Clara's image appeared on the holographic screen in front of as she picked up the call.
Her light brown hair was a bit disheveled, her gray eyes looked as if she was sleepy. Still, she had answered the call, she was in front of .
A sense of relief enveloped my body as soon as I saw her face. The heat inside slowly subsided and I cald down.
When she saw , her eyebrows raised for a mont, then a worried expression appeared on her face.
"Did sothing happen? A-"
She paused, waited a mont. Then she let out a deep sigh.
"Are you okay...?"
I felt at peace. Every sound that ca out of her mouth made feel like I had found sothing I had longed for so long. It was as if everything that had happened to was unimportant, unnecessary. Clara's presence was enough for .
I thought about everything that had happened to so far.
First I betrayed Adrian, my first friend, and even though I made ands later, I left deep wounds in him.
I pushed myself to the limit because I wanted to satisfy myself, I lost my humanity. As if that wasn't enough, I lost a huge part of my emotions because of an idiot skill.
I made things bad between and Clara by telling her the truth about .
I killed more than twenty young person without even realizing it. Then I tried to cover it up as if nothing had happened.
I found out that a madman lived inside and was trying to make mad too.
I saw dozens, hundreds of people die because of . My friend was tortured in front of my eyes. I went crazy and almost… almost hurt the friend I was trying to save myself.
Without even realizing it, I turned into soone who enjoys hurting people...
I felt the Absolute Mind working. I could feel my mind clearing, the skill was doing its best to keep calm.
But this ti, I didn't calm down. Instead, I beca even more frustrated.
My feelings, my thoughts, my experiences... As the Absolute Mind kept its best to try to calm , I felt like a puppet... as if none of these things were really under my control.
For a mont I just stared blankly at the image of Clara, and then... I paused again.
I felt as if everything had suddenly piled on top of , yet the idiot skill wouldn't even let shed a tear. It was still in control, still trying to stabilize .
So I did the only thing I could do, the only thing I was allowed to do.
I smiled.
I just smiled.
*******
(A few minutes ago)
I refocused on the question in front of , trying to figure out what I had done wrong, but... to no avail. Finally I gave up, looked at the clock, and sighed, realizing that I had been struggling with the sa question for almost ten minutes.
The questions were difficult, at least they were for , but with my written exams coming up, I had no choice. And now... I was bored, so bored that it didn't feel like I was getting anything out of studying.
So I closed the book, leaned my head on my arms and closed my eyes. I just wanted to rest a little bit, I just wanted to close my eyes a little bit and I heard a sound.
Sothing... crackling?
Suddenly my eyes opened, I jumped up quickly.
I forgot the food!
I rushed into the kitchen and saw the thick layer of steam coming out of the pot on the stove. I turned off the stove as fast as I could and looked into the pot out of the corner of my eye.
Crap... I burned it.
I was furious. I dumped the burnt food in the trash and put so water in the pot and left it on the counter.
I went to my room and flung myself on my bed, then sighed again.
How many tis had I burned food lately? Normally I never burn food...
Am I getting too little sleep from studying for exams or is there sothing else?
I looked in the mirror across the room, saw my disheveled light brown hair, and looked into my gray eyes, slightly red from lack of sleep.
I clicked my tongue and closed my eyes.
I had already studied enough, I should sleep. Starting tomorrow on a good note should always be my priority.
~beeep!
~beeep!
~beeep!
I had just closed my eyes when my eyebrows furrowed as my watch rang. But when I saw the caller, I was stunned for a mont.
It was him... my brother...
No, it was Ethan.
Why was he calling in the middle of the night?
I hesitated for a mont, I had an intense desire to sleep, but then I sighed and answered the call.
He was probably calling to check in, it was like a daily routine now. I was used to it, but when I saw his face on the holographic screen in front of , I felt a sense of dread.
He looked like he had collapsed, and even if his eyes sparkled a little when he saw , it was strange. He was full of longing, as if we hadn't seen each other for years and this was the first ti we had t.
My fear quickly turned to shock and curiosity. What could have caused him to suddenly beco like this, when just a day ago he was smiling and looking fit as a fiddle?
No matter how many tis I spoke to him, he didn't even give a simple answer, he just continued to stare into my eyes and then beca pensive. He thought for a while, and then a smile appeared on his face.
