If you put your mind to it, taking action isn’t hard?
If you just have the will, doing it isn’t hard?
That’s close to nonsense.
—Crack.
The 758th death.
The mont I woke up, I tumbled out of the trunk. Face down against the ground, I lost my breath for a second.
I grabbed a handful of dirt.
All I pulled up was so unfortunate weeds as I stood up.
What I had to do from here on was simple. A routine ingrained through hundreds of deaths.
Before Park Gwangcheol heard the noise and ca to check, I had to quickly sprint down the hill and head for the battlefield.
Then, grab any one of the three Apostles, fight well, and die.
Well, maybe not “well.”
The endless cycle of death and resurrection repeated without end. I could now perceive the attacks coming at .
If I focused solely on evading, I thought maybe I could manage.
But the problem was attacking. Without a Fragnt, no matter what attack I used, I couldn’t pierce their outer shell.
In the end, I had to admit there was a limit to repeating this brute-force approach.
It wasn’t that I gained nothing. I just had a lot of ti—so I had to try sothing different.
Thus, I decided to observe their battles instead.
But the level of combat was on another plane entirely, and it was difficult even to track them with my eyes.
Analyzing their movents with just my raw intuition was no easy task.
In one hour, their battle would end.
An Apostle charged forward with a smile. But faced with fiercer-than-expected resistance from Vanquisher, one of his wings was ripped off and he retreated.
Then, all three Apostles attacked at once. The result after that was always the sa.
The battlefield collapsed again.
Death repeated.
To watch my comrades die, staying completely focused on every mont, and to analyze those deaths again—
It was not sothing a human should endure. At so point, I felt sothing sliding down my cheek. I wiped it.
It was a tear. I had been crying without even realizing it.
[『Clear Mirror, Still Water』 evolves into 『State of No-Self』.]
The ntal state forged through countless deaths and regressions—
It was close to self-forgetting.
The battle ended. I got up and headed toward the battlefield.
I emptied my mind completely.
At so point, I had stopped fearing death.
“Who’s that?”
An Apostle who had just killed the Old Man asked the Apostle beside him.
There wasn’t even a reply. He simply took a stance, fought, and died.
I’d tried everything. I even tried persuading them to run away.
But for so reason, the Apostles always caught on imdiately. I defined this as the world's suppression chanism.
There was no option other than the predetermined route.
And once, there was a mont like this.
“Hey, you fuckers!!!”
All three Apostles turned their heads at once.
I shouted.
“Please, just let stab you once! It’s not like it’ll even scratch you, right? Just once, let stab you!”
The Apostles didn’t even laugh. They simply pulled out their greatswords. But the one Apostle with no facial features—
The one with the pure white face—smirked.
After exchanging a few words with the others, he slowly approached .
“Would you like to try stabbing ?”
Blagh.
A face I recognized.
He spread his arms wide.
Without taking any defensive stance, he simply waited for my attack.
I knew he’d agree.
I condensed as much mana as I could into the tip of my spear. And then, I thrust with all my might.
—Grk... crk...
“Haha, not bad.”
—Crack.
The mont I woke up, I was wracked with doubt.
Even the attack I launched with every ounce of strength I had didn’t work. My natural mana capacity was far too lacking.
I had to make a decision.
Reverse Heaven.
The very last resort I had left. It was ti to use it. By forcing all the mana and blood vessels in my body to flow in reverse, I could raise my output.
But the reason I hesitated was because once I chose Reverse Heaven, my ‘growth path’ would beco permanently fixed. It was impossible to reverse the reversal and go back to the original direction.
I took a deep breath. And—forced my mana to reverse.
It felt like all the veins in my body were burning up at once.
Every flow of energy beneath my skin began to rampage in reverse.
It felt like my organs were being torn apart. My bones breaking. Every nerve set ablaze.
—Splurt!
I vomited blood and died.
It was the 912th death.
The 1100th life.
At last, I succeeded in Reverse Heaven.
[You have acquired 『Divine Art of Reverse Heaven』 — temporarily.]
However, it was only temporary.
What I realized after countless deaths was that my pitiful body couldn’t fully withstand Reverse Heaven.
Simply reversing the flow of mana wasn’t enough.
Reverse Heaven was a technique that explosively amplified output by completely flipping the mana’s flow in the body.
My body was too weak to handle it.
Unless I had drunk Iano’s Elixir, there was no way to improve mana quality in a short ti.
So instead of strengthening my feeble body, I focused on raising my mastery of Reverse Heaven.
The 1104th death.
I died vomiting blood.
The 1492nd death.
My heart exploded.
The 1671st death.
My blood vessels burned out. My body broke before the Apostle could even kill .
The 2001st death.
The conclusion was simple.
I had to control my body perfectly so that it could accept Reverse Heaven.
The 3910th death.
Failure. My body still hadn’t adapted to Reverse Heaven.
The 4399th death.
My body was slowly adapting to Reverse Heaven.
Imdiately after adjusting output, I developed a way to react instantly.
The 4529th death.
Ten seconds.
The maximum duration was ten seconds.
Within that ti, I had to finish it.
