4,609th Ti
“A truck hit Haruaki.”
5,232nd Ti
“A truck hit Kasumi Mogi.”
27,753rd Ti
It’s soccer day in PE.
I have a bloody nose, and I’m resting my head on Mogi’s lap. She’s still in her regular school uniform.
I suddenly wonder what prompted Mogi to say I could rest my head on her. Is this the kind of thing she would do if she was trying to win over?
I glance up at her face, but all I can see is the sa vacant expression she always has, as if there’s nothing on her mind at all.
“…Hey, Mogi?”
“What is it?”
“What’re you thinking about?”
“Huh?”
Mogi tilts her head, but no answer is forthcoming. Her only response is a puzzled look.
I mull this over. Would it be impossible to build a romantic relationship with such a blank slate?
Why do I have feelings for a girl as confusing as Mogi?
And when exactly did they start?
I try to rember.
“……Huh?”
“…What is it?” asks Mogi at my sudden outburst.
“Oh, uh… It’s nothing.”
I’m sure my expression exposes my lie. Mogi can see that, but she isn’t prepared to pry further, so she just closes her mouth.
I get up without protest from her.
“Well… It looks like the bleeding stopped.”
“…Yeah.”
That’s the extent of our conversation.
Why did I voluntarily end what would normally be an aweso situation? I might never be that happy again ever in my life.
But I just can’t.
I an, I can’t rember.
I can’t rember. I can’t rember. I can’t rember! I can’t rember when I started to like Mogi!
Why am I attracted to her? What about her caught my eye? Did I just find myself drawn to her for no real reason?
I should know at least that—there’s no reason I shouldn’t, but for the life of I can’t recall any of it.
It wasn’t love at first sight. I’ve never interacted with Mogi outside of school.
So when did it all happen? Did my love just bloom out of nothing?
“—It can’t be.”
There’s no way it could be true, but it’s the only thing I can imagine. My love for Mogi just appeared out of thin air.
“What’s wrong? Are you okay? …Maybe you need to go to the nurse’s office,” says Mogi in a wispy voice.
But even so, I’m over the moon that she’s worried about . I’m happy, pure and simple. There’s no way this feeling could be anything but real.
“…I’m fine. I was just thinking about sothing.”
I ask myself over and over if I’m wrong, but the more I do, the more convinced I am it’s true:
I wasn’t interested in Mogi.
And when did that change? That’s right…
…It was yesterday.
“Oh, I see.”
I look over at the transfer student, Aya Otonashi, where she stands stock-still in the middle of the schoolyard.
When did my feelings for Mogi blossom? The answer is simple. It wasn’t yesterday, even though I’m definitely head over heels for her today. So when, exactly?
It would be impossible during the short ti between yesterday and today.
So it could have happened only during the more than twenty thousand tis the Rejecting Classroom put through all this.
There it is. I rember now. It’s just a fragnt, but it’s probably the most I’ve been able to recall up to this point. Still, it’s the barest sliver of a recollection, and any substantial mory remains as lost as all the others to .
The mory of how I fell in love with Mogi, a mory I should cherish above all others, slipped away from . I’m sure I’ll continue to lose it each ti. I can’t share anything with her. Nothing can change that, no matter how many tis we go through this. My one-sided love will only grow, never to be acted upon.
Maybe that’s not what I should be concerned about, though. It’s possible the end of the Rejecting Classroom could also spell the end of my romantic feelings for Mogi. After all, they would never have existed without the classroom, right?
It feels wrong. That can’t possibly be right. There’s absolutely no way these feelings could be a lie.
But if they were never actually possible in the first place, what are they if not false?
A sudden gust of wind blows before the end of class. It lifts Mogi’s skirt. I’m not sure why, but in so corner of my mind I get the sense I already knew she’d be wearing light-blue underwear.
Yeah, I definitely did.
I knew the color of her underwear today. And I know that Kasumi Mogi is the one Aya Otonashi sacrifices most frequently in order to retain her mories.
That’s what settles it for .
I’ll make sure this Rejecting Classroom never ends.
