If I thought the day’s troubles would end with the old guy shouting about being a grandpa, I was sorely mistaken. I was the next victim of the insanity. About two hours—and over a hundred cushions sold—after the old guy left, a girl and a guy approached my booth. The girl looked about sixteen or seventeen years old, wearing an elaborate robe and a haughty expression. The guy behind her, likely in his thirties, wore the sa robe as the city guards, complete with the wheat-and-sword emblem.
She inspected the jewelry I was selling, pointing regally at an ugly brooch that resembled a dragonfly. Its body was longer than a “regular” dragonfly and set with red stones that looked like rubies, though they had black flecks in them. The wings were set with small, colorful shards of various stones.
“I desire this piece,” she intoned.
I cast Appraisal, and the result caught off guard. It was the first ti anyone had seriously looked at the jewelry, and I wasn’t expecting what I saw.
Drakwing Brooch
43 gold / 10 units spirit stone
I had no idea what a spirit stone was or how to count the units, but I figured it was another form of the local currency.
“40 Gold or 10 units spirit stone,” I told her.
Her eyes widened slightly before narrowing, a mix of confusion and indignation flashing across her face, like I’d just insulted her. “Do you know who I am?” she asked angrily, her tone sharp and offended.
I decided to be diplomatic, keeping my tone calm. “I apologize, but I don’t. I’m a traveling rchant and not from here.”
She huffed loudly, the sound oddly reminiscent of Rue, then tilted her chin upward, her expression one of practiced superiority. “I am the young mistress of house Goor, the daughter of the city lord.”
“Nice to et you, Miss Goor,” I replied evenly.
She stared at expectantly, her brows slightly raised, waiting for… sothing. I had no idea what. After about half a minute of awkward silence, I finally asked, “Yes?”
Her expression hardened, and she pointed at the brooch again with a stiff, imperious gesture. “I desire this piece.”
Maybe she didn’t hear the first ti?
“40 Gold or 10 units spirit stone.”
This ti, her face flushed with shock, her mouth opening slightly as though she couldn’t believe her ears.
The guy behind her stepped forward, his expression tight with suppressed annoyance. “This is the young mistress of house Goor.”
“Yeah, she told ,” I said, keeping my tone neutral. “But I don’t understand what the issue is. She wants the brooch. I told you the price. The next move is yours—hint, it involves paying .”
“How dare you?!” he bellowed, his face reddening, veins bulging slightly at his temples.
Now, it was my turn to stare at him, my eyebrows lifting in genuine incomprehension. What’s with this world and all the shouting?
“I don’t understand the problem,” I said, my tone as even as I could manage.
“This is the young mistress of house Goor!” he shouted again, his voice rising as if volu alone would clarify things.
“Yeah, I got that. I’m not stupid,” I replied, crossing my arms. “But I still don’t understand what you want to do with that information.”
His eyes narrowed, and his face twisted in barely contained outrage. “You need to give her the brooch and thank her on your knees for taking it.”
“Not gonna happen,” I said resolutely, holding his gaze without flinching.
His face turned an even deeper shade of red, veins pulsing at his temple. With a furious step back, he raised his arm and bellowed, “Wrathful Serpent’s Sky-Piercing Fang Strike!”
A long, green snake materialized in his hand and shot toward with alarming speed. Reacting instinctively, I cast Protective Shield. The snake slamd into the barrier with a dull thud and fell to the ground, writhing. Without hesitation, I zapped it with a bolt of Lightning.
The snake’s convulsions stopped as it dissolved into wisps of mana. I cast Harvest Mana Crystal, and a small, shimring crystal appeared in its place. Curious, I picked it up, turning it over in my fingers. It looked identical to the crystals I harvested from monsters.
Curiosity piqued, I cast Identify.
12 units spirit stone
That’s a strange way to produce currency, I thought, frowning.
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Still, the crystal looked too similar to the ones I harvested from monsters. Pulling a monster crystal from my Inventory, I held it up alongside the new one for comparison. They were nearly identical.
To be sure, I cast Identify on the monster crystal.
29 units spirit stone
I stared at the crystal briefly, confused. Then I rembered Lis ntioning that these crystals were used as currency in so worlds.
Cool!
Now, I just had to figure out how to give them change. The crystal from the snake was the size of a grain of rice. I rummaged through my Inventory and found the tiny crystal from those strange, warbling black creatures in the dungeon that gave 50 gold. That one was the size of a grain of sand. I cast Identify:
3 units spirit stone
I didn’t have anything smaller. Oh well, looks like they’re getting a discount.
When I lifted my head, I saw both of them frozen like statues, their mouths hanging open. They stared at like I’d just grown a second head. I had no idea what their problem was now, and honestly, I didn’t care—I just wanted to get rid of the troubleso girl.
Grabbing the brooch, I held it out to her. “Here is your brooch.”
She took it silently, her hands moving like she was on autopilot.
I then offered the small crystal to the serpent guy. “Here is your change.”
He accepted it just as wordlessly, his wide eyes fixed on like I’d done sothing unspeakable.
