At any rate, the playing field has changed yet again thanks to Yanagi. The headache is worse, the nausea is worse, and my strength is spent, but I still have to review the current status quo.
Sitting in my theater seat, I cradle my head in my hands and think.
The situation has changed dramatically since the end of Repeat, Reset, Reset.
I have identified five major differences.
—O is no longer Kazu’s ally.
—Kazu has gained the power to crush Boxes.
—I’ve figured out the owner is Kokone Kirino.
—Kazu is coming into the Silver Screen of Broken Wishes.
—Aya will not use the Misbegotten Happiness if I use Cri, Punishnt, and the Shadow of Cri to make them desperate.
These all change my conclusion. I had been thinking I could win if I could make Kazu give up. If he lost hope, he would hand over the Silver Screen of Broken Wishes, too.
That was my mistake, though. Even if Kazu did throw in the towel, I would still lose as long as Kiri held on to the Silver Screen of Broken Wishes.
On the other hand, breaking Kazu is still essential. If he has the ability to crush Boxes, I have to neutralize that power.
Here are the conditions for victory:
Summon the owner—i.e., Kokone Kirino—here and destroy the Silver Screen of Broken Wishes before the end of September 11.Shatter Kazu’s will by making Aya use the Misbegotten Happiness, thus erasing her mory, before he can touch my chest.
What the hell? How am I supposed to accomplish all that?
For starters, how do I call Kiri here? And once I do call her here, how do I destroy her Box? How am I supposed to persuade Kiri when she’s got a Box specifically created to crush my Cri, Punishnt, and the Shadow of Cri? I can’t see myself changing the mind of soone so determined in an hour and change. My only option is to find so way to destroy the Box by force.
But a way doesn’t exist, though. It’s impossible.
And while we’re at it, how do I even get Aya to use the Misbegotten Happiness? At this rate, I’m going to have to call soone who both knows Kazu and has always needed the Misbegotten Happiness. And even if I do manage to get them here, they probably won’t make the decision lightly. Kazu could destroy my Cri, Punishnt, and the Shadow of Cri in the anti. In any case, he can simply crush Boxes with just a touch to the chest.
It’s impossible.
It’s impossible for to win as long as I can’t control Aya Otonashi freely.
“…………”
Wait.
Oh, is that what it cos down to?
There’s one sole requirent for to co out on top.
Naly—
—make Aya Otonashi into a Subject.
I have to use Kazu’s Box-crushing power to do away with the Silver Screen of Broken Wishes. With Orders, I can even make soone commit suicide. If I tell Kazu that I’ll Order Aya to kill herself unless he smashes Kiri’s Box, he should have no choice but to do it.
What’s more, I can also force Aya to use the Misbegotten Happiness with an Order. If I wipe Aya’s mories in front of Kazu’s eyes, he’ll be a broken man.
I can et both of my conditions for victory if Aya Otonashi becos a Subject.
But here’s the thing.
“I could never pull that off…,” I mutter as I watch Kiri struggling desperately on the screen.
“Stop! Why are you doing this, Rino?!”
Aya Otonashi possesses a powerful will. There’s no reason she should beco a Subject. It’s pointless to even think about it.
“Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!”
The life is being squeezed out of . The cry from the speakers reaches my ears and tears away at my heart.
I try to touch my earrings, but even that is too much for . Just extending my hand leaves immobile with exhaustion.
Just end.
End.
End.
End.
End.
End everything.
“…Maybe…”
Maybe this is it?
Should I just give up?
Should I just give up trying to use my own body to realize my earnest wish?
“……Should I just kill them?”
Just kill Kazuki Hoshino.
And Kokone Kirino.
I can do it using my Subjects.
If I do, I’ll be rid of both the Silver Screen of Broken Wishes and the power to crush Boxes.
I know. If I go through with it, my mind won’t survive. My mind is already close to the brink as it is, so it would be shattered.