✵
Aya Otonashi doesn’t initiate any contact with on this loop.
This isn’t a first, though. I get the feeling she didn’t last ti, either.
My mories are hazy, but it seems she hasn’t been trying to ss with at all recently.
It’s our lunch break, and Aya Otonashi is sitting apart from the others in the classroom, nibbling a piece of bread as if it’s just a tasteless form of sustenance.
I approach her.
Just being near Otonashi is enough to make my body tense and my heart rate skyrocket. Her rejection of others seems vastly greater than before, as if it’s physically pushing away.
“…Otonashi.”
Speaking to her takes considerable willpower, but she doesn’t turn to look at . At this distance, there’s no way she didn’t hear. That’s why I continue anyway.
“We need to talk about sothing.”
“Not with , you don’t.”
Shut down just like that.
“Otonashi.”
No response. She keeps munching her bread with distaste.
I guess she intends to ignore no matter what I say. If I want a response, I’ll have to do sothing she can’t tune out.
After a bit of thought, the perfect thing pops into my head.
“…Maria.”
The listless chewing suddenly ceases.
“We need to talk about sothing.”
Not even that is enough to get her to spare a glance, but she nods without a word.
Stillness has overtaken the classroom. Everyone’s holding their breath, waiting to see what happens next.
Perhaps realizing she’s lost this little battle of wills, Otonashi eventually sighs in exhaustion.
“You must be rembering quite a bit this ti if you can say that na.”
“Yeah, that’s why I—”
“But there’s still nothing for us to talk about.”
And with that, Otonashi goes back to apathetically eating her bread.
“Why?!”
The attention of the room turns toward at my unexpected outburst.
“What’s your problem? I’m the one you’re supposed to be doing sothing about, right? How co you won’t listen to what I have to say?!”
“Why?” Otonashi snorts in derision. “You seriously don’t get it, do you? Ha! Guess I shouldn’t be surprised. You’re always a complete idiot like this. You couldn’t figure anything out by yourself if you tried. Why did I have to end up stuck with you?”
“…I don’t know what so other did in another ti, but—”
“So other you? Don’t be stupid. Why do you think another you would be any different from this you? You’re exactly the sa.”
“What makes you so sure? I could say that I want to help you. If I did, then—”
“That wouldn’t matter in the slightest.” Otonashi cuts off vehently, not even waiting to hear the rest of the sentence.
My plan was to match her word for word, but her onslaught is enough to overwhelm any coback.
“It’s because this isn’t the second or even the third ti you’ve said these exact words to .”
“Huh?”
There must be sothing amusing about my dumbstruck expression, because Otonashi smirks slightly and puts her half-eaten bread back in its bag.
“Fine. What’s a little more worthless ti spent? I’ve already explained this to you more than a few tis, too, so I might as well do it again.”
Otonashi stands up and walks off.
All I can do is shut up and follow her.
✵
Otonashi leads to the usual spot behind the school. As always, she leans against the wall of the building.
“Let’s get one thing straight: This is not a discussion. All you’re going to do is clean out your ears like a good little fool and listen.”
“…I’ll do whatever I want.”
With a cold glare, Otonashi effortlessly brushes aside my feeble attempt at resistance. “Do you know how many tis it’s been now, Hoshino? I’m sure you don’t. This is the 27,753rd ti.”
What an absurd number.
“…Are you really keeping count of them all?”
“Yes, because if I stop counting even once, there’s no way to go back and check how many tis it’s been. If I lose track of that, then I’ll lose all sense of where I am. That’s why I keep count.”
That makes sense. If you have no idea where you started, at least knowing how many steps you’ve taken would bring a tiny bit of relief.
“That’s how many tis we’ve been through this all. I’ve exhausted every approach with you. I can’t co up with anything else to try.”
“That’s why you think it’s pointless to talk to .”
“Yeah.”
“And you’ve tried persuading to give you the Box?”
“I gave up on that a long ti ago.”
“Why? I’m sure out of all those loops, there must’ve been at least one when I was easy to win over.”
