Chapter 113: Eilika, I am scared
"Mother, you should go to your room. Good night," Eilika said with a humble bow. Sylvian also bade goodnight to his aunt and walked ahead with the Duchess.
"Prince Sylvian should rest as well," Eilika suggested.
"I will wait for Damian with you," Sylvian replied firmly. "He needs a good scolding this time."
"I don’t think that will do anything to him. Damian is nonchalant about the opinions of others," Eilika answered.
"Maurice and Louis didn’t tell me the whole truth about his nightmares. I only found out when I saw him in ham, staring into thin air. I asked him why he never sought therapy. Sometimes speaking with a stranger, especially a doctor, can heal you, if not entirely, then at least to some extent."
"Damian doesn’t understand any of that. The Crown Prince tried to encourage him, but eventually, he had to give up because Damian made it clear that no one was to intervene in his life. He chose to live like this."
As Sylvian shared these details, Eilika realized the Duke had systematically pushed away everyone who tried to help him.
"Now, I fear he will try to stop this wedding," Sylvian explained. "His mind has started playing tricks on him again. He must be wondering why he should marry when he already lost one wife. He fears that if he moves on, he might lose the next one too. These are the thoughts that keep him from growing or ever truly moving on."
Eilika furrowed her brows as she realized how deeply those fears were still rooted inside Damian.
"I truly admire the way you have made him do things he never would have done before," Sylvian stated with a small, encouraging smile. "Because of that, I still believe you are the one who will bring him out of that darkness."
They both stopped outside Roman’s chamber.
"The boy loves and respects you immensely," Sylvian remarked softly. "He told me today that his mama wants him to become a great and kind man."
"Roman is a wonderful listener. He provides me with a warmth I have always missed in my life," Eilika stated, her expression softening as she thought of the child. "He may be young for all of this, but he understands my emotions better than anyone. If anything, this marriage has given me a son who is willing to do everything for me."
"And he is the bridge between you and Damian. Eilika, to remove Liliana from Damian’s mind, you need to do something no one ever thought of."
"Tell me, did Damian ever go to see Liliana’s parents after her passing? I am sure he looks after them," Eilika stated.
"Liliana’s father asked Damian never to show his face again. He was a humble calligrapher in the Office of Justice, if I remember correctly." Sylvian frowned, his expression turning skeptical. "If you think seeing him can help you, it won’t."
"It will," Eilika replied with certainty.
"How?" Sylvian asked, his confusion deepening.
"Damian must have been blamed by his in-laws back then," she murmured.
"Yes. But how can meeting them heal Damian? There is no way that will work," Sylvian asserted.
"Did Damian do his best to save Liliana?" Eilika asked.
"He did everything he could," Sylvian replied. "After the doctor warned that the pregnancy would be difficult for her, he begged her to terminate it. But she refused. She was convinced she would survive the birth."
"So, Liliana made that choice," Eilika stated flatly. "And Damian has been bearing the burden of it ever since."
"He has," Sylvian admitted. He looked at her for a long moment before nodding. "I can arrange a meeting between you and Liliana’s father."
"That would be a great help," she replied. "I’ll stay in Roman’s room tonight. You should retire to your bedroom as well."
"Good night," Sylvian said. He turned and walked away, leaving her alone in the quiet corridor of the mansion.
~~~~
It was well past midnight when Damian returned to the mansion. His head throbbed with a relentless pain that seemed to pulse behind his eyes. On his way through the bedchamber, he took a bottle of alcohol from the cellar, desperate for anything that might numb the noise in his mind.
When he reached his bedchamber and pushed the doors open, he stopped. Eilika was there, sitting on the bed with a book in her hand. A single candle glowed on the bedside table.
"Damian!" Eilika exclaimed, though she kept her voice low. Her eyes dropped to the bottle in his hand before meeting his gaze.
"You shouldn’t be here. Go to your own chamber," Damian said, his voice rough.
"You are the one who wanted me to stay here. I am not leaving this room," Eilika replied, closing her book and setting it aside.
He pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head, the alcohol and the headache making it difficult to maintain his guard.
"Leave me alone. I don’t want to snap at you," Damian stated, his voice tight when he realized Eilika was standing directly in front of him.
"You can yell at me if it makes the burden lighter. You don’t have to keep everything locked inside," she said softly. "It is difficult to try and replace her with me, isn’t it? But I never asked for a replacement, Damian."
Eilika reached out and slowly pried the bottle from his hand. He didn’t resist.
"If finding joy for yourself feels like a sin, then let’s cancel this wedding," she continued, looking him in the eyes.
"Do not force your heart and mind through this just to give me a ceremony. I want your happiness more than my own. I want whatever you give me to come from the bottom of your heart, and I know you aren’t ready for that yet."
Damian looked at her for a moment. "Why do you want me to be happy? What if I get you killed too? Eilika, I am scared. So, just leave me alone."
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