The Heavenly Martial Empress Returns: An OP Xianxia Returnee LitRPG Chapter 37: I Don’t Want To Be Alone

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As I descended from the heavens and landed on the village, I looked around, finding many of the beast people shocked, looking around the skies. Not many paid much attention to , having grown used to my ability to fly. However, the twins noticed my arrival quite quickly, running to see .

“Bing Xue!” Urbosa ran to my side. “What has happened? The screams of the Gods! Did you… Was it you?”

“It was .” I nodded. “I’ve freed the world of Eclipse from the two Gods for now. It might be painful for so, but it was sothing I needed to do.”

“T-That’s… You can slay Gods?” rkite muttered, utterly baffled. “Just what level of strength do you have, Bing Xue? To do such a thing, you must be a Goddess then?”

“I… Are you afraid of ?” I wondered, looking at my own hands, as I noticed the twins stepping back from . They quickly realized their actions, gasping and running to .

“N-No, that’s not it! I… Sorry, we didn’t an to make you feel rejected.” Urbosa sighed. “We know you’re a good person even with such power, but… It is hard to process, but you can slay deities. That’s not sothing anybody could ever do at all. Such a feat of power ant you could even destroy an entire world.”

“It is even more baffling how you carry yourself with such elegance and calm even while carrying so much power…” rkite said. “We knew you were at least, like, very strong, but this is on another whole level.”

I felt slightly afraid for so reason. Not of my own strength, but of how my power could drive those I love away from because they would be afraid of who I am.

But that too is sothing that couldn’t be helped.

Although I was surrounded by people and allies back then, I always felt surprisingly lonely in Murim.

Everyone was always close to due to fear; nobody truly saw as a person, but as a figure of authority, or perhaps a natural disaster, a force of nature.

“It’s fine; I won’t do anything to you if you’re afraid of or if you leave either.” I sighed, smiling painfully at them. “I know what I am; I am a monster; I’ve always been one. It is fine; I’ve grown to live like this. I am quite used to being alone, but thanks for giving your company and love, even if briefly.”

It was clear they were afraid of ; deep down in my heart, I was fearing this day would co, but it ca quite sooner than I imagined.

For soone like , a relationship would simply never work unless I t soone equally as strong as .

But I am afraid they might also try to kill anyway.

No matter how much I’ve enjoyed life here, it still feels like I am trapped in Murim, even though I’ve been out of there for a while now.

Murim never left ; it remains within , even in my own personality, my strength, my weakness, my traumas, everything.

I hate to admit it, but I both hate and miss that place.

It is a curse that I’ll never be able to free myself from.

“N-No, wait, Bing Xue, stop it!” Urbosa, however, grabbed my arm. “Don’t say such things! We will not leave your side! And it is not because you’re strong either. We want to be with you.”

As her beautiful silver-colored eyes glanced into my own, I felt like I almost skipped a beat.

“You’ve already been chosen as our mate; stop with that depressing talk already.” rkite smiled. “We’ve learned a lot of things from the life you had at Murim anyway; we know you were lonely, and I don’t really want you to be lonely ever again.” She caressed my face. “Calm down, relax. It’s fine. It was shocking, but I am not afraid of you.”

"And if you want to put it more romantically, yes, your eting has been brief, but you've saved our family, friends, and tribe. To us, that was a great act of selflessness. Our love might feel rushed, but it is sincere. We want to be with you and further develop these feelings." Urbosa sighed. "You've already filled the emptiness I felt when my husband passed away, so please... Don't leave this scar open again. I need you, dear."

"I've had a lot of crushes in my life, but nobody like you accepted for who I was... Maybe it might be different in human societies, but the bonds we make as mates are forever." rkite said. "And even if it might have been earned quickly, our love for you is genuine!"

Even now, after knowing the monster I am, they chose to remain by my side.

Even when I could accidentally kill them if I didn’t gauge and control my strength properly, and even when I could even destroy this world if I ever thought about it, even after all of that, they chose to remain by my side.

I… Has there been soone in Murim who has ever acted in such a way?

I simply can’t rember.

“rkite…” I felt like crying, but I resisted my tears. “I’ve reached such a level of strength after so long, after so much, yet even now, I can’t believe how moved I am when you speak with such love in your words. Thank you. And yes, I am sorry; I might have let my own depression take over there. I’ll try for it to not happen again.”

“Trust us, as we trust you.” Said Urbosa as she kissed my lips. “Alright? Let’s talk this through inside our house. Let’s go.”

“Co on, let’s go.” rkite held my hand and dragged there.

“Okay… I am quite tired myself.” I nodded. “I need so rest after everything, if possible.”

“Sure, we’ll make you so tea to relax,” Urbosa said. “You did a lot today, after all.”

“Are you truly okay with this?” I couldn’t help but ask. “With being with a monster like ? I could even kill you by accident, you know? I might even blow up the whole planet if I get slightly angry! To be by my side after knowing this is insane..."

“Then call us insane!” Urbosa said angrily. “Bing Xue, are YOU the one afraid of us or sothing?”

“I-I… No…” I muttered. “I…”

“Then stop with that already. We’re mates; we’ll stick together until we croak, as simple as that. We live together, we share food, and we share our lives. We sleep together, we see the moon in the night sky, and we see the sun rising from the horizon.” rkite said.

“We’ve chosen you, and you… chose us.” Urbosa spoke. “It is a ritual that must not be broken unless one of us dies.”

“…I’m sorry, I guess I was being foolish. Maybe… Maybe I was slightly afraid.” I sighed. “I’ll try to be better; I will.”