Either way, the fact of the matter is that I won’t be whole for much longer anyway. I need to find soone to pass along my cause to. I need to grant the power of a Ruler to a person capable of wielding Cri, Punishnt, and the Shadow of Cri the right way.
Shindo was defeated, though. She had seed to have what it takes to inherit my will, albeit with so slight deviations, yet she is no longer able to use Cri, Punishnt, and the Shadow of Cri.
Fanatics are no good, either. They’re suited to following, not issuing orders from above. I try to conjure up so other faces, but no one who seems able to handle it correctly cos to mind.
No one has it in them to sacrifice themselves and act for the sake of the world.
They don’t exist.
That kind of person—
That kind of hope—
Soone who can carry on my cause for —
One person.
One person, the only one I can imagine, might be even better suited to the task than I am.
The one who declared herself to be a Box and cast aside everything except for the pursuit of her mission.
Aya Otonashi.
I understand in a flash.
It feels ridiculous, like throwing a jigsaw puzzle without a single piece connected and sohow having it all co together perfectly. At any rate, it’s all so clear now.
I stand up. I’m so weak that I can’t even touch my earrings, but I don’t have ti for that. Defying the force of the Silver Screen of Broken Wishes, I face Aya.
I feel so awful that saying a single word might make vomit blood. The vertigo throws off my sense of balance, and my field of vision is askew.
All the sa, my mouth lifts into a smile.
“Aya, you’ve been searching for a Box all this ti. That’s why you’ve been pursuing O, pursuing owners. All so you can perfect your wish.”
Aya’s brows furrow, and she gives a hard look.
“Everything, from your willingness to spend a lifeti in the Rejecting Classroom to the way you stuck with Kazu because O had taken a liking to him, has been so you can get ahold of a Box. You changed the entire trajectory of your life to reach this goal. Every bit of you is devoted to this mission.”
“Yeah, that’s right. What about it?”
The truth is, it’s an exercise in futility. Aya cannot obtain her ideal Box. That’s why she struggles on, ignorant of O’s true nature.
What is misbegotten will remain misbegotten.
However, only if she has to fight on her own.
What if she t a person moving in the sa direction?
What if she t a kindred spirit?
“You should be happy.”
What if there just so happened to be soone in possession of a similar Box?
“Your heart’s desire is about to co true.”
I’m serious, and my earnestness reaches Aya as well. She gazes at intensely.
“Where is it? Where is the Box I want?”
The Misbegotten Happiness and Cri, Punishnt, and the Shadow of Cri are alike.
Boxes crafted of powerful emotions, yet sohow frail and cold, yet with an infinite capacity to an more.
I have always felt they were similar.
“It’s right here.” I tap my chest. “Cri, Punishnt, and the Shadow of Cri is the Box you’ve been looking for.”
Yes, if she uses this, Aya can escape from this unfeeling, misbegotten quicksand.
Her wide-eyed gaze then lowers, and she shakes her head.
“Your imagination must have really gotten away from you. Your Cri, Punishnt, and the Shadow of Cri is not the Box I need. A Box that victimizes others doesn’t just conflict with my ideals—it’s the polar opposite. What happened with Yanagi is the perfect example. You can’t convince otherwise.”
“That’s because I’m using it.”
Aya regards again.
“You’re right that in my hands, this Box will result in so unfortunate losses for others, because this is how I’m trying to transform the world. But this power is more than the ability to create dog-people. Its original strength lies in control. No, that description paints it in a negative light. To phrase it in a way that’s more anable to you—”
I look into her eyes shining with will and tell her:
“—it’s the power to lead.”
Aya’s gaze changes.
Yeah, I knew it. This Box is the one she’s been searching for.
“It has what you want, too, of course.”
I tell her with conviction.
“The power to lead others to happiness.”
“It can’t be—but, but……”
Though she can’t accept it logically yet, Aya has seen it.
