mories of childhood.
For , the best word to describe it is—'hell.'
Yes, it was hell.
My na is Sophie.
An ordinary girl.
But also a special one.
When did I start realizing my uniqueness? It wasn't because I looked better than my peers, nor was it my exceptional intelligence that allowed to easily et the expectations of my teachers and parents.
It was one day.
Late at night, when I saw myself in the bathroom mirror, and then I heard a voice.
"Sister..."
It sounds like a terrifying, eerie story.
I clearly didn't open my mouth, but the person in the mirror did.
Honestly, I was scared out of my wits.
I even thought I was dreaming.
But the '' in the mirror told she was my sister, Sophia.
The sister who couldn't be saved from our mother's womb.
It took a long ti to suppress my shock, but I didn't easily believe it. At that ti, I didn't know what to do.
I was good at studying, but not at dealing with the supernatural or ghosts.
My young heart once suspected that those horror stories had co to life, and I thought my life would start to sink into a quagmire, haunted by a ghostly presence.
But... it wasn't like that.
She beca my friend.
She understood my troubles, comforted when I was sad.
She told what to do when my father ca ho drunk every day, venting his anger from losing money gambling.
She told I should protect myself, that she just wanted ... to live well.
I was surprised, but I was indeed happy.
My life had gained a sister like this, a special friend.
But I couldn't hold back and tried to ask my mother... if I ever had a sister.
Of course, I will never forget my mother's expression at that mont.
Her eyes went blank and hollow, then she gripped my hand tightly, hurting .
But I saw my mother's fragile face, instantly covered in tears.
I couldn't bear to pull away.
I learned everything.
When my mother was pregnant with , the doctor told her.
It was a twin pregnancy, likely twins.
It seed like a scene worth celebrating, right? It should have been a joyful event, right?
But it wasn't.
Because among the twins, one was too strong, too robust, absorbing most of the nutrients, leaving the other with very little, even risking stillbirth.
The doctor at the ti gave the most reasonable, yet helpless suggestion.
"Ma'am, I recomnd an early C-section. Otherwise... by the ti of normal delivery, the weaker one might be stillborn, and even if born, survival would be difficult."
So my parents chose the C-section on the doctor's advice.
But complications arose.
The reasons were too complex; I don't know if my mother forgot or chose to forget.
The stronger one... didn't survive the surgery.
The weaker one was born successfully.
That was ... Sophie, who survived.
It was, of course, heartbreaking and unavoidable.
My parents chose never to ntion it, raising as their only daughter. Looking back now, I did feel all the love for a while.
I once thought I was the happiest daughter in the world.
But when did everything start to change?
Was it when my father got fired and the house was silent all night? I rember that night, the dim light flickering all night, but no one spoke.
Was it when my father started drinking, gambling to numb himself, hoping for a stroke of luck to change everything?
I don't know...
I just know the argunts at ho increased.
I just know the broken dishes increased.
I just know my mother's tears increased.
I just know the bruises on my body increased...
Why did life turn out this way? Sophie didn't understand. Those lessons, those books didn't tell her why life went from blooming flowers to a muddy ss.
No one told why my loving parents turned into snarling enemies, arguing until they were red in the face.
I didn't know... I just wanted to escape the trivialities and argunts of life.
I was like an ostrich in the desert, burying my head in the corner of life, pretending not to see those things, living in happiness.
But my friends beca fewer, not because of anything else, but because I spoke less and trusted others less.
But what truly changed my fate, waking from the flood of destiny... was that day, the day I will never forget.
It was my father, with a grim face, bringing a few nacing n into our already cramped ho.
I never thought I would hear those words from his mouth.
"...I have nothing, only them... if you want them... take them, I have no money, really no money."
I instantly understood.
The man who once gave fatherly love, countless surprises, who kissed my cheek with a happy smile on my birthday... wanted to sell and my mother.
I clearly heard my mother's desperate, almost broken voice questioning him.
But that man just knelt there in despair, not answering a word.
So I clearly understood what it ant for the world to collapse. I buried my head in the blanket, refusing to believe what was happening.
In my mind.
That voice.
My sister Sophia only said one word to .
"Run."
So in that mont, I burst out with unimaginable courage, and my mother and I ran out.
