Chapter 17: Sorry not Sorry
(CORRINE)
I watch Sigrid run a brush through my wet hair. I’ve told her plenty of tis I can do it myself, but she always insists on doing it. Her company is warm and soothing, so I’ve stopped protesting.
"I heard you and His Majesty were doing sothing in the garden yesterday," she says, smiling at
in the mirror.
"I was trying to plant the seeds, but he wouldn’t let
dig the holes," I tell her.
It has beco easier to confide in Sigrid over ti. She’s always in my corner. She was the first person who was kind to
when I arrived here, and it may be silly, but I like to lean on her. I’ve never had an older female figure in my life, and I appreciate her presence.
"I was starting to get hot, so I took off my jacket. He was angry about that."
"Was that all?" She gives
a smile, and I wring my fingers.
"Sigrid, why does he call
Corrine?"
"Because it’s your na?" She chuckles slightly.
"Well, yes, but he once told
that I should forget my na and that he didn’t care what it was, so why does he care now?"
She sighs. "We all have burdens in life, Miss Corrine. Even the king carries his own. He’s always been driven by duty. Protecting this kingdom is the only thing he knows. You are the first woman in his life who has held any significance, and he initially resisted it. But the fated mate bond is a unique one. It doesn’t matter how much you resist. You two are ant for each other. Whatever he said to you upon your first eting was spoken out of anger and a lack of trust. But you are slowly starting to make this place your ho, and he can see that."
"You an, because I’ve been doing my duties, he’s begun to accept ?"
This doesn’t make
feel any better.
She starts tying my hair in a loose braid. "I believe he is warming up to you. When he first t you, he probably did not understand how strong the fated mate bond truly is. But over ti, he has begun to see you, not your title or who you once were, but you. And you’ve also changed. In a very short ti, you’re no longer afraid to stand up to him."
That’s true. I’ve beco more confident around him. He’s always yelling and growling, but he never hits . He has never behaved in any manner that makes
think he’s going to hurt . That matters to . "I don’t feel unsafe around him."
"And you shouldn’t," Sigrid replies seriously. "Locke will never hurt you. He’s not a cruel person."
I don’t respond to that. I do believe that there is a very low chance of him physically harming . But emotionally?
I’m scared of forming any kind of expectations when it cos to him. If I do and he then decides I’m not good enough for him, it will shatter . There’s still a strange tension between us. He has contradicted everything he said to
in my first days here, so it is hard for
to trust him.
Similarly, the people in this castle may have begun to warm up to , but that doesn’t an I trust them, either.
I’ve only ever known pain and suffering. Love and affection are strange concepts. A part of
is convinced that I am not worthy of them. I’m not supposed to be loved. I’m not good enough. I’m too scared to even consider it.
And it’s not as if Locke goes around spouting out love confessions to . He keeps turning up where I am and pushing
around, but not in a violent sort of way. He fusses over , scolds , and growls at . I’ve slowly beco accustod to his manner of speaking. When he talks to , he’s more bark than bite.
I don’t know quite what to make of him. At night, he pulls
into his arms and holds
till I fall asleep to the beat of his heart. He will randomly take a lock of my hair and sniff it when he thinks I’m asleep.
When I wake up, he’s wrapped around
so tight that I have to wake him up to let
go. He has started forcing
to have als with him. It feels like he’s looking after , but I can’t tell. When I got sick, did it scare him? Is that why he’s going out of his way for ?
Even if that is the case, why is he bothering?
I thought I was just a substitute. He said so. But he doesn’t treat
that way.
The castle’s decor is slowly being changed into a brighter one, one that I thought suited him. I keep waiting for the other shoe to fall and for him to tell
to stop wasting money, to rember my place, but he hasn’t said anything.
His motivations worry . My own reactions worry .
I can’t seem to control my emotions around him. I have always tried to hold my tongue, to keep my thoughts to myself, but it’s nearly impossible when I’m around him. He provokes
in subtle ways, and I’m starting to believe that he enjoys my little outbursts. Or at least that he gets so satisfaction out of them.
He’s a strange man, but brutally honest. I’m starting to realize that I prefer that.
A knock on the door startles
from my thoughts. "That must be Rothan."
"I’ll go check."
When Sigrid opens the door, the person outside is not her son and my advisor, but sobody else. Bella.
"Can I co in?" she asks begrudgingly. She doesn’t sound very happy, which makes
imdiately tense up.