“Yeah, of course there was. There were tis when you were hostile and tis when you were cooperative. But the thing is, none of that matters. Regardless of your attitude, you haven’t given up the Box even once.”
Even my cooperative self hasn’t handed it over… That seems clear when I think about it. If Otonashi ever did get ahold of the Box, our current reality inside the Rejecting Classroom would no longer exist.
“And you’re absolutely sure that I have it?”
“I’ve always harbored so doubts, but the conclusion I reach is the sa every ti. There is no doubt that you, Kazuki Hoshino, are the owner of the Box.”
“Why is that?”
“There aren’t as many possible suspects as you seem to believe. Explaining the ins and outs of why that is would take forever, so I’ll make it short. Suffice to say, it would be impossible for this small range of suspects to maintain their deception for all 27,753 tis. That’s why you are the only conceivable owner of the Box. Besides, you have so irrefutable proof, yourself, right?”
She’s correct. I have t *, the Box’s distributor.
“Even so, you never bring it out. Rather, you can’t. You’ve never been able to in any of the twenty-thousand-plus tis that have passed since I identified you as the owner.”
“That’s why you’ve given up?”
Soone like Otonashi, who would do anything to get the Box, has thrown in the towel?
“No, I haven’t. There’s simply no ans of getting it from you. It’s like when you’re convinced there’s a hundred-yen coin in your wallet, but you can’t find it no matter how much you dig. Of course, the first thing you do is search every last bit of space inside the wallet. But even then, it doesn’t turn up. The only thing you can do at that point is reason that maybe the coin isn’t in there after all. Over the course of these 27,753 tis, I have concluded that, just like the coin in the wallet, it is absolutely impossible to get the Box out of Kazuki Hoshino.”
After one final scowl, Otonashi turns away from .
“Anyway, that’s the end of this farce. Is there anything else you’d like to say?”
“…There is. That’s why I wanted to talk to you in the first place.”
I have to say it.
I’ve made up my mind. I’m going to protect the Rejecting Classroom.
If Otonashi is going to murder Mogi over and over, then I…
“Otonashi—Aya Otonashi, you…”
“‘…Are my enemy from now on,’ right?”
“Wha—?!”
Otonashi beats to the punch, finishing the desperate declaration that was taking so much effort for to say.
She isn’t even looking at , as if she couldn’t care less.
After a weary sigh, utterly disgusted at my speechless astonishnt, she turns back toward as if she has no other choice.
“You still don’t get it, do you, Hoshino? How long do you think I’ve had to put up with you and your idiocy? This is just another routine we’ve gone through so many tis it makes sick. There’s no way I wouldn’t know what you planned to say.”
“B-but—”
Was I always this determined each ti? Was my resolve always aningless?
“I’ll share sothing else with you. Even when you get up the nerve to make your enemy, even when you try with all your might to carry over your mories, you never seem to care in the end.”
“B-but that’s…!”
That would an I’m allowing Mogi to be murdered. That would an I’m choosing to lose my feelings for her.
“Don’t believe ? Should I tell you the reason you yourself have given dozens of tis?”
I clench my jaw.
Otonashi turns her back on , signaling that this conversation is at an end.
“That conviction of yours has never wavered even after more than twenty thousand tis, I’ll give you that.”
I rise without thinking.
Did Otonashi just imply that she respects ?
“Wait.” There’s one thing I haven’t asked her yet.
She looks back at over her shoulder.
I continue. “You aren’t trying to take the Box from anymore?”
“That’s what I said, yes.”
“Then what are you going to do now?”
Nothing changes in her expression. She simply stares at , her gaze steady and unwavering.
I can’t help it; confronted by such brazen eyes, I’m the first to look away.
“Ah…”
Otonashi suddenly marches off without another word, much less an answer to my question.
✵
Otonashi must’ve gone straight ho, because she’s not in the classroom when I return.
It’s fifth period. I still can’t make heads or tails of these math equations I must have heard thousands of tis now, so I give up on paying attention and concentrate on Mogi instead.
Could I really abandon her to her fate? Could my feelings for her dissolve just like that?
