The Bride He Hates Chapter 46: His First Love

The gathering ended the next day. Most visiting courts left at dawn. When Lyanna woke up, she noticed a note on Azrael’s side of the bed.

"Council eting about Order intelligence. Stay in chambers until I ask for you."

His controlling side was back, the brief weakness of the last night was forgotten. Clara looked worried, when she arrived with the breakfast that morning.

"Your Majesty, you should eat. You need strength."

"Has His Majesty been in etings long?" Lyanna asked.

"Since before dawn. According to the night staff, he didn’t sleep at all. He went straight from your chambers to the council room and has been there for hours."

Lyanna knew what was happening. Azrael was using work to avoid her. He’d revealed too much, and now he was hiding behind his work where their emotions couldn’t reach him. To be honest, it was safer for both of them. But it also felt like a step backwards after the little progress they had made.

Helena arrived mid-morning to resu her lessons, she looked more serious than usual.

"His Majesty says you should know about the vampire history with the Holy Order. He wants you to understand what exactly we’re facing."

The sudden focus on Order history felt strange, as if Azrael was preparing her for sothing.

The lessons were as brutal as ever. Helena spoke of crusades where vampire territories were slaughtered under the na of holy righteousness.

"Vampires are harder to kill than humans." Helena explained. "But if you catch them during daylight hours when they’re weak, and if you use silver and holy water, it can be done."

She pointed to a map showing human kingdoms and vampire territories.

"The Treaty of Shadows, signed in 1648, established the current territorial boundaries. It ended two centuries of war. Humans had lost entire cities to vampire retaliation and vampires lost ancient bloodlines that can never be replaced. The treaty created peace." She paused. "But what the Order is doing right now is a violation of the treaty and an act of war. If we respond, there will be war again, and ifwe don’t, we’ll look weak and invite more attacks."

The lesson continued for hours. Helena made her morize dates and outcos, simultaneously testing her political knowledge.

During lunch break, Lyanna asked the question that had been disturbing her since the mont Helena ntioned Azrael’s personal history with the Order.

"Has he fought them before personally?"

"More than you know. Your husband has been at war with the Holy Order, in one form or another, since always." Helena said grimly and put down her teacup.

"But yes, there was one very personal conflict. That wounded him so deeply that he has still not recovered from it." Helena paused, thinking about how much to reveal.

"About two hundred years ago, the Order launched a major operation called the Purge. They’d been gathering intelligence for decades. When they finally attacked, it shook the vampire society completely." Helena’s hands clenched.

"Thousands of vampires were killed in a single month, and ancient bloodlines were eliminated. We lost knowledge, history, and power that can never be recovered. So vampires who died in the Purge were over a thousand years old, including soone Azrael cared about deeply, a human woman nad Catherine."

"A human?" She asked in surprise.

"Yes. And it made her even weaker, though Azrael didn’t see it that way at the ti." Helena sounded sad. "He had been protecting her for years and had grown genuinely attached to her. She was brave, smart and kind. He was even thinking about turning her." Helena stood up, and walked to the window, staring out.

"When the Order got to know about Catherine, they knew they had found Azrael’s biggest weakness."

"What did they do?" Lyanna asked.

"They captured her during one of the Purge attacks. Azrael was leading forces against the Order’s main army but it was a diversion. While he was busy with their military forces, a specialized unit attacked his personal holdings. They took Catherine, along with several other humans under vampire protection. They tortured her but because they wanted him to know she had suffered." She turned back.

"Then they burned her alive in the town square while he watched from too far away to save her. He had run away from the main battle when he realized it was a trap but he arrived just in ti to see her die screaming his na."

Lyanna felt sick.

"They wanted him to watch."

"Yes." Helena walked back to her chair. "This kind of trauma doesn’t fade, even over centuries. After Catherine died, Azrael beca even colder." Helena looked at Lyanna with pity. "Until you."

The revelation made so much sense about Azrael’s intense reactions to the Order’s attacks. She understood that there was even more to his trauma than what he had told her.

That evening, Azrael returned to their chambers, looking haggard. Apparently, even supernatural beings needed sleep. Lyanna had ordered dinner for both of them. The servants had arranged the al in their private dining area. He noticed the food imdiately, though he looked surprised but he sat down and began eating in silence.

They ate without speaking for a few minutes but Lyanna couldn’t hold back anymore.

"Helena told about the woman you lost to the Order. Catherine. I’m sorry."

His hand clenched around his wine glass tightly.

"Helena talks too much."

But he didn’t deny it. Then after a few minutes, he started speaking.

"Her na was Catherine. She was brave, stupid but kind. She thought she could change the world through determination and compassion. She’d seen the worst of humanity but sohow believed that people were good if you just gave them a chance to prove it." He finished his wine glass and imdiately refilled it.

"I thought... that maybe I could have sothing real after two centuries of living without connection." He laughed bitterly. "But the Order taught that caring makes you weak, that love is a weapon your enemies can use against you." He looked at her, and the pain in his eyes was overwhelming.

"They didn’t just kill her. They made sure I knew she suffered because of . It was a warning to other humans, and a ssage to about what happens when vampires forget what they are."

"Is that why you won’t let yourself care about ? Because you’re afraid I’ll be taken too? That the Order or soone else will use against you the way they used Catherine?"

"I don’t allow myself to care about you because caring makes people weak." He replied imdiately. "And you know I can’t afford that. But..." He stopped, but then continued.

"But... I’m starting to realize that not caring is a weakness as well. Not caring ans you’re empty. You live your life without any purpose or aning. And I think... I think I’ve been empty for a very long ti. I’ve just been playing the role of king, executing plans, gaining power, building alliances but not actually feeling anything beyond the satisfaction of winning and the fear of losing what I’ve built.

I don’t know how to stop being empty anymore. I don’t know how to allow myself to care without the fear that caring will be used to destroy . And I don’t know what to do with the fact that despite the active revenge plan that was supposed to keep distant... I think I’m starting to care about you."

The confession was so raw, so honest, and so terrifying that Lyanna didn’t know how to respond. This was deeper than his confession about nightmares. Azrael was admitting that for the past two centuries, he’d been dead from the inside but she was sohow bringing him back to life against his will.

Neither of them spoke after that. They just sat there in silence, the air between them was heavy with unspoken words and the frightening questions neither wanted to say aloud.

What if they really allowed themselves to care about each other? What if the marriage that had started as revenge beca sothing real?