For years she dwelled on the new feelings. Her mind often drowns in the possibility of them despite knowing that there were no affections harboured in those honey eyes. She thought she would have to forget about her unrequited love once she was married to soone else, yet fate decided to give her a bittersweet destiny. No one knows how happy she was when their marriage was announced.
It makes her ponder. Was there a chance? A slight possibility to fight for the love she had concealed for so long? She did not want to fall in love with him, not at all, but there are things even a princess like her had no control over, and this was certainly one that she did not expect.
She knew he did not love her, but she adored him anyway. He used to be the first thought that ca across her mind in the morning, and the last thought before she fell asleep at night. And it dragged on until today. Even with his inability to be in her presence at the mont, he was always in between her thoughts.
It hurts to know that he will never look at her the way she looked at him, but it’s also soul-stirring to know that she will spend the rest of her life as his wife, as his, although he never claid her willingly. Ilaria sunk into her bed after she was dressed up in her nightgown.
The warm bath has caused her skin to feel refreshed. She will dive into a deep slumber before she knows it. After lighting the lanterns just enough to prevent the room from drowning in gloom, lyn hovered the blanket over the princess, making sure to wrap her up so that she would not have to suffer the cold that may visit during midnight. Nights in Noctharis can be biting after all.
The princess sneaked her hand under the blanket and gently clasped the lady’s wrist, stopping her from moving completely. lyn raised her head to look at the gaze that was already transfixed on her. She knew what this ant, and she could only sigh in feigned lethargy. "Your Highness..."
"Stay with ," Ilaria pleaded, her lips pursed into a pout. "At least until I fall asleep."
"I’ve been doing this for six months," lyn groaned, though her eyes softened. "Don’t you have any pity for ?"
A mischievous smile tugged at the princess’ lips. "That’s why I keep telling you to just sleep next to . Save the trouble to plead you every night."
"Absolutely not," lyn shot back instantly, wrinkling her nose in mock horror. "You’re a princess."
"You’re my friend," Ilaria countered sweetly.
"And I’m also your handmaiden," lyn reminded her, giving a pointed look while still smoothing the blanket over her. "I have duties to fulfil, rules to follow, and a princess to care for."
Ilaria only leaned deeper into her pillows, unrelenting. "Then as your princess, I command you to sleep next to ."
The words hung in the air, daring and playful. lyn froze, staring at her with a mixture of disbelief and exasperation, before letting out a long, dramatic sigh. "Saints preserve ...you’ll be the end of , Your Highness."
"Sotis, I wonder if I’m taking care of a married woman or a newborn princess," she marvelled as she settled at the edge of the bed next to Ilaria. When she took up the vow to be in charge of the crown prince’s bride six months ago, she would never have thought to form a relationship like this with the princess.
The rumours about her being a social butterfly were unequivocally unerring. She was too sweet for her own good, and too talkative even towards soone who seldom indulge in idle chatter. People could literally ignore her, and she would still talk. lyn could tell that she must have been pampered while growing up. She shifted slightly, and the princess grinned when lyn relented to her request.
"Is this going to turn into a round of tittle-tattle before you start dreaming?" She asked expectantly. Although her manner of speech was casual, she was still polite with her tone.
"No," Ilaria shook her head as she happily wrapped her arm around lyn’s, but then she had a second thought. "Well, when you put it like that..."
"Are you really that lonely?" lyn could not help but asked. While she could see the absolute heart’s eyes on the princess’ face, she was beginning to wonder if she was truly helpless.
"Hey—my husband abandoned without a word. The least you could do is indulge with a story or two," Ilaria laughed, brushing the blanket aside as her palm skimd the soft mattress, warmth seeping into her body.
"You know I’ve got nothing nice to say about His Highness."
"Aw, don’t worry. It still counts."
lyn snorted. "He’s a jerk."
"But he’s still handso."
"He left you."
"He’s a crown prince, he’s always busy," Ilaria countered with a sly smirk.
"You said it yourself—’without a word.’"
"I know, I know." Ilaria’s grin stayed bright, and it took everything in lyn not to face-palm right then and there.
"After six months at your side, I’ve co to a conclusion," lyn deadpanned, giving her an unimpressed look. "You’re not in love with His Highness. You’re down horrendous."
Ilaria blinked, then exaggerated a pout. "You used to only malign him, and now you insult too? Do we look that good together in your eyes?"
lyn’s retort died on her tongue. She could only shake her head in defeat. Love truly was blind — and the princess had beco its most helpless victim!
"He’s not that bad, you know." Ilaria reached for lyn’s hand, idly squeezing her delicate palm before pinching each fingertip one by one as though she had nothing better to do. Her nose scrunched with a cheeky smile. "You just have to see him in a different light."
"You only say that because you like him."
"I don’t—" Ilaria faltered, then chuckled. "Well...you’ve got a point there. Maybe I said it because I like him toomuch. But he’s really not that bad." She tilted her head up at her handmaiden, her narrowed eyes carrying the spark of a challenge.