No. It’s impossible. I don’t care what reasons those past versions of may have had.
All that matters is that the current can’t give up on her.
Fifth period ends.
I make a beeline for Mogi. Noticing my approach, she gazes back at with her big eyes. That alone is enough to make my body go as rigid as stone. My heart skips a beat or two.
That’s what power she has over . That’s how much what I’m about to do ans to .
I’m planning to do sothing that I would never, ever consider doing under normal circumstances.
I have no other choice, though. It’s the only way I can think of to hold on to my mories.
My only option is to tell Mogi how I feel.
“Mogi…”
I’m sure I look nuts, what with my nervousness and the other thoughts racing through my mind. Mogi tilts her head and gives a curious look.
“Hey, I need to tell you sothing…”
“Wait until tomorrow.”
“Ah…”
Sothing like a scene from a movie forms in my head, the audio playing whether I want it to or not. The image is clear, bright, and painful, like having my eyes, eardrums, and brains smashed through a pane of glass.
My heart starts pounding, like a hamr slamming into my ribcage.
N-no!
I don’t want to rember. I don’t want to rember any of this! I tried so hard to erase it, but it never went away. So many other important things flee my mind each ti, but this one mory always remains.
Yeah. I’m sure of it.
I’ve confessed to her before.
“…Are you all right?”
“……Sorry, forget I said anything.”
I walk away from Mogi. She frowns as if she doesn’t believe , but she doesn’t pursue the matter any further.
I return to my seat and slump over the desk.
“……I get it now.”
It’s all so obvious once I think about it. It’s not like this hasn’t played out over twenty thousand tis now.
I profess my love to Mogi, but then I forget. So I profess my love again, and I forget again. I’ve made this confession that I never even wanted to make over and over and over again, all to resist the effects of the Rejecting Classroom, only to forget I had even done so.
And each ti, I get the last response in the world I want to hear. It’s always the sa. The only reply I ever get is the absolute worst one. It’s set in stone. There’s no reason to think Mogi’s answer will ever change if she can’t retain her mories.
That answer is—
“Wait until tomorrow.”
It’s the worst possible thing she could say, because for us there will never be a tomorrow.
With the most determination I’ve ever had in my life, I muster up courage I never knew I had, my nerves frayed to the breaking point, only to have my words vanish into nothingness as if they were never spoken. To make it worse, I’m forced to initiate this interaction even though she’s forgotten my profession of love so many tis before.
…But I see the truth now. There’s no way to erase the past.
There was never anything there to begin with.
This world has been hollow from the very beginning. Nothing, absolutely nothing, holds any value in a world that’s about to vanish from existence. Beautiful, disgusting, noble, crude, lovable, hateful—none of it is worth jack here.
That’s why there’s nothing in this place. It’s empty.
This irredeemable void is the Rejecting Classroom.
I feel like throwing up. I’m standing here breathing, but I want to rid my body of that air and everything else. If I do that, I won’t be here anymore, though. I can’t live without air, but if I inhale the emptiness of this world, I’ll beco empty, too. I’ll suck up all the emptiness like so sort of sponge.
Or maybe all this fretting is too late, and I’m already empty.
“What’s the matter, Kazu? Are you sick?”
From my slumped-over position, I slowly lift my head at the familiar voice.
Kokone is standing there with obvious concern.
“You got a bloody nose during PE, right? Maybe that’s what it is. If you’re not feeling well, maybe I should walk you to the nurse’s office.”
“Don’t worry about him, Kiri. It’s not the nosebleed that’s ssing with him—it’s the lap pillow he got afterward.”
This cos from Daiya, who’s now suddenly nearby.
“A lap pillow…? Ohhh, I get it now! That’s got to be it! Aw, is sobody feeling a little lovesick?”
Kokone pounds on the shoulder, a huge grin on her face.
“Well, well! I never thought you’d be so forward, Kazu! Don’t go thinking you’re Don Juan now!”
“I have to admit, I’m kinda surprised such a cheap seduction tactic had that effect on you.”
“N-no, that’s not it! I’ve always—”
I catch myself midsentence.
