TL/Editor: Butter Cat
Status: 4/week mon-thurs
Illustrations: none
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〈 Chapter 56 〉 Chapter 56. Macro-Void.
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**
Is this emptiness, or is it futility?
The sensation of everything I believed in crumbling from the ground up, piece by piece.
Human ignorance, not even knowing what one knows and doesn't know.
My eyes saw nothing, my ears heard nothing, and my hands grasped at nothing.
Am I walking, or am I standing still? Or am I lying sowhere, waiting for death?
Even that simple deduction wouldn't co to .
—Throb!
"Han, Sia."
I muttered the na of the rcenary who was still tornting .
I clutched my throbbing head and recalled the image of that infuriating woman who had driven to this state.
Black hair and black eyes.
A person who stubbornly insisted on putting her last na before her first na, an unusual arrangent.
(TL Note: That’s how nas in Korea work, since Han is a reincarnator and all)
The girl who always had a goofy grin plastered on her face, as if she was happy about sothing.
As the image of that woman, whose unique style was, to put it nicely, and to put it bluntly, suspiciously unsettling, flashed through my mind, the headache that had been subsiding resurfaced.
My vision distorted and narrowed, growing darker, and the now-familiar pain of needles piercing my brain returned once again.
By now, it was more of an annoyance than pain.
The deep furrow between my eyebrows, was a testant to my feelings.
"I'm sorry for her, but right now… ㅡI hate her."
I hadn't liked her from the mont I first laid eyes on her.
It's not that I was the type of person who judged others based solely on their appearance or first impression.
So people in certain kingdoms might believe that "people with any black body parts on their body are the fingertips of a witch, and they can perform acts of witchcraft," but that's their business, not mine.
Rather, her unique appearance was refreshing, with its own charm.
And her title as a rcenary, belonging to one of the few crown-sanctioned and managed rcenary group in the empire, was quite intriguing.
(TL Note: Decided to use crown instead of governnt cause… Middle Ages…)
Her timid and delicate appearance, which shattered my preconceived notion of rcenaries as being rough and tough, was rather endearing.
To put it simply, her first impression was above average, quite good.
Rather than those unrealistically perfect individuals, she was moderately likable.
Those interesting backgrounds would have been a plus, not a minus.
So at that ti, I thought that if there was nothing particularly problematic, I might be able to build a good relationship with her in the future.
Yes.
I thought that way.
That is, until I saw her gently caressing the bracelet on her wrist, as if it were sothing precious.
—Crack.
"Really… how unsightly… Hu… huhu… Hahaha..!"
My emotions were gradually intensifying.
Where were they directed?
As the waves of those unpleasant emotions crashed over , a chilling sound began to emanate from the railing I was gripping.
If I had been gripping soone's arm instead of a railing, sothing very unpleasant would have happened.
The railing shattered with a scream, and countless wooden splinters piercing my palms, but the pain actually sowhat helped alleviate the headache that had been tornting , and I barely managed to stay on my feet.
Slowly, with faltering steps, I started walking, leaving a trail of bright red blood.
An aimless stroll, with no destination in mind, just walking wherever my feet took .
I wasn't worried about getting lost and becoming a missing person within the vast grounds of the academy.
I thought that too, in its own way, might not be so bad either.
**
Well, fine.
At first, I thought it was just a coincidence.
A really nasty coincidence, specially prepared by the world to tornt .
The fact that the stems were woven in the sa direction, the silver flowers that my little sister in particular loved so much, the teal ribbon tied at the end, which resembled Aris's eyes, everything.
All of it, I told myself, was just a coincidence.
How many people in the world could possibly make bracelets?
Roughly estimating, it would easily exceed several thousands.
Just because it looked similar, of course it was enough to make my heart sink, but my mind wasn't weak enough to lose my composure and rush towards her.
But what truly tornted than anything was sothing else.
Han Sia, HER, stroking the bracelet made of artificial flowers that wouldn't wither, her clear eyes devoid of any darkness, picturing soone who wasn't there.
And , carrying around the remnants of a withered flower crown in my pocket, its original form long gone and decayed beyond recognition, recalling soone I could no longer see, bringing her back from the past, rembering her.
