Font Size
15px

At the heart of the world of Niyl stood a mountain of impossible height. Its sheer cliffs of permafrost were vertical walls gnawed by unceasing winds, and in it hid horrid creatures. From grumpy wyrms to ancient elentals, its fauna was the deadliest in the world, while outside, scathing magical gales could scour the flesh from the bones of even the hardiest explorers. And yet, every year, so still tried to climb to its peak, for it harbored the city of the gods: Larrean.

Ah, Larrean, where strolls could last for monts or eons, where demiurges beat the pavent hand in hand with beings as old as ti itself. Solemn temples of marble and gold rose next to eldritch constructs of shells and bones. Coral walls encircled crystal towers and obsidian keeps. The air slled of spring, of brine, of a kiss by the sea, changing with every step. It was an impossible land where only the mightiest could tread and where one could sell a soul to buy a mont.

The only constant in this dizzying chaos of splendor occupied its highest hill. The Apex Palace held the throne of the ruling monarch of this flourishing tropolis and it guarded its spot with a ferocious zeal, for whoever controlled Larrean, controlled the world.

Within reason.

At the back of the palace, two divine guards in golden armor kept their vigil on either side of a stained glass window of epic proportions. The masterwork represented a decade of grueling effort from a legendary artist, each dye, each detail painstakingly placed to render the victory of the current pantheon over the primordial gods.

It suddenly exploded outward in a shower of broken shards.

The figure of a naked man slamd against the ground with a grunt, before rolling several tis and crashing against a centennial oak, which cracked under the strain.

ASSHOLE! a voice scread from inside.

The left guard sighed heavily.

On the ground, the King of the Gods stumbled to his feet and held his gorgeous head between two trembling hands. Wheat-colored ringlets adorned a face handso enough to make angels weep. Right now, however, his charm was sohow diminished by the unfocused brown eyes, the grilled chicken skin stuck to his chest hair, and the scratching of his left ass-cheek.

Maranor, the Goddess of War, stepped out from the remnants of the shattered pane. Fury turned her black eyes into pits. It furrowed her august brow with thunderous wrath and set her raven hair aflutter. It spoke of the desolation of nations.

Not only do you cheat on , the deadly belle intoned, crossing her arms under her modest bosom, but you do it morphed into a golden manatee? A manatee? Have you gone mad?

The hem of her white dress slowly turned red with fresh blood, an ill on if there were any. The King of Gods, who looked no worse for the wear after his recent defenestration on account of being God of Luck as a side gig, ignored it. His overtaxed brain still tried to operate through the cataclysmic hangover harrying him.

The words golden manatee sohow cut to the haze of immortal-grade alcohol.

Disaster struck.

The King of Gods, Eric, smiled beatifically at the mory of his ravishing, plump-nosed shape.

We were off our arses and thought it was funny, he replied.

A preternatural silence spread over the entire city. Entire legions of warriors and scholars stopped to a standstill. The dark clouds of fate on the march covered the midday sun like a swarm of locusts.

Sowhere in the depth of Erics mind, an ancient instinct awoke, one that dated back to an era when he was not quite as durable as he was now: his survival instinct.

Oh SH-

[Divine Killing Blow]

[Divine Uncanny Dodge]

Both skills fired at the exact sa ti. A ravine ford in the hallowed ground where Eric used to stand, on a stone that was reputed to be indestructible.

Maranor now held a two-handed sword as tall as she was. The [Slayer] had ended many beings who had thought themselves beyond the reapers reach. Her expression had gone beyond anger to erge on the peaceful land of unadulterated violence.

She was going to kill him.

He was a dead god walking.

Eric did the only wise thing he could. He ran, and she followed.

Maradoc sighed when his erstwhile brother-in-arms stumbled into the House of Many Gates, his locus of power in Larrean.

Alcoves occupied both walls which extended beyond the horizons. It was, as they said, bigger on the inside.

As soon as he crossed the threshold, Erics expression changed dramatically. Where a gibbering wreck of a coward bumbled before, now there was a mighty god. Golden energy rippled beneath his hale skin, and he stood without a hunch.

Is it truly ti? the god of travels and mysteries asked his old friend.

It could not have gone better if I had planned it, the other one replied with confidence, your twin sacrificed a century of sches with one act of anger.

Do not be too confident now. We cannot afford it. I suppose you would like your exit?

If you please.

Maradoc waved a lazy arm and one of the alcoves was now host to a blue portal, which Eric crossed without hesitation. It closed behind him.

The door banged open.

Where is he? his sister demanded.

Maradoc did not reply, even as she ca to stand before him with her dread weapon and her even worse temper. They matched hair, eyes, and unyielding scowls.

Be careful that I do not consider you an enemy as well, dear brother, the woman finally said.

The room darkened. From the alcoves now ca whispers at the edge of hearing, fragnts of languages long-forgotten that spoke of things best left alone. Maradoc matched Maranor.

Remind yourself of who you are speaking to, dear sister, or I will.

They stood frozen, face to face, entrenched in an animosity that only defiled love could bring. It was the intruder who relented first.

Its only a matter of ti, she declared on her way out.

Maradocs expression turned lancholic as he watched his last living relative go. They had shared so much, and now he had taken the last steps to unbind his fate from hers. Where she had chosen to go, he would not follow. The cost was not worth it.

