After that... seizure I had experienced, my eyes were open.
Alaric was right in front of .
He was frowning, looking at as if he were almost losing his temper.
"It wasn't great that we spent almost ten minutes of the fifteen we barely managed to arrange this way. But it's my fault, I should have been more careful. I didn't expect your mind to be in such turmoil. Tch."
He seed quite annoyed. Still, after looking at for a mont, he rolled his eyes and sighed.
"Anyway. I know you're stressed, that your recent experience was quite disturbing, and that you've been through a rather unpleasant process. You're tired, Ethan. But let's not waste the ti we have left as this is not an opportunity we get often. So listen to carefully."
I had only just managed to pull myself together. Just as he said, I was... tired. Exhausted, even. My head was also aching considerably.
And still, I forced myself and really listened to him.
Because I was aware that ti was working against us.
Right now... I didn't have ti to think about anything other than this 'lesson'.
So, I cleared my mind as best I could.
At least I tried.
"You can't see yourself cooperating with caora. You dislike it so much that you have trouble imagining yourself with it. You don't communicate with it on an advanced level. Advanced level aside, I doubt you even communicate at all."
He paused for a mont, noticed I was looking directly at him, and pointed to his eyes with his hands.
At first, I didn't understand what he was doing. But when he quickly closed and opened his eyes three tis, I realized my eyes were open and he wanted to close them.
When I did as he said, he continued talking.
"Anyway. This 'lack of communication' is your biggest problem. You know how ordea and caora work, Ethan. You don't command them, you don't 'control' them. They listen to you, and as long as they find it acceptable, they direct themselves according to your desires. They control themselves as if you were controlling them. They are like allies fighting alongside you, giving you strength."
I... already know that.
I know it very well.
Everything I learned from the ga is etched into my mind, not a single fra forgotten. But...
I thought about what I had just experienced a few minutes ago. Then I clenched my teeth in anger. At least in a controlled manner compared to just before.
It was impossible for not to hate caora.
"That's why, as long as you refuse to communicate with them and use them randomly, you can't use them. It's a miracle you can even use caora at a basic level; we could call it an exception it grants you. But that's simply the main reason. In short, you."
No matter how much he explained, no matter how much I understood the problem...
It was impossible.
Was there anyone who could just suddenly stop hating sothing they hated so much in the first place?
"It seems like you misunderstood , Ethan. I'm not telling you to forget everything and suddenly start to like it. No... hate caora. Never stop hating it. Not even for a single mont."
My thoughts were cut short by the sudden words that ca out. I froze, forgetting both what I was experiencing and the hatred I felt for caora.
"Hate it with all your being, with every cell in your body. Hate it even more than you ever did, now or in the past. Feel such rage against caora's primitive, dim-witted mind that you make it the focus of your life. Every mont you use it, every second, loathe it even more."
Huh?
What?
"Caora feeds on negative emotions. Rember that. The hatred, anger, disgust you feel for it... It's all extra food you can offer. Why would you willingly miss this opportunity?"
Didn't you just say yourself that this is precisely the problem?
I... don't understand...
"The problem isn't that you hate it. The problem is that you're misusing that hatred. Rember which sin you're the candidate representative for."
That single word, clearly written in my statistics window, suddenly ca to mind. I whispered it involuntarily, without realizing it.
"Greed..."
"Heh. Yes, greed. And this isn't so random title given to you because you carry the consciousness of , the forr Representative of Greed. Greed is the one among the seven sins that is most dominant in your consciousness, in your being... directly in your personality. You are greedy. Whether you admit it or not, you are. You are soone who always desires more happiness, more excitent. If you didn't desire it, you wouldn't be here right now, would you?"
...
He's... not wrong.
When I first ca to this world, and even afterward...
Seeking happiness.
Tricking Clara into believing I was her real brother, thinking I would finally have a family, even if it was fake.
Trying to make friends.
Striving to have more and more access to money.
Trying to get close to Sue in pursuit of 'romance', just because I wanted to experience it.
Trying to use Celine just to see if I could feel sothing when I was desperate...
No, from the very beginning...
Coming into this world just because I didn't want to be 'ordinary'...
All of it, in one way or another, is a product of my greed.
In what he said... there isn't a single mistake.
"But what really matters is different. You're soone who's willing to do whatever it takes to achieve your goal, to protect what you have, Ethan. So don't shy away from interacting with caora. No matter how much you hate it, don't stop yourself from communicating with it to use its overwhelming power. Only when you start to be able to do this, when you accept caora's place and existence in your life, will you realize your true potential."
It was as if... a piece that hadn't quite fit in my mind had suddenly fallen into place. The realization ca very suddenly and unexpectedly.
I… had been doing what he had just said without even realizing it.
After Sue's death, I had told myself that I would use the caora just as it had used , but subconsciously, I had always kept it away from myself. That was the real problem with not being able to use the caora effectively...
Everything was actually happening in my mind.
I continued to think about different things in this way. And then...
"Hey, Al-"
I paused when I realized how long I had been thinking in my own silence.
