"I'm not going to try and explain seventy years of cultural developnt to you, boy," Doctor rcury huffed. " Suffice it to say, vigilantes cause an unacceptable amount of chaos. If you are interested, hop on back to Earth and pick up a history book."
"With what money?" Dan demanded. "I don't even have an identity!"
"Quite right. You are in a bit of a pickle," rcury laughed in a way that Dan hoped wasn't ant to be sinister. "Luckily, I've got an offer for you that I think will solve so of your problems."
"...This feels like one of those offers I can't refuse," Dan ntioned awkwardly.
"You'd be an idiot to do so," the doctor replied cheerfully.
Dan sighed, keenly aware of how few options he had available to him. rrill rubbed against his cheek, lending him her fragile mousy strength.
"Alright, let's hear it."
Doctor rcury steepled his fingers together. "My offer is simple. It's been a long ti since I've last visited Earth, but I still have contacts down there. You work for , and I will get you an identity, register you under one of the standard teleportation lists, and pay you a reasonable salary. You'll be a person again, and all you'll have to do is be a loyal employee."
The words dripped out like honey and Dan reminded himself that this man had never explicitly denied being a supervillain.
Probably better not to push on that front.
"What kind of work are we talkin' here?" he asked.
"Why, the only kind you are suited for, of course. Delivery!" The doctor threw up both his hands with a smile.
Dan physically halted his jaw from hitting the floor. "You want to be your delivery boy?"
"You are perfect for the job," rcury confird. "Do you have any idea how much money I waste on transporting basic luxuries all the way out here? And the ship only cos twice a year!"
"You're really telling that the only job that I'm qualified for is that of an interplanetary UPS man?" Dan groaned.
The impudent old doctor shrugged helplessly. "I'm not saying you aren't qualified for other things, but this is the only one that I would need. I won't hold your identity over your head. You'll be free to quit after... say a year? Then you can find employnt with whoever will take an unqualified drifter with zero references."
"I haven't worked a delivery job since high school," Dan protested weakly.
"Best I can offer, unless you have a PhD in physics or biology and at least twenty years of experience." The literal doctor crossed his arms and stared expectantly at Dan.
He flailed around for an out. "Couldn't I approach the Arican governnt and explain the situation? There must be a power out there that determines truth from lie, right? To verify my story? Then I can get credentials from them!"
"The truth-teller upgrade was outlawed as a violation of the 5th andnt. You have no way to prove your story." rcury corrected. He paused for a mont, then in a enthusiastic voice, added, "You're the first person that Spackle has actually brought to , you know? Usually I have to watch the tapes to get an idea of what she's been up to. The way she upgraded you is very different from the way we do it back on Earth. I'm actually quite excited to study the way your powers work."
"I won't be a lab rat," Dan stated flatly.
"I already told you what you'd be doing for . I'm happy enough taking passive scans of you coming and going. I sincerely doubt your governnt will be so generous. I doubt that they even realize dinsional travel is possible."
Dan arched an eyebrow. "Surely they are aware of the kidnapping, dinsion-hopping , sentient alien space ship that occasionally visits you? There's truly no precedent for this kind of thing?"
Doctor rcury shrugged. "We are quite far from any sort of sensor net. Nobody knows about Spackle. I'm too old, too rich, and too uninfluential to warrant people spying on . Besides, she's never really been an issue before. I assud that she'd never bring anyone here. Not a great assumption in retrospect, but it's the one I made."
"It sounds like you'd get into so trouble if I were to go back to Earth and blab," Dan said slowly.
The old man scratched at his whiskered chin. "For people to learn about such things... Well, it would be annoying, but only that. My monthly reports deal with my studies on the cosmic radiation of Neptune. I have no obligation to ntion anything else."
He shrugged once more. "But who can really say what might happen. Maybe I'm wrong, and they welco you with open arms."
"So they might give a citizenship, they might throw into jail, or anything inbetween," Dan summarized.
"That's the gist of it, yes."
Dan groaned again.
"Look, Mr. Newman, I'll freely admit to so bias on my side. I am rather excited to study your teleportation, and you'd make for a fantastic gopher." rcury's tone was sympathetic, even if his words were not. "That said, I haven't lied to you. This is the best chance I think you'll get for so sort of stability. Or you could take a risk and we can go our separate ways. The question you have to ask yourself is this: What do you want?"
What did he want? All sorts of things. He wanted to go ho, he wanted to be a superhero, he wanted a steady job, he wanted a hot fudge double-chocolate cherry sundae, he wanted things to go back to normal, or an acceptable fascimile thereof. Of those things, he could get one, maybe two, possibly three if he was very lucky.
