TL/Editor: Butter Cat
Status: 4/week mon-thurs
Illustrations: none
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〈 Chapter 37 〉 Chapter 37. Malice.
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The only way to soothe a child who constantly craves affection.
Is to keep showering the child with affection.
Until the child is satisfied.
Until they say they're okay.
Give them sweet affection, sweet enough to lt their brain.
"And then, when the ti is right, take it away—"
Then the child will stand on their own.
**
When I was young, I once got my foot stuck deep in the mudflats.
No matter how much I struggled, my foot wouldn't budge; it only pulled deeper.
What I thought were actions to free myself turned out to be actions that were sinking deeper.
Yes.
Gradually sinking, until reaching a point of no return.
That describes my current situation perfectly.
"...Alice, how can I die painlessly?"
"Sis Sia, you know you've been saying that for a week now?"
"I know."
"That's good to hear."
I pulled my clothes over my head and scread.
Waaaaaaaah, a truly pathetic sound, echoed through the depths of the mountain.
Waaaaah—
Waaaah—
Waah—
It was an attempt to shake off the sha, guilt, and regret that had filled my being, but those emotions were generated endlessly, as if violating the first law of thermodynamics, like a perpetual motion machine.
I couldn't help but think that emotions were the true source of eco-friendly energy.
Uwaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!
When I closed my eyes, the scene from before replayed vividly in my mind, and when I looked at the scenery around , the words I had spoken ca back to .
Why, why are these embarrassing mories so vivid?
The things I had desperately morized during my school days were gone, but these events haunted , every word perfectly preserved in my mory.
Thump, thump, the unidentified sounds that I heard every night in bed.
I won't reveal the identity, for personal privacy reasons.
Thanks to that, my straw mattress had been reduced to an unrecognizable ss.
And I got scolded by the landlord.
Hngg.
Just kill …
"Hmm… 'You'll abandon too in front of everyone, won't you?' Was that it…"
"K-Kuhk!? A-Alice?"
" '—Don't lie!!!' "
"Cough!!"
My outburst was sudden, but Alice, who was beside , was calmly gathering flowers, as if it were a normal occurrence.
Of course, she didn't stop talking about my dark past.
In response to that, I coughed and jumped to my feet.
But the fact that she could talk about it so casually, as a joke, ant that we had beco that close.
The child is acting so playfully; it's all for the sake of alleviating my guilt.
Really.
Everything about her,
Is too good for .
She's such a good child.
"Don't just stand there, co on~ let's go together!"
"…Uh, okay…"
Rustle, rustle, the cheerful sound of footsteps on fallen leaves.
Her walking through the forest, holding onto my arm, her long sleeves fluttering in the wind, was a sight so magical it seed like a scene from a movie.
But I, who had noticed a slight imbalance in the child's arm, couldn't fully enjoy the sight.
It was hidden by her long sleeve, but if you looked closely, you could see that sothing was missing from the gap in her clothes.
Below her elbow, where her wrist should have started. Instead of a wrist, there was a mark, as if it had been bitten off by an animal.
I wonder what happened.
I had never asked her directly.
But it was a day that reminded of the world's cruelty.
"Here it is, here!"
"....I'm coming."
I suppressed the rising nausea and smiled, following her lead.
I couldn't show the child my ugly side.
"Ta-da~!"
"........"
I fell into a brief contemplation, looking at the pile of flowers she was showing .
Hmm.
So it has been exactly one week today.
—Since Alice and I beca friends.
After her declaration of friendship, I sohow managed to pull myself together and apologized for my past actions, banging my head on the ground.
I knew better than anyone that nothing could truly make up for the wounds I had inflicted.
But even so, I couldn't help but apologize.
I'm sorry.
I'm so, so sorry.
No matter how hard I was struggling, no matter how desperate my situation, those weren't words I should have said to a young child who had nothing to do with my past.
In front of a child who had lived a life as hard as mine, or perhaps even harder, I was just whining about my own struggles, acting like a spoiled brat.
But Alice, instead of getting angry, told her na and asked to be friends, instead of demanding an apology.
She said that just because soone else was hurting more, didn't an my pain wasn't real.
She said it was okay for to be in pain.
She wanted to share it with , as friends.
She asked to be her first friend.
She said those words to , with a charming smile in her eyes.
I was a sinner, unworthy of even lifting my head, but I couldn't help but reach out and take her small hand at her sweet words.
After that, even though we never made a specific promise, the child would wait for here every day, and I would climb the mountain to find her after finishing my chores.
A new routine, added to my hamster wheel of a life.
We would talk about our lives, pick flowers, collect interesting-looking pebbles, and if we felt sleepy, we would lean against each other and take a nap.
And that routine, naturally beca the most anticipated part of my day.
The reason—
… I'm too embarrassed to say it out loud.
"So... you do it like this...."