Running all the way, tears and footsteps splashing in the air.
At that ti, I couldn't think of any bright future, but I didn't want to fall into these people's hands.
I wanted to live well, I didn't want to be ruined, I didn't want to, I didn't want!!
Until my mother and I ran to the rooftop.
When I thought I could catch my breath, I saw an expression on my mother's face I had never seen before. Now I know, that expression was called despair.
"Sophie... I'm sorry."
She smiled, but her eyes were clearly crying.
I didn't know how to respond because I was crying too. I didn't know why I was crying, I was just crying for no reason, feeling sad for no reason.
Until she hugged my frail body, holding tightly in her arms, but... I couldn't feel any warmth anymore.
My thoughts were just...
Why does life treat this way?
Why does fate play tricks on ?
Did I do sothing wrong? Did I tell so lie? Was I... destined to suffer this?
Why... can everyone else be happy?
But not ?
She held , speaking in a gentle voice.
"I'm sorry... we ended up like this... it's because I couldn't protect you."
I wanted to say it wasn't her fault.
But my choked throat couldn't utter a word.
Maybe... if I had been braver, stronger, smarter, things would have been different?
But... I said nothing.
She let go of , holding my shoulders.
"Would you go to another world with mom?"
She smiled and asked.
I looked at her, confused.
Where was this other world?
"A happy world, a world where this won't happen again. We'll live carefree in that world, we'll disappear from here forever."
She glanced at the edge, the bottomless high-rise.
That was the abyss for mortals, the end of fate.
I understood her aning.
She wanted to die, she wanted to take with her.
It seed like a way to escape all the troubles of this world, her despair explained.
All the suffering in this world seed to be resolved.
But...
I didn't want to die.
I really didn't want to die.
I wanted to live, I was still so young, my future hadn't even arrived, my real life hadn't started.
Why... should I die?
My expression changed, my gaze at her turned fearful.
I honestly told her I didn't want to die, I wanted to live.
As long as I lived, there would be a way.
As long as I lived, there would be a day when the sun would rise.
But she just smiled and held my hand. She was smiling, but her grip was unimaginably strong. She had never held my hand with such force.
It was clearly my mother's hand, but at that mont, it felt like a hand pulling into the real abyss.
"I don't want to die... Mom, I don't want to die..."
She kept comforting with the gentlest words.
"It's okay. It will only hurt for a mont, Sophie... it will be fine. Compared to living in real hell, where we're going is heaven. Trust mom, mom will protect you, no matter where we go. Co with mom, okay?"
"I don't want to... I don't want! I don't want to die!!"
"Listen! You're mom's child, how can you not listen? We have no choice! Sophie... we have no choice, we can only die! Our fate is to die now!
What's the point of living! To suffer more? To endure more? Let's die, we'll die together, Sophie, die with mom!!"
Her expression turned ferocious, her words beca vicious.
She didn't look like mom anymore.
She looked like a demon.
I didn't understand.
Why did the person who once loved the most... want to drag into the abyss?
I didn't understand why all the suffering in my life ca from the two people I loved the most.
I didn't understand.
I wanted to escape, I wanted to live.
I didn't want to die.
When that thought truly appeared, I heard the voice in my mind.
"Sister... leave it to ."
Could I leave it to her?
But at that mont, I had no choice.
I knew clearly that my mother, who wanted to die with , was serious.
She just wanted to die with her.
I didn't know.
I didn't know.
I wanted to live...
I didn't want to die...
Then... leave it to her.
Sophia... make sure I live.
So at that mont, in the cold wind on the rooftop.
In my mother's ferocious face.
In the excruciating pain of her grip on my hand.
I closed my eyes.
I handed myself over to her.
And then...
Then ca the sound of an ambulance, the wail of sirens.
Many people, concerned, asking if I was okay, if I was hurt.
I just stared blankly.
Looking into the distance.
At the two people covered in white cloth being pushed into the ambulance.
Did my fallen mother go to the happy world she believed in?
Did my father, who shot himself, find his last bit of conscience, unable to face his guilt?
But the world felt so empty.
This world seed to have only left.
I had no parents anymore.
I had no happiness anymore.
"It's okay, you still have , sister."
I wanted to hug her, but could only hug myself.
Yeah, it's okay...
I still have Sophia.
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