They both stood there, still staring.
“What?” I asked, my patience running thin. I just wanted them gone. “Thank you for your patronage,” I added, hoping to hurry them along.
That seed to snap them out of it. They gave one last strange look before turning away and leaving, accompanied by a ridiculous amount of pompous fanfare.
An hour later, the crowd in the trading area parted like the sea before Moses, revealing a bald guy with a goatee, dressed in the most elaborate robe I’d seen so far. Eight city guards, all holding spears with a practiced air of intimidation, flanked him. The whole procession stopped right in front of my booth.
The bald guy pointed at dramatically and declared, “Kowtow three tis and call daddy!” At least he didn’t shout.
“Why?” I asked, genuinely baffled. I had no idea what was going on. Sure, I’d read that people here were nuts, but this felt like a whole new level of crazy.
“I am the city lord!” he shouted, finally succumbing to the local shouting obsession.
I nodded politely, trying to keep things civil. “Nice to et you, sir.”
He stood there, staring at expectantly, his goatee twitching. It was obvious he was waiting for sothing.
“What?” I asked, genuinely confused.
“Kowtow three tis and call daddy!” he repeated, gesturing impatiently.
“Why? And seriously, what’s with the ‘daddy’ thing?” I asked, throwing my hands up. “So other guy wanted my friend to call him grandpa earlier. Are you all walking around looking for relatives? Look, I’ll admit I don’t know who my father is, but I’m pretty sure you’re not him. So, I really don’t get what you’re trying to accomplish here.”
Now he looked genuinely confused, his brows furrowing as he asked, “Are you mocking ?” At least he’d stopped shouting.
“No, I really don’t understand what’s going on here,” I said, throwing up my hands in exasperation. “Why should I call you my father? Or my friend calling so stuck-up old guy his grandfather? And while we’re at it, why did you bring a group of city guards who look like they’re a minute away from starting a fight?
“We’re rchants from another continent, here in good faith to trade,” I continued, my tone rising with frustration. “But people keep accosting us and demanding to beco part of our family. This whole thing doesn’t make any sense!”
He looked thoughtful, his brow furrowing slightly. “You are not from here?”
I quickly opened the Map in my mind’s eye, double-checking. “No, we’re from Sulus. We ca here to trade.”
“You crossed the sea? How?” His voice carried a hint of skepticism now, but at least he wasn’t shouting.
“On a ship, and with a lot of danger,” I replied flatly.
He nodded, stroking his goatee as though weighing my words. “I will pardon you this ti. But I advise you to learn our customs.”
“That’s the thing—what customs exactly?” I shot back, frustration creeping into my voice. “Nobody says anything or explains anything. You all just show up, shouting, ‘Call Grandpa’ or ‘Call Daddy.’ It doesn’t make any sense!”
He nodded, as if coming to a decision. “To call a person ‘daddy’ is to show deference. To call a person ‘grandpa’ is to show the highest form of deference. And if a scion of an important house approaches you, you should give them what they want without demanding paynt.”
“That doesn’t make any sense,” I replied, shaking my head. “The things we sell cost us money, and it cost us to cross the sea and co here. If we give things away for free, we won’t be able to pay for our lodging, food, or a way back ho.”
He nodded again, stroking his goatee thoughtfully. “I will send one of my managers your way. He will assist you.”
“Thank you,” I said, relieved that the conversation might finally be over.
But he didn’t leave. He stood there, staring at expectantly.
“What?” I asked, frowning.
He sighed deeply, looking as though I’d just made his life unnecessarily difficult. “I promised you my help. Now, you should show your appreciation.”
“How?” I asked, my confusion growing.
“By offering sothing of your wares as a sign of your gratitude,” he explained, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
I sighed, pulling out a cushion and handing it to him. He looked at it with clear disdain, his lips pressing into a thin line, and gave an almost imperceptible shake of his head.
I had a hunch. Reaching out telepathically, I asked, “It’s not good enough?”
His eyes widened briefly in surprise before quickly schooling his expression back to neutrality. “No,” he replied evenly. “The help I offered you is valuable. It will allow you to sell large portions of your wares without dealing with the populace or important scions. Your gift should reflect that. Also,” he added, lifting his chin slightly, “present it in a dignified manner.”
I thought montarily, tapping my fingers lightly on the table as an idea ford. I retrieved a dagger with runes from Tuonela, one I had restored a long ti ago. It was one of the few items I had that could impress soone like him.
Holding the dagger with both hands, I presented it to him and said aloud, “Allow to present the city lord with this dagger. It is enchanted to stay always sharp and clean.”
His eyes flickered with interest as he examined the weapon, his fingers running lightly over the engraved runes. With a satisfied nod, he took the dagger. “My manager will find you shortly,” he said aloud.
Then, his voice shifted to telepathic speech, his tone sharper and more direct. “I advise you to close your booths and wait for my manager to save yourselves from further problems.”
“Thank you for your help,” I said, inclining my head.
Well, crazy or not, at least so of them had a spark of reason.
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