ASHER
It was three in the morning when my phone buzzed, with sleeping eyes, I opened the phone and my eyes opened wide.
Reed: Are you awake?
I stared at the ssage in the darkness. Reed never texted at three AM. He never asked if I was awake. He usually just commanded to co to him.
: Yes
Reed: Can’t sleep?
: No
Three dots appeared, disappeared and reappeared again
Reed: neither. Co to my room.
I should have said no, I should have told him I was tired, I should have done anything except get out of bed and pull on clothes and walk across campus in the dark.
But the bond was pulling and sothing about the way Reed had asked instead of commanded made my chest ache.
Reed’s door was unlocked when I got there.
I let myself in and found him sitting on his bed, back against the headboard, and still fully dressed. His room was dark except for the lamp on his desk casting long shadows across the walls. He looked tired, more tired than I’d ever seen him.
"Hey," Reed said quietly.
"Hey." I closed the door behind . "What’s wrong?"
"Nothing. Just—" Reed gestured vaguely. "I Couldn’t sleep. I didn’t want to be alone."
The admission surprised , I stood there awkwardly, not sure what to do. This wasn’t like the other tis Reed had summoned . There was no command in his voice. No possessive edge, just exhaustion.
"You can sit down," Reed said. "I’m not going to—" He stopped. "I just wanted company."
I sat on the edge of the bed. Keeping distance between us and we sat in silence for a long mont.
"How’s your shoulder?" Reed asked finally and I imdiately touched the mark he’d left two days ago. "It’s fine."
"I was too rough." He said and the words hung in the air between us.
"You’re always too rough," I said quietly and Reed flinched.
"I know." He admitted, followed by more silence.
I didn’t know what to do with this version of Reed. The one who looked tired and uncertain and almost vulnerable. The one who’d asked to co instead of commanded it.
"Why did you call here?" I asked.
"I told you that I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t want to be alone."
"You have plenty of friends you could call—"
"I wanted you." Reed’s voice was soft. "Is that such a cri?"
Yes,it was because every ti Reed wanted , every ti he touched or looked at or said my na, I fell a little bit deeper and he felt nothing.
"Reed—"
"Co here." Reed patted the space beside him. "Please."
Please!? Reed never said please, which was suspicious to but nevertheless I moved up the bed slowly and sat beside him, my back against the headboard, leaving a few inches of space between us.
Reed turned to look at . His eyes were gray again. No darkness, no possessive edge, just gray and searching and impossibly sad.
"Can I ask you sothing?" Reed said.
"Okay."
"Why do you hate so much? I know I have asked a thousand tis but I do keep feeling that you keep hating more and more each day.
"
The question caught off guard.
"What?"
"You hate ." Reed’s voice was matter-of-fact. "I can feel it through the bond. Especially after—after I touch you. After I claim you. I can feel how much you hate ."
My throat was tight. "Reed—"
"I’m not asking you to stop hating . I just want to understand why." Reed’s hand ca up, he hesitated for a second and then cupped my face with a gentleness that made my chest ache. "What did I do to make you hate this much?"
His thumb brushed across my cheekbone. The touch was so different from the rough, possessive claiming. It was tender and careful like I was sothing fragile.
"You do know why I hated you Reed. You ’re a bully," I said quietly. "From the first day I saw you, you were terrorizing Scott. Making his life hell just because you could. Just because he was weaker than you and couldn’t fight back."
Reed’s hand stilled on my face.
"You used your power to hurt people," I continued. "To control them, to make them afraid and that’s why I hated you for it. I hated everything you represented. Every Alpha who thinks being strong gives them the right to destroy anyone weaker."
"I rember," Reed said softly. "You stood up for him. For Scott. No one ever did that before."
"Because everyone was too scared of you." My voice was shaking now. "Everyone except and that’s why you targeted because I wouldn’t bow down, I wouldn’t submit and I wouldn’t let you turn into another person afraid of Reed Jackson."
Reed’s thumb started moving again. Slow circles on my cheekbone.
"You’re right," Reed said. "About all of it. I was a bully. I did use my power to hurt people and when you stood up to , when you refused to submit—" He stopped and swallowed hard. "It made obsessed with you. With breaking you and with making you just as afraid as everyone else."
"And you succeeded." The words tasted bitter. "You declared war on , humiliated , blackmailed and used my secret against . You made submit to you over and over until I—"
I stopped before I said too much.
"Until you what?" Reed’s other hand ca to my face. Cupping both sides now. Holding like I was sothing precious. "Asher, until you what?"
"Until I started forgetting why I hated you in the first place." The admission broke sothing in . "Until the lines got blurred. Until I couldn’t tell anymore if I was submitting because you were forcing or because so sick part of wanted to."
Reed’s breath hitched.
"And now?" Reed’s voice was barely a whisper. "Do you still hate now?"
"I don’t know." Tears were burning in my eyes. "You’re still a bully. You’re still using your power to control . You’re still everything I hated from the beginning but you’re also—"
I stopped. I couldn’t finish.
"I’m also what?" Reed’s thumbs were brushing away tears I hadn’t realized were falling.
"The person who held through my heat. The person who looked at with sothing soft in your eyes. The person who’s being gentle with right now even though we both know you’ll go back to being cruel tomorrow." My voice cracked. "And I hate that I can’t hate you anymore the way I used to. When it was simple. When you were just the bully and I was just the person who refused to submit."
Reed’s forehead pressed against mine.
"What if I don’t want to be that person anymore?" Reed’s voice was rough and raw. "What if I don’t want to be the bully? What if I—"
He stopped, his jaw clenched and then he shook his head and the vulnerability disappeared like it had never existed.
"Never mind." Reed stood up. "You should go."
The whiplash was devastating.
"What? Reed—"
"I said you should go." Reed’s voice was now flat and empty. The tenderness from monts ago is completely gone. "This was a mistake. I shouldn’t have called you."
"Reed—"
"Go, Asher." Reed turned his back to . "Please just go."
The please broke my heart and I stood up on shaking legs. I walked to the door. My hand was on the handle when I turned back.
Reed was still standing with his back to . His shoulders were tense, his hands were clenched into fists and through the bond, I felt it. The war happening inside him. The sa war that was happening inside .
Want and fear and sothing deeper that neither of us could afford.
"Reed—"
"Go."
I left, I made it halfway back to my dorm before I had to stop. I sank down onto a bench and pressed my face into my hands and finally let myself admit the truth.
I was in love with Reed Jackson.
Completely, utterly and devastatingly in love. With the bully who’d terrorized Scott. Who’d declared war on . Who’d humiliated and blackmailed and made it clear I ant nothing.
I was in love with my torntor.
The realization made want to scream.
How did this happen? How had I gone from hating everything Reed stood for to falling in love with him?
Maybe it was the heats. The way he’d taken care of . The monts of tenderness mixed with the violence. The way he looked at sotis like I was sothing that mattered.
Or maybe I was just broken. So completely destroyed by everything Reed had done to that I’d developed so sick version of Stockholm syndro.
Either way, the result was the sa. I couldn’t love him. I couldn’t love the person who’d spent months making my life hell. Who used and discarded and made it clear I was nothing more than property but it was too late. I already did and it was going to destroy .
I sat on that bench as the sky started to lighten with dawn and let myself break completely because I was in love with Reed Jackson.
The bully, the torntor, the Alpha who would never love back and there was no way this could ever end in anything but devastation.
Reviews
All reviews (0)