That what I’m telling her is the truth.
That the Box she has been seeking is here.
I begin walking over to Aya Otonashi.
Naturally, the Silver Screen of Broken Wishes is keeping sluggish. And it’s getting worse; now, with each step I make, the shadows of cri gnaw at as if my very nerves are on fire. Unable to walk straight, I support myself against the seats as I make my way to the rear row where she is.
“—Heh-heh.”
My body is in agony, but joy swells up in my heart.
After all, I’ve finally found my long-awaited solution.
From the mont I obtained the Box, I was prepared to fall because of using Cri, Punishnt, and the Shadow of Cri. I braced myself for the possibility that I would go insane in the near future, flailing and thrashing until I t my pitiful end.
This Box ca into being under the assumption that soone would pick up where I left off.
But who would that be?
Maybe I understood without even being conscious of it.
I an, wasn’t I aware that she was hope itself? I don’t know; maybe it was due to my repeated interactions with her in the Rejecting Classroom, or maybe it didn’t have anything to do with that and I simply understood her aloof nature. Either way, I’m sure I’d already identified soone capable of taking on this power when I obtained my Box.
If so, then Cri, Punishnt, and the Shadow of Cri has always been—
—a Box ant to be given to Aya Otonashi.
“……Huff, huff…”
I reach Aya Otonashi’s side.
Though she’s a bit hesitant, I don’t think she’s going to bolt.
“Stand up, Aya.”
She stares at from her chair, eyes wide.
“Stand and take the Box you’ve been searching for all this ti.”
A short ti passes.
But Aya does get to her feet.
She stands up, knowing what I’m going to do. Behind her, the light from the screen—has created a small shadow.
I look at her eyes. There is no doubt in them any longer.
She’s prepared herself to receive it.
“Okay.” First, I have to take her in. “Show your cris, Aya Otonashi!”
Then…
…I step on her shadow.
“...Ah.”
I place my foot on the shadow, and I can see cris.
The misdeeds of Aya Otonashi…no, of Maria Otonashi.
They…
They—
I’ve collapsed.
I lost consciousness.
Did I scream, I think? No, maybe I didn’t.
I reflect on the mories I just witnessed.
These mories are not the most ugly or inhuman of all the thousand sins I’ve seen, but that doesn’t have any bearing on the agony they bring. How they appear objectively doesn’t matter; I receive the subjective suffering the person in question experienced when they committed their cris.
That ans Aya Otonashi hurt this badly back then.
It’s like being stabbed through the heart by a thousand knives, like having my eyeballs crushed by a pair of pliers, like having my fingers pulled off one by one, like having a blender taken to my innards, like having long nails driven into each and every pore on my body. And it burns. This sin has aged and matured, turned into a thick liquid like molten iron that threatens to dissolve my body and reduce to a formless mass.
What is this?
The shaking in my hands still won’t stop. My pupils are fully dilated, and they won’t return to normal.
She’s—
She’s been holding sothing like this the whole ti?
“……Urgh!”
I wobble to my feet and give Aya Otonashi a long look.
I have to make Aya a Subject before I grant her the power as a Ruler. In order to do that, I have to choke down this shadow of a cri.
Aya will have to co face-to-face with this guilt once again. Can she remain unaffected when she’s forced to confront it?
I have no intention of turning back, though.
There’s no ti for hesitation.
“Here goes.”
I pull out Aya’s shadow of a cri, the one I took into when I stepped onto her shadow, and swallow it.
“...Nh!”
Aya’s body goes taut, and she clutches her chest.
But that’s all. I can’t hide my amazent.
“……How are you still okay?”
Aya Otonashi is standing there impassively.
“I’m not okay.”
At a closer glance, I can see a nervous sweat rising on her face. Her teeth are clenched, biting it back. But I even passed out for a mont because of this shadow of a cri; I can hardly believe her reaction is so mild.