Sigrid glances at , and I nod.
Bella doesn’t look great. I haven’t seen her for quite a while. In fact, the last ti I saw her was when Locke was ordering my dresses. She looks a little haggard, as if she hasn’t slept for days.
"Do you have a minute, Your Majesty?"
It’s weird to have her speak to
in such a respectful tone. She has never hidden her disdain for
before.
"Do you need sothing from ?" I ask slowly, wondering what she could be up to.
Locke has already denied any relationship with Bella. Honestly, that took
by surprise. The way Bella spoke in our first eting, and the ones after, strongly implied that she and Locke were together and that I was the interloper.
"I have a favor to ask of you."
I feel a little flabbergasted. What could she possibly want from ? I have no idea what she has been up to recently, nor have I inquired. After our last encounter, I have tried to stay as far away from her as possible. I didn’t think she’d actually co seeking .
"Is everything alright?" I ask uncomfortably.
"I would like you to ask the king to reinstate my position as the royal advisor."
My eyes widen, and Sigrid hisses, "How dare you?! How shaless—"
I lift my hand, stopping her in mid-sentence. "He removed you from that position? Permanently?" I’m taken aback by that. "When?"
She doesn’t et my gaze. "After the miscommunication with your designer."
"Miscommunication!" Sigrid’s face is growing red, and I have a feeling she’s seconds away from exploding. "You deliberately—"
"I made a mistake. I know I crossed a line. I’m sorry."
"You don’t sound sorry," Sigrid retorts.
"Well, I am!" Bella snaps at her.
"Is that how you apologize for sothing?" Sigrid demands.
"Sigrid, please," I say quietly.
Bella glares at the older woman before saying, her voice tense, "Things got out of hand. I should not have implied that Locke and I were lovers. I grew up with him. I don’t see him in that way. Neither does he look at
in that manner. He was pretty angry that I manipulated you, and I’m sorry about that."
"You’re sorry he found out, you an?" I get to my feet. "You’re not sorry for what you did, but that your plan didn’t work."
She bristles. I can see that apologizing is not easy for her, but she’s still standing here, and that ans sothing.
"Why did you co here now? If he fired you so long ago, shouldn’t you have been here sooner?"
Her eyes search the ceiling. "I worked hard as the royal advisor. I thought Locke was just angry with
and would eventually give
back the position, but he says he won’t. I put a lot of blood and sweat into managing this castle and starting certain programs. I know I made a mistake, and I’m willing to apologize for it."
"You do realize that if you beco the royal advisor, you will be working for . Not with , but under . You will be answerable to . You will have to respect
and my decisions."
She doesn’t look very happy about it, but she nods. "I understand."
Bella has a lot of knowledge about the castle that I don’t. Letting her back into her position might be helpful.
"No."
She goes pale. "Excuse ?"
I study her, hardening myself. "I know having you in that position could be very beneficial, Bella, but you don’t like , and I don’t trust you. I can’t work with sobody I don’t trust, especially one who’s looking to stab
in the back at any given mont. You haven’t given
any reason to trust you. I’m sorry, but I cannot ask the king to reinstate you."
Sigrid blinks at
and then tries to hide her smile. "But I ca here and apologized!" Bella protests.
"You don’t an it, though. And if you ever got an opportunity to hurt
again, you would."
Her silence speaks volus, as does the guilt in her eyes.
"If I were to speak to the king, he might listen to , or he might not, but the fact is that you will try to undermine my decisions, based on my experience with you. I won’t allow that. My job is to manage this castle and the nearby villages. I’m trying to get so new programs off the ground. I don’t trust you not to sabotage them."
It takes a lot of effort to stand up for myself like this, and I’m stunned that I’m managing to do so. I also know that the only reason this is possible is that my mate is currently guarding my back. The mont he chooses to revert to his previous behavior, I will once again be in the position I was before. This is why I’m trying to work so hard. Even if he changes his mind, if he thinks I’m useful, he might...
Well, I don’t know what he will do, but I’m starting to think this place isn’t as bad as I initially thought. If I can just stay here and be useful, I might be able to carve out a niche for myself.
I’m still living in Princess Ravenna’s shadow, but the mark I leave on this place will be my own.
Bella looks like she has sothing to say to , but she bites her tongue. "Fine. I should have known it was pointless."
As she turns around, I see the glimr of tears in her eyes.
I divert my gaze. My intention was not to hurt her, but that was inevitable. I have to protect myself.
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