At so point, I even forgot to count how many tis I had died.
In the battle with Vanquisher—
Before I knew it, I was able to fight alongside them in sync.
But being able to fight and being able to win were two different things.
Everyone died.
And as always, I planned to follow them.
—Splurt!
Just then.
A fist pierced through my stomach. It missed my heart, but the sensation of my organs rupturing was clear.
But it didn’t hurt. It wasn’t that there was no pain.
I had simply grown so used to it that the sensation dulled.
I had died too many tis to count.
At this point, what aning did dying even have? Just like always, I’d die, return, and that would be that.
So, there was only one thing for to do now.
Kill.
I grabbed the Apostle’s arm that had pierced my stomach with all my strength.
With the other hand, I pulled out my spear. Then, I summoned mana using Reverse Heaven.
Kill.
The Apostle’s eyes wavered.
But it was too late.
Mana drawn to the spearhead condensed violently through Reverse Heaven. A power far beyond anything I had summoned before surged forth.
Ten seconds.
The swirling mana bared its fangs, ready to tear through evil.
The Apostle tried to pull his arm out.
This translation is the intellectual property of Novelight.
But the muscles skewered in my abdon held him tight, and I gripped his other arm with my free hand.
The Apostle furrowed his brow. With his free hand, he struck my face.
—Bang!!
My head snapped to the side. But I didn’t feel a thing.
And then, the thrust of my spear finally pierced through his shoulder.
—Crunch!
“Grrrrhk!”
I finally wounded him. The bastard groaned.
Had that ever happened before?
Had I ever seen them in pain even once?
I wasn’t sure.
My arm trembled. Just a little more, just a little longer—
—Bang!
But the Apostle wasn’t alone.
Another one, waiting nearby, struck hard and sent flying.
“You dumb fuck, what are you doing?”
The Apostle with the spear still lodged in his shoulder let out a hollow laugh. He pulled the spear from his shoulder and tossed it back at . His eyes were filled with rage.
His entire body tensed, like he was about to lunge at again.
But—
“Leave him.”
The Apostle beside him stretched out an arm to block him.
“He’s dead anyway. We need to go. We dragged this out too long.”
Looking up again, I noticed the sun had set. This was the longest the fight had ever lasted.
They left behind blood-soaked footprints as they walked away from this place.
Only then did I feel the strength drain from my entire body.
I bent over without even realizing it.
What...?
The Apostles had vanished before my eyes, and yet—I was still alive.
Even though Vanquisher had been wiped out.
Only then did I see hope.
It was the first ti. The first ti I’d ever ➤ NоvеⅠight ➤ (Read more on our source) changed sothing with my own hands.
The first ti a battlefield that had only known death showed the slightest shift.
All those deaths I’d lost count of finally produced a result.
Blood poured from my body.
I could feel my organs torn, my muscles ripped apart.
“Heh... hehehe...”
I was about to die, but I laughed in satisfaction. I was finally getting a feel for it.
No matter how long it takes, no matter how many tis it takes—I’ll kill them all.
And then—
I’ll bring them all back.
My breathing grew heavier. I couldn’t feel pain, but I felt the limit of my lungs.
Now it was ti to go save my comrades. I drew my spear and drove it into my own neck.
—Splurt!
Returning, again. To the base point.
Wait for . I’ll kill them all. I swear.
But—
When I opened my eyes again—
“Uh... uhh?”
The battlefield.
Right where I’d died just monts ago.
My body still had a gaping hole, and blood was still seeping from the wound.
For a mont, I didn’t understand.
‘Am I not dead yet?’
I raised the spear again and stabbed myself in the neck.
—Thuck.
I opened my eyes again.
Still—
The sa place.
I imdiately sensed sothing was wrong.
I had definitely died, so why...?
At that mont, I heard voices in the distance.
“This is Support!!”
It was the Association’s rescue team. I couldn’t breathe.
And I realized.
I hurriedly stabbed my neck again.
—Splurt!
I opened my eyes again.
But again, I was back in that sa spot.
A theory scread in my head.
I forced myself to ignore it, and frantically began crawling away from the direction of the rescue team.
“Quickly! Use healing arts, now!!”
Soone shouted.
And then—
A sacred energy seeped into my body.
“No... no, no...”
One possible explanation.
The Apostles had retreated.
And with their departure, I—Jeong Haein—was still alive.
The system considered this a ‘mission clear.’
Whether Vanquisher had been annihilated or not didn’t matter to it.
A new save point had been set for .
“Aaaaaaaaaargh!”
A scream tore from my throat.
With blood-soaked hands, I grabbed my head.
I tore at my hair and rolled on the ground.
Hundreds of deaths, thousands of deaths—
I had endured. I had survived.
And finally, I thought I had done it.
In that mont when I was sure I had changed sothing with my own hands—
The light of hope I saw...
Was the last flickering ember of their lives.
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!”
Even after that, over and over again, I raised my spear and stabbed my own neck.
—Thuck!
Opened my eyes.
—Thuck!
Opened my eyes.
But never again—
Did I return to that place.
It was all over.
I—
In the end, I—
Saved no one.
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