need rest, yet I want to return there, and for that I will fight that controller Garrod.
I also have many personal motives against him. First I must be honest with myself. I will make him pay for what he did to Iris and Raven and Adam and Diana, but that will take ti.
The past is past and I must focus on the present that is my choice and my decision and what I will do. From beginning to end I will find a way to do it; so far I haven’t done anything correctly, but I will find a way in the end.
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