Chapter 63: The Fawning Was Pointless.
Translator: Claire.KK
Ziyu Ai stopped breathing for a mont, he couldn’t see Zhishu’s look clearly but only his emaciated figure. He stood straight and slightly aslant, hiding still behind the thick curtains.
Ziyu got upstairs, walked quietly to Zhishu. “Want more strawberries?” He said behind him.
Zhishu slowly turned around and looked at Ziyu with a pair of eyes overflowing uncontainable emotions that were so complicated that Ziyu Ai couldn’t even read. He shook his head, said nothing, and went straight back to his bedroom.
The mont he walked past him, Ziyu suddenly grabbed him by his wrist. “Don’t go... please?”
Zhishu He stopped and smiled, his eyes were gentle though. “You asked to take a nap and now I can’t?”
Ziyu Ai eased his grip, he lowered his head, pressed his lips, like a kid being forced to do the things he hated. At last, he mumbled, “Would you like to et him... I... I’m okay with it.”
Ziyu Ai knew that Zhishu He loved Wenxu Jiang; he also knew that Zhishu He had a soft heart, that he might not co back again once the two of them t again. But he still respected his choice. Because he loved him, he didn’t want him to live the last bit of his life regretfully and unhappily, and didn’t want him to compromise too much.
Zhishu, instead, asked him back with surprise, “Why would I want to et him?”
Zhishu still rembered clearly the day that he decided to leave. He watched Wenxu walking away from upstairs; he just wanted to see his face but that man never looked back. Since Zhishu didn’t get what he wanted, now Wenxu Jiang wouldn’t either.
Indeed, he had a soft heart, but that was before. Sothing was late, then it was late, nothing could fix it. You couldn’t ask a cup of cold water to steam, could you? Zhishu He found out that Wenxu was as cheap as him because they both tended to fawn on others after being given cold shoulder.
The fawning was pointless.
Zhishu turned around. With a rciless yank, he sealed the thick window shades. “So tired, I’ll go get so sleep. Oh... Just ignore him and don’t hit him again. Wenxu Jiang is the cruelest when he ans to harm you.”
Ziyu got tongue-tied. He watched Zhishu slowly walk away, decisively leaving the past behind. He couldn’t tell whether he was feeling lucky or disappointed. Ziyu was afraid to see Zhishu leave him but it was Zhishu’s detachnt to the world that really dismayed him. Wenxu Jiang and Ziyu Ai finally had sothing in common; that was either of them was able to keep Zhishu around. At this point, Zhishu He couldn’t care less whether the love was true or fake, whether he was hurt or loved. He was just apathetic.
Wenxu was still kneeling outside the door; he just shoveled the dicine into his mouth with his trembling hand. He didn’t care if he took too much. Perhaps, more dicine could better relieve the heart pain.
His head was ssed up. One second ago, he saw a boy handing him a bunch of jasmines, and the next second, he saw the pair of sad, heartbreaking eyes that haunted and tortured him for countless nights.
“Zhishu... Don’t leave ...” Wenxu’s eyes were slightly wet. “Don’t go too far, I... I can’t even keep up...”
In 2003, the night Wenxu took Zhishu back from quarantine area, he held Zhishu tight in his arms, muttering similar words again and again, “Don’t go too far... What if sothing happens to you, how am I going to live my life...”
Wenxu now realized that without Zhishu, he couldn’t live his life anymore.
Zhishu He sat on the bed with a head full of the scene of Wenxu Jiang kneeling in front of the door back straight. That was pathetic and funny.
Wenxu Jiang had his chances. For three years, Zhishu had nearly knelt to beg Wenxu not to stay out all night for so aningless stuff and not to turn him into another person for the sake of their past almost in tears.
But he disappointed himself.
Sotis, disappointnt is more despairing than the end of love.
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