“How are you standing? You shouldn’t be able to take this. I know; I’ve experienced it firsthand.”
“I presu this is ant to make recall my own cris?” she says.
Perspiration runs down her cheeks, yet Aya still manages to turn a forceful gaze in my direction.
“Yeah, and that’s why you can’t stand suddenly having to look right at it.”
“It’s not sudden.”
“What?”
Aya releases her chest and takes a few deep breaths. You could pretty much say she’s already back to normal.
“I feel this pain constantly. It’s almost an old friend by now.”
I don’t grasp her aning.
If I take her words at face value, though, that would imply…
What I did was to remind her of her cri. Of how she felt back then. Everyone else is able to live out their day-to-day by forgetting such pain, but what if that isn’t the case for Aya? What if she’s never let it leave her mind for even a second?
“I am always conscious of my cris.”
This hellish tornt would be not an extraordinary experience, but a familiar one. If this pain is her constant companion, then she isn’t going to lose herself just because I’m putting it in front of her.
“I’m beyond forgiveness. That’s why—”
All the sa, what the hell? Is that any way for a person to live?
No…I guess I get it.
So that’s why.
“That’s why—I can’t live as a human.”
It’s the reason she was able to beco “Aya Otonashi.”
She thinks of herself as a sinner at all tis. By never forgetting, she is continually punishing herself.
It’s a just system of cri and punishnt.
That’s what made her into sothing that isn’t human. Into a Box. Into “Aya Otonashi.”
Having killed herself off entirely, she has enabled herself to make a wish with single-minded purpose. To stake everything, her whole way of life, on her mission.
For the sake of a world in which everyone can find happiness.
Her determination inspires many emotions in .
Respect. Envy. Fascination. Unspeakable admiration.
She’s the burned-out husk of an owner I will never beco.
It’s for this very reason that there’s no worthier successor to my power.
Aya Otonashi.
Live on for the sake of wishes.
And you, Kazu.
I can’t ever let you have “Maria Otonashi.”
I will never allow you to crush our wishes.
“I’m going to give you my power. You’re going to inherit all the shadows of cri.”
Passing along the shadows of cri won’t have any effect on . It won’t change my ability to Control my Subjects.
However, my most important task will be different.
My most important task is now to eliminate the power to do away with Boxes—Kazuki Hoshino, the boy with such deep influence on Aya Otonashi—and to help her persevere for the sake of our wishes.
“Are you ready?” I ask, but Aya doesn’t look at .
She’s facing directly ahead.
“I pictured it,” she nearly whispers. “I imagined what needed to be done to lead people to happiness, and what kind of Box I would need. It’s not forcing people into a mold I’ve created. It’s not helping them avoid the hardships of reality by dumping them in so hidden paradise, either. I ca to believe that having each person give thought to the form of their own bliss and then move toward that is a fully realized happiness.”
She clenches her fists tightly.
“That’s why I needed the ability to guide others,” she says, her voice rich with emotion. “To think I would find it here right in front , after adjusting my viewpoint just a little.”
Then she finally looks at .
“Oomine. I had thought we were nothing more to each other than two people with their eyes set on the sa course. But that isn’t a small thing. That alone is enough for sothing like this to take place… I see—so this is what it ans to be kindred spirits.”
“Kindred spirits… You’re right.”
I nod, then transfer the shadows of cri.
This reminds of a thought I had when I passed along shadows of cri to Shindo, that maybe soone strong enough could swallow down the shadows of other people’s cris as if it were nothing. And how if that were to happen, I would doubt my own adequacy as a Ruler.
“……Nnh.”
Aya Otonashi receives 998 shadows of cri without batting an eye.
With that, she becos a Ruler and, in keeping with my initial plan, my 999th Subject.
“Oomine,” says the owner of Cri, Punishnt, and the Shadow of Cri. “Thanks.”
But her face is like a machine, without the slightest trace of happiness.
Reviews
All reviews (0)