I don’t know how long I sat there. Minutes. Hours. A lifeti.
Callum’s hand was cold in mine. Still. Too still.
Elise’s screams rang in my ears, sharp and raw, but they sounded like they ca from underwater. Felix’s voice broke as he begged Callum to get up, to open his eyes, to wake up from this nightmare. But he wouldn’t. He never would.
And it was my fault.
I let his hand fall from mine and forced myself to stand. My legs were shaky, my whole body numb, but I stood. Slowly. One movent at a ti. Like my bones didn’t belong to anymore.
I left them there, Elise curled beside his body, Felix gripping his own side and trembling. I walked past the ferals who’d just arrived, the ones who could still move, their faces collapsing in horror as they rushed to identify friends and roommates now lying still on tal slabs. The room cracked open with fresh screams.
But I didn’t stop.
I walked past the cold white walls. Past the beeping monitors. Past the scent of blood and antiseptic that clung to the back of my throat.
Out of the hospital.
Into the light.
The sun was out. Bright, almost too bright. It painted the sky in gold and spilled across the courtyard in beautiful warm hues. The kind of light that is supposed to make smile. The kind of day that once made things feel possible.
But not today.
My world was dark.
Blacker than night.
I didn’t even realize where I was going. I just walked. One foot in front of the other. My boots scraped over gravel and stone. My arms hung limp at my sides. People passed , students, teachers, but I didn’t see them. I couldn’t hear them. I couldn’t feel anything.
There was no more room left for pain.
Everything inside had already bled dry.
Then, suddenly, a strong arm grabbed .
I gasped as I was yanked back, a blur of motion jerking off balance. I stumbled into a solid chest, and warm fingers gripped my waist.
"Are you trying to drown yourself now?"
The voice was familiar. Deep. Cold.
Kieran.
I blinked, and only then noticed where I was.
A pond.
I’d nearly stepped straight into it. One more step and I would’ve been under. I hadn’t even realized. I hadn’t seen it.
Kieran was staring down at , his golden eyes flickering with sothing I couldn’t read.
"You weren’t paying attention," he said.
No judgnt. No concern. Just observation.
"You should’ve let drown."
The words slipped out before I even knew I’d said them. My voice was flat, drained of life, like everything inside had been scooped out and tossed into so dark pit. The sun was still out, but it felt like the world had gone cold.
I didn’t fight when Kieran’s grip tightened around my wrist. I barely noticed the pressure. My eyes just stared down at the surface of the pond, where I would’ve disappeared forever. Maybe that would’ve been a rcy. Maybe that was what I deserved.
"Don’t say that," he said. But it wasn’t gentle. It wasn’t a plea. It was a command. "You don’t have the right to die."
I turned my head slowly to look at him. His features were sharp as ever, his tone unbothered, emotionless. But there was sothing in his eyes I couldn’t read. I didn’t care enough to try.
"What do you an I don’t have the right?" I asked, my voice hoarse. "Eleven are dead, Kieran. Eleven. Because of . Because I thought I could do sothing, change sothing. And now... Callum is gone. I watched his body go cold. Elise won’t stop screaming. Felix couldn’t even stand straight. And the others..." I swallowed, unable to finish.
I tore my wrist from his hand, and my knees nearly buckled.
"You dared ," I spat. "Don’t you dare pretend like you didn’t play a part in this. You challenged to unite the ferals, to get them to stand up and make a statent before you’d help find who killed that girl in the cafeteria. You knew it was dangerous. You knew it would cost sothing."
"I did," Kieran said, utterly unmoved. "And I told you they’d break. That it would fall apart."
"Well, it did," I whispered, broken. "I tried to prove you wrong. I got them to stand. I led them. And now eleven of them are dead."
He stared at for a long mont, and then his voice dropped, low and deliberate. "Which is exactly why you don’t get to die. Not now. You belong to for a month. You agreed. That ans your body is mine. It’s mine, Lorraine Anderson. You don’t get to throw it away. You don’t even get to wish for death. Not until I’m done with you."
I stared at him, stunned. My throat ached from the scream I couldn’t let out. "You’re cruel," I hissed. "You’re cold and heartless, you a monster."
"I never said I wasn’t," he replied calmly
I wanted to claw at his face, to wipe away that blank, infuriating expression. But I didn’t. I just turned my face away as tears slipped freely down my cheeks.
"This is still your fault," I said quietly. "You knew what would happen if I rallied them. You watched it unfold. And still, you let it happen."
"I watched you make a choice," Kieran replied, stepping closer. "You wanted to prove wrong, and you did. You got the ferals to rise, Lorraine Anderson. You did what no one else in this academy thought was possible. They followed you, not because they were strong, but because you made them believe they could be. That makes you dangerous. That makes you powerful."
I laughed bitterly. "Powerful? I couldn’t even keep them alive."
Kieran’s voice grew quieter. "You lit a fire. Now it’s your responsibility to decide what to burn down with it."
Then he pulled sothing from his coat. A small, familiar scrap of fabric, bloody, wrinkled. My breath caught. The sa one I gave him, the one I tore from the murdered girl’s hand in the cafeteria.
"I followed the scent," he said. "Do you still want the na of whose scent is embedded on this?"
I nodded, my hands trembling. My heart thundered in my ears. A na. A na for the death that started all of this.
"Yes," I whispered.
He didn’t flinch. He didn’t hesitate.
"Astrid Voss."
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