After the lesson, I returned to my room and simply…
collapsed onto the bed.
Today was too much:
new Orders, new rules, new responsibilities,
and for the first ti in a long while—
I caught myself thinking about the future.
Who do I want to be?
There was no answer.
None at all.
I stared at the ceiling,
then closed my eyes.
“…I don’t want to think,” I muttered to myself.
The future felt too blurry.
Too uncertain.
Too… not mine.
At that mont, the door creaked softly.
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I didn’t even turn my head—
I already knew who it was.
Elinia ca in,
without knocking, as always,
and sat right on my desk,
lifting the edge of her mantle so it wouldn’t crumple the papers.
But today, she wasn’t writing anything.
She just sat there, silent,
watching
lie on the bed.
After a minute, she asked:
“Zen?”
“Where would you go… if you could choose?”
I opened one eye.
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly.
“I really don’t know.”
She looked at
carefully.
Not like a princess.
Not like a mage.
Just like a person who genuinely cared about the answer.
“And you?” I asked.
Elinia let out a quiet snort.
“Stupid question.”
“I’m a princess. I can’t go anywhere.”
I turned my head toward her.
“Why not?”
She sighed and leaned back against the chair.
“Because a princess can’t just ‘choose.’
If I join reconnaissance, they’ll say I’m running from my duties.
If I go to the swordsn, they’ll say it’s a political statent.
If I go to the mages, they’ll say I’m seeking power.”
She fell silent, then added:
“A princess… isn’t a person.
She’s a symbol. And a lot of people live by that.”
I looked at her for a long ti.
She looked strange:
tired,
honest,
even a little lost.
“I don’t get it,” I said.
“If you want to go—then go.
What’s the problem?”
She rolled her eyes.
“You’re an idiot.”
“Thank you,” I replied calmly and closed my eyes again.
She raised an eyebrow.
“That wasn’t a complint.”
“I figured.”
For about three minutes, there was silence.
I was already starting to drift off to sleep.
And then I heard her quietly say:
“It would be… convenient, if I could be as free as you.”
I wanted to answer,
but sleep gently pulled
under,
and I only let out a soft breath.
Elinia stayed a little longer,
looking at ,
then stood up very quietly—
so as not to wake —
and left.
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