“It’s fine; nobody is asking you to change,” rkite said. “You’ve been yourself with us already!”

“Yeah,” Urbosa said. “It has been but a week since we’ve t, but even then, we already care for you and everything else... I am rather embarrassed to admit it, but I enjoy your company. You bring sothing new to our house, and as the savior of my daughter, my gratitude is also endless towards you. Hekita used to be a rather silent girl before you appeared, did you know?”

“Eh? Hekita?! But she’s such a ray of sunshine!” I said.

“Yes, she was... Before her father passed away.” Urbosa sighed. “It happened only half a year before our entire tribe moved down from Floor 2 to Floor 1. Hekita was only five years old when it happened.”

“…” I remained in silence for a bit. “I’m sorry, it must have been very painful."

“It was, but this is how life is in the Tower.” Said Urbosa. “Hekita changed since then; she was very lively but slowly beca silent and didn’t like playing anymore. Years after years, she only focused on learning the basics and then often sat down looking at the skies in silence.”

“And she changed so much with ? But why? I am a stranger…” I sighed.

“You might have been a stranger a week ago, but you’re now a pillar of our family,” rkite said.

“That’s right. Hekita needed soone else, a father figure, even if you might not like being called that by her… You’ve beco important to her.” Urbosa said.

“I see… I understand.” I nodded with a faint smile. “Though I would prefer her calling mommy or just auntie instead of father, I am not a man after all, haha.”

“Noted, we’ll tell her about that once we wake her up.” Laughed rkite.

“Wait, she’s still sleeping?! Such a sleepyhead!” I giggled.

We entered the house, and we t my mother, my sister, and Juan. They were in the middle of having breakfast with the twins when this happened. Hekita had just woken up too, looking sleepy, sitting over my mother’s legs.

“Katherine! You’re back, dear.” Said my mother. “W-What happened? That scream… Was it truly a god, as they said?”

“Big sis…” Ruby muttered. “D-Did you do sothing again?”

“Err… Well, yes.” I nodded. “I’ll be honest with you. I killed the two Gods of Eclipse.”

“PPFFF…!”

Juan, who was sipping tea, ended up spitting it in shock.

“S-Sorry, sorry, I didn’t an to…!” Juan panicked as he saw glaring at him.

I shifted my gaze back to my mother and my sister.

“Let’s… talk about it then.” I sat down near the table, the twins by my side.

“Papa beat the gods?” Hekita wondered. “Aweso!”

A little girl like her had little knowledge about what this truly ant. My mother seed conflicted; I could see that in her eyes. And my sister seed both flustered and a bit shocked. I could see hints of fear towards .

I don’t know why, but the fear they showed in their eyes hurt more than any torture, wound, or agony I’ve gone through in all of Murim. To be rejected by those I love.

I suppose because I never truly cared about the “allies” I made in Murim, as they often always had secondhanded intentions toward , I never felt this before.

But this…

I suppose my greatest fear is rejection from those I love. It feels like such a horrendous darkness, a fear greater and stronger than anything.

To make them afraid of ...

What else will I have left if they leave ?

Myself and my strength, nothing else.

What different would that be from Murim?

I escaped from that world because I wanted to et my family. I wanted company.

I wanted their love again.

My only goal through my entire eleven thousand years of life.

It was to et them once more.

“This is a conversation I’d like to have with you alone, with your sister too.” My mother said, “Can we go to another room?”

“Y-Yes, of course.” Urbosa nodded. “Hekita, co here, dear.”

“Huh? What are they going to talk about?” The little girl wondered.

“Important things. For now, let’s have breakfast, alright?” Urbosa smiled at her daughter.

“Okay…” Hekita looked at with confusion in her eyes.

I nodded silently as I walked to another tent outside of the main one. My mother walked there in silence; her face looked tired, exhausted, stressed, and furious. All these emotions, which she has been accumulating since I appeared, I could see in her eyes.

“Katherine.” She said. “I’ve been doing my best to cope with everything so far. I know this world is insane, and I know so people would co to kill us. And I know that what you’ve done so far is justified in many ways based on how our world has changed since then. But even now, I simply can’t. I can’t accept what you’ve done.”

“…” I remained in silence. “Why?”

“It is as simple as it sounds!” She said it with a furious tone of voice. “My daughter, you killed the pillars of belief, faith, and everything in this world! Do you know what you’ve done? You took away the spirituality of this world; you took away their religion! And with that, their culture is a part of their lives. A part of the pillars that ford their societies. This is wrong, no matter how much I think about it! You should have tried doing it differently!”

“…I thought about it many tis, but there was no other way,” I said. “The gods, mother, killed millions, if not billions, of humans. They’re monsters themselves; I simply can’t forgive them. I had to do it.”

“No! You didn’t have to!” My mother scread. “I’ve accepted it and even helped you fight those that ca after your life, but this is too much! You ca after them?! They were weak, and they didn’t intend to fight either!”

“But if I hadn’t done it… They would have simply waited for the mont to strike themselves! Mother, these beings dominate the Tower, and the Tower is the one bringing chaos and destruction to our planet! All the people that died, it was because of them!” I said. “If I don’t act and do sothing to stop them, then what else will be left? Our world is going to end!”

“But even then… These gods—they're beloved by people! You can’t take away their pillar of faith like this. It just feels wrong to .” My mother cried. “I don’t want my daughter to just do all these things…” She started weeping. “My Katherine… You were such a gentle girl.”

As I saw my mother crying, I comprehended once more.

This was the result of my own actions.

The results of what I have achieved.

And the pinnacle I reached.

All those Venerables I fought, I wonder if they also went through such things.

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