It was not a smile of happiness in the slightest. It was more pained, like a reflection of regret.
Sothing must have happened to him.
"Do you have a problem?"
"Clara..."
Desperation washed over him, his voice sounded so pathetic that for a mont I doubted whether he was really the person in my mories. Even he hesitated for a mont, but then all he did was widen his smile even more.
"I... Wh- what should I do?"
His smile beca even more bitter, he tried to cover his face with his hands, to hide it.
"I... no matter how hard I try, sothing always happens... Every ti I try to be happy, sothing happens to ."
His voice trembled, this ti he averted his eyes between his fingers.
"Every ti I think I have things sorted out sohow, another problem appears in front of ..."
His eyes looked at again, as if pathetically begging for help, but I couldn't move a muscle.
"I just wanted to be happy... I thought things would be better when I ca into this world, but now..."
The hands that clumsily tried to hide his face ca down weakly. His expression beca even more sour and twitchy. It took on the mournful expression of soone who seed to be collapsing more and more with each passing second.
Finally, he looked away again, fixing his eyes on the floor. He bit his lip as if there was sothing he could not accept.
"The only thing I've managed to achieve now is to beco a disaster magnet! Whoever is next to breaks, hurts... I... just hate myself. I hate who I am."
He paused, just stood there for a mont. It was as if his mind had gone blank for a mont, as if it had stopped working. Then... he painfully smiled again.
"I'm... going crazy."
I knew what his skill was. He was talking about going crazy, but he couldn't even do that because of his skill. And that made him more and more hurt, more and more mad.
"I like to see blood. It gives pleasure to scare people, to terrorize them. I turn from a human being into a monster, I try to make things right and I make it worse... Hahahah... Step by step I... descend into darkness..."
He was angry, but he didn't feel he had the right to be, nor did his skill allow him to be. Yet the hatred he directed at himself was so intense that his voice was crushed and crushed under it, lower and lower.
Yet there was a limit to him too. There was a limit to his skill. After all, no skill was not perfect, and so, at last, he shouted at the top of his lungs.
"I'm sick of it! I'm scared... I want to get away... I want to go sowhere where I won't hurt anyone... I... what should I do?!"
The sudden burst of emotion fizzled out as quickly as it had co and tears welled up in his eyes. Then his shaky, hoarse voice echoed in my ears.
"Help ..."
I felt the desperation in his voice as if I had experienced it myself.
"I can't do it anymore... I can't stand it..."
He buried his head in his arms, his whole body trembled.
How long has he been bottling up his thoughts, his emotions, to explode like this, to make even his skill dysfunctional? How long has he been suffering like this? How long has he been trying to lend a helping hand to everyone else, when in fact he himself is looking for help from soone else...?
As I looked at him, I felt sothing stirring inside .
He is not my real brother. Even though I've accepted him before, I still hesitate to call him brother, my voice sounds forced. Even if I'm worried about him, I can't do more. I know he's a good person, I know how hard he's trying, but I can't get too close to him.
Yet the person he is asking for help now is the sa person who has been avoiding him until now - .
He really cared about . He did his best to fill my brother's shoes, he risked everything to make happy. And I doubted him, I hesitated.
I gritted my teeth and looked at him, who was still trembling.
I don't know what happened to him, but what can I do in this situation? What can I do to comfort him? What can I do to help him?
I kept thinking and thinking but nothing ca to my mind. So I let out a deep sigh… and stopped thinking.
"I'm sorry."
That's what finally ca out of my mouth.
"I was selfish, I tried to avoid you... I'm sorry. But I get it now. I'm with you, I'm here. You told you'd be a pillar I could lean on when I had problems. This ti I will be the pillar you can lean on."
He didn't stop shaking, but I continued.
"You always try to ignore yourself and help others, but you need help too. You always try to do things alone, let people help you. You can't do everything alone in this world, you will end up in a dead end. So let us get you out of this predicant."
I took a deep breath.
"Brother, don't you need help?"
He lifted his head, fixed his eyes, red from crying, on mine, and sniffled.
"It's okay."
I put my hand on the holographic screen and smiled, even though I couldn't touch him because he was far away.
"Let yourself relax and rest. Let us help you."
He moved his hand from the holographic screen to mine and buried his head in his arms again.
He didn't say anything and neither did I.
Then what broke the silence were these two simple words.
"T- thank you..."
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