I was about to make a serious slip of the tongue, in more ways than one. I would have admitted I had feelings for Mogi, and even more important…
“Huh? I could’ve sworn you didn’t think Mogi was anything special before yesterday.”
…it wouldn’t have been true.
Today is when I started liking her. I guess at least to Daiya and the others it probably seems like sothing that ca out of the blue. Oh, I get it… That’s why none of them noticed my love for Mogi despite it being so plain to see.
“C’mon, Daiya. The real news is that the boy has finally admitted he has a crush on Kasumi, hee-hee!”
Kokone gives Daiya a little jab with her elbow as she giggles.
“True. This could keep entertained for a while.”
“Heh-heh, ddling in other people’s romance is so much fun! Now, don’t you worry there, Kazu. Your big sis here is in your corner! I’ll provide all the advice and assistance you could ever want! I’ll even help cheer you up if she blows you off. But it’ll be annoying if things actually work out between you, so if that happens, I’ll just kill you.”
“Don’t worry. If they end up going out, I’ll steal her away from him.”
“Oooh, fun! Nothing beats a little misery and a sordid love triangle!”
…Those two are really the lowest of the low, kicking while I’m down like this.
But I’m glad at least Xxxxxxx isn’t here. If he were around, this whole situation would really run out of control once he was on board.
“…Huh?”
“Aw, what is it, Kazu?”
“No, it’s just that I was wondering where that jerk is. Maybe ho sick?”
“Who’s ‘that jerk’?” asks Daiya with a puzzled look.
That’s funny. I thought Daiya would know who I’m talking about instantly just by my tone.
“What do you an ‘who’? The only jerk I’d be talking about is…”
…Um, who?
Whoa, hold on a second. I was just about to say soone’s na, but now I can’t even rember it, much less his or her face.
“…Uh, Kazu? Hello? Who were you talking about?”
I feel ill, with an urge to scrape out my esophagus, as if so thick, viscous sli is stuck in my throat. But it’s a good thing that I feel this way. If I can choke it all down and purge it from my body, then Xxxxxxx will be gone.
“H-hey…Kazu!”
I rember now; it’s okay. I can rember precisely because I feel sick like this.
“…Haruaki.”
That’s the na of my best friend, the one who swore he would stand with forever.
I have just the faintest glimr of hope. It’s possible that I’m the only one who’s forgotten Haruaki through so random slip in my mory. But by now I should know how foolish of it is to even hope for that…
“Hey, Kazu, who’s Haruaki?” Daiya asks, but it’s a aningless question.
I grit my teeth in frustration. Daiya and Kokone are curiously watching my behavior.
Both of them have no recollection of Haruaki, even though he’s their childhood friend, and they’ve both known him for much longer than I have.
The truth that Haruaki no longer exists here brutally pierces my heart.
“I’m going ho.”
The resulting wound is fatal.
I stand up, grab my bag, turn away from Daiya and Kokone, and leave the classroom.
I can’t stand to be there for even a second longer.
Why is Haruaki gone?
I know the answer. I know it all too well. Haruaki was rejected.
By who? I know that, too. The only one who could have rejected Haruaki is the “protagonist” of this little story, the one who brought the Rejecting Classroom into existence.
I was mistaken to think this endless loop was ant to preserve the normalcy of my daily life forever. How stupid. That was never it at all. The mundane is only normal because it continues to flow onward. If you dam a river, it fills with mud and silt until it becos pitch-black. That’s exactly what this is—a growing reservoir of foul, stagnant water and scum.
Yeah, I see it now. I’m sure I must have stumbled upon this truth many tis before. Ti and ti again, I arrived at this sa realization. That’s why I decided to stop viewing Aya Otonashi as an enemy.
Aya Otonashi is trying to destroy the Rejecting Classroom.
Why would I stop her?
The bell rings. I’m sure all my classmates must be here by now. I turn back to scan the room before I leave.
An empty seat. Another one. And another. Another over there. Yeah… I knew so desks would be empty, but it still seems strange that no one is questioning why there are so many.