"You’ve been here longer than I have, seen him far more than I ever did. Don’t tell there’s truly nothing good about him at all."
It was lyn’s turn to think then. "If it concerns the matter of politics and military affairs, His Highness was no doubt unrivalled in the field. He will be a strong monarch in the near future," she admitted.
While the crown prince was deplorable when it ca to casual talk and engaging with people, his talent lies elsewhere. The fact that he was chosen as the heir was remarkable in itself. lyn had seen the internal conflict within the royal family and witnessed how the prince was capable of turning everything in his favour.
The brotherhood among the three princes had long been fractured. Though the second prince and the crown prince once shared a close bond, it did not withstand the weight of ambition, while the first prince remained distant, set in his own ways. But through it all, the crown prince never faltered; his resolve carried him forward until the Black Dragon itself acknowledged him as the rightful heir.
His manner was distant and reserved, often aloof and expressionless, as though he preferred to lock his thoughts away from the world. He was known for his sharp wit and keen intellect, as well as the uncanny ability to keep his emotions in check and remain utterly focused on the task before him.
On the battlefield, however, he was said to be ruthless and unyielding. lyn could not say for certain, for she had only witnessed him sparring with his soldiers on occasion. Yet even then, it was clear that rcy held little place in his teachings.
Still, there was one irrefutable truth...
"Yes, His Highness is certainly handso." lyn had only complinted him once and there were already flowers and glitters in the princess’ eyes.
Beneath the dim light, her rosy cheeks were still palpable. Even the darkness of the night could not outshine how radiant she looked at the mont. The princess leaned forward with a sheepish smile, batting her eyelashes. "Tell more."
lyn gaped in disbelief, then quickly shook her head. If she had not known better, she would have thought the princess was dreaming aloud in so fanciful sleepwalk. "You need to sleep, princess."
Ilaria furrowed her eyebrows and pouted. "You’re a bad, bad friend!"
"I’m sorry, but it’s ti you close your eyes and rest, else you’ll overthink about him again."
"One more, pleaseee," she held up a finger close to lyn’s face, pleading with all the desperation of a child begging for sweets.
"I’ve been telling you the sa things for half a year," lyn sighed, gently pushing her hand aside. Rising to her feet, she smoothed the ruffled mattress with neat, practiced strokes, muttering under her breath, "I doubt you’ve forgotten a word of it."
"When you miss soone, you want to hear everything about them again and again, just to quiet the loneliness," Ilaria cooed, tapping her chest dramatically as she pouted at being denied.
"And you’re right, I rember every word you said," she admitted with a dreamy grin. "I’m an expert at storing things in my head, especially when it’s about sothing I love."
lyn arched a brow, half-amused. "I don’t understand."
"Of course you don’t," the princess said and puffed an air, flopping back onto her pillow with a satisfied sigh, clearly not minding looking like a hopeless romantic, never in front of lyn. Her gaze drifted to the cold, empty space beside her, just wide enough for another person.
As the moonglow seeped through the slit of the curtain and illuminated the empty mattress, she wondered what it would feel like to have him sleeping beside her. Would she be able to see his sleeping face as she woke up in the morning, or would he wake up before her?
She wondered what it would feel like to be able to trace her finger along the line of his refined features as he slept peacefully. She wondered how warm his skin would feel if she was allowed to hug him. She wondered how it would feel if he kissed her again, just like six months ago, albeit it lacked love.
She has the right to touch him...right? They are legally husband and wife on paper; in front of the people; in the temple’s na; in the blessing of the sacred dragon. There should not have been any boundaries between them.
If only...
A distant look was present on her face as a long silence suddenly engulfed the chamber.
"You know, we never complete our marital duties," she suddenly said.
lyn blinked her eyes. "I’m aware." Her hands that were caressing the mattress slowed as the thought seeped into her mind. She was the only one who knew that their marriage had not been consummated. A couple that never shared a room would never have the luxury to do so.
It would be quite the tattle if words about their incomplete marriage were to get out, so she has been careful with her mouth. Aside from her unending love the lady deed useless, lyn knew that the princess thought of it as a part of her duty as a royal consort too, but sothing was still bugging her mind.
She exhaled a long breath and lifted the blanket up to the princess’ shoulder. "Are you ready for that if it were to happen?"
"Why not?" Ilaria was quick to reply. She looked away from the cold pillow and t lyn’s curious gaze, her face shone brighter than the moon glow that anyone would be blessed to be in lyn’s shoes at the mont.
Ilaria knew in her mind that she was speaking from the deepest part of her heart. The faint smile on her face and the glow in her violet orbs made her seem like a doll trapped in a love spell.
To hope for the impossible was a maltreatnt for her brittle heart, still, there was no hesitancy in her sweet voice when she said, "I’d be his if he asked."
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