I was so imrsed in my own thoughts that even though minutes had passed, I hadn't noticed that I could no longer hear Alaric's voice, or even that the Absolute Mind had beco active again.
My mind was silent.
When I opened my eyes, there was no figure in front of .
I was alone again, unable to feel any negative emotions.
I was back to normal.
As I tried to straighten up in my chair, my eyes narrowed involuntarily. I repeated what was going through my mind.
"Back to normal, huh."
Looking at what my normal has beco, it's...
Funny.
'Hey, Aiden!'
Ah.
Right… my mind isn't that silent and lonely after all.
'Yes, Sith.'
The spirit I signed a contract with, Sith, was always by my side.
I was never truly alone.
'Our connection was lost. I was sleeping, but I felt it. Is there a problem?'
His voice sounded a little worried. Probably because our connection was lost for much longer than usual.
'It's not really a problem. I told you that the Wiera side of appeared to a few days ago. We just continued that conversation.'
I had told Sith that I would be receiving caora training, or at least that Alaric had told so. So he knew the main gist of it.
Not everything, of course.
He ca with everywhere, seeing what I saw... but there were still things I hadn't told him.
'Ah... I see.'
After a brief silence, he flew out of my chest in his own form, stood in front of , and looked into my eyes.
'Don't hesitate to tell if there's any problem. After all, we're partners... or sothing like that, right? At least we're friends.'
Looking at his tiny form, his even tinier serious eyes, I thought about what I had just experienced.
Should I... tell him?
Or would it be better not to worry him for now?
After a very short period of contemplation, I sighed deeply.
'Yes, of course we are.'
But I didn't leave it at that and gave him a suspicious look, raising one eyebrow.
'Or, by any chance, did you think otherwise? Hm?'
In the end, all he did was smile.
'Of course not!'
After worrying about like that, he seed to feel better now.
'Anyways. If there's no problem, then I'm going back to sleep. I know I've been sleeping a lot lately... but trying to be a prince is much harder than I thought. Sorry.'
And those words brought back sothing that hadn't crossed my mind in a while.
Right... how could I forget?
Before I knew Alaric's true identity, when I saw him as my 'wiera side', I had found a solution in Sith being a prince...
That was why he had been around so little since that day, only appearing when I specifically spoke to him. So much ti had passed since then that it had slipped my mind a long ti ago...
Now that Alaric's identity, whom I thought was my 'wiera side,' has been revealed, there's not much need for Sith to be a prince. We've solved the main problem, after all.
But...
There are many more advantages to Sith being a spirit prince. So it's best for him to keep doing whatever he's doing.
The more power, the better.
Of course, still...
'We're not in as much of a hurry as before, you know that. You don't have to push yourself.'
'I know, I know. But I'm close. Very close! It won't be long... It will happen soon. Wait and see, I'll be much stronger when I'm a prince. I'll be able to help you much more!'
He seed quite excited. So much so that after that, even I couldn't find anything to say, and Sith, keeping the smile on his face, entered my body again to sleep. He left both the room and my mind silent once more.
Finally, subrged in darkness and silence again, all I could do was take a deep breath.
Normally, I would have leaned back, closed my eyes, and fallen asleep. I was exhausted, really exhausted. But now, I had sothing else on my mind. Sothing important. Sothing that would prevent from sleeping even if I tried.
Alaric's words.
"Accepting caora, huh..."
Using sothing I hated with my entire being as if it were an ally.
I closed my eyes slowly, leaning back in my chair once more, just as I had done at the beginning. This ti, however, I was much more relaxed. There was no doubt, no uncomfortable feeling inside . There was nothing to fear because the Absolute Mind had returned; I could think and act as I pleased.
I was at peace, despite what I was about to attempt.
"Now..."
And... I began to think.
Yes, the consciousness possessed by caora is truly... despicable.
Yes, caora is sothing to be hated.
How could sothing known as the literal chaos, which forces everything it touches into ruin, possibly be good?
But still, I need it.
No matter how disturbing, evil, or rotten its existence is… I need it.
That's why, even though I hate it, I have to use it.
Just like Alaric said.
I have to communicate with it.
Even though it's one of the sole things that took everything from , I have to see it as my... ally.
By feeding it with the very hatred I feel for it.
And I tried.
Until now, every ti I used caora, I was limiting myself without even realizing it. My hatred for it was preventing from using it fully.
But this ti... I didn't care.
To make things easier, to influence my subconscious, I even decided to visualize the situation.
I imagined the physical form of caora standing before .
Just like , in human form.
That we were looking at each other.
If any kind of weapon had co into my hand, I would have ended its existence right there. But... I imagined not doing it.
Instead, I imagined reaching out my hand to it.
Forming an alliance with my enemy itself.
Talking to it.
That we agreed on sothing.
But then... sothing unexpected happened.
In that scene I had imagined in my mind...
The humanoid figure made of purple energy that I had imagined as caora's consciousness...
Smiled at .
It had no lips, no face... but it smiled.
I felt it with my entire being.
And then... I heard it.
It had no mouth to speak with.
But I still understood.
Its focus was on .
And it was just one word it said.
Finally.
Reviews
All reviews (0)