"Uh… It's difficult…"
"You can do it!"
I braided the flowers together, combining three or so stems, like braiding hair.
Little by little, I was carefully weaving them, choosing the arrangent of the flowers as the child instructed .
In my past life, I was a city girl who preferred playing with dolls to outdoor activities, and in this life, I was too busy trying to survive to even think about making one—a flower crown.
I was making a small one with the flowers she had picked.
"Ugh.... This is hard."
"You're doing great~ You're doing great!"
It all started with Alice wanting to make a flower crown as a gift for her older sister.
The child didn't say anything or show it, but I knew her circumstances, so I imdiately understood her difficulty.
—Her body wouldn't allow her to properly make a flower crown.
I couldn't bear to watch the child sitting there, frustrated, surrounded by scattered flowers, so I let out a small sigh and decided to help her make the gift.
Well, I couldn't exactly call her older sister a stranger, either.
And so, a few minutes later—
"...There, it's done."
"Wow!! Thank you so much!! You're the best, Sis Sia!"
I joined the flower stems that Alice had woven together, forming a circle, and tied a knot.
As soon as I gave it to her, she started twirling around happily amidst the flowers, overjoyed.
The child, wearing the flower crown around her neck, beaming with joy.
And obviously, nothing remained in my hands.
Only the sight of the child, her face bubbling with happiness, muttering the na of soone I didn't know, 'Big Sis Elli'.
"........"
"Heeheehee!!"
Seeing the child looking so happy, as if I didn’t even exist, out of her mind—
I couldn't help but feel a surge of petty, ugly emotions.
—Tap, tap, tap.
My fingernails tapped against each other, creating an unpleasant sound.
Only after hearing it did I realize I was drumming my nails together.
But in my heart, thoughts even more unbearable than the sound were raging.
What if the child didn't actually like ?
What if she was planning to abandon ?
What if I didn't exist in the eyes of the child who was smiling so brightly—
—Tap.
Yes.
Perhaps, this was an inevitable outco.
Soone like , whom she had only known for a short ti, who was nothing but a burden, could never compare to an older sister who was like family, soone who took care of her, right?
So this is unavoidable—
"—Sis Sia, here!"
"....Huh?"
Shwoop.
Sothing colorful suddenly appeared in my vision.
It took a few seconds to realize it was an object made of flowers.
"I secretly made it by myself for Sis Sia… But, I'm sorry…"
"...."
"Heehee, it's a bit of a ss, isn't it?"
A flower crown, too small to wear around the neck.
I tried it on my wrist, and surprisingly, it fit perfectly.
The combination of flowers was so beautiful that it could fetch a high price if sold at the market, but the way the stems were woven together, even an amateur like could see the flaws here and there.
It was far inferior to the one the child and I had made together—
"D-Do you not like it?"
"......"
"Uuu…! I’ll make a new one later—"
"—No."
You don't need to make a new one.
I muttered softly and carefully lifted it from my wrist, holding it against my chest.
Thump, thump.
The flowers danced gently along with my heartbeat.
The flas that had been raging just monts ago had died down, leaving only embers behind.
The child kept looking at my expression, fidgeting anxiously.
Seeing her like that, the worries I had been agonizing over felt dumb, and a chuckle escaped my lips.
Honestly.
This child.
"..Haha."
".....Uuu?"
"Hahahaha—!!"
The small chuckle grew louder and louder.
At the sight of the child tilting her head, confused as to why I’m chuckling, I burst into laughter.
Alice puffed out her cheeks and demanded an explanation, but I just kept laughing, not telling her the reason.
I simply pressed her plump cheeks, deflating them, and quickly ran away.
"—Eeeh!!?"
"Hahahahahaha—!!"
Tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow.
If not, every day.
It seed certain that I would be subjected to ntal attacks from the child using my own quotes, but I thought it wouldn't be so bad, and I couldn't help but smile.
Because being pranked ant that I could still et the child.
It ant that our bond would continue.
"I like this."
On a chilly day, as the lake began to freeze over, and winter was approaching.
And on that day, all my hatred lted away like snow.
Cold, yet warm.
It was that kind of day.
**
—Rustle.
"...I knew that witch was up to sothing."
Behind a thick oak tree.
Stepping on the pile of fallen leaves that reached his knees, a man was watching the two girls.
A heartwarming sight that would make anyone smile, the black-haired girl and the silver-haired child rolling around on the ground.
But in the man's eyes, there was only disgust.
"I'll have to report this to the village head."
With those words, the man hurriedly left the forest.
A suspicious man, radiating an aura of ill intent so strong that even soone who believed that everyone in the world was good would sense he was plotting sothing.
A great malice was targeting the two girls in the forest.
But unfortunately, they were oblivious to the approaching darkness, simply enjoying their peaceful ti.
"—Heehee!"
No, perhaps,
Except for one, who knew.
**
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