He turned back to his books with the vain hope that they would dispel the pain. No one suffered like a god could.

Erics body disintegrated into its component atoms the mont he crossed the space between worlds, just as planned. A world ca into view, a blue planet with plenty of land masses colored yellow and white and green. It was nice enough, and devoid of any planetoid-sized orbital squids or anything too unpleasant.

His soul activated a special spell prepared for the occasion, and a small grid flew towards the radiant orb of his psyche.

No magic, as agreed. Hmm, good developnt level! How do these tal tubes fly I wonder? Technology? Incredible. So of those nations are rich too. Excellent, the mighty soul told itself.

Now, to find a suitable host.

There was one thing that Eric had always wanted to get, sothing that had been denied to him for ages, he who had drunk pure mana from the spring of eternal winter and suckled on the teat of the queen of dryads.

He wanted a female orgasm.

He heard it was quite nice.

And the polymorph spell could not get him one. It was too superficial a change to grant him this experience.

Thats right, Im going to be a lass. Even if Maranor manages to track to this world, she will never imagine that I would voluntarily incarnate myself in a womanly shell. This plan of mine is brilliant!

So, yes, the host, a woman.

His net narrowed down to three billion individuals.

That many?! Wow. At least I get to be picky.

She needed to be a young adult. None of that growing up nonsense. And not married, obviously.

She had to have peerless magical potential. Even if the world was devoid of magic, Erics soul could create its own. It would be a sha not to use it.

That still gave him almost six thousand hits!

Well she had to be hot, obviously.

Two thousand.

From a rich nation, from a connected family, and constantly surrounded by attractive people. A formal education. A loyal friend. A good sex drive.

There were still twenty entries and he was at a loss. He found one with srizing green eyes and who was already asleep, which was convenient.

You will do.

Instantly, he traveled down and to the body of the host. The mortal soul was torn off with a mighty swing and he held the tiny white orb in his own golden hand.

He was pretty sure the process was painless.

Probably.

He slid inside the now deserted mortal coil. As his essence expanded to fill its new container, he felt a pang of guilt stab his cold and desiccated heart.

You were kind of shafted there, poor girl, said the man who had done the shafting, I guess I could help you.

There was also the slight problem of soul imbalance between this realm and his own. Could he kill two manticores with one disintegration ray?

Ill just send you back in my stead.

Eric opened a minuscule portal to so power locus back ho and shoved the soul through. As the gate closed, he breathed into it enough energy to reform a body. He left a tiny bit of himself as well, for good luck.

Let it be known that I am a benevolent god, Eric told himself with satisfaction.

He finished his integration.

January 2013, Mopti airport, Mali.

A tall woman in the beige uniform of the French special forces strode to the fortified entrance of the main concourse. She found her target sleeping peacefully against the sandbags, hands on her rifle. She kicked the thick body armor.

Wake the fuck up, Cinderella! she said.

Naskay?

The woman frowned, concern evident on her brown, handso face.

You got a stroke, Viv?

The smaller woman blinked, erald eyes drifting around with confusion. She recovered quickly enough.

Sorry Mouq, errr, weird dream is all.

Well get your ass in gear, corporal, the beardies downed a Gazelle helicopter near Konna. We got to blow up the wreck.

Yeah, yeah... the freshly reincarnated god answered.

The intruder stood up and inspected their surroundings. They checked their new host and pilfered mories for a hint on what had gone wrong.

Magical talent? There and waiting.

Interesting background? Back ho.

Attractive? Yes, under the layers of Kevlar and ceramic plates.

Surrounded by hot people?

An armored transport rolled to the compounds gates. All around, fit n and won loaded up and checked their weapons.

Fuck , they said with feeling.

You are reading The Calamitous Bob Chapter 1: Soul-Slapped on novel69. Use the chapter navigation above or below to continue reading the latest translated chapters.
Share with your friends
Library saves books to your account. Reading History saves recent chapters in this browser.
Continuous reading

You may also like

A Journey of Black and Red cover
Same author

A Journey of Black and Red

Mecanimus ·Action

WhereamI?Whatisthis!I…Idon’trememberanything.Iaminchains?WhyamIinchains?!AndwhyamIsovery…Thirsty.ThisisastoryofvampiresasIbelievetheyshouldbe,witht...

Changeling cover
Same author

Changeling

Mecanimus ·Sci-fi

Magiccametoourworld.Portalsopenedallacrosstheplanet,releasingmanaanddangerousmonstersontheunsuspectingpopulation.Wonderturnedtohorror.Societywasont...

Data-Driven Daoist cover
Similar genre

Data-Driven Daoist

CatVI ·Action

Theycalledhimtrash—untilhestartedtreatingtheDaolikeaDataset.Whendemonsslaughterhisnewfamily,computerscientistJohan—nowrebornasYuHan—survivesbypurew...

Grasping the Evil cover
Similar genre

Grasping the Evil

I'm Ink我是墨水 ·Action

Mastersaid,thewomanIheldinmyhands,ImustprotectfortherestofmylifeMastersaid,it’shardtocultivateasaDemon,andonceyouentertheDemonDao,youshouldneverloo...

No reviews yet. Be the first reader to leave one.
Please create an account or sign in to post a comment.