When Joanna was still lingering on every thought that sward relentlessly in her mind, she noticed Canillas make so movents from across the table, causing her to break her gaze away from the parchnt in front of her.
She raised her head to see what he was doing and found him placing a small box on the table. As he opened it a second later, Joanna could not help but get her eyes dilated. Inside the box were several sharp objects kept.
Subsequently, she watched Canillas pick one needle and burn its tip on the fla of one candle that stood on the candlestick until it turned red.
Joanna was aware of what he was going to do, but still a sharp gasp slipped out of her lips when Canillas pricked his thumb with the cooled-down needle.
That action brought Joanna to see Canillas’ face as if trying to see if he was fine, and that made Joanna belatedly witness him press his thumb on the parchnt on top of where his na was written. And a red mark adorned the parchnt that was previously predominated in white and black.
With her heart beating so fast, hitting her ribcage, Joanna felt her chest tighten at what she saw.
Why did he always try hard to bring her close to him to the extre point that it never crossed her mind? She made one step toward him, but he always made ten more steps to get close to her, embracing her until she could not find a way to get away from him.
And just like this mont. She just wanted to talk to him, trying to negotiate if they could delay their journey back to his holand. But who ever thought that he would use it to make her unable to leave him without his approval, although she did not have that intention anymore.
Bringing her gaze up, Joanna t Canillas’ eyes. He stood before her, separated by the table between them.
"I think I am going insane." Joanna’s whisper-like voice cracked the wall of silence that was left since Canillas was busy himself with sealing the agreent with his blood.
"No, I think I am insane." Joanna revised her previous statent. Her low voice was laced with sadness.
Slowly, Canillas made his way toward Joanna to then stand next to her, who was still sitting on the chair, looking up at him with her eyes glistening under the bath of red-orange glow that simred in the room. He knew what that was.
Lowering his body to take the sa level as hers, Canillas dropped on his knees before her.
Face-to-face with Joanna, who turned her head to stare at him, Canillas wiped the tears that just rolled down from her reddened eyes with his fingertips.
"I dread," Joanna said in a voice barely above a whisper. Reaching out a hand, Joanna placed her fingertips on the bridge of Canillas’ straight nose. "I saw this face in the dream." Joanna brought her fingertips to slowly brush down along the line of Canillas’ nose bone.
"I am honored to be in your dream," Canillas whispered, closing his eyes to feel Joanna’s fingertips caressing the curve of his face, enjoying every touch that was like fluttering wings.
"The sa face yet a different person..." Her fingertips brushed his sealed lips before resting to cradle his cheek, where she could feel his stubble tickle her palm. "Or the sa person..."
Canillas opened his eyes to see tears well up in Joanna’s eyes when the last words ca out of her lips.
"You were right... I was in fear... and still in fear..." Joanna revealed her feelings. She was no longer able to contain all the feelings that had washed over her since that dream ca to her that stormy night.
"Because of that I left your ho and ca back here to find shelter in my ho. Then you ca to bring back there..." Tears flowed down Joanna’s cheeks. "I refused because I was scared. I hurt my own body to make you despise , to make you agree to annul our marriage." A small, bitter smile appeared on Joanna’s quivering lips. "But you are still here... staying with ... refusing to put an end to our marriage..."
A silence hovered over the two people who stared at each other.
"What did you see in that dream?" Canillas asked in a low, soothing voice, seeing another tear wet her flushed cheeks.
Joanna was staring into Canillas’ eyes in silence before uttering, "Nightmare."
She did not know where to start and how to tell about the dream. What was sure was that it was a nightmare that still stuck in her mind that had taken away her peaceful life.
Not only when his mother was ntioned, but the black carriage and the uninvited guests that she saw were also part of that. All the mory of that nightmare that she had tried to bury deep in her mind had resurfaced. That fear was back to her, making her feel like she was not in her right mind. Her sanity was like being taken away, leaving her deserted in the pool of insanity.
Finding Canillas not to ask her anymore but having his eyes on hers, Joanna said, "It was why I asked you to annul our marriage. I even tried to introduce you to Clara de Lorn. Because I am an insane woman who is in fear over a dream. I am an insane woman who is not in doubt about inflicting pain on my own body to protect myself and those dear to ."
With her palm still resting on Canillas’ cheek, Joanna continued to speak. "I have made you disappointed so many tis. For so many tis as well, I have hurt you with my conduct. What are you expecting from a person like ?" More tears stread down from her eyes. "You have been so kind to . You have treated well, endured my disrespectful manner patiently, and overlooked my bad behavior as if what I have done was right." Her hoarse voice represented a heartbroken yet sincere heartfelt.
"But can you deal with in the sa tone for the rest of your life?" Joanna asked despite her aggrieved state. "I am a broken person who will only cause a burden in your life. You deserve soone better than , soone who will shower you with happiness, soone who is whole." A faint smile broke through her trembling lips as she looked into the man, who was still silent, but she was sure that he was listening to the content of her heart.
"I rembered you ever said to that you will only have one marriage for a lifeti. It is not too late to change your mind, Sir Canillas. I really an it. I am sorry." Joanna sobbed.
She was sorry because she was not strong enough to hold his hand on the walking path of their marriage. It was too hard for her. Joanna gave up.
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