✵
The truth is that I knew all along. I just didn’t want to admit it, so I blocked that knowledge from my mind.
Aya Otonashi has figured out that it’s impossible to take the Box from .
Still, putting an end to the Rejecting Classroom would be a simple matter once the one responsible for its creation was identified. Aya went through twenty thousand repetitions even after figuring out I was the culprit, just so she could get the Box.
So what am I going to do now?
I don’t even need to think about it.
The truck sends my limbs flying upon impact. The sight of the right leg I’ve known all my life lying so far away is so ridiculous, I can’t help but laugh.
“Is this how it ends…?”
I’ve been killed. I got myself killed.
“I went through 27,753 repetitions of excruciating idleness, only to have it all end like this—what an utter waste of ti. I admit, I’m…I’m exhausted.”
To be completely accurate, I’m not dead yet, but whatever’s left of in the lump of blood and guts that once ford my body can see the writing on the wall. I’m dying. Well past the point of no return. Aya Otonashi killed after all.
“Damn…! To think my prize would et this fate after such a ridiculous amount of ti… I’ve never cursed my own incompetence more than now!”
Aya Otonashi looks truly regretful as she mutters to herself.
“…Might as well drop this and try for another Box. There was nothing here. All I can do is look for the next one.”
Her eyes don’t see . Actually, I’m sure they never once saw , from the beginning of all this.
From the start up until the bitter end, this girl had eyes only for the Box supposedly hidden inside .
So will none of this have ever occurred, either? No, I’m sure that’s not the case. If the Box known as the Rejecting Classroom truly is inside , then it’ll be destroyed when I die, crushed just like my body against the truck.
There will be no more repetitions.
It’s all so ironic. If this was the one and only ans of putting an end to the Rejecting Classroom, then I should’ve just set out to die from the get-go. I can’t get over the hollowness of it all. This world must’ve been so sort of purgatory for .
But our battle is finally at an end.
It may have been completely one-sided, with no surprises or upsets, but it’s over all the sa.
Yeah, that’s what you believe, isn’t it, Otonashi?
I’m sorry. I truly am, Otonashi.
It’s all because you ignored for so long. If it weren’t for that, I might not have made this mistake.
That’s why we spent all this ti in vain.
C’mon, Otonashi. It’s so simple once you think about it. There’s no way soone as diocre as could be the main character of all this.
I want to tell her, but there’s no way of doing that any longer. I can’t even open my mouth, much less speak.
My consciousness fades, and I drift off into death.
And then—nothing ends at all.
I’m in the place I can never rember once the dream ends.
I’ve received the Box from that person.
“Just relax. Of course, there are so risks involved in this kind of thing, but it’s not what you’re thinking of. You aren’t going to lose sothing else you value, and it’s not going to steal your life or soul. Actually, the reason anyone ends up with those negative side effects isn’t necessarily an innate characteristic of the object, but rather the nature of the person using it. As long as you use it correctly, all it will do is grant your wish.”
If I use it correctly…
I wonder if that requirent is actually as simple as it sounds. I have no idea. I don’t know about any of that, but I do know this is an exceptional condition, even with all those risks attached. It’s the sa as receiving a lottery ticket certain to win. It’s definitely possible that winning a huge sum of money could derail your life. But most people probably wouldn’t consider that to be the risk.
That’s why I ask if there are any people who don’t accept the offer of the Box.
“Why do you ask that?”
Because soone is trying to reject it right now.
“Are you getting cold feet? Maybe you don’t believe ? Or are you afraid of ?”
All those reasons are true, in a way, but that isn’t really what this is about. All it boils down to is that I don’t need it.
My wish is to continue in my average, ordinary life, and I already have that without using the Box.
It’s like how soone with a trillion yen wouldn’t care much about the idea of receiving a hundred million. I know it’s valuable, which is precisely why I can’t accept it from soone I know nothing about.
Yes, I know without a doubt that I returned the Box.
That’s why…
…even if I did wish for days of endless repetition to maintain the normalcy of my life, I am absolutely not the culprit.
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