🔶 Day 10 The Common Area
Still, I think.
“If it had been , I could’ve done much better.”
Yuri’s and the others’ rations ran out, and I only had two portions left for each person. I handed them over to Maria and Daiya, so I have no more.
It’s finally ti for the real Daiya to go into action.
Sothing occurs to .
Daiya was able to operate behind the scenes because his turn ca before mine. If I had been first, I would’ve been the one to face down Koudai Kamiuchi.
None of us would’ve had such a difficult ti if I had.
If I had succeeded, we may not even have had to play Kingdom Royale.
At the very least, I’m sure Yuri and Iroha wouldn’t have suffered so much, and there would have been no need to kill Koudai Kamiuchi.
I think all this as I look down at the light-blue watch I got back from Daiya.
But this awful outco is probably what Daiya wanted. So when it cos down to it, he really is my enemy.
All the sa, I’m sure even Daiya doesn’t truly hope for this. He may not be aware of it, but in his heArt_of hearts, he likely wanted us to reach an end where we can all be happy.
“That’s what cos of thinking you can find hope in a Box.”
Daiya doesn’t answer and just plays with the piercings in his right ear.
Well, the rest is up to you, Daiya.
Then it’s farewell.
I don’t want to see you anymore.
After all, if we do et again, you will have used your Box. You could never hope to use it properly. I’ll most likely attempt to destroy it.
This ans that next ti, you and I will be enemies in the truest sense of the word.
And that’s why I hope I never see you again.
Back in middle school, I dated a girl I didn’t care about.
Yeah, she was sophisticated for a middle schooler, and her slender yet voluptuous legs underneath her rolled-up skirt were attractive enough to get going.
But her stupidity and lack of integrity were more than enough to cancel out her charm. All our conversations were just her talking trash about other people, and not even in a witty or interesting way that made it fun. She was boring. Unpleasant. And so I mastered the skill of automatically giving her a “Right, right” while I was ntally solving simultaneous equations.
I never would have approached her, so she must have been the one who asked out. But why did I ever agree to stArt_seeing her when plenty of other girls had told they liked ? Did she just turn on?
Anyway, by comparison, quiet, submissive girls are more my type. Speaking of, there was one upperclassman I had my eye on who fit that image to a T. Her eyes were always downcast, like she wasn’t sure of herself; she wore her hair long, like a Japanese doll, and had thick glasses—a textbook “gloomy girl.” Her face was usually hidden behind her hair, but if you gave her a closer look, you’d find her features were lovely and well proportioned. I sohow got it into my head that I was the only one who noticed her allure and beca strangely possessive of her.
…Ahhh, that’s it. I was completely astonished when I found out she had a boyfriend, and that was when I started going out with Rino, even though I couldn’t have cared less about her.
Even though she didn’t matter one whit to , Rino was apparently pretty popular.
Not long after I started seeing her, soone called out and said to et him behind the school gym. It was a classmate of mine with blond hair. Our teacher had given up on him as a lost cause.
“You tryna stArt_sothin’ with , punk?!” he said, even though we’d never had a real conversation before, so I obviously wasn’t. As we talked, I figured out his incomprehensible outrage was triggered by my relationship with that girl.
“Break up with Rino, you cocky bastard.”
He didn’t lay his cards on the table at first, perhaps out of a strange sense of pride, but eventually, my blond classmate got fed up with my confusion and grabbed by the collar to threaten .
I wasn’t really attached to her, so I probably should’ve just said, “Yeah, sure, no problem.” But, well, I was a bit of a troublemaker myself at the ti, and his idiotic demands just pissed off. In the end, I replied, “And why do I have to follow your orders?” I may or may not have added another extrely accurate remark to the effect of “Don’t bla girls for not liking you. You’re a jackass.”
And that’s how I started taking regular beatings.
It irritated , so I stayed with a girl I didn’t care about just to spite that idiot for ssing with . Blondie, your plans really backfired.
Not to change topics here, but I really like my mom. She’s young, I think she’s pretty, and most importantly, she raised all on her own. My father was apparently a despicable man who began abusing my seventeen-year-old mom in an attempt to abort when he found out she was pregnant. Because of that, my mom was always telling to “never turn to violence” like a broken record. “Violence never solves anything.”
It may sound hard to believe, but I still think she was right. She’s told ever since I was small, and the mantra is still firmly rooted in my mind.
That’s why I never fought back when Blondie ca after —I just took it.
However, even though only one person was getting violent, it still left its marks. I could hardly bear my wounds, and my mom began to suspect I was fighting—turning to violence. “Why do you have these bruises? Are you going to throw away everything I’ve taught you? Are you turning into the man I hate more than anything?”
It’s ridiculous; my beloved mother lost hope in , even though I was still respecting her teaching. I had to put an end to this.
And so I ca to believe I had no choice, that violence might be okay, just this once, as a ans to an end.
I told Blondie to et out behind the gym. I couldn’t possibly lose to an inferior blond monkey. I punched him. I kicked him. In just a few blows, he was off his feet. I could never let the news of my violence spread, so I decided to threaten him into keeping his mouth shut. The blond monkey was pretty stubborn. I beat him until he was unconscious. I tore out his hair, ripped out his nails, pissed on him, and forced him to eat centipedes until he passed out, and I finished by stripping him naked and leaving him in the gymnasium where the girls would be doing club activities. Thinking back on it now, I guess I went that far because I had built an even bigger grudge against the guy than I had imagined.
The blond monkey said sothing to before he lost consciousness: “You don’t actually care about Rino at all. You’re just using her to get off, like so sex toy. That’s why I hate your guts.” I rember thinking that maybe the monkey actually did have genuine feelings for that worthless girl.
I didn’t give a rat’s ass.
Monkeys don’t have rights.
In fact, wiping the floor with that jerk just pissed off even more. I an, in the end, he was just a weakling. This nobody caused so much grief? And not only that, he forced to break my taboo against violence? This pathetic monkey who never stood a chance against ?
Fuck off. Well, thanks to him, I unfortunately learned sothing.
The pleasure of using violence to control.
Before then, I was powerless against dirty maggots who strutted around like the king of the hill just because they had the guts to fight, even though they were obviously inferior to . Their internal compasses only pointed to whether a guy was good at throwing down. They competed for superiority purely on soone’s skill in a fight; they didn’t care for all those other abilities like athletics or studying. What disgraceful values. Violence can never solve anything; only trash would cling to that. They’re an inferior species. They live worthless lives, just like my father, who tried to kill before I was even born.
But in the end, they bow down before violence.
There’s no aning in that. Subjugating a bunch of apes on a lower rung of the genetic ladder is absolutely pointless. It’s all about the pleasure of it, really. That’s all the aning it needs.
Violence need only be for pleasure.
That moral code is pretty on point, if I do say so myself.
I called out Blondie again. He’d been avoiding out of fear after the last ti, but then I warned him that if he didn’t show, I would pass Rino around to a bunch of other n at a hotel. He arrived ekly enough. I took him to a river canal near the school along with several of our classmates, a few of Blondie’s forr buds, Rino herself, and so of her friends. The waist-deep canal was filthy, the type of place where you’d often see dead dogs floating by.
“Hey, monkey. You’re in the swimming club, right?” I said to him. “As it happens, I’m pretty bad at it.” I looked at Rino to make sure he saw that she was giggling at him. “How about you give a few pointers here?”
I didn’t let him refuse.
“Hey, you aren’t thinking of swimming in your clothes, are you? That’s crazy,” I added, and he stripped down to his trunks without any additional prompting. I wasn’t going to let him off that easy, though, so I made him drop those, too.
Rino and her friends ewwed at each other like a bunch of brainless idiots.
Blondie began swimming with big splashes. I could tell he was trying very hard to keep his expression under control. When I ordered him to do the butterfly, he showed us a thrilling performance in that shallow canal. The sight was so funny that I kept cracking up while I was kicking him around. Half the kids there were turned off by all this, but Rino was clapping her hands loudly and laughing.
I made sure the blond monkey could hear when I said, “Hey, Rino. Let’s go to a hotel after this.”
“What? C’mon, Kou, not in front of everyone else. It’s embarrassing.”
“Not up for it?”
“N… No, of course I am.”
“Then let’s go.”
“…Okay.”
“Let’s get really dirty, like we did last ti.”
“Sure, but… C’mon, don’t talk about this in front of everybody! You dummy.”
Blondie threw up in the canal.
After that, I took Rino to a hotel, as promised. There were several n there waiting for us. I left her there, got so money from the strangers, and went ho.
Naturally, I made sure Blondie heard the truth. I never saw hide nor hair of him again.
So yeah, violence truly doesn’t solve anything. It only gives rise to new hate. That’s what happens when you just throw it around unawares.
But I ended up paying a price for using it, too.
The incident at the canal blew up, and my mom ended up hearing about it. Once she knew the details, she started acting terrified of and kept at arm’s length. She won’t even really talk to anymore. Even though I love her as much as always.
Still, I continued to betray her. I kept wielding violence. I had already beco so addicted that I couldn’t last long without tasting its pleasures.
I do believe violence doesn’t really solve anything. But it can destroy anything and everything. No matter how much pride or fa or money soone has, it can be smashed to pieces by a single act of violence. When I abuse soone with the knowledge that it will destroy their life, a crackling white light races through my head, courses down through my entire body, and lts my heArt_in its thrill. The ecstasy is so great that I can’t stop.
I’m sure soone else will destroy soday, too.
I imagine my insides sinking into a lake of sulfuric acid and dissolving. For so reason, the idea gives peace. Just fantasizing about my body turning into a shapeless, runny ss fills with amazing relief.
I don’t feel like pondering why.
But I do have one thought: Maybe once I’ve turned to liquid, that’ll be my proper form. I suffered violence before I was born; maybe it would’ve been better if had just co out as so sludge before I could take on the shape of a human.
“Do you have a wish?”
So this question poses a problem for .
I’m going to be destroyed soday; are you suggesting I wish for sothing?
When it cos down to it, I—and not just , but everyone else, too—is going to lose everything in the end. Does anything have aning in that case? If it does, I’d love to hear what it is.
Once you learn that aning doesn’t exist, the world turns to sheer tedium. And like Daiya Oomine said, tedium truly is a monster, one that threatens to consu .
That’s why the ability to escape it is enough.
And thus, I created the Ga of Indolence and started Kingdom Royale.
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