So similar, yet so different.
A gap that had ford sowhere, a gap so wide it could never be bridged, I couldn't even fathom where it had started.
Seeing Han Sia clutching the bracelet whenever she felt down or overwheld, finding strength and comfort in it, sends into an indescribable anger and self-loathing.
Why are you making that happy expression.
When I'm crying like this.
What are you looking at in that empty void.
When I have nothing left.
For no reason, I felt a surge of anger.
She was clearly just an ordinary classmate who had nothing to do with , her actions shouldn't have impacted at all.
Whether she lived well sowhere or not, it wouldn't affect my life even as much as a single sheep's hair.
But strangely enough, whenever she looked at her wrist with a happy face, my mood plumted.
I started to feel irritable and complain about trivial matters that I would have ignored before, and my heart felt empty, like a bottomless pit that couldn't be filled.
Even when I tried to listen to the soothing music Tessa recomnded while reading a book.
Even when I tried to exhaust myself at the training ground, pushing my body to its limits so I wouldn't have the ti to think about anything else.
Whenever I saw her image flickering before my eyes, my heart would be consud by darkness.
'Uh... in our Wallenstein rcenary group, we mainly use polearms and spears for our infantry…’
‘… Doesn’t Miss Han use a sword?’
‘Ah, that… I have a rather unique situation… um, I was granted permission to use a sword personally…um…yes…that's right.’
Then one day.
It was during a ti when the teacher, as usual, was drawing the attention of the students in the classroom by having Han Sia share her vivid experiences.
I was sitting at my desk, listening to the lecture.
'........'
Thud, the pen in my hand slipped and fell to the floor.
The accumulated fatigue had long since passed its limit, and my body, which should have collapsed long ago, was in no condition to properly attend class.
My eyes trembled, my hand wouldn't obey , my body was falling apart.
My body was so broken that I couldn't even hear what Han Sia was saying right next to .
Even the writing on the blackboard, which I could usually read without any problems, was now just a blurry ss.
I was in such a bad shape that I would have excused myself and left the classroom even at the risk of being rude under normal circumstances.
But for so reason, I didn't raise my hand nor did I leave the classroom. Instead, my eyes were following her, the girl who was standing next to , looking at the students and teaching the lesson.
I saw flower petals swaying gently in the wind.
My unusually sensitive nose picked up a faint fragrance in the air.
As if srized, I just stared blankly at the bracelet on her wrist.
The love contained within.
The affection embedded within.
The mont I saw it, I clearly said, in a voice so low that no one else could hear.
—I want that bracelet.
Anger rising for no reason.
Anguish that suddenly appeared and devoured my body.
Irrational emotions directed at soone who had nothing to do with .
The na of that emotion is envy.
"—No."
I can't, accept it.
I shouldn't, accept it.
**
"....Ah."
My footsteps finally stopped.
It wasn't because there was an obstacle blocking my path that I stopped.
It wasn't because I had run out of energy to walk, nor was it because I was overco by fear of being lost.
There was nothing but a wide open door before , inviting to enter, I was still breathing, and if I were the kind of pathetic person to be anxious about this, I would have already ended my own life long ago.
After all, I had been wandering, having lost everything, for the past two years already.
Nevertheless, the reason I couldn't move forward and just stood here like this, was because the world was too cruel.
Really, It was too cruel.
Whoosh—
"....Ha…Haha…"
As the late sumr rain poured down heavily, signaling the end of sumr, the humid wind now disappeared.
A cool breeze was now blowing, but the wind coming from in front of still carried the warmth of sumr.
A glass house, its interior visible through the transparent walls.
Inside, green life flourished.
I had arrived at a place I had never set foot in, even though it had been almost two years since I ca to the Museion.
A place I had lost my reason to visit after Aris disappeared.
The end of my long journey was a beautiful greenhouse where flowers blood vibrantly.
—Thud.
I heard the sound of sothing hitting the ground.
At the sa ti, the scenery around spun, and the plants that had clearly been growing on the ground were now blocking my view.
The plants couldn't have grown so suddenly, so my vision must have lowered.
Ah.
I see.
I've collapsed.
"....This is really, the worst."
And my vision faded to black.
**
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