Dan took a deep breath and t the old man's eyes. "If I'm gonna work for you, I'll need your full na."
rcury blinked. "What?"
"Well, I can't keep calling you Doctor in my head, it's idiotic."
rcury laughed. "Marcus rcury, at your service Mr. Newman."
"Better to call Daniel," Dan replied solemnly. "It looks like we'll be roomies for the next year."
________________
Dan stared upwards at the site of his forr ho. The Pearson Hotel lood over him, giant, intimidating, in all of its ancient splendor. Pigeons fluttered to and fro from hidden resting places, lending the place a feeling of serenity that Dan really wasn't feeling.
He took a deep breath. He could do this. It was just a building. This was not his ho. He had to be able to do this, to be able to walk around on this alternate Earth without having a panic attack every ti he saw sothing different. There was nothing magical about this place, there were no ghosts or monsters or demons. It was just brick and mortar and wood.
There was nothing to be scared of.
He stomped inside the lobby, legs feeling like jelly. He took in the old fashioned decor with a steely eye and a steady heart. For a mont, all was well. Then he stomped back outside, sat down, and put his head between his knees.
"Hoooo," he gasped, trying to control his breathing. This was a terrible idea. Dan had never been good at facing his fears. Better to bury them deep, and never glance in their direction again. That way you get all the benefits of no longer having problems, with none of the trauma invovled in actually dealing with them.
A few people strolled past him on the street, gracing him with pitying looks. Dan ignored them. He was an interdinsional kidnappee, he was allowed to have a panic attack every now and then! He dug around in his front pocket and pulled out a drowsing rrill. Dan's fluffy mouse-friend snored a bit as he balanced her on his head, her quiet strength soothing to his mind.
Breathe in, breathe out. Dan was fine, he was fine. He shakily clambered to his feet, careful not to disturb rrill. The snow-colored rodent was gently deposited back into her pocket, her job done, and Dan focused on his enemy. The old antique doors of the Pearson glimred in the sunlight, taunting him.
"Just a building," Dan whispered to himself. He moved forward once more, pulling open the doors and entering the lobby. This ti he took in the scenery with a asured pace, slowly turning his head from left to right, quietly noting the many differences. It seed like his old apartnt had completely renovated the inside of the building. Once Dan got past the mind-bending alienness of his surroundings, the huge differences actually helped him cope.
This was not his ho. He had to internalize that. This was not his Earth. That sucked, sure, but he could learn to deal with it. Would learn to deal with it.
Dan took a deep breath, finally feeling sowhat at ease. A light cough reached his ears, sowhere off to his left. He glanced over, almost jumping in surprise. The bank teller had snuck up on him at so point. Her frilly black bonnet flapped in his face as she looked at him with concern in her eyes.
"Are you okay, young man?" the woman asked. She was an older lady, though nowhere near rcury's age. She had just enough years to grey her hair and wrinkle her skin. Her clothes were old-fashioned, obviously by design, matching the strange the of the hotel. Odd she may look, but her voice shined with sincerity.
Dan smiled weakly. "Sorry to worry you ma'am."
"My na is Margaret, dearie, and you look like you could use sothing sweet." The lady—Margaret—offered Dan a lollipop. He stared at it in bewildernt.
"Sugar always helps my nephew when he gets into a funk," Margaret explained genially.
"I see," Dan replied blankly. The sweet hovered in his vision. After an awkward second, he took it. The wrapper made pleasant crinkling noises as he unwrapped it. He popped it into his mouth, savoring the flavor.
Cherry. Delicious.
He sighed happily, relaxing in place. Margaret nodded to herself triumphantly.
"A little sugar makes everything better," she told him.
Dan made a noise caught sowhere between pleasure and bliss.
Margaret hesitated. "I noticed you co in earlier. You looked awful distraught. I can... call soone for you, if you need help?"
Dan waved her off. "No, that's quite alright ma'am. I was just rembering so things that I'd rather not think about."
She nodded at his reply, though looked unconvinced. "If you're sure."
"I am," Dan confird.
"Alright then," Margaret said, straightening her bonnet. "Well don't you mind this nosy old woman, I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You are okay, aren't you?"
Dan smiled weakly at her question, and she tottered off with a wave.
"I'm not okay," Dan whispered to himself, once he was sure she was out of hearing range, "but I think I will be."
He glanced around at his not-ho one last ti, then